Seeking Others' Advice on Leaving Children in Car at Gas Station.

Hiliary,
I can say I am guilty of the same offense. I have run into the gas station or the post office and left my children in the car. They are in plan sight at all times. I only do it if I lock the door though! It is not ideal, but it does not make us bad moms!

Dont feel bad at all! I have had to on occasion to do that as well- i have a 5 yr old and a 2 yr old. Maybe that person was having a bad day- i wouldnt worry about it.

On a side note, I recently moved to Brandon and am desperately seeking someone to watch my 2 children for like 2-3 hrs in the morning- do you know of anyone that would be interested in the position?

Thanks so much

S.

I'm sorry, but I would be too afraid to leave children that young in a car for any reason. I have been where you are at. To me it was never worth the risk. My options were: take them in, take someone along to stay with them or wait to go when someone else is available. I am glad you live in a small town.

Hi there,
I totally understand both sides of this---I too, after having a baby, understand how hard it is to get them in and out, especially for a quick errand. My friends and I joke that a mom must have invented the idea of a drive thru (fast food, coffee shop, drycleaning, etc.) b/c it's just so much easier. Don't beat yourself up for it---you're a great mom!! If you weren't such a good mom, you wouldn't even be analyzing this situation--you'd think nothing of it. You know that you would never do anything to jeapordize or harm your children. Just take the comments and stride, and make the best decisions you can for you and your family. TAke care.

If it makes you feel better I've been leaving my daughter in the car at the gas station for 7 years now. I don't leave the car running and I lock the doors. I watch the car as I'm in and out in less than 2min. Being a single mom and having a sleeping child in the car is a real pain in the rear.

My daughter is 7 and I let her walk directly across the street to this little convient store and get candy of course with a group a friends. Our school district thinks it's ok for my daughter even back in Kindergarten to walk herself to school almost a mile next to the woods without sidewalks. My daughter plays outside by herself everyday with her girlfriends. I don't see any of this that much more different than being in a locked car for 2min.

I've had people in public made snide remarks about my parenting or my child's behavior and let me tell you I chewed them out so bad and made them look like a as-s so I doubt they'll do that again. I had one lady at Ikea get all puffy because I was trying to discipline my child in a firm loving way. I asked her if she wanted me to discipline her kids too. I'm a normal level headed mom there are psycho's out there and the nosey to good person who steps in to make a rude remark may get more than they bargained for you never know who has a gun or mental problem these days.

Alot of people need to mind their own buisness H. as we all parent differently.

Hello H.,

I've posted my response on a similar topic in the past about leaving my child in the car when I've attended garage sales. I was SHOCKED at how intrusive and opinionated people can be towards other mothers. The kidnapping issue was always brought up as the main reason to NOT leave your kids in the car, however...statistics show that most children are kidnapped at playgrounds, parks and from their own yards while playing and while the parents are close, so the kidnapping issue just isn't valid in my mind, because clearly...statistics show that our own homes are no safer than anywhere else, like garage sales or gas stations. A friend of mine pointed out the issue of the car malfunctioning and so, because of that...I no longer leave my child in the car while my car is running...like I used to.

I think that what you did is normal...considering where you may live. I wouldn't do this in mpls or other questionable communities, but no doubt you took that into consideration as most mothers would prior to making that decision. We all have to parent the way we know how to and none of us wish anything bad happen to our children.

That person should have minded her own business. Also, I'm certain that others will not only post their reply on this blog in the public forum it's meant for, but will also send you personal messages about their disapproval...for that I'm sorry. This is a public opinion posting site, in which people should not be attacking you personally for your mothering style. Stay possitive and let it go. They were in your sight and you know in your heart that you love your children and would never wish them or put them in harms way. Leaving them in the car did NOT put them in anymore harms way then letting them play at the playground or in your own back yard with your back turned.

Tell that old wind bag to stuff her opinions where the sun don't shine! She is probably one of those people that had a nanny on speed dial so she didn't have to drag her kids out with her. I am also a SAHM of two ages almost 8 and 3. To take them into the gas station is a major pain the in the backside! My kids fight like cats and dogs, it's stressful enough. To have to drag them into the store for two minutes is not worth it. My rule is if I can't see my kids from inside and cannot easily sprint out the door if needed, then they have to come in the store with me. I life in a very small rural area. Our town is less than 5,000 people and the next town over is like 10 - 12,000 people when college is in session. So I am comfortable doing so. But I have had people in this area do the same thing - read me the riot act for leaving my kids in the car for a minute. I just ignore them - just as you should do as well!!

Hi H.,

I guess I think the way you do. Most of the school year I have 4 kids including my own. Two are school aged and the other two have to come with me to get the kids to pick up the school kids. It was a pain to pull a two year old and a three year old into the school just to get the others within a couple minutes and put every one in the car and go back home. I started to leave the windows down a bit, the radio on and take the keys with me and lock them in. We live in a real safe town, but it made me feel better any how. I leave my two year old in the car if he is sleeping on a nice day and the windows are down and my house windows are open.
Neither of us are keeping them in there to go to work, or to do grocery shopping. It wouldn't be different than running into your home to get a different pair of shoes or a jacket. I guess I am thankful for those that are concerned, however not all parents got hit with the stupid stick and can't tell when it is ok and when it is harmful. It also matters where you live. I lived in the twin cities and I didn't want to raise my kids in the area I lived in, so I wouldn't have left them like I do now. Cambria is small and every one seems to know every one and I am alright with running and getting the school agers.

Hello H.,
I have thought awhile on how to answer your question. We all know that safety is a huge concern but I think that you need to protect YOURSELF as well as your kids.
I don't ever leave my kids in the car, not only for their safety but to avoid nasty people like that lady who confronted you. Now, there ARE people who leave their babies in the car to go scratch off lottery tickets in line at the gas station, or shop at Wal-Mart and Target. Often these people don't even give their kids the courtesy of an open window and the child dies. Now, you are probably an EXCELLENT mom but these other parents are why people have such strong reactions to people leaving their kids in the car for ANY length of time.
I once was reprimanded by a lady when I stepped out of the car to put library books in the drop box a mere 3 feet away from my open car door. I personally think that was pathetic as it was in a town of 500 people and she was the only other person around. I never even entered a building! I ignored her completely and drove away as she was talking.
Now, I am not talking about being motivated by fear of other people judging you. Not at all! I am talking going above and beyond the law to protect yourself and your children so that you have no regrets in the event that something DOES happen and so that no one can EVER have a platform to speak against you.
Now, as for today, throw away those words that the woman spoke to you. Don't let them sink in. See yourself as God sees you instead. A GOOD mom that really cares about her kids! Be blessed!
-Anne

H.,
Good Thursday Morning :) I hope things are going better today!
Well, I am right there with you. When I go to the post office I leave my 3 and 4 1/2 year old in the van. I roll down the windows a bit and lock the door- I can see them as well and I am gone a max of 3 min. I have had to make a fast stop and a gas station-because I had to go to the ladies Room :) and had NO time to bring my kids in (they were a bit younger at this time) I parked right up at the front jumped out locked the doors and came back - all was well- I have never had anyone do what was done to you- I don't think that is right. Now if it the outside temp was 100 and you had them in there with the windows up and were gone 10 min-yea then I might..... I would just blow her off- I am sure you are a great mother.

PS- Ladies you can't live by the what if's they will eat you alive!!! Yes, anything can or could happen. If I live my life like that I wouldn't step out my front door :) God is in CONTROL!!

Have a great day
L.
Stay at home Mom of 2 kids.
I to am active in our Church and Love getting together with other moms!!! I like to bake and have started to decorate cakes.

H.,

I feel bad...the lady SHOULD mind her own business. After reading all of the responses you have received, one thing people should take into consideration is WHERE you live...granted bad things have happened in situations like this, but it wasn't like you were going into the grocery store where you couldn't see your children. I live in a SUPER rural community, where others actually help you and watch out for you. I leave my keys in my car overnight and never lock my doors. I have a 2 year old and a 8 mo old and leave them in the car for 2 mintues at the convienent store (with locked doors) also. If you were leaving your kids in the car in a ghetto I might say you were wrong, but I don't personally think you should beat yourself up. Go do something nice for yourself, you sound like a great mom!

I too live in a rural community. I have run inside, while being able to see the kids, and I think it's okay. When we go to more populated areas, I don't do this. We also live where we seem to have 6 months of winter. Hauling kids out into the snow and wind doesn't make sense.

One thing that might help is my husband got a quick link key chain. You can leave the key in the ignition and take the other half with the car remote with you by just unlinking the two. This way you can lock the doors and run inside without an extra key.

I understand everyone's concern and it is valid. It is hard to live in fear all the time. We watch our kids in Walmart in case a molester is in the toy isle, we tell them not to talk to strangers, we make sure they have life jackets in the pool or lake, Watch them around bon fires, stairs, and on the jungle gym, we hold their hands in parking lots and when crossing streets, we are always saying, no, no don't touch that, and no, no, that can make you sick... There needs to be a balance. There are good people in this world, there are wonderful things to behold,... Use your best judgment. If it feels wrong or scary then don't do it.

