I Am Really Upset

Hello F.,

I am sorry you have been exposed to such negative energy.
But if you look at the old lady her reaction came from fear of many things.
A samll advise next time for any reason you feel vulnerable
imagine a mirror srounding you and all the energy that those pepole send to you will bounce back to them.

Anati

If my son had an accident i would change him wherever I had to. If I was close to a place I would clean him i would go there if not I would clean him on the side of the road. whatever I had to do. I wouldn't want to sit in wet clothes if I could clean up. I'm not going to make my son stay wet if I can get him dry I would have done the same thing you did. Some people are just rude. Try not to let it bother you too much.

No, it is not a crime for a child to have an accident. The only crime committed was done so by the old lady. Hopefully you will not judge all by her actions. Don't know where you are from, but people are peoploe so no matter where you go in this world, there will be some nasty people. Remember that there are more nice people than nasty ones. Welcom to the USA.

Hi, F.,

You will need to let this go. Vent about it, be angry and upset, and then once it's out of your system, let it go.

People will jump to all kinds of conclusions and the lady sounds like she was just nuts. She did not know your situation, and there are just unfortunately some people out there that assume they know your business and feel like they have to get involved in it.

What wold be gained by finding her and giving it back? Nothing.

The only thing you can do is comfort your som, and let him know everyone has accidents. Even grownups sometimes have them, and it's nothing to be ashamed of.

I'd bet the lady would have really had some choice words for us - when we were on vacation in Arizona once we were driving the rental car down a very mountainous place where there were no facilities and our 3 year old DD was crying she had to go potty so badly. We pulled over and blocked her with the car door, and let her go on the side of the road. Not the best solution but it was better than having her wet her pants, and I'm sure some people would be horrified by that. When they are that little and being potty trained, you can't help it sometimes and you do your best. From that point on, we were always sure to pack her potty chair with us on trips. :-)

Sorry for the long tangent, but just wanted to let you know that accidents happen and sometimes people don't understand that. Just chalk it up to a crazy lady and let it go. Hugs.

I can't believe someone was that rude to you...actually I can, but only because there are some really rude and horrible people out there. I've run into commments from people before too. not for my race, but because I look really young. I had my first daughter at 25. My husband works weekend nights so I was often at dinner with my parents and people would walk by and comment not so under their breath about young mothers, that's such a disgrace, where is the father of that poor poor baby and it's a shame those grandparents have to raise that child. Little did they know, I was a married woman, that had a great job and even owned my own home, not that it was any of their business anyway.

Sorry, I tend to babble. I am so sorry that this woman gave you a bad impression of Americans. Please try to remember that she represents the minority of people and that the elderly are actually the worst. They are so set in their ways. A lot of them were young and impressionable when there was still segregation in this country.

Keep your chin up and know that you were doing the right thing with your son and doing nothing wrong to harm him or anyone else.

Hi F.,

First of all, I am sorry that you and your family had to go through that. Nobody deserves to be treated so disrespectfully. Secondly, I commend you on your restraint. You and your husband did the right thing. Even though she upset your son you maintained control and set a very good example for your children.

Regarding the elderly woman, no one will ever know why she did and said what she said. She may be suffering from Dimentia or Alhzeimer's or she was simply raised without manners. Sometimes elderly people seem bitter especially if they have recently lost a spouse and they are angry hurt and scared. Maybe she has no compassion. I am not making excuses for her conduct but only trying to help you understand why she may have did what she did. Please know that most people are not like that.

As for a child having an accident - it happens and trust me, the authorities understand. There are laws about public urination but they apply to older children and adults. I doubt a three year old who had an accident would be in trouble for such a thing. If so, there would be A LOT OF TODDLERS in a major timeout - lol.

Hopefully you can explain to your son that the lady was having a "bad day" and explain that we shouldn't act like that and, like I said, mommy and daddy set a very good example.

Try to let it go and be proud of yourself and know that you are always welcome here.

L.

F.,

I'm so sorry that happened to you and your family - write it off as it was her issue not yours. I hope you can release the anger and show your son that it's all ok - he didn't do anything wrong.

It is a shame that people like her exist. I wouldn't worry to much about it. She is obviously a miserable person that can think only negative thoughts and share them with bystanders. Really sad isn't it. What a terrible thought of an elderly woman showing you the finger......that is beyond rude. Sorry that happened to you. Why did she say go back to where you came from....are you from out of town?

