My Mother-in-law took our 3.5 year old daughter to the park on Saturday (the big "castle" park in Highland Village off of Briarhill). She mentioned when they got back that she had forgotten to grab from her car our daughter's water and snack that I had sent, so she ran back to the car to get it...I asked where our daughter was when she did that and she said "there were some people at the park that said they'd watch her." The parking lot at that park is not close. It would have taken several minutes to walk to and from her car.
Am I totally out of line for thinking that was wholly unacceptable to leave a 3.5 year old with perfect strangers while you go back to your car? And when I brought it up with my husband, he didn't think it was that big of a deal! What the????
Thanks Everyone! I KNEW I wasn't crazy! I talked with my husband about it. He admitted not knowing how far the parking lot was and agreed that it was poor judgment on his mother's part. We have not addressed it with my MIL yet. She comes to dinner once a week, but generally only comes to "play" with our daughter if we suggest it (nice, I know - she's not exactly maternal). So we will explain our concerns and the importance of keeping our daughter in her sights at all times if/when there's another play date. (p.s. thankfully my parents are the quintessential grandparents and she gets lots of attention from them).
Thanks for all the responses. I really helped to ease my mind that I wasn't over-reacting. I LOVE THE MAMASOURCE COMMUNITY!
Men do not worry like women do and since it was his mother, well, you know. I would absolutely be horrified! This is not a nice world we're living in, anything could happen whether they have kids there or not. I think it would be a while before that woman ever got my kid again. No, you are not overreacting and it IS a big deal.
Hello K.,
You must be livid! with that said... Grandma does not realize that it's not the same anymore and that we can't trust just anyone. find a way to tell her that it's not acceptable to leave your daughter alone anywhere, not even for a minute. It will be hard to find the right words to use. you don't want to hurt her feelings but at the same time she needs to know the gravity of what she did. I pray God give you the right words to say. ~C.~
I used to work at Babies R Us and they had free monthly magazines just for grandparents, and occassional grandparent seminars, with ALL KINDS of stuff that's changed since they were parents. (Things like back then, you were supposed to put babies on their belly to sleep so they didn't choke, but now we know that cases of SIDS went down dramatically when they changed the rule to putting babies to sleep on their back, etc). I know what your mil was thinking there: it's a nice safe looking place, and the people at the park seem nice, AND THE WORLD WAS DIFFERENT when she was a parent. I know that she was thinking that she'd have to stop your daughter's fun time and possibly encounter a toddler tantrum for taking her away from the park so soon (toddlers don't understand what "just a minute" means). But the fact is, it was dangerous because the world is different. I'd rather they both just stay at the playground and have fun awhile, and when it's snack time or your daughter gets thirsty, THEN they BOTH go to the car for snack and water. I wouldn't get "mean" with grandma, but I would just explain that things are different and let her know you want her to have a relationship with your daughter, but these are the rules. Thankfully, nothing happened. Don't let the fear of what "could have been" ruin relationships, but do lovingly put your foot down. If she can't respect your position, THEN "grandma time" has to be supervised. (I do this with my dad----he blatantly disobeyed my wishes on something, and when I tried to explain why it was important to me, he laughed....now he can see my son, but I'm there the whole time. I don't make it an ugly matter, it's just what it is: we all go to McDonalds playland or the park together).
OMG Oh HECK NO you are NOT out of line. They could of been criminals, or really mean, phycho's. I can't even bare to think of what could of happened to her. Me personally would not ever leave my child w/her again.
Why couldn't she take your daughter to get her things. I'm so sorry but that's just wrong.
I hope this helps.
Blessings
M.
I don't think you're out of line for being upset!!! I would be upset too! This is one of those frustrating things where 99 times out of 100, nothing bad would probably happen. But, it only takes that one time for something to go wrong...that it's not worth it to take a chance like that.
I have issues like this with my own mother...where she thinks certain things are just fine (like leaving my 4 yr old outside in the backyard to play for just a few minutes while she runs inside to do something really quickly. There's an ungated pool in her backyard!!!!! Even one minute is too long to leave a 4 yr. old unsupervised near a pool!) She has the attitude that nothing's going to happen. Well, it probably won't...but I don't want those chances taken with my child!!! So, I had to talk to her about it...as much as I know it offended her!
If you want my advice, you should talk to her and let her know how uncomfortable that made you feel, and that if you can't trust her to watch your child very closely at all times, then you can't leave your child alone with her in a situation like that. I know it's a tough situation, but always better to be safe than sorry!!!
You are totally on board for being upset - HOWEVER, this is your MIL and she probably is kind of out of touch with what she is suppose to be doing so sit down with her and say - I appreciate everything you do but and just tell her that you want her to next time take her with you to the car - does that make sense? Sorry - I have been at work all night - I am brain dead.
I agree with the others. You are absolutely right in being concerned. If the child was out of her sight at all then it is unacceptable.
Nope you are totally correct in being upset about this. I can see grandma's thinking in doing this, but the fact remains that you can't trust people these days. Who's to say that those people would really watch her. Luckily she was at a nice park in a nice area, so the possibility of weirdos being there may not be as bad as other parks. But still why would she not just bring her with her. Your daughter obviously can walk on her own so it would have been a much wiser choice for her to just go back to the car with your daughter. I would tell her and your husband that this is not sitting well with you and since she is YOUR daughter, next grandma wants to take her some place like that she needs to have your daughter with her at all times no matter what. If she doesn't like it then grandma doesn't get to take her places anymore.
No you are NOT out of line! I know this park, and it is a long walk to the parking lot, but it would be unacceptable at any public place. Sadly, there are too many people that seem normal, but have some serious problems. Thank God that your daughter was okay!! I would make it very clear that from now on everyone understands that this is unacceptable and that it will never happen again. There's nothing you can do about it now, other than make sure it doesn't happen again. However, I wouldn't take away her priveledge as a grandmother to take her granddaughter to the park again. Explain why you are upset, and I'm sure she will understand. She's a mom, too. By not letting her have time with your daughter, it punishes your daughter, not just your MIL.
UMM. NO!! I know that park, and know exactly where she parked in respect to it, and no way in the world would I agree to such a thing! How hard would it have been just to bring your daughter with her?? My MIL did something that I felt was not safe one year, so I never let that situation arise again. I did not have a big fight with her about it, I just made sure the circumstances did not come up. Fortunately for me, my husband agrees with me, and supports my responsibility to protect our children. It is not a big deal to him, or her, because nothing happened..but it could have, and then what. What would she have done, how could she have explained that mistake away? Sorry, no more trips to the park with grandma without you. Period!! ~A.~
I would be horrified, but I would be very careful how I went about speaking to her about it. You didn't mention if the two of you are close or not which makes a big difference. You definetly need to say something. Your child's safety is more important than her getting angry. Just stick with the facts and ask her not to leave your child alone or with strangers ever again.