I am sorry, but there is NO WAY I would leave my kids alone in the car for even 5 seconds.
I have heard of too many abductions that happen this way. Sometimes it is just stealing the car and the criminal did not know kids were even in there. But your kids are forever changed by an experience like that.
PLEASE do not let the inconvience of how long it takes for your kids to get out, buy the milk , buckle back in, justify putting your kids in potential danger. I believe that any mom would be devastated if something were to happen even if you can see them from the window and you only stepped away for 30 seconds. If something tragic were to happen (not just abductions, your little one could play with the car and accidently put it in gear, even with NO keys and back over something or worse someone elses young kid). Trust me, your quick stop to avoid inconvenience is NOT worth the danger you ARE putting your kids in.

H.,
Personally I would never leave my children in the car. I have 2 y.o. twins and I would rather spend the extra time getting them out of their carseats and just take a deep breath. Whether or not if you can see them it would take seconds for somebody to grab your little ones. There are so many cases of groups of people doing this together...for example, one or more people may come in to the gas station to distact, stand in the way of your view, etc., while the other(s) take the babes. It happens so quickly.
Whether or not if you consider what you did is wrong, don't beat yourself up over it. Move on...and you might want to double check on that law. Latch-key kids are pretty common, but most states don't allow children under 10 to be left alone.
J.

H. -

I would not let it bother you if you felt it was safe to leave your kids don't let it tear you apart. We all have been in some sort of sitiutaion like this and no one can judge you on what you think is right and wrong for your kids.

This is a shout-to H. and all us other moms who have dared to be imperfect in public for thirty seconds or less at any given time! H., as long as the window was cracked and the doors were locked and the car wasn't running and you could see the children in your car while you were dashing into the convenience store, you did absolutely nothing wrong. Even if you missed a beat and did something unsafe with your kids, it is not the end of the world and YOU ARE STILL A VERY GOOD MOMMY. The woman who approached you was obviously out of line and has bad, bad manners. She is acting that way in public because she is a very unhappy person in private. We stay-at-home moms are often easy targets for critical onlookers because we live where we work and our work is therefore never done...or not done well enough...and we are entirely expected to be thrilled with it all (after all, we don't work do we), all of the time--and we are often regarded by society as idle and unemployed. If that awful, rude woman would like to pick a fight she needs to find someone with some free time on her hands and not some mother who is just trying to get through another day with her kids and all that it involves while doing her best like you were the other day at the gas station.

I understand where you are coming from as I have a 4 yr old & 2 yr old. I only do that when I go into my post office in my very small town. I know it will take me a minute & they are in plain view the whole time. Anywhere that I am not sure if there will a line I do not take the chance. I really don't do it anywhere else but the post office. If you feel like it is safe don't let someone else make you feel awful. You are the one who is responsible for what happens to your children.

Honestly, this lady has very obviously never been in your situation, and I firmly believe you'd have every right to have told her, "Shut your mouth and keep your nose in your business." Immature? Yes, but who do these people think they are- accusing mothers of being careless of your own child's well-being?? I too have 3 children 5 & under and have been in your situation - we do what we have to do. If you made the conscious decision to park in front of the building, then you did nothing but pick your battles and I commend you for that. I recommend locking the car and putting a window or 2 down though if you don't already. This parenting-thing is hard enough without people nosing in where their opinions are not necessary. This too is just my opinion.

I know that sometimes it seems way too time consuming to take kids out of the car when it will be a quick errand, but you should never do it!! Think about how you would feel if something were to happen to your precious kids. If the thought ever crosses my mind, I think: Do I need (what ever it is I am going to do) so badly that it's worth risking the safety of my baby? And it never is!

I've done the same thing...but only under certain circumstances. When you're in a place you can see and are watching the vehicle right outside the door, there's minimal traffic, in your own small town where you feel safe, etc. I wouldn't do it if I felt the least bit uncomfortable with it. Keep in mind you'd never do anything to intentionally hurt your children, and those who judge have probably never been in your situation. Maybe you can find a way to avoid the situation the next time -- like asking someone else going in to get the milk for you?

You may want to consider that woman your guardian angel- next time the results may be something you would have a hard time forgiving yourself for. My girls were born 2 years apart.It was a pain getting them in and out of the car and the temptation was there to leave them in especially when one or both was sleeping, but the consequenses just weren't worth it. Don't beat yourself up, just don't risk it again.

Hi there.I also understand what it is like. I have 2 children under the age of 3 and I know it would be much easier to leave them for 1 min espically if you can see them the entire time. BUT...It only takes 1 sec for something bad to happen that would be out of your control. I remember reading a story where a mom left her kids in the car while she ran into k-mart and the car started on fire and 2 out of 3 children survived. I have also heard of kids being taken just like that. Even though I know how much easier it is to leave them for a sec, I wouldn't do it. I can tell you love your kids very much and that you are a wonderful mom. I can tell this because of your concern after only 1 person said something to you. Dont let anyone make you feel like a bad mom. Just be more causious of leaving the kids in the car. Somebody could see you take your lic # and call dcfs. Even if it's not a law it could open up a window of opportunity for them to watch you and get you for something so ridicioulus since they wouldn't be able to for leaving them in the car. Keep up being the best mom you can be, as I already know you do.

In a way I disagree with you, I too have a 2 year old and an infant. When I am at the gas station it is a pain to bring them both inside to pay for gas, but with so many infant deaths in hot cars it is a chance I am not willing to take. You never know if you'll be distracted while in the gas station, an old friend says hi, long lines, that one guy that insists on give the clerk a hard time about prices of whatever, the woman that just wants to argue etc....So many things can keep you from "just running in"

I am willing to bet that lady was just sick of hearing about all the infant deaths from parents leaving their kids in the hot cars.

Hi H.,

It's not something you've done regularly, so don't beat yourself up about it. I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 1 year old. I never leave them in the car alone. I usually always do the pay at the pump, but the other day I chose a station with no pay at the pump, I unloaded both kids and we went in together, it took longer, but I'm not comfortable leaving them in the car. I generally try to ge my DH to pick up the quick things on his way home or I go out after the kids go to bed...because they just aren't cooperative right now when I'm shopping...and it's faster.

H. -
I have a 10 month old daughter. I've left her in the car several times before while I quickly run in to pay for or get something. DO NOT FEEL BAD!!!! I am lucky, because I have remote start, so I can lock my daughter in the car with it running (on hot or cold days), but take the keys with me. I've even left her in the car while I run into the house to grab something I forgot. I can't see her while I'm in the house, but I know she's safely buckled in her car seat with the air/heat on. It's no different than walking away from them in your house. I want to ask all of the mothers out there who are AFRAID to leave their children in the car alone while they run into a gas station with large see-through windows (because that's what windows are....see-through). Do you tote your children around to every room with you while you do laundry/dishes/go to the bathroom/etc.???? If you don't then by your own standards you are worse than any mom who leaves their children in the car while still being able to see them. There are more hazards a child can get into while on a livingroom floor, then while they are safely buckled into a car seat. Parenting is stressful enough without having to stress over being able to leave your kids in the car for a few seconds. Oh sure, if you are going to take a little longer, or if there are too many people around to keep track of everything going on, then take your kids with you. If not, RELAX....!!!

I do the same thing I completely understand. I do it in a city/big town but the only thing that makes me feel secure is locking the doors and keeping it in sight. It is so much quicker and less stressful to just run in with out them. Don't listen to the people who are trying to bring you down. I'm sure you are a great mom and doing everything just fine. Don't let it get you down, you're not the only one that does that.

i see nothing wrong with it cause i do it myself i have a 3 year old with adhd and a 15 month old. as long as they are in my sight i didnt see what hurts. it takes more time to get them out to go in and pay then come back out and have to put them back in.

I wouldn't, because even if there is no law against it if there were a cop there you could get harassed big time for it. Unfortunately I found that out the hard way.

hilary; yeah i agree it is hard to always have to take your kid into a store, to just run in, especially on a day that you feel rushed, it is a lot of work, first of all dont feel bad, for doing what you have to do, but second of all, too, the lady did have a point, and she might of been in an experience where something bad happened to her child or someone she knew, and it caused a bad reaction, dont blame her for loving your child and wanting to protect it, but people do steal children, and kids in a car can be bad, you dont need us to tell you what can happen, in just a few seconds life can change extremely in another direction, i know i ran into a store for a quick bit once when one of my kids were little and i did feel very much guilt for it that i never did it again, the fear overwhelmed me so much, that something could of happened, that taking the time to bring them in, was far greater than having that fear again, so i never did it again, my five year old also put the car into gear once, while i was looking the trunk for something, i had to run to front of car and take it back into park, it was very scary , maybe you can have someone watch your kids for a minute so you can run into the store really quick, or you can have them run in for you , or if its truly something you have to do really fast, cause of a life or death situation, that might be ok, just first of all , slow down and take a breath, and you will always regret leaving them in a car if something bad did happen, especially if it was your fault, but just enjoy the time you have with your kids, and enjoy them, its ok to take your time, and spend that time with your kids, yes lots can happen in a short period of time, and it is pretty common for others to give you a shout, for doing it, so dont fret over the small stuff, dont get sooo busy you dont take your kids, D. s

You've gotten so many responses it's hard to read them all! Truthfully I am surprised how many people leave their children in their car while running into a store. I couldn't even attempt it. I probably wouldn't take them in with me either. I'd probably wait until I was alone or had help. I've heard too many terrible stories of things that can happen in a matter of seconds. And my children mean so much more to me than 10 minutes of convience. Plus I don't know if you heard about the mother that left her young child in the car at a store because her older child wanted to donate to the salvation army kettle. It was raining and the little one was sleeping. She wasn't gone more than 2 minutes and was in plain sight of the car. Yet she got arrested anyway. You can never be too careful now a days!