I am sorry that a rude old lady gave you a horrible experience. It is not a crime for a child to have an accident. It should be a crime for her hate and prejudice she showed you and your family. You were the better person in this incident. I am sorry that you had to experience this person's ignorance. I hope she has not tainted your impression of americans. Unfortunately, all around the world, there are good and bad people. Too bad it is the bad ones that leave more of a memory from the hurt and anger they caused you. I hope that you have better experiences here. Just keep being the better person. If you ever need to talk or anything, just email. Since I am in a "mixed" marriage, I have seen people's ignorance first hand. Being in my marriage and having such a wonderfully huge in-law family, I have learned to see things from a different perspective. It's a lot different for the generation that chose to leave all their things and family behind in their home country to come here for a better opportunity. Unfortunately, a lot of people here still make generalizations of many skin types, religious affiliations, etc. Again, I hope you and your family have better experiences here. With the holiday just around the corner, it is better to just to turn the other cheek in this case, as hard as that may be.
I am a SAHM to a 3yr old boy with another one on the way.

F.-
I'm sorry that you and your family (especially your little boy) had to experience such an unfortunate incident. As I'm sure many other moms will let you know, you certainly did nothing wrong, and that rude woman was speaking out of fear and ignorance. Goodness knows, a 3 year old child is going to have accidents, and you dealt with it as any good mother would. I, too, would have wanted to give this pathetic woman the response she deserved, but the fact that you and your husband drove away rather than confronting her shows that you have more dignity and strength of character than I suspect that woman will ever have. I know you may not soon forget such an unpleasant experience, but please rest assured that that woman does not speak for the vast majority of women or Americans! Bless You!

My son is three and when my mom took him to texas(they drove) she would let him pee on the side of the road next to the car of course not facing traffic. It's a long drive and he just finished potty training and we didn't want to ruin it. You did nothing wrong your son had an accident and you didn't want to let him sit in it, which most moms wouldn't. I'm sorry you had such a horrible experience. Some people are just awful I promise it's not all of us or even most of us.

Try not to be so upset, I change my kids but naked on the back end of my truck all of the time. Some of the older people, wave them away. Many people without kids don't understand much of our live! Also this time of year (supposed to bring out the best), brings out the worst in some. Just worry about you and your family. Hope that helps. Chrsitina

I can understand that you were upset. I do not blame you at all. Please do not take what that woman said to heart. People like her are born angry and may have no children of her own. There are a lot of angry and hateful people out there. You did what you thought was right and that is good. I am sorry that you were treated badly. I wish that I could say that it won't happen again but it might. Some people are not happy with whom that are so they take it out on other people. Just forget her and next time you have a hateful person like that, do what I do. Smile your biggest smile and just wave at them like they are old friends. And just maybe they will think about how they treated you and stop the anger before it gets the best f them. Thank you, A.

It's just a little old woman who's opinion means nothing. So why even bother giving her the time of day? She is just old and stuck in her ways. You know what really happened she doesn't. If you don't think it's wrong then why care about what other people think. She was just a passerby and everyone has their opinion. She doesn't know what the heck happened or was happening.

we are not all like that just a slect few who eed to be sent back to where they came from. what she doesnt realize is that her ancestors came from somewhere unless she is a native american. i am and i wlecome everyone because that is what america is all about. jsut some people like that shouldnt be alive. anyway if it had been me, i think i would have punched her in the mouth but then thee would have been repercussions that maybe your sone didnt need to see. i praise you for keeping your cool. and that you didnt lower yorself to her standards. i know it was hard. no it is not against the law for kids to have accidents. it is against the law for adults to expose themsleves to children thoguh and that is far from what was happening here. just to share a funny story. my grandpa and i were on one of our adventures out in the middle of nowhere. i had to go potty and it wasnt pee. i held it for as long as i could and finally told him i had to go. he stopped by the side of the road and walked me off behind a tree. i told him i couldnt go because a car might come by and see me. we were out in the middle of the desert and the chances that a car wuld come by were prtty slim buti was still worried. he told me to close my eyes and i did then he said"can you see anybody? and i said no. he said "well then no one can see you if you cant see them. i think i was about 3 at the time and yes, no one has ever let me forget that littel incident

F.,

It sounds to me that the women is really out of her mind. If she's an ederly women like you say then she will probably have similar "accidents" like your son or probably has already. You should not be embarassed because you did nothing wrong. It happens and he's just a 3 years old who is still learning to potty train. As for the elderly woman, God will deal with her in his own time. I always believe that evil and mean spirited people like her are bitter because of things that have happened in their own lives. It has NOTHING to do with you but her own mental and emotional instability. People like that die alone and miserable.

I know it's hard to deal with when you have little ones in the car when something like this happens. I personally would have called the police on her (or called a manager from the store to deal with it) and had her arrested for harrassment.

Instead of revenge, close your eyes and take a deep breath. Imagine her alone in her house (smelling like urine) full of cats and the smell of their dirty litter box. Her fridge empty and very little food. No Christmas tree and lights. No family and no one to spend the holidays with. She sits in front of the television to eat and watch tv, alone. Trust me when I say karma will take take care of her.

I hope this helps.

Cheers!

WOW!! I am really sorry that that has happened to you. Some older people can be that way though. They are set in their ways. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone. Kids have accidents. I can't really tell you what I would have done, probably yelled and caused a huge scene, but I can tell you that you did the right thing by walking away. You never know what people are capable of these days. Just know that not all people are this way and she probably does not have kids. If she were a mom she would have helped you out. I hope this helps!

M. B

Please understand that it does not matter where you are or where you are from. You will find people who are rude and ignorant. The old woman, if she ever had children, has probably forgotten what it was like. Just yesterday I was with a friend of mine who's son is 4 and he needed to use the bathroom and was screaming because it was taking too long. We did luckily make it to a toilet just in the nick of time, but it is not easy for them and so not easy on parents either. My advice to you is to listen to your husband on this, don't let the old nag bother you, there are plenty more of us who totally understand what you are going through. Just keep being a great mom to your beautiful children and ignore the racist pigs that unfortunatley live amongst us.

Pottying in public is actually illegal in normal conditions, but I doubt you will find a police officer anywhere that would have sided with the other women. Any decent person would understand that you were having trouble and trying to solve the problem. You have every right to be upset. That rude women was wrong and her age had nothing to do with it. I have pottied my son on the side of the road if it was an emergency and there was not a bathroom nearby. Pee is natural and is alot less harmful than the other things we add to the land. I suggest you use this incident to explain to your son how to handle conflict calmly. Because unfortunately, there will always be some people who just need to get in everyone else's business to feel important.

Do not give that women the courtesy of another thought... respect is not an automatic right of age, it is something that the is earned by showing wisdom and sharing your lifelong knowledge. This women did neither.

Hi, F.!

I know that this incident really upset you, and I'm sorry it occurred. However, that woman was definately out of bounds. She does NOT speak for all American women. Almost every child has had similar accidents. That woman's prejudice and her ignorance were showing! While it may be difficult to do, try to look past her rude and obnoxious behavior. In doing so, you will become a better person yourself by not sinking to her level. I can understand that you want to protect your children from being subjected to such rude behavior, and I would too, if I were in your place. Sometimes the best thing to do is not to respond, but simply to remove yourself from the situation as quickly as possible.

K. R.

That is such a horrible experience and I'm sorry that you and your family had to go through that! What a bitter old woman. I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't have any children - other mom's tend to be sympathetic when things like that happen and maybe even lend a helping hand to a stressed and already embarrassed mother. Don't let her get you so upset - you never know what just happened in her life or how terribly lonely she is. She should definitely not be a reflection of other women out there - I don't think hers was the normal response...at least I hope not!!

I work with older folks all the time and their cars. It is truly amazing how ignorant some of them are --- and brazen about it... Like they have no one to answer to. Sorry to hear of your mis-fortune. I however respect your husband. In times of stress and conflict like that - I feel that the child needs to see you take the high road.

That is pathetic - the old lady, not you! I have 4 children, the first 3 of which were potty trained by 3, but my 4th just turned 3 and is still a ways off - I still have her in a pull up most of the time in public. I wouldn't say it is uncommon for a 3 year old to have an accident, and the fact that you were trying to clean it up shows that you ARE NOT a pig. The problem lies with this woman, and not you. In life I've found there are always bitter people who like to yell at everyone they cross paths with, and when you encounter them you need to realize they are the ones with angst and turn the other way instead of giving them the response they are used to - a response of anger. Be the bigger person, smile, be kind, and I'm glad you listened to your husband. We sometimes don't give our husbands enough credit and should listen to them more than we do! Hope this helps! Best of luck to you!

Some people are just rude and ignorant! You were in the right and should never have to be made to feel you must apologize for the actions of your child. You had no control over what he did.........

WHAT A MEAN LADY!!! I would have told her to call the cops!! There is NOTHING illegal about the way you handled that situation and quite frankly you didn't even have to explain anything to her!! Kids have accidents and thats a part of life. My kids have had accidents in the car and I have even had them pee in the parking lot on purpose when they were little because walking into a busy store was too long of a time to wait. And if anyone would've said anything to me I would have to told them off. This sounds like a simple case od racism and nothing more. She doesn't care about your child's accident. It's the fact that your not the same as her and she needed a reason to be hateful and chose to use your child to do so. It's really sad. I am a white woman and if I saw you in the parking lot with that situation I would have paid no mind to it and went on about my evening. I have come to the realization that elderly fall into 2 catagories: REALLY REALLY NICE OR JUST PLAIN MEAN. You just so happened to run into a mean one. Don't let it get to you and keep you head held high. You did the right thing!!

F.,
Sorry she was so nasty. Some people are just that way and shame on them. It is not a crime to clean up your kid when he has an accident. I have let my kids pee outside in an emergency. Don't let her get to you. people are people no matter where you live. Some are great and some are trash. Don't give up on all because of the bad.

Forget her and enjoy the Holiday
C. b

You know the best way to respond to ignorant people is not to respond at all. You have to show them that you are better than them. That woman sounds as though she is mad at the world and you just happen to be in the wrong place when she went on the attack. I was born in this country and things like that happen all the time. So just pray to god that he will allow you to forgive her. I am sorry that this happened to you. We are not all likt that. Also just let your son know that he did nothing wrong and that she was just having a bad day and did not mean what she was saying. Happy hollidays to you and your family. N.

Hi F.,
I really understand how you feel and I am so sorry that you had to go through that. I had almost the same incident one day. I used to take my kids to the park in summer and they enjoy playing there. My oldest son is just afraid of dogs. We never had dogs and never been around them. I tried to show him pictures, to explain that they are very friendly. I sometimes play with a dog in front of him but he still scared. One day we went to that park and a big dog came to him. My son was terrified and he run to me screaming. The owner of the dog called his pet telling her, these are people who never went to the zoo, they don’t know what a dog is. They just came to America and don’t know what even animals are and he went on and on. Of course I didn’t say anything to him and just ignored him. I know people can be very rude in regard to foreign people, but not everybody is. I have a lot of very good American friends who respect me being different than them and I am enjoying their friendship. You come across some of these people once in a while. I am now a Citizen and that does not really change things for some people. I am still the foreigner. but I am glad that not all Americans are like that and I got a lot of comfort from most people.

There are many different kinds of people good and bad in any culture. I live quite a distance from town and have often stopped and let my daughter go to the bathroom on the side of the road or even cleaned up throw up out of her car seat. When people act like that I ask them if they have ever had a child, in most cases they have not, then I politely, "even though I am steaming", ask them not to judge me and how to take care of my child. Most of the time they will back off and leave.

Hello F.!!
My heart broke when I read about your experience!! I am so sorry that you and your family had to go through that. What you did was NOT a crime and sadly, like any other country, we have crazy people that don't think before they speak. Personally, as an American, I am honored that you chose this country to provide a life for your children. Keep your chin up and explain to your son that sometimes people say mean things because they are having a really bad day. Again, I am soooo sorry that you had to go through that. But, it sounds to me like you are an amazing mom and you should just be proud of yourself for the way that you handled things in front of your kids.

Hey Girl,

You know, sometimes you just have to forgive and pray for people. (Well, you should do that all the time!) There are some pretty ignorant people in this world. We don't know what that lady went through in her life. And believe me, elderly people are set in their ways and can be very, very mean without thought of the other one's feelings. I am so happy that you didn't go off on that lady. It would have showed your son that it is ok to be rude to people. This was a time to teach. He is 3 years old and may not understand fully but you can teach him about forgiving people and how the lady was not nice and he did nothing wrong. Still praise him for pottying where he did instead of on himself. Peeing on the road is frowned upon but most people would understand that a little child cannot hold it all the time. With my 3 year old, I have to remember to take her to the bathroom before we leave home or the store even if she says she doesn't have to go. But I have forgotten myself to take her. Be strong and don't allow ignorant people to make you act ugly in front of your family. I hope this blesses you.

Oh, don't let that old bat get to you! Life happens. They even make portable potties for this kind of thing now. Kids are kids. They are still learning about waiting for a toilet or whatever. This lady was really out of line. The cops would have laughed at her. She obviously has another problem, and it is hers not yours! I hope you are feeling better about this situation now.

It sounds to me like this lady suffers from something, maybe a form of dementia. Old people can be "outspoken," shall we say, but for her to carry on like that, it makes me think she has a disorder. Not that you can turn back time, but your son is likely more upset that YOU got upset, not this random lady. If you reassure him that accidents happen, no big deal, and tell him to ignore the lady, that will help. (But boy, don't you want to say, "Hey lady, you'll probably be having potty accidents soon enough! Don't judge lest ye be judged!!") Remember this is an isolated incident and doesn't speak for the majority!

Obviously you have every reason to be upset and frustrated. I do not think that woman's response to your son's accident is an indication of how the typical American would react to that situation. However, it is the sad fact that there are still many people in American--especially people of the older generation--who are racist and xenophobic. And it seems that people are more willing to say racist horrible things since 9/11 and this insane war that Pres. Bush has started. Nevertheless, I would hate for you to think that her reaction is typical of what Americans think or what Americans tolerate. Had I been there, I would have confronted her so that you and your family could have attended to your son who was probably not only embarassed that he'd had an accident but also terrified that some crazy woman was screaming at you. I hope that you are able to reassure your son that she was a crazy old woman, not the typical American. Please don't judge all Americans from your encounter with one of our worst representatives. In general, I think we are better than that and at our best we are compassionate and caring and respectful of differences and gentle with children who have accidents.

C.

Some people are just jerks, but don't let it get to you so bad. There are sooo many good people in this world that would totally understand your situation and may have offered to help--you just crossed paths with the wrong one. Continue to set a good example for your son by not just explaining to him, but also showing him how we can't control other's actions, but we can avoid making the situation worse by controlling our reactions. Hang in there!

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Unfortunately people think they can say whatever they want without recourse. There are some real idiots in this world. A mother does what a mother has to do...you were just cleaning your son's accident, that's not a crime by any means. That old hag just needed to complain about something.

I'm so sorry for your experience, F.. That woman was truely out of line. I would guess she either never had children or doesn't remember having them, because I would say most any mom has had one of those embarrasing moments with a potty accident. Ours was on a friends couch. We also travel a lot, so we have stopped many times on the side of the road to help an emergency. Although there are laws against indecent exposure, I hardly think they would apply to a young child in desperate need. I hope your coming experiences will overshadow this one, and you will again feel at home and welcome in the States, because you are!

K.

How could someone be so stupid? I am so sorry you and your family had to experience this.

F.,
Please don't let this woman get to you. Most people, women with children especially, would never judge you for your child having an accident. There are a few nasty racist people out there and I am sorry you had to encounter one of them. I'm sure I would have reacted the same if I had been in a similar position. It is only natural to defend your children and yourself. If you do happen to come across her again, you should not sink to her level by confronting her.

Hi, I am so sorry you had to experience this. You will meet bigots in every country.. of different ages, races, sex... all walks of life. The best thing you can do is just let it go.. I can understand you are upset because she scared your child and I too probably would have let her have it right back.. but just remember.. for every jerk who makes racist comments there is a nice person to cancel out their bad karma. Don't dwell on it.. put your energy into something positive.. Happy holiday's and take care of yourself and your family.
Peace!

I'm sorry you had such a horrible disturbance...as if it's not aggrivating enough trying to resolve an "accident" problem when resources are out of reach...people have to be so rude and insensitive...maybe she never had kids. And you know...it IS ok. You don't have much choice but to do your best to clean up a child in the dark when there isn't anywhere else to go. It's not like you can leave a child sitting in their own urine...not only is that disgusting, but it's inhumane, and could make a poor kid rash out really bad. Just remember there are mad people everywhere...unfortunately... wish there wasn't but you were in the right. Don't doubt that. Hope today is better for you.

I am so sorry you had that experience. I would imagine that horrible old woman had some kind of mental disorder and isn't "right in the head".

Please don't judge the rest of American women based on her! I don't know where your family is from, but I am happy you are here and you are all welcome America. Most of us feel this way. A few people don't... not because they are bad people, but usually because they are ignorant and uninformed.

It is absolutely NOT a crime to let your son do that on the side of the road!! It's better he do that there than in the car, an no police officer has the right to arrest you for it. Anyone who minds has probably never had kids themselves. I hope you feel better. I don't think you will ever experience something like this again!

I am so sorry that you had to deal with someone like that. Some people just don't know when to keep their big mouths shut and mind their own business. Obviously she hasn't had any kids of her own and if she did, then she must be REALLY old and forgot what it is like to have a 3 year old. Try not to let it get to you, she is just dumb and her day will come when she might have an bathroom accident of her own one day.

And yeah, your husband is right about respecting the elderly, but in this case I would have let her have it! Just remember that your children come first and no one should make you feel different.

Hope you have a good day! :)

Jen

Oh F., I'm sorry. Some people are just big old twits! I know about people assuming they know what's going on.

There are those who are bigots - I'm sorry. My mother-in-law is one. I don't understand it, personally.

But, you've done the bigger thing by walking away. If your son needs an explination, just tell him that some people are just nasty and you've got to ignore them.

Don't give up on us because of one bitter, nasty woman!

Oh F., I'm so sorry you had to encounter that woman. Obviously, she is probably a homeless woman who is mentally disturbed. Seriously, the way she behaved is someone who is in need of a mental institution. Be sure that she was not in her right mind. Please forgive her and her horrible words and move on. Your son will forget about it in a few days or weeks maybe, but it will not effect him in the long run.

We let our 3 1/2 yr. old son pee outside all the time. I have stopped on the side of the road too many times to count since he was potty trained. You can probably get 'in trouble' for it, like a warning or maybe a police officer who is in a bad mood, would give a ticket, but I've never heard of such a thing.

Please forget this random incident and enjoy the Holidays!
L.

Dear F.-

Please let me apologize for the rude and inappropriate behavior of this woman. As I'm sure you know, there are rude people of every race and nationality, so I hope you won't let this incident prejudice you toward all Americans.

Small children peeing by the side of the road by their cars is an American institution! So no, it is not a crime in the least. I suspect this is simply a case of a racist venting their rage against you, which doesn't make it okay. Your husband had the right response.

Welcome to our country. I hope you meet many more wonderful people here to help you forget this one bigot.

You just need to let this go. This is obviously a very unhappy old woman with nothing better to do than harass you. Do not give her the power of upsetting you. Instead you should feel sorry for the miserable life she must lead to be so bitter. You have your beautiful family - do not let her take away one more moment of happiness from you. And please don't let one bad apple spoil it for the rest of us kind American ladies!

Hi,

I'm a mom of two boys, I'm from Mexico and I have to deal with racism sometimes. It's still a little different when you're dealing with kids. My advice to you is to try to forget about this rude lady as soon as possible ... she probably never had kids, or she's too old to remember what is like to have kids.

When it comes to our kids we don't care about anybody else, kids will be kids and our job as a mom is to help them and do whatever we think is best for them.

My 3 year old son goes to the bathroom before we leave the house ... still one day we were at a Ross store and he wanted to go pee, we went to the bathroom and it was nasty, so I told him to go as fast as he could and not to touch anything around him. A few minutes later we're in the parking lot ready to go and he has to go again. I didn't want to go back to the nasty bathroom and he couldn't wait, so I did what I knew it was wrong, let him go right there, next to our van .... I opened one of the doors to give him some cover and just hoped that nobody will see us.

Nothing hapened but I was not comfortable doing that at all, but hey, he's only a little guy and when he needs to go, he needs to go.

Anyway, there are some sweet old ladies out there, those are the people who live happy. So forget about the grumpy lady and live happy :) our kids won't be kids forever and we have to enjoy every minute of their childhood, even embarasing moments lol

Hi F.,

I really feel bad for you and your family that you all had to go through this. I am not making any excuses for this person, but unfortunately we do have people who are full of bitterness and hatred and not just towards certain individual's religious or ethnic background(s), but they hate themselves and, as sick as it sounds, they like to take it out on other innocent people. How much do you want to bet she doesn't have kids or doesn't like kids. I am sorry F. that you had to experience that, because the majority of the people here in the United States, especially in New Mexico are very warm, kind and compassionate people. Please don't think that we are all like that. I know it will take a long time, if ever, for you to forget this horrible incident, but just know that us Mammas are here for you and your family. May you Have A Wonderful, Peaceful Christmas and Happy New Year "2008" with your Husband and two (2) precious children...:) L.

I am so sorry this happened to you. Some people have no respect for others. It is sad that this happened to you and your family. Please know this is not a typical reaction. Most people, including myself, would have asked if there was anything they could do to help.

Please - that lady was "Pyscho"!! Certainly never around young children! If you have a little one that has to go - then they HAVE to go..........They can't plan ahead at 3 years old! I have a 4yr son - and believe me - we have pulled off the side of the road many a time! Even a parking lot in an extreme emergency! It is not illegal for a kid to make a pit stop on the side of the road. This is not a race or class thing - all little kids have emergencies!

Don't let her bother you - she has the problem - not you!!

A. (Mom of two boys - 4 & 6 years)

That's Crazy! I have a son that just turned 4 and when he has to go, He HAS To go, That lady had NO right to do that to you guys, She problably has nothing better to do and most likely had no children herself.. She has be big problem, I just hope that never happens again.

Talk about wow. Most women out there especially ones who have children or have children that are grown aren't like that woman. I mean my son isn't potty trained yet but there was one day where he had a really bad diaper and I didn't bring a change of clothes with us. So he ended up going into the store with only a diaper on and ya I got some looks but some people are just like that. Just know that all children have accidents at times just not where we may want them to happen. Also don't take what the woman said to heart. Apparently she had nothing better to do that day and just decided to take it out on you and your little boy.

Dont worry about her, just tell your son that they ran out of "depends" and she was all bent out of shape beacuse SHE was wet. Krama will come back and get her. No worries.

Don't let this old women upset you, not everyone is as closed minded as she is. You were doing what you felt was right for your son and that is what matters. I have had to pull over and get my daughter out of the car when she had the stomache flu, (on the side of the freeway) hey we gotta do what we gotta do sometimes. Dont even give this women another thought. :-) Oh and no it isn't a crime, i would have done the same thing, although i probably would have not restrained myself as far as the woman goes, lol
hopefully this will cheer you up a little

Hi! I'm Mercedes that whole situation was not about you. It was about her and who knows what happened to her 30 seconds before to get her started. Or even what happened to her that day or in her life. Sounds like she is not right in the head. I'm Hispanic and I am proud to be Hispanic American. I'm sorry she has hatered in her heart. Pray for her and move on. This is a great place.

When my son had to go really bad one time I had him pee outside the car. It was when he was learning and he had to go so I just let him do it.

I think I would have flipped her the middle finger. Not very nice but I would have felt a little better.

I hope this helps a little.

ABSOLULTY NOT! i cant beleive someone was rude enough to do that to you im soo sorry!

You and your son did NOTHING wrong. As far as the rude woman goes, I try to follow the philosophy of Don Miguel Ruiz in his book "The Four Agreements,": Don't take anything personally.

What that woman was saying, while extremely upsetting, had nothing whatsoever to do with you or your son.

You were very smart to leave the situation. Just know that there are lots of people supporting you. Good for you for asking for what you need.

God bless you and your family.

Dear, dear F.,

My heart goes out to you and your little boy. This so-called 'lady' has no right to attack your son the way she did. I live in Albuquerque and I raised my son here. If I had seen you, especially in a dark street, I would have tried my best to help you with the little 'accident' that is entirely natural for a child that age. Please note that you have a wonderful husband, and in this incident, he did the exact right thing, by lovingly taking you away from that very sick person. Please, if you ever do see her again, realize that she is very ill mentally and try not to 'go down to her low level'. Try hard to ignore her and lift your chin and walk away from her. She probably needs people to help her, poor woman. No normal, nice person treats another mother that way.

Again, I am sorry, dear F., for that terrible experience. She was wrong; your dear husband was so mature to guide you away from a person like that. Welcome to Albuquerque and I hope you do not run into many people like that again. Sincerely, P..

O wow that lady was very wrong and extremely rude. If she is older she may not recall when kids have to go they have to go especially a 3 yr old!!! I am so sorry you went through this and you did nothing wrong.

Oh I also wanted to tell you a story about something that happened to me at my kids pediatrician office....
So I had to get there in a rush to make the appt. My daughter was sick and I forgot to potty her before we left. She was 2 at this time and I basically just had to perodically ask her. So I asked my daughter if she had to go potty?? There was a elderly couple sitting in the waiting room who had been glaring at us since we walked through the door. This lady was looking at a magazine and kept saying over and over. Its bathroom NOT potty you are suppose to say bathroom! She was not talking to me but rather to her self and I could hear her loud and clear. So I looked at my daughter and said come on lets go POTTY. I never thought it was so wrong when they are little to call it potty! Well sorry so long just want to share. Also my child is 1/2 black so I felt with this couple that what the glares were about but not for certain.

Oh you poor thing. This lady sounds like a real "winner". Don't worry about her...she has some major problems you can see that. You were doing what you needed to do at the time, its not like you planned the whole thing. I know it is hard to forgive and forget, but don't waste your time on this woman...you sound like a busy lady and you do not have the time to deal with her. Put your energy into your children...the universe has a way of putting these kind of people in their place:)

It is a sad thing, that here in America, people treat moms the way they do. I have had my share this year of old ladies telling me my kids are not well behaved and what not.

Really all you can do is feel bad for that old lady. You didn't do anything wrong and she is obviously out of her mind.

Any mom would have stopped and cleaned up their child, just as you did.

Hope this helps!!!!

Dear F.,
As the mother of four, I too, have had to make emergency pee stops. It's part of motherhood - and childhood.

This old woman who treated you this way was obviously not compassionate, maybe was mentally ill or may have had some other issue? Her remarks and actions were HERS not every other American, and I would hope that you won't take her to be representative of everyone here in the U.S. Your friends and still your friends, and this lady was just some rude stranger! Please don't lump us all together, or you will be just as guilty of being "racist."

Although there are laws against urinating in public, I don't think any officer (I have two cops in my family) would press charges for a child's need to pee.

This was an unfortunate case of (1) woman being an %#&(@. I am really sorry that she hurt you or your family emotionally. I think letting it go, and not dwelling on it (especially with your son) will help, rather than holding on to what is over and done.

I hope this helps?
Happy Holidays

You poor dear. It is not really a crime. It is not OK for grown ups to go to the bathroom out side .... of course. But let me assure as a mother of a grown man and daughter and now I am helping raise my grandson I have stopped many a time on the side of the highway when I could not get to a bathroom fast enough for on of them to "Peepee". I would agree with your husband .... the lady is probably a bit mad and certainly one very unhappy person. Dont let her make you and your family unhappy too. Oh and no your little boy will not remember this for long if he remembers it at all.
Fondly
a nice old grandma

There is absoluety no excuse for her behavior. Let this be a reminder to all of us to teach our children compassion and respect to make the world a better place.

Unfortunately you are going to see people like that, but as mad as she made you should feel sorry for them. The reason I say that is to have that much hatred is a sad thing. I am an American, but I am in an interracial relationship. So I feel that I do understand were some of your feelings come from, I use to get upset by ignorant people, but have learned to thicken my skin and not let them upset me.

A little about me:
I am 31years old. I work at a civil engineering firm and I have been with my wonderful husband for about 10 years and married for a little over 2 years and I have a gorges 9 month old little girl.

Please don't let people like that give you the wrong idea. Some people were just raised in an unloving enviornment and don't know how to show compassion or respect to others. I feel for you deeply. My daughter vomited all over in the car and I had to strip her down on the side of the road and I don't know what I would have done if that would have happed but to call the cops and let them get a handle on the situation, but your husband was right don't sink to their level you are above that and you have to do what you have to do for your child!!!! You did what I would have done. MORE POWER TO YOU FOR STAYING SO CALM.

My Dear F.,

I was always told to respect people no matter how rude the are...I commend you for just walking away. You see, the reason people are like that is because they have "no hope." They are bitter, and uncaring of others. The news is full everyday of people who just "snap."
In my years of following after God, I have seen some pretty ugly natured people. Yes, I have felt hurt, and embarrassed, but mostly I feel sad because they do not have there eyes or hearts on the prize of eternity in heaven, nor do they feel the love of God.

I do not know what you believe or in whom you put your trust. But I do know that there is a God who loves us, who sent His Son Jesus to this world to die for people just like that lady, so she could one day realize that she is in need of hope.

When a person turns their life and heart towards Jesus, they become a new person. The old nature passes away. There is peace in knowing that one day people who love Jesus will see heaven. People who are selfish and prideful will not be there.

I also believe that satan is a thief, a liar, and a murderer, and anyone who does those things belongs to him. God has no part in sins, But when you ask Jesus into your heart, those sins are washed away, and a person does not want tot do those things anymore. Doesn't mean that they won't sin, they just know that Jesus can forgive them.

So when you see people who are angry, kids killing others, robberies, disrespectful people, immorality on t.v.,suicide, foul language... these are things that are controlled by satan, he wants to destroy peoples lives, and take away their hope. He is the original hater. And, he has many people working for him.

I ask God daily for His protection over my family, my friends, and myself, for Him to provide traveling mercies, and to give His angels charge over us. And, because He is Faithful to answer prayers, I have peace in knowing He is the only one who can save me, and my friends and my family.

F., So now you know why people can be so mean, and why that lady treated you wrongly. I am sorry that happened...they just don't know the one true love of their lives, Jesus.

If you'd like to get to know my Jesus, you are welcome to come to Southeast Christian Church on Jordan Road in Parker. I would love to meet you someday too.
Have a blessed December 25th, and the Happiest of the New Year to come!

Love,
C.

Consider the source and move on. Old ladies sometimes forget they were kids once.

I'm so sorry you had that awful experience! It is horrible, and by no means a representation of all Americans. She is a very hate-filled person, and I'm so sorry she took it out on you. She should have had compassion on your son's accident instead of criticism.

hi! F.
don't let it bother you! sometimes you will run into old people that are either bitter about something, or just don't like people! just ignore them when they try to push your buttons.... i think what scared your some was mommy yelling back cuz he does'nt understand why his mommy is yelling.

I am very sorry for your horrible experience. That woman is the problem, she has her own issues and it is something you have no control over, cannot do anything about and please do not her get to you any more then she has. That empowers her ignorance. If she was elderly, I willing to bet a lot of money her parents let their kids pee outside if on a road trip. When I was younger, I am now 43 if we had to go and on the road and there wasn't a place to go, my dad pulled over and we went on the side of the car, period. I mean what else are you suppose to do? Does that make any of us animals?? NO WAY! I think if there was a bathroom and he could have held it then that is a different issue. Accidents happen and you owe nobody an explanation!!! Bottom line that woman was ignorