I Can't Conceive but People Keep Telling Me I Will Now That We Adopted!

People always say dumb things. I adopted and never got pregnant. And I couldn't care less. People seem to to think it's better to have a biological child but they're wrong. It's the same. I would say to them, "who cares?? We have a beautiful son!"

I am sorry, they just want to say something supportive and hopeful.
Just smile and say what you feel. You are thrilled with the baby you have.
Congratulations!

You don't have to be rude - people just want to "make you feel better" but unfortunately it doesn't work that way. I would just be homest - "that would be lovely, but unfortunately it's not physically possible for us." They might feel bad, but better to let them know gently then to hear it over and over from the same people.

Congrats happy mothering you will have one blessed child beyond belief.

Just respond, "This little miracle was conceived just for us."

That stinks! I think its the same reasoning behind when a woman tells someone she is pregnant, suddenly 12 women are telling her horror stories of 36 hour labor, water breaking in embarrassing locations, bed rest, vomiting for 7 months, and epidurals gone wrong. Some people can't resist dwelling on what could go wrong, the Murphy's Law philosophy of life. Maybe some women have their hormones stimulated by being a new mommy, I don't know, but that is a weird response. You wouldn't (and shouldn't have to) go into personal medical details and that isn't what this is about.

Congratulations on being a new Mommy! And welcome to the world of the inappropriate and odd comments that Mommies sometimes have to field. ;-) I guess adoptive mothers just get a slightly different variety at first than biological mothers do. Maybe say something in response like, "The biggest blessing I can imagine is having my son. Yesterday he (did something)" and move on from the comment.

Congrats! Kiss his little head for me!

Well I would just say something like "well we never know what the future holds but right now, we are just thrilled to be blessed with our little miracle, isn't he gorgeous? We couldn't be happier..."

Congratulations on your baby - you have a lifetime of wonderful memories to make together!

Congratulations!!! You did it! You are a MOM! I wish you and your family all the best!

(As far as those other people - thbbbbbbbbb - that's a big fat raspberry!) :)

Hugs,
P.

Ugh. Some people.
I'm sure they mean well and are trying to be encouraging but they just don't know any better. It's the lowest common denominator.

Kind of like after a miscarriage people saying "It's for the best...." "Probably something wrong with the baby...." Sheesh.

Have you ever come right out and said "Oh, yes, I have heard of that happening to people, but MY tubes are 100% shot, so that's not us. We MAY adopt another...."
Even though it's blunt, it would definitely put an end to at least a 2nd or 3rd such comment from the same person (sometimes certain people are like broken records, stating the same thing over and over....)

Oh--and by the way........

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

People can say crazy things! Let them know you aren't pinning your hopes on suddenly conceiving by saying how thrilled you are or how God led you to the child you were meant to have.and how very happy you are. We are in the same boat but older so people didnt say it much, If they did I just laughed, thinking "Not Bloody likely!" I was in such a good mood when I finally got that little one home that it wouldnt have bothered me. I think it is ok to laugh! Congratulations! We are so grateful that we were matched with the perfect little guy for us and because we are so grateful he's learned to be so grateful for things so we are one happy family!

AWWW I bet he is a cutie...I keep getting asked are you going to have a 4th & when really is it any of their buisness NO...Yes we have heard of these stories & many many others can't they just tell you how lucky he is to have a loving family.I would just flat out tell them HE is my miracle baby rather or not conceived by me & my hubby he is in our home to love & guide him for the rest of his life.Congrats on your adoption

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I know you're not soliciting a congratulations but...

CONGRATULATIONS! If more people had to go through the gut-wrenching process of unsuccessful IVF treatments followed by the arduous process of opening up every aspect of your life in order *just* to be considered for adoption, let alone warmly and unconditionally open your hearts and homes to a baby who needs parents - well, if getting a kid were as hard as the process you've gone through we'd be facing a population crisis.

I'm glad you brought your baby to his forever family. Best wishes and congratulations!

How unkind of them. I am happy for you if that is worth anything. I will have to think of some snappy comeback that miss manners would approve of.

How about: "it is hard to imagine a better miracle than our son."

I think they mistakenly think it is helpful. I just read this article V=http://ouradopt.com/adoption-blog/may-2009/faitha/adoptio... from another mom who went through this. Statistics are hard to come by but it looks like somewhere between 10 to 13% do later become pregnant or 1 in 8 but in the same study it showed that the % was the same for those infertile couples who chose not to adopt. I would use it as an oportunity to educate them, something like... "you know I had heard that myth too but actually a very small % of women have that happen, only about 10%." Maybe next time they will pass that on instead.

Congratulations! I'm sure that when your son gets older, he'll understand the blessing it is to have you as him mom because you chose him.

Just say, "Wouldn't that be wonderful?" or "If you believe in miracles!"

I know you're not really looking for a snarky answer, but if someone pushes the point you can just say something like "not gonna happen. All sex in our house is for recreational purposes only. And good thing, because this little guy is our whole world."

It kind of lets them know that it's physically not going to happen and ends the conversation, because as soon as you bring up sex, people realize they would rather be talking about a baby!

Hi, J.:

Most people can't see another person's point of view. Let me say,
most people do not have a compassionate heart.
I regret that I am a bearer of bad news.

The good news is that you know this.
All the best.
D.

I think that if people don't know the situation fully they may just assume it was very stressful for you while trying to get pregnant. And I'm sure that it probably was. I have a good friend that tried for several years to get pregnant but it did not happen for her. She did not have the same issue as you do, but I believe it was the type of stress induced infertility. They decided to foster to adopt, and they were blessed with a beautiful little girl. About 3mos after the adoption if that, she ended up pregnant with her first son. and she ended up pregnant about 9-12 mos later for the 2nd time. So perhaps instead of being angry at their ignorance, you could politely inform them that while you wouldn't turn away a miracle, the fact is, it would take one for it to happen and you are very happy, and blessed with the son you have.

Because people are not very bright or clever or empathic or whatever when it comes to adoption! We are just about to bring home our 2nd son-through adoption-and still hear that horrible thing people say! I actually thought I did get pregnant a few months ago and got very sad about it because now that we have adopted, I realize that that is how we want to create our family and just imagine trying to explain that to close friends and family. They just don't get it. I give them the statistics, very scientifically, that studies show that it is NOT the case that once one adopts, one gets pregnant. If they are close family or friends I will also explain that it could be a very hurtful statement or at least a stressor that I don't need to hear. But they'll never stop even with gentle re-education so us very lucky Moms and Dads (through adoption) just have to have momentary deafness when those people utter that statement.
Adoption is the Best Option-for us, at least!

Well being from the group that knows someone who adopted and found out just after bringing the baby home that she was pregnant and then went on to have another, she now has three wonderful kids, the first was adopted. So knowing her story and the difficulty they had, and then the miracle of it. Now she was not in your exact situation and people probably don't know your exact situation. But having been exposed to that, I might be inclined to wonder or hope that someone else in that situation would be blessed in the same way, but honestly most are not. I also know two other couples who went through the same thing and one couple has one child by adoption, and the other couple just adopted their second child. I am sorry that people say this to you and they probably are being hopeful because they want it for you. But I am sure they don't realize it is hurtful and in the very least almost impossible. And that somehow it is taking away from the focus of your new child, which you are right, he should be the focus. I guess it is hard to ignore, so if you feel you need to say something I would. If it were me, and I said that to someone who had adopted, I would hope the person would correct me. Because we just don't know how people feel and not having been in that situation can be so totally off on our interpretation of it. IF it doesn't bother you too much you could just ignore the comments, but it sounds like maybe saying something would be helpful, and you don't have to be rude about it at all. Just tell them outright that it is not going to happen and how it makes you feel when they say that. Anyway, Congratulations on your little one!!!!!

HUGS! Chalk it up to folks saying stupid things no matter where you're at in your life! My husband and I were always going to adopt, originally wanting 4 bio and 4 adopted in any order. I have an adopted sister and several adopted cousins. One of my neices placed a son for adoption. We have 3 neighbors who've adopted and 3 friends at church who've adopted. There are more folks in our circle that have adopted, than have not. (And two of them adopted while they were 6mos pregnant. And one of them adopted two children 1 month apart.)

However, things happened differently, I had 5 miscarriages and the 2 times we were matched for adoption, we had to turn them down because I was in the hospital.

With each miscarriage, folks would say the same thing: "just sign adoption papers and you'll be pregnant!".

When we were homestudy approved, folks said the same thing: "now you'll get pregnant". And we did, 9mos later, but not from trying or fertility methods (since my problem wasn't getting pregnant). Then everyone decided "now you don't need to adopt!".

Once our premie son was past health issues and developmental delays, we re-did our homestudy and re-activated our adoption profile, leaving folks to say: "why can't you be happy with just one?".

And don't forget the adoption experts who say you'll find yourself ensnared in drama, out hundreds of thousands of dollars, and giving your child back to their bio parents 10yrs later - because they saw it on Dr. Phil, or know someone who worked with someone who's neighbor's boss's neice that it happened to.

Its allllllllways something! There are times when I snap a reply, especially to folks who've said things to me more than once. There are times when I quietly reply something, while sighing and sort of walk away. There are times when I just move on. I don't think there's any right way/answer.

With over 70,000 adoptions each year, and less than 1% of them reversed and less than 5% of them backed out - its sad that hearing all of the wonderful truths are not as shared as the rest of the stuff.

Good luck and CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why dont you ask the next person that starts in on you exactly that? Just smile and say, why cant you just say congrats?