HI,
I have 5 kids and 3 under 4, and I have done this as well. Follow your gut. I am tired of people telling others how to raise my kids. My kids are smart, and out going. I was told that I was a bad mother because I had my kids out at the park with no shoes on. My god, I hate wearing shoes, so unless we are going some where, I don't where them either. As far as other that have stories about other mom's that left their kids in the car while they went into Target, or others. Those mothers were stupid to think that their kids would be safe. I live in the north and have two teenagers, so during winter, I have to leave them in the car until I get the teens out of school, because the school won't let the teens hang out side for the 40 min after they get out to get picked up. Just follow your gut, you are the only one that knows best.

Well, I don't know what state you live in but in Minnesota it against the law to do that. You will have the cuffs slapped on you quicker than you can run into the store. Doesn't matter if the kids are in eye view. Are car jacker can break in quicker than that, in a blink of an eye and not just take the car but your children too. Why would you want to take the risk of losing your children when us as parents do so much to keep harm from them. In the state of MN that is considered neglect and the state would take your kids away from you for that. I know it will take time to get the kids out and in, but I would rather take that extra time than put your children in danger. It's a matter of opinion but here in MN anyone ever does that the cops are called usually by a bystander. It doesn't get prettier from there. Hope this helps. What state do you live in??

I totally understand where you're coming from. I also have 3 young children (ages 5, 3, & 1). We used to live in a bigger city and I wouldn't ever leave them in the car. Everything took twice as long, so most things I did after they were in bed. We have recently moved to a very small town and I still struggle with leaving my kids in the car even just to run in and pay for gas. I have even see other moms in my town leave their kids in the car while they run into the grocery store to get a couple things and there you can't see them at all. When I do leave my kids in the car, I always make sure the windows are cracked a little, the doors are locked, and I have the keys.
Congratulations on your newest little one!

I agree with the logic and worries of leaving your children in the car. HOwever, many of us have done it - it happens. Don't beat yourself up, honestly sometimes you have to do that for your own sanity of turning a 30 second trip to the store into a 10 minutes battle. I have done it a couple times and I just make sure that I lock the doors, with the window cracked and make sure that I can see them the whole time. There are by FAR worse things you can do as a mother!!! There was only 1 perfect mother so I am sure the lady that criticized you can be brow beaten in another area of motherhood!
The other way to look at it, your kids are safer at that age then they are leaving them when they get older and can remove their seatbelts, open the door and take off running! :-)

I know what you mean about taking the time to take both kids out of the car to run somewhere for a second. It triples the time of your stop. Personally, I couldn't leave my kids in the car. I am pretty paranoid though. I cringe at the thought of leaving my two kids in the car(in the driveway) to run in the house if I forgot something. I know people that do it and their kids are just fine. The chance of anything happening to the kids is pretty slim, but I always think about how I would feel if something did happen. I would never forgive myself. I guess I just accept it as part of having kids that everything will take that much longer. I hope this does not sound mean, I am just sharing my thoughts on what I would do.

If you are comfortable with your choice then do it. But remember, you have to be "OK" with whatever the consequences are. I NEVER would leave my daughter because if anything ever happened I don't think I would ever forgive myself.

Don't feel bad, I have been known to do the same thing with my 2 year old and my 5 month old. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do, and it is A LOT of work to get both in the store for just one quick item.

I will admit that I have done this on the RAREST occasion. I often have to drop off papers at the office, throw something in the mailbox, etc. I don't like doing it, but yet it's a pain. I did read a story about a woman who left her two young children in the car while she took her old child out of the car to donate money for the Salvation Army. This woman was literally 10 feet away from the car. A police officer saw it happen, he confronted her and if I remember correctly she got a ticket/fine and had to go to court.

anyway, another thing to think about when leaving your children in the car is this: It takes only seconds for another car to hit yours, someone might be backing up out of a spot and hits your car, or they slip on the break or gas and can't control the car. What if the other driver was having a heart attack and couldn't control the car...these are probably very rare insistances, but they can and have happened. It's not only the heat or someone stealing our kids, but the accidents of other drivers that we cannot control. I never thought about it, until my husband made the point...I never leave my child in the care alone, UNLESS, it's to run in the house because I forgot something.

I don't think my 2 year old son has ever seen the inside of the gas station because I leave him in the car every time I go in there! I just always be sure to lock the car doors when I go in. Don't feel horrible...

With an extremely active two year-old who doesn't care for the car seat anyway and a 4 month-old, running into the gas station for a gallon of milk would become quite the ordeal.

What I do - crack the windows, take out the keys, lock the doors, run in and run out, keeping them as much in sight as possible. Would I do that in a large city, like Minneapolis or St Paul? No.

I only do it if I'm stopping at the gas station. Grocery and Target are two different stories - then I bring the kids in.

H., what a great and controversial question!
I have read the answers with interest, and wonder if there is a difference between the opinions of those who have a little free time (utilizing daycare) and those who have their children with them 24/7. Having the luxury to be able to quickly pick something up before picking up the kids is a completely different world than having them with you for every minute.

As to the woman who berated you - try to let that go. She probably meant well, but came across very badly. It is no reflection on you. How about this story: I came out of the grocery store with my 3 year old riding in the grocery cart, carrying my infant, and my 7 year old walking beside me. A little old lady looked at us and said "It's time for you to stop (having babies), don't you think?" with a frown on her face. I was shocked, because most people comment on how cute my kids are, not that 3 is too many! It made me so angry, but then I just had to laugh and let it go. She probably had a sad life. People love to judge others and tell them what to do!

I won't tell you what to do, other than to say that I would lock the door if you do leave them in the car. A lot of cars have that car alarm that goes off if the door is opened from the inside after you lock it with the remote - that would alert you in case your 5 year old did open the door.

Enjoy your summer with your sweet kids!

you know what? i really am of the mind that the kids are FINE!! :D you arent being a bad mother!! its exactly like you said, it takes 4 5 times longer to get them out of the car, drag them into the store, get them to stop begging for something, etc.. get them back into the car that if you just ran in. especially like with most gas stations, you can see the car, they are fine. im sure if someone approached the car oddly, you would see and you would tear out of that store, as well as anyone else in the vacinity. LOL.

yes, its possible for something horrible to happen. but its also possible for a semi truck to come crashing into the pumps and cause a hugh mess (or worse) its possible for you all to get in a car crash on the way to or from the store.

there are laws about leaving your kids in the car. and it sucks. but we do what we can you know? ive left my son in the car sometimes, i just make sure i park in full view of me. or i make sure i take someone with me (like my younger brother whos 14) to keep an eye out.

ive done it, everything has been fine, even though ive felt TERRIBLE about it and horribly nervous, its just much easier than getting them out. dont let anyone tell you that you are a bad mother. :( shame on them for making you feel so horrible. nothing happened. move on. if shes volunteering to follow you around and keep an eye on the car while you run into the store, great! lol. (thats just a joke lol)

anyway.
you are fine mom! just fine!

This is something a lot of moms struggle with. I live in a small town, and I do the same thing. I choose stations that have parking close to the door and windows that allow me to see my car at all times. If the station is busy, I wait a few minutes for it to slow down before I head inside. I shut the car off, lock the doors, and move fast. The reason I shut the car off is to not make it easy for a theif by leaving a vacant car running. Hot or cold, if I will only be in the store for a moment, they will be fine. If it is only the baby and me, I try not to leave him alone, because infants change their look so much, God forbid if something did happen I might not be able to find him and he is too young to know who he belongs with. Just some of the tips I use. Be safe!!

~S. H

Sounds like you need a hug, don't let that woman bother you. I have left my children in the car at the gas station. I had a horrible experience one time, my oldest son (20 yrs) was 5 yrs at the time, he got out of the car and trip over the hose while it was pumping and it fell out. Gas was squirting everywhere and got into his eyes. We had to do the eye wash thing and it ended up to be a trip to the emergency room. I would rather keep them "safer" in the car. I know that this was a freak accident, but it made me feel not to let them out of the car and take them in the gas station. Now they are older and they still stay in the car and wait for me. So listen to how you feel about it. I see people do this all the time. I do feel however not at the grocery store, I do see that and I feel that is wrong, for many reasons, you can't see the children and it could take longer due to circumstances beyond your control. So do what you feel is right. You have my support. (((Hugs))) P.

Don't let what that woman said bother you. You know if you think it's safe or not. I live in a really small town and yes, i know bad things could happen here too, but i have not had any problem leaving my daughter in the car while I run in. i would lock the doors, crack windows, whatever depending on weather. i felt fine about it as long as it was really, truly, just a couple of minutes. People know that you woulndn't be putting your kids in danger on purpose so running in isn't a huge deal.

When my kids were little, I used to do this all the time. Much faster than getting them out of car seats and putting back in. I only did it however, if I could see the car the entire time I was in the store. Now my state has a law against leaving a child under the age of 12 in a car by themselves, but I think that it is only if you will be gone for more than like 5-10 minutes.

Hi H.,

I have two little boys who are only 16 months apart at ages 2 & 3. I completely understand where you are coming from. I have done the same thing every once in a while. I always locked my car, made sure the windows were cracked, and that they were in full site.

Good luck!
A.

Honestly, it is never a good idea, my husband gets after me all the time to make sure I lock the doors when I do it. I live in a very small town, and every morning I stop at the gas station to get a coffee. It takes me maybe 2 minutes and I can see the van the entire time. It does take so much longer when you have to take them in and then have to fight with them because they want everything they see. Now I will only do this at this one gas station just because I know everyone and like I said, I can see the van the entire time. I will not however leave them in the van alone at any other gas station.

I wouldn't beat yourself up about it!
You were doing what you needed to do. I would make sure the car is locked, it's not hot in the car, and make sure it park ir right by the front before you go in.. I don't know legal wise what's acceptable or what's not? you can legally be within 50 feet and still be o.k.? Parenting is tough!

E. B.
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H.,
Don't worry I do exactally the same thing. I never had anyone say anything to me except my husband. I do it for the same reason you do. Sorry, you had such a bad day.

J.

I have no issues leaving my son who is now five in the car to run into the gas station. Due to the looks alone and other parents responses I started bringing him in the store, that didn't last long and that is one child. Too many horror stories that can happen within seconds. The best advise is if you can pay at the pump. If there is no law than I wouldn't be concerned.

H.,

I have 3 children, 10yrs, 4yrs and 8 months. I will never leave the 2 youngest in the car alone. However, if I am just running in and our 10yr old is with, I will leave them all in the car. As long as I can still see the vehicle and it is not hot out....

I have twins and when they were little I used to do the same thing. But I want to share something with you that recently happened in our community. A woman ran into the store for just a minute, leaving her children along with children she was babysitting in her van. She was only in the store for a couple minutes, but in that time the van started on fire. Some children died, some were very badly injured. Here's a link to an article about it. Ever since that happened, I haven't even left my 6 year old son alone in the car. I know it's so much extra effort, but what if...
Anyway, here's the link:
http://cms.firehouse.com/content/article/article.jsp?id=5...
God Bless,
Rebecca M

Hi H.,
I am sorry that someone made you feel like that. I was of your mindset too until I heard about a tragic accident that happened to a little boy, Jake Robel, in my hometown of Missouri. His mom picked him up one day after school and made a quick stop to a sandwich shop to get him a snack. While she was in there a man nearby stole her car. She ran out to get her son, but couldn't get him out of the seatbelt in time. That man dragged that little boy for miles down the road, on Interstate 70 until citizens in other cars literally penned him in and stopped it. It was absolutely horrible. I think of that mom so often almost ten years later. How many of us would have done the same thing and in a split second consequences beyond our control happen and it changes lives forever. I have never been the same and now that I am a mom, I take that extra step. Even if it means getting out the stroller for only a few minutes. I totally agree with you that it is a pain in the arse, but I cannot imagine the alternative. We just don't live in a world anymore that is 100% safe. Google Jake Robel on the internet. It makes you think.

Hi There! I am a mother of two, ages 5, and 16 months. I am from a small town in sweet ole Texas...population 1375. I currently live elsewhere with my husband b/c he is in the USAF. Anyway, I know when I lived back home, there were some moms that did the same as you. I know even in small towns, the worst things can happen. Things still did happen in my small town. Just b/c of the size of the town doesn't mean you shouldn't lock your doors or leave your children unattended in the car for two minutes. Even if only for 2 minutes. Yes, you were watching your children. What happens if someone had pulled right up and had begun to take your children out of the car? Would you have been able to respond sufficiently in good time? The thinking that you live in a small town and nothing will ever happen is usually the thinking that can get you into trouble. Granted I know how difficult it is to have a small child that gets into everything, and one that wants to buy everything in the store. It is not easy, but I think that maybe I would take my children in anyway. Was the lady right to chew you out? No, I don't think so. She should mind her own business. However,she was only speaking out of concern for your children. I wouldn't let it get to you that much.

Don't let one incident make you feel like your a horrible mom. That does not define what types of mom's we are. You define what type of mom you are, and your children know that. I would just still be a little cautious!! Maybe you could have an extra set of keys...to keep the car started, but locked, so you could leave them in there. Or maybe some people have automatic starters...you could start the car automatically, but it automatically shuts off after 15 minutes/or someone pushes any pedals without key in place. This would allow you to still have control over your car, and to lock your kids safely in there.

I agree that after having children, I would personally hesitate before reading someone the riot act for leaving their kids in the car. However, as tempting at it seems, I personally would never do this - I have a 3 yr-old and 4 month-old. How many times have you gone into a store, the one person in line in front of you takes FOREVER to check out, or the self-serve check out doesn't work... pretty soon you're in there for much longer than you anticipated. I don't think that's fair to the kids, and yes, someone could kidnap them or steal the car, etc, while you are in there. That being said, the only time I leave them alone is when I am returning library materials. My library doesn't have a drive-up book drop, so I do leave them in the car w/flashers on, I walk about 20 feet, and know that no line will keep me more than a few seconds.

Just take this one as a learning experience, don't beat yourself up about it or let your anger at this person get you. Just let it me thought-provoking for next time. Good luck!

Sorry H., I think you should take them in, especially at that young age. I agree with you that it takes longer. I will go out of my way to go to a station that has pay at the pump and tell hubby to get the milk. But that's just my opinion. As moms, we are all just trying to do what we think is best for our family, and there is enough guilt in motherhood!!

H.,

Don't feel badly. You had your eye on them the entire time and I am sure you locked the door and took every precaution so you are a very thoughtful mom. Like you, I didn't see any laws stating EXACTLY that you couldn't leave your child in the car but I did see that the legal stipulation said you couldn't leave your child "unattended" -- isn't SEEING your child at all times "attending" them? I believe laws are a bit "over"interpreted at times. But that is my opinion and not the opinion of every mother or individual.

Anyway, I never left my child in the car when he was little but then I lived in a high crime area when my son was young. You are in a small town where there are probably a dozen people around who knew you and your children and would have screamed if someone tried to take them. I grew up in a small town in Alabama and I would have left my son in the car if I had stopped at the corner store in Whites Chapel Alabama because I knew most of the people there and they would have kept watch over him while I popped in for some milk. Small towns are great like that!

Anyway, I support you. You know what is best for your children and I doubt you would put them in danger. Unfortunately, there are people who like to push that "the village raises the child" theory and thinks that their views and opinions on parenting are the ONLY ones so they feel it is absolutely necessary to condemn you for not believing what they believe in. I don't think I would have been so nice to the woman and would have given her a piece of my mind. She was perfectly within her rights to say something to you but she was stepping over the line to condemn you in that manner. She needs to learn some manners it seems to me. She could have just said "I know it might not be my business but please let me say that it might not be wise to leave young children in the car like that as they might play with the gear shifter or locks."

Just my opinion, but I would not leave my child in the car alone, even for 2 minutes.

Do you realize how quickly something could happen to your children? I know it can be a pain to lug them into a gas station but better to be safe than sorry. If you don't want to take them in, then wait until someone can watch them at home and then run to the gas station.

I personally would not leave my child in the car either. I either grab what i need quick before i pick my son up from daycare or i take him in the store with me or wait till i have a chance to go myself. These days there are to many crazy people and you hear to many stories. Even if you can see your car the whole time, you probably would not get out there quick enough if someone did jump in to steal your car. I would rather take the extra time to bring them in than take the risk of something happening.

The lady shoud've minded her own business. It seems like there are always random people who feel like they need to give unsolicited advice and criticism. I know that it is a pain to take them out of the car, but I still do it. My 2 year old neice is thisclose to actually being able to get out of her carseat on her own. Then who knows what she can do in a short amount of time. I am just a worrier and am always aware of the worst possible situation. If you are comfortable with your decision don't let what anybody else says or does get to you.

I have had times where I have left both my 6 year old and 1 year old in the car while I quick ran in and paid for gas as well. I just tell my 6 year old that mommy will be back quick and DO NOT get out of the car for any reason. I also make sure to take the keys with me and lock the door along with the windows down enough that nobody could reach in. I can see why people worry because of hearing that children have been kidnapped but that is usually when the parent leaves the vehicle unlocked and running. I have also done this in the winter having a second set of keys and the car was running with doors locked.

I've done it in the small towns around me too. I will even lock the doors. I have a 3 1/2yr old and a 2 year old..so I totally understand it takes SO much longer. A gas station always has such big windows and can see out just about anywhere you are in the store. I understand that ladies comment too, but I have faith in God that he will watch out for my babies and if I ever have the feeling I shouldn't do it I will lug them into the store for something that will and should take 1 minute. Also, if someone really wants to go to ALL the trouble to get them out of the carseats as complicated as they can be and try to get the kids out I would be surprised. Plus I would be surprised if the kids didn't start crying and screaming because there are strangers trying to take them away and mom isn't around to protect them. =) Now that my girls are getting older if I need to go in I will take them with me...its getting easier all the time. Just pray and ask Him to help you heal from the ladies comment and for guidance on what is right for you to do.

We have an extra key so if it's really cold we can leave the vehicle running (I know, the car could slip out of gear). In the other seasons, especially summer we either leave it running with the air on or roll down the windows just a hair. I'm pretty sure a child's not going to die in a locked car if you give proper ventilation and you're only going in to buy a few things or go to the bathroom. I have special needs twins and understand about the hassle.
B.

Just my opinion, but I would not leave my children in the car alone, even for 2 minutes. A kidnapping, carjacking, accident can all happen in less than 2 minutes when your back is turned. I don't trust anything when it comes to my children!
If I need to get milk or something small, I either call my husband and ask him to get it on the way home, or I take my kids with me to the store. It may be more of a hassle, but it's better than the possible alternative of having something happen to them if I left them unattended.

Don't think what you did was bad. You did what you thought was right at the time...and most of the time it is not harmful. I'm just concerned about what "could" happen.

~Stay at home mom to 2 boys: 5.5 yrs and 17 months

One more response. My kids are all 21 and older, but we use to leave them in the car while we ran in to get mail or needed to pay for gas, before you could pay at the pump, it never was an issue. I remember when I was a kid, my mom and aunt would leave us in the car while they ran in the grocery store and we would be there for quite a while, and it wasn't ever an issue. Now days there is so much more to worry about. Morals have gone down so far that we have to worry about children being taken, cars being stolen, people with guns and all this other scary stuff we didn't have 40 years ago.

While you think they are safe locked in a car with the windows cracked, and 9 out of 10 times they are, but there is always so much that can go wrong. One mother here in our town ran into the post office while leaving her kids in the car. One of them put it in reverse and cranked the wheel, ended up crashing through the bank. My oldest son did this to me once when my car wasn't starting right and I took all the kids into a friends house to potty and get drinks before heading back home. He went out to the car, but never could get the doors open, so I didn't worry to much about it while I said goodbyes to my friend. I heard the gear shift in the car, handed over the baby and ran just as he was backing out of the driveway (he was 2 and half). I ran and jumped through the open window and shoved it into park just as we plowed down a neighbors fence. If that wasn't scary enough, my friends 2 year old had been outside with him and my heart still stops when I think what would have happened had he been behind the car when my son put it in reverse.

I am glad that you are choosing safety over easy, and don't worry about that woman, she was just thinking she was doing your children a favor. You really can't get to upset when someone is trying to keep your kids safe, even if they did it so rudely.

I have a 4 year old and there is no way I would ever leave him in the car while I ran into the store. I don't even like to leave him in the car to return a cart to the coral. It only takes a second for something to happen and I would feel horrible if something did happen because I thought it was to inconvienent to deal with my child. If you really don't want to drag them in the store, have someone else go for you.

H., I empathise with you! I have a 14 month old daughter myself, and it is a pain lugging her into and out of the car even when I have a short errand to run. Heck, I remember my mother leaving us kids in the car to run into the store all the time. However, I never leave my daughter in the car alone. It is so tempting, but I'm afraid of the consequences if I do leave her. I tell myself that it only takes one moment to loose her forever. So although it is a pain in the butt, I strongly recommend you take your kids with you whenever you leave your car.

WOW If I had not known better I would have said I posted this myself! LOL. I am about to turn 28. I have a 4 1/2 year old Boy, 2 year old girl and a baby due any day. LOL. I HAVE been in your shoes. I also live in a small town and have the "bad habit" of leaving my kids in the car to run in somewhere. Most of the time its the post office where I can see my car the whole time and alot of the time my kids are sleeping. Well the one day I got chewed out it was actually because SOMEONE (I know who she was) called the COPS on me. My daughter was sound asleep in the car. I ran into our local Dollar General. I parked by the door and told the cashier (who is a friend) that she was sleeping and to watch her for a sec. She said OK> Well I ran to grab diapers and was back in less then five minutes. As I walked out to my car a girl I used to work with (and she don't like me) gave me a look like I was the worst person in the world. I figured it was because I was having another girl and she had to sleep with 3 different guys to finally have 1. Well I walked to my car and saw the cop standing there. He asked me how long I planned to leave my child like this and I said that I was only in there less than 5 minutes. He chewed me out and told me if it happened again he would have to take my children and tow my car!!! There is Also NO law in our state against this and I even sent the police cheif a letter stating I did not appreciate the way the rookie had treated me! He told me my car could have been stolen with my child in it (I had left the keys in it) OOPs. I said I do it all the time. Its a small town. He said that things can happen and that I shouldn't be so trusting. Made me feel like 2 inches tall. However when you have small children its hard to take them ALL in with you. We have actually started taking a friend with us to the store that is an older neighbor kid. Like 13 or older. That way we have a BABYSITTER in the car with the kids. Its a pain to have to do everytime but thats what gets me by. My husband also keeps at least 1 kid home with him and so far that is working but when the baby comes I am sure that will change. I will probably have to take the 2 oldest or the 2 youngest. Most likely the 2 youngest will be with me. I would just say brush it off and hand it over to God and forgive her. She either doesn't have children of her own or has seen way to many news stories of kids getting hurt. Just be alittle more cautious of where you run in and if you can't take them in then wait till a time you can. OR if someone has something to say about it say something to them along the lines of Well would you watch them then so I can just get my milk. Or you try hauling 2 kids in for 1 gallon of milk. Our parents did it, their parents did it. Its been done over a 1000 times and only 1 out of 10 actually get taken and 1 out of 5 suffocate from the heat or freaze. The News just points out the BAD and you never see the others that don't get hurt. I have even seen people leave there kids in a van to run into WalMart. I would never do that myself but I have seen it done. I have also seen parents using carseats wrong or NONE at all. You don't see them getting chewed out! I hope this helps. Sorry she was so rude.

You have to do what works for you but at the same time keep your kids safe. If you aren't a smoker the likelihood of the car starting on fire is minimal (not lighter in the car means no fire).

Hi H.... I have a 3-yr-old and a 2-yr-old... I've run into the same situation with just having to RUN in and not have to worry about taking the kids out of their seats, etc. I understand completely. This is what I do now: I carry two sets of keys at all times (one is always in my purse). If it's too hot to leave them in the car, I leave it running with the air on and lock it with my second set of keys. If it's a nice day, I crack the windows 1/3 of the way down (enough so nobody could reach an arm in, but enough to keep air moving through) and be sure all doors are locked. I do the same thing - always park right next to the door of the gas station (and wait if that spot isn't open). I haven't been berated by a stranger for this yet, but I'm expecting my first soon enough. I can understand when others don't get it... Be sure they're safe and make it fast... I try NOT to have to do it (pay with credit card at pump, etc.), but sometimes it just has to be done...

H.,

Welcome to the 21st century where everyone likes to police your parenting. Did you read about the woman who put her donations in the Salvation Army can 30 feet from her sleeping child in a parked car outside a Walmart? There was a bad storm she didn't want to drag her sleeping toddler out and she even locked and the car and set the security alarm. Police handcuffed her right there. The charges were eventually dropped, but for heaven sakes! http://www.kxmb.com/t/salvation-army/218870.asp

As for abduction - there are a little over 100 children kidnapped by perfect strangers annually. That is very close to the rate 60 years ago. So what is all the hype about increased child abduction? Well, over 797,000 children are reported missing annually, but the rest are runaways or are abducted by family members or people the family knows. The higher the number of broken families, the higher the abduction rate. So if you are in a custody dispute or have a crazy uncle or neighbor, then yes, your children are at risk. http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/PageServle...

I don't leave my kids in the car to pay for gas or anything else, not because I think they will die in the 2 minutes I am gone, but because I fear getting arrested and having them put in foster care. I have returned videos to Blockbuster or picked up a pizza and left them in the car. But that is because I can't carry out pizza, a baby and hold the hand of my toddler simultaneously. I still get scared I will get caught.

Bless you for all you do as a mother. Don't beat yourself up. Some people just try to build their self-esteem by criticizing others and do it in the name of "concern for the well-being of children."

Take care,
S.

this is a tough one. I've done it also and sometimes feel really bad about it. it's hard b/c sometimes you only need one thing. wish they had drive through milk and bread stores!!

HI H.,

I tend to agree with you. I do it and just make sure my doors are locked. I don't go for extended periods of time or out of eyesight. It's just so much easier to leave them in the car for quick trips. I don't think a lot of people understand that. And they way I see it, if someone did try to take my child, it would take forever for them to break into my car (like I said, I always lock my doors), get him out of his car seat and struggle with a screaming and kicking 2 year old, before I could get there. So, don't worry, you're not alone. I am with you and I'm sure a lot of moms are too.

Don't let anyone force you into parenting for them. Ever. These are your children and peer pressure shouldn't determine what you do with them or how you rear them. I'm not going to start breastfeeding because someone gives me a dirty look when they see me give my son a bottle, and I'm certainly not going to stop disciplining him in the future because someone else doesn't like that. I've noticed that half the time the people giving you looks aren't parents themselves, but somehow they are experts, aren't they?

I have no problem with what you did, and think as long as you can see them that running in to get milk is just fine. It takes what, 5 minutes, maybe?

I'd probably lock the doors depending on where I was, but other than that - I have done the same and will do so again.

You did fine, don't let busybodies make you feel bad or determine how you act.

I also know that it is probably not the safest thing to do, but occasionally I do it also. I do feel like a bad mom too. I just wantd to let you know all though it may not be right you are not alone! and I'm sure you are a wonderful mother!

I have a 2 yr old and 10 month old, so I totally understand! I have been guilty of doing the same thing a couple times, but am very careful about parking close to the door and the heat, etc. just like you. My husband had a fit, but he doesn't take the kids anywhere alone. I think it is a huge difference leaving them in the car close to the door where you can see them the whole time vs. leaving them in a huge parking lot while you shop for an hour at Target. Trust your instincts. You sound like a great mother. I just made sure to lock the doors with the windows slightly cracked (and yes, I made sure it wasn't too hot for them to sit there for the 20 seconds I was away). I know you can never be too careful, but if you think about it they could be stolen from you if you take them into the gas station with you as well. Don't beat yourself up. It's not like you sat them on the sidewalk alone and went inside. We love our kids, people just don't understand.

Hi, H.!

I can see how you might be tempted to "run in" to the gas station! It is such an ordeal to undo the two car seats, keep them in line, shuffle them back into the car, etc. But...I don't think it's a good idea. My two are 4 and 2 and I haul them in everywhere I go, even if it's into the gas station. The only time I might leave them is if I run into the house for something I forgot before we leave the driveway. Otherwise, they're with me. I'm sorry - I know you were probably looking for support...

Provided that you had the children retrained so they couldn't get the car in gear and that you had the door locked so that no one could get at them, then I see no problem with leaving your children in a car for a short period of time. Obviously you agree. Don't let other women make you feel badly for making a parenting decision. Everyone parents in their own way and that is the beauty of individualist children.

Before you've had your children kidnapped, it is easier to leave them in the car. Afterwards you would think it would be easier to bring them in.
Personally, I have done it, too. You can see them, I'm sure you didn't leave them with the keys in and unlocked doors, either.
Many people feel it is their duty to police the world, but it isn't. You were not breaking the law, and while it is well publicized that parents should not do that, it isn't their business to tell you otherwise.

I have had neighbors come knock on my door to tell me my children are climbing a tree!!!! Oh my goodness, they are climbing the tree!!! OK, didn't you climb trees when you were a child? Yes? And you lived? Yes. Let my kids be kids!!!!
There is no end to the interference that strangers will give you in your parenting, in your choice of birth control, your clothing, which door you walk into the store through. You can't let every Tom, Dick and Nancy make you feel bad.

H.~
just like every other topic everyone has thier oppinions on this one also. being i live in a small town also... i have done this many times. not only can you see them, but it does take longer to take them out than just to run in and pay for it. plus alot of times for me when you have them out for that short amount of time they cry and fight when trying to put them back in thier seats. i see nothing wrong with what you did! like you said you could see them and it was less than 5 mins. its not always possible to wait for someone to watch them or hubby come home or run to the store for you when you did it just fine this way. you know your town better than any of us.. as long as you feel they are safe being left in the car, the keys are taken out, they are secured in thier seats and you could see them, i see nothing wrong with what you did.

I'm a worrier, so I've never been able to do that myself. If I need just 1 or 2 items, I ask hubby to get them on his way home. I usually try to make just big shopping trips with the girls... that way it's worth the hassle of getting them in and out of the car. If I'm forced to go in for just a couple things, I just bite the bullet and pull them out of the car... better safe than sorry (these days there are just too many crazy people in the world).

Good morning, H.! Please, don't beat yourself up too bad about leaving the girls in the car. The reason the lady is judging you and getting in your business is because she's probably seen or heard a horror story about leaving the kids in the car. Nothing happened that time, thank goodness, and next time, if you do decide to leave them in for a sec, even if the weather's not too hot and the engine is shut off, even if you have the keys and the doors are locked, BE PREPARED for someone who is going to pass judgment on you. Imagine a person is standing by your car, either keeping an eye on the kids for you, or glaring at you. Are you prepared to either thank the person, or apologize and explain yourself? Is it worth it? This whole thing really depends on what you're prepared to put up with, from both the public and yourself. What if a car went out of control and hit your car while you're in the station. Could you live with the knowledge that if you had taken them in with you, they would be out of danger? What you're doing is depending on the kindness and understanding of strangers or the level of responsibility of other drivers. It's not in your hands anymore then. I say STAY IN CONTROL of this situation. Take the kids with you inside the store. It may be a hassle, but in the end, you'll always know where they are - they are SAFE with you. I understand the scenario completely, but speaking as a mother, don't let guilt be another part of your day. We have enough on our plates as it is, don't you think? Hope this helps you see it in a different and more positive perspective. Have a beautiful day!

That lady should mind her own business. Don't let it get you down.

I do this all the time for "quick" run ins, so don't feel bad! Bring an extra key or just crack the windows and lock the car. The way I see it: the cars locked so nobody can take the car or kids and if the kids are too young to get out of the car seats and it's a decent temp out they are fine. My boys are 3 and 2 and I do this frequently. I always tell them I'll be right back and they never fuss about it. I've hear you can get in trouble from the law by doin this, but I haven't been confronted by anyone yet. I'm do with my 3rd so I'm due w/ my 3rd in a couple months so I'm pretty sure this is the only capable way that I can run quick errands w/ the kids in tow. Just forget about what the lady said.

I understand your logic. However, it's unfortunate in the world we live in today that it only takes a minute to lose your children forever. Maybe some day in the future our world will return to a safer enviroment for raising children. For now, play it safe. Take them with you always.

NEVER ------ NEVER ----- EVER-- leave your kids in the car unattended.
Many things can happen. A driver could lose control of his or her car and smash into your car. Someone could steal your children. Someone could steal your car with the children in the car. The kids could get out of their car seats and get out of the car and run in to see you and get hit by another car.
The idea of your children being stolen and sold into white slavery or for an adoption sounds really over the top but those living in a small town or rural area are more likely than those living in a big city to have their children kidnapped. The reason is because people living in a small town or rural area are more trusting and the children believe that Mommy and Daddy know everyone.
Believe me I know how difficult it is to make a simple run to get a gallon of milk. I have four children and live in the North, last winter we got about 7 feet of snow. Car seats have become so complicated getting the straps off and getting the kids out can seem like a real chore. And the minute you get the kids into a store they want to run and look at and touch everything. See if you can have your husband make the quick runs to the store or stay home while you run. Since you have networked with a lot of Moms work out a schedule to help each other out and pick up grocery items for each other or watch each other's children while Mom goes to the store. Contact the corporate office of the convience store and see if they can install a drive through window. The Walgreens and few gas stations in my home town have drive through windows and that is a great help to busy Moms.
Enjoy your children and remember they are only little for a short time. It seems like forever but it is not. My youngest will be a senior in high school this fall. I have granddaughters in first and second grade, even they grow up too fast. You are a loving, caring Mom -- if you didn't love them you would not have written.

H.--I know exactly where you are coming from. My girls were only 15 months apart and when they were small it was very difficult to run errands of any kind. I did the same thing several times until I heard of someone taking the car with kids in it-although I don't think that person locked the doors to the car which I always did. One thing you must remember-unless people have walked in your shoes they have no idea how difficult life can be. My girls are now to the age we think about leaving them home by themselves for short periods of time. Parenting is tough no matter how you look at it.

I live in a very small town with a very low crime rate.

I won't leave my son in the car (2 yrs old) unless I can see him the entire time (like when running into the post office, I can park right outside the door and see him.)

If I lived where I grew up, close to St Paul in Minnesota, I wouldn't even consider leaving him in the car anytime. Higher crime rate there.

it's a pain in the butt to haul a kid (or more than one kid!) in an out, especially for just a quick stop, but I do it anyway if I wouldn't be able to see him, just to feel safer.

In hot weather, make SURE you have the windows down or the air on if you do leave them. It really doesn't take that long for heatstroke to set in.

If you know you have a series of short errands to run, either wait until you have someone to watch them so you do the errands quickly without the hassle, or make it into a big day of errand running with fun stops sprinkled in between. You and a friend could trade off - you have her kids and she has errand day, and then you trade.

When I was babysitting two young girls, I found it helpful to engage them in whatever errand we were running. They helped select the groceries, put the stamps on the letters to be mailed, handed the money to the cashier etc. Yeah, everything took A LOT longer, but that's not ALWAYS a bad thing. I try to remember that with my own son now. To slow down and not try to be rushing to get it done fast. Enjoy it a little more.

I am a little surprised anyone would say anything to you to your face like that, but maybe that's just not how I was raised. We all make our own parenting decisions, even if we don't agree.

I have to admit that there are times, especially when we are exhausted, when it is easy to minimize the dangers in actions like this. I have just one baby and know how much time it takes to get him in and out of a car seat.....probably more time than it would take to run a quick errand if I was alone. But terrible things happen in SECONDS when children are left unattended. Just because you could see them from the store doesn't mean they were attended. And I don't know of any state where this is ok. Maybe next time you can take a friend or trusted neighbor with you and they can stay in the car with your kids while you run inside.

I think that you already have your answer! Also it is illegal to leave your children in the car unattended. If a police officer saw this you would have been approuched. Hopefully this time he would have given you a break......

Although I would be hesitant to do so, I can see how much easier it would be. Perhaps if you have an automatic door locker on your keychain you could lock them in the car while you run in and out and then if you run into another woman like that, you can ask them how someone could steal your kids out of your locked car in the 45 seconds it takes you to purchass your gallon of milk....

I know it is hard to take them out to just run in for milk. But it is NEVER okay to leave your children in the car alone when they are that young and especially on a hot day. You just never know what could have happened.

Hello H.,

I would have your husband do little errands like this then. Either that or when he gets home from work, you go without the children and get the milk. The news is reporting more and more incidents of children missing and children being left in the car to die, etc, and that has made people more outspoken and judgemental about stuff like this. So you really only have two choices: either dismiss the comment mentally in your head or don't put yourself in the position for them to comment because I'm thinking people are going to be across the board on this one.

I certainly understand your situation and reasons for leaving the children in the car. I'm a single mom to a 2 year old so there aren't many opportunities for me to do something without her with me and I've had to sometimes run back in my house real quick to get something before I leave for work or whatever and have left my daughter locked in the car for that 30 seconds or minute so as not to disturb her sleep while I do this. If she's awake though, I take her in with me because she gets scared in the car by herself.

I also know what you mean about it taking longer because I've taken her into Walgreens with me for a gallon of milk, and that's what goes through my head, but I do it because if something bad did happen to her, I know I would feel much worse. However, in Walgreens I can't see out to the car, but even when I'm at the gas station, it's just to get gas and I use the swipe card so I'm right by the car. But that's just me and what I do to keep my sanity, but if I had two children who were able to keep themselves company and did not cry when I left, who knows? I may go a different route or do things differently. It's really hard to say unless we are in your shoes, but in the end, I still think what I said in the beginning holds true. You either need to dismiss the comments or not put yourself in the situation because people are so good about making comments to make you feel worse about your mothering. I get them every time my daughter acts up in the store which is not everytime I go, but when she does, the whole "look at that spoiled child over there" glances appear unless they are a parent who's gone through it, then I get the empathetic, "we feel your pain" smiles.

H. - I hope you don't find me attacking because I totally don't mean to be. A few years ago, I would have just ran in too. But about 3 years ago we had a case here in the Quad Cities where a mom ran in to KMart for just a minute to return an item, just inside the front door at customer service where she could see her car from the doors. She left her 5 yr old, 2 yr old and infant son strapped in their car seats in the car and all the sudden something malfunctioned in the engine even though the car was off and the whole thing blew up and started a fire... her 5 year old got out and managed to get the 2 yr old but the infant burned to death in the car. So... in a split second anything can happen and I would never forgive myself if that happened let alone if someone took my kids - my kids are 12 and 15 now so of course that's a different story but never again would I leave a toddler or infant in the car while I ran in to the store. Sorry. K.

Edit: I forgot to add that there may not be a law against running in and leaving the kids but if something happens, you would be dealing with what this mom is - her other kids were taken away and put in foster care and she was on trial for child endagerment and neglect so again, why I would want to be careful.

H. ... it only takes a split second for a 2 yr old to wiggle free from their car seat and put the car in reverse, drive and/or neutral. Not only that - with the amount of children being snatched and the rise in car jackings, you are definitely leaving the children at risk. Would you ever be able to forgive yourself should something happen??? I think not ... it only takes a minute for something tragic to happen. My 2 oldest are only 18 months apart in age and 32 yrs ago, we always grabbed our children to "run" into the store real quick and things seemed to be much safer back then. I now have 6 grandchildren and when we have any of them, they are also taken into the store/gas station/etc with us/me. Life is too short to make a preventable mistake.
My blessings always,
D.

H.,
I don't think that you are a bad mom. I have two boys that are 21 months apart and I have done the same thing, it wasn't hot or cold here so I had the car shut off and locked the car to run in and pay for gas. If I was going to be in the store longer - I take them. But I just hate it when you have to wake up a child who is sleeping for a 2 minute errand. Also I can say that I have left my children in the car at home, sometimes it's safer to have them still buckled in the car seat while you carry things in, then having them running around. I live in a rural community - so it's safe, but I don't let them run outside alone.
You have my support! Stay strong - we are humans and can not do it all and are not perfect! :)

I'm not going to continue your beating but I certainly do not agree. Even if as you say "you could see them the whole time", your eyes are not on them for every single second. Your eyes will be on the person waiting on you, the check your writing or cc your signing. It takes one second for someone to steal your car and your babies. It may seem like more work to cart them in because they are both so young but imagine if because of that thought you never ever got the chance to cart them around again? I would regret that decision for the rest of my life. It's simple to just bring them along and you dont have to risk the what if's of if someone stole them. You might think you live in small town america but bad things DO happen everywhere. I would never leave my daughter in the car even for a second and she is 11 now but especially when she was locked into a car seat and couldnt jump out if someone tried to even just steal the car.
End of lecture now, Good LUck in the future, please remember that just because there isnt a law about doing this in your town does not make it ok to do it.

I said in another post and I will say it again.
NEVER EVER EVER LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN IN THE CAR. It takes 2 seconds to forever regret it. I want all these women/Mothers to think about how helpless your children are to defend themselves from the MONSTERS WHO PREY ON SMALL CHILDREN. Then think about the horrible things that COULD happen. Next I want you to imagine them calling for their MOMMY while they are doing these horrible horrible things. But where are you? Buying Milk. For who?
You kid is gone?
I am sorry but I am a strong believer that your children should always be with you.
It is mothers who do who are the reason we see these abuctions on the news and I am really sorry but I cant believe you would even consider it. That is how I feel and I am pretty darn certain most police Social workers and Police Detectives would share the same opinion. Better yet... Ask John Walsh how he feels about it. You can catch him hosting America's Most wanted. All they ever found was his son's head.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Walsh

First of all I want to say I totally understand and do not judge you for that! But I have to say that yes in this day in age you can never be too careful with your little ones! I would say even though it may take longer it would be best to take them with you....you may just have to figure a little more time in....;) I have only my five year old son...and even with only him it takes up time to get him in and out with every little errand...but as a Mother~ I think that's just part of our job description! I think attitude can make a big difference...just accepting the fact that this is just the way it is right now and giving yourself a few extra minutes and not worry so much about being quick!
I don't know if this has been helpful or not! But I can feel you in your situation! ;)

Hi H.,

I always ask myself...what if something happened to ME and I couldn't get back to the kids? How would this affect the outcome? I had three kids under four and I always unbuckled and took them with me. It is just not worth the risk of something happening to either them or me.

Sweetie...don't beat yourself up. Find a mother who HASN'T made a mistake, and I will find you a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Do the best you can, parenting is the hardest job ever!

Hugs,
C.

I just have to respond. With all the child abductions today, there is noway I would leave a child in the car, even if they were in my site. How do you know that there is not a couple working together. One goes in the store and diverts your attention the other takes your kids. It only takes a few seconds to jump in the car and be gone. The other thing is, you are out of hearing range, what if the baby choked and the little 2 year old tried yelling. You would not hear her. I don't know what size town you live in but either can happen in any size town. Even one of about 100 people. It has in my area.

Hi, I am a mother of a 5 month old girl. I am also a patrol sergeant for a sheriff's department. I understand your feeling of taking more time to run into a gas station, but on the other hand, how would you feel if something did happen to them while you were in the store? I know you said you were only in the gas station for 2 minutes, but things happen in less time than that. I do not agree with leaving any child in a vehicle for any period of time. So it takes a little longer to run in, but at least I know they are safe!

Ignore her! No one in a small town is going to be stealing kids from a car. Running in to buy a gallon of milk while leaving your kids in the car is perfectly fine.

I have two children ages 6 and 2 and I have to admit I leave my kids in the car at times also BUT I take my keyless remote with me and lock the doors. I only do this in a case like what was described where I have to run in really quick and can see the car at all times from the window. An example of this for me would be running into the vet's office to buy a 30lb bag of dog food....to keep track of my two year old and carry that bag is next to impossible so I leave them in the truck with the DVD player on but I can also give my 6 year old my cell phone and we have discussed using 911 so I guess this is different. I tend to agree with the mom here because trying to carry a gallon of milk, keep the hand of young ones and carry an infant car seat can be difficult but you could also consider going to a grocery store where there are carts I suppose.

I hear you.. I have only one child who is 2 1/2 and I have done the same thing. I have parked next to the window of the store, locked my car doors, ran in and paid. Now if i was in a larger town there would be no way on earth I would do this. I have kept my eyes on him the whole entire time that I am in the gas station. Be safe.

H.-

Please don't feel badly, the fact that you thought about it rationally before hand tells me that you are a good mom! But- even if you did hae them in your line of sight- what are odds that you could make it outside in time to prevent them from being harmed? I only have 2 children -not three. I know that it would be much more difficult to take them in... but either do that or if you ever get a chance to go shopping alone-.

I have 4, almost 5 kids that are 7 and under. 2 are in wheelchairs and are like 10 month olds. I generally don't do things when I have my kids with. I have my hubby stop and pick up what we need at the grocery store on his way home. However, I do have to go to the post office once a week in the Winter to pick up my parents' mail for them while they are in AZ and I do lock my kids in the van while I run in. I always shut the van off and lock the doors. All of my kids are in car seats and only my 6 year old knows how to unlock them.
I don't think what you did is terrible. If you shut the car off and lock it so that nobody can get in and steal it or your kids you're fine. Use the child safety locks in the back doors so your 2 year old can't open them. Plus they were in your view.
People can talk about many 'terrible' things that could happen but you know what, if you were in the car with them and someone ran into it you wouldn't be able to stop it.
The only thing to be really careful about is to not lock your keys in the car because then it can get dangerous. I have an extra set in my purse at all times just in case I ever do.
Don't worry about the lady because she was probably having a bad day. I'm sure she does plenty of things herself that you wouldn't approve of.
(((((HUGS)))))
J.
Mom to 4, soon 5 through another adoption and hopefully more :o)

Personally, I couldn't do it - I have a 4.5 year old & a 6 week old. I don't know that I'll ever feel comfortable leaving them in the car alone, but I think I'm weird like that. :) I think it really is dependent on your comfort level - it's just not something I think I'd ever feel comfortable doing.

Whenever someone feels the need to comment on my choices as a parent I get annoyed - especially when it's unsolicited commentary from some random stranger. Just because you make different choices for your kids doesn't automatically make you a nominee for worst mom ever. :)

H.,
I am a mother of 3, and I think what you did is totally normal. I know what it is like to unbuckle each child, hold their hands, not lose them and then do what you need to do in the store on top of that. It saves so much time to just leave them in the car. Please DO NOT feel bad what-so-ever! You are a GOOD mom. I have my remote lock on a keychain that comes off from the rest of the keys, so I often lock them in the car to protect them from a creep, just an idea. B.

I completely see your point 'coz I sometimes do the same(especially if the kids are asleep). We don't have any laws either where we live, but that's not the reason for doing what I do. On the safety issue, I just make sure I leave the window open an inch for ventilation, shut the engine and LOCK all doors before I run in for a short errand. Since I don't have toys or food within the kids reach, there is no fear of choking or hurting themselves or each other. Also, my 3 yr old is proud to take care of his little sister for the short interval.
A little tip, make sure you are parked near the door, check for any vans or any suspicious looking vehicles near you, and also have cash handy for quick purchases to avoid taking longer than necessary. Do not however, make it a habit. Take care.
CS

H.,

I see you have gotten lots of responses and just wanted to share what happened to me.

What happened to me was in the year 1997. We only had one vechile, which was borrowed from my brother-in-law at the time. We also had our one year old godson for the summer.
We did not have a washer or a dryer at the time and we were going to the laundrymat. Well we needed quarters and our godson was sleeping in the car, so I figured I would just run in and get a roll or two of quarters at the gas station. I cracked the windows, locked the doors, I could see him, it wasn't hot out.

Well, when I got back to the car, I discovered that I had locked the keys in it. Here I was, with a child in a locked car that wasn't mine and this is before cell phones were everywhere. I got really lucky that day because someone had a wire hanger and we were able to roll the window down far enough for me to reach the lock on the door.

I swore to myself that I would never, ever do that again. And yes it has been inconvenient but I have always taken the kids inside with me. I also worked on trying to time my trips to the gas station or to the grocery store when I would have someone to watch them.

Good luck to you H. and what you did is something that some of us have done at one time or another.

Honey, I understand and apprecieate how difficult it is to have to take 2 kids into stores for really quick errands. I know how much easier it is to just "leave them in the car for a second" and "keep your eye on it the whole time"....

...but, it would only take a second for someone to break in your front window, yank some wires to hotwire your car and drive away. It would take even less time for that same person to bust in a window and grab your kids.

One other thing to think about...there may come a day when you may be a little distracted (or tired...two kids that young are a lot of work!) and you may lock them in the car with your keys. That isn't a huge deal...except that even on days that aren't that hot, the sun can heat up cars amazingly fast.....

Hi H.,
I'm NOT a perfect mom...(I was a young mom) I had my son before I was 20...So I did what you did and I didn't think about it UNTIL a lady said the SAME thing to me!!If you think about it I WAS happier to have some nosy lady say something then to something happen to one of my kids....I also have a 4 year old and she has NEVER been left in the car...I worry about kidnappers...but my BIGGEST fear is WHAT if there was an electrical fire???Could you get the kids out in time...So look at it from all angles before you leave them...

I have 2 children myself (4 year old and 1 year old) and I have never and will never leave them in the car. Even in my own driveway. Something can happen in 1 second and I don't want to take that chance. If I need to pick up milk I will do it on the way home BEFORE I pick my kids up from daycare or bring them in with me if they are with me. I know it's a pain to get the kids in and out of the car but peace of mind is worth the pain.

You answered the question about the laws in your state...I would check more than one source to be sure, however. For further safety, I would suggest that you make sure that you have the a/c or heat (whichever is appropriate) on, and lock the car...use your valet key after you exit the car if you have keyless/remote entry. Oh, also make sure your 2 y/o cannot get out of the car seat...I did have that happen. Best of luck and blessings.

I have a niece who lost both of her girls for quite some time due to leaving her children in the car while just running in to a gas station to get a pack of cigarettes. As we all know, the cigarettes are kept right in the cashier area, but that made no difference. It is just a matter of protection and safety for the children. It would be better to take the time to take them in with you than to suffer for years of having lost them, by one means or another.

I'm not going to beat you up or judge you- God knows I have been tempted to quick run in and get something, although I never have. Just know that something can happen- even if you are only in there for a couple minutes and even if you can see them the whole time. You would never want to be in a situation where you were trying to justify it to your husband, the police or a jury if, God-forbid, something terrible and totally unexpected happened. I always think of those talk shows where parents, good parents, are sharing their stories of only driving one block without a carseat or just running in for a minute- that is when it always happens. You are far better off safe than sorry. Nothing is more important that you childrens' safety- especially not a gallon of milk or a few minutes saved.

I went to the gas station to get gas, and they usually have pay at the pump--but this one didn't. I was literally about 5 feet away from the door, so I quickly ran in to pre-pay. Once inside, I realized I had (safely) left my 6 month old son in the car! I could see him and I knew he would be ok, but still felt like I was doing something wrong. The next time, I brought him in with me--but just because I didnt want a response from some stranger like you experienced! Don't strangers seem to know everything! I wonder if she was appalled that you had simply left them in the car alone, or because you were in public place where smebody could do harm? I've left my son in the car when I run into the house really quick to grab something. What's the difference in doing that at a gas station if you lock up and can see your child?

i think a lot of it depends on where you live, but anymore that doesn't seem to matter either. I would definitely say the car should be turned off and locked. I also would be big on seeing them the entire time. They always say criminals are looking for people who are being sloppy. I have left my daughter in the car before. But that was only at my small town gas station. Those bigger gas stations can get really hectic and you can get delayed inside longer than expectd. I don't think every once in awhile is bad, but it should be the exception instead of the rule. The truth is I don't let my husband do it becuase he doesnt have the same high level of alertness I do & it scares me with him. I have pretty much stopped doing it myself. But there are those times it's more necessary... anyways - hope that helps, just an opinion.

In my opinion, the lady should mind her own business and you need to do what you are comfortable with. But on the other hand I would never leave my 26 month old in the car alone even when I run into my house to grab something I forgot. You NEVER know what could happen in those seconds/minutes - the same as leaving your child near water. It may be more inconventient to run errands, but I would just not run them then, my sons life is more important than a gallon of milk. I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to him and you dont know when your children will finally learn how to unbuckle themselves.

I am not trying to get down on you, I am just trying to help you. If you are ready to accept the consequences then you can do whatever you feel is right at the moment, I'm sure you wouldn't intentionally put your childrens life at risk, so you must be pretty sure that they will be fine. Good luck with your decision.

You aren't the first one to do this... I have a 6 yr old, 4 yr old & 8 mth old and it is just a pain to take them out at the gas station to pay for gas or get a gallon of milk. I think as long as they are safely locked in and well ventalated (if it is a hot or cold day) then a couple minutes is fine.
Some people just always have to be in other people's business and want to tell you what to do... but you just follow your Mommy intstinct.

My children are 22 months apart. I can honestly say that I never left them in the car alone even if i was just running in for a second. In the world we live in now I never felt safe. Things happen in split seconds and i just don't like to take chances with my most precious things. That being said, your not the worst mom in the world, you kids won't be damaged for life, and nothing happened. We all learn from our errors made with our children. I always use to run and pick up milk before I picked the kids up from daycare or had my husband run when he got home. Don't be so hard on yourself.

H.~
Don't beat yourself up over this too much! I have done the same thing with my daughter. What I usually do is lock the door and take the keyless entry remote with me, that way I do feel a little safer running inside for a quick errand. I understand about you not wanting to take your girls in, because I too find it difficult to take my little one out of her seat for a quick run into the store. As for the lady who chastised you, I'm sure she's done the same in the past, or didn't have to worry about putting her children in car seats so she wouldn't understand the frustration! Keep your head up! I'm sure your a great mom and your girls love you just the same!

I know I have left my kids in the car when I pay for gas or to get them something to drink. I don't think it is an issue to leave your kids for under 5 minutes to run into a store. In talking to my friends and relatives, they have done the samething. They felt it was more hassle & time consuming to get the kids in & out of the car then, it would be to go in and get out of the store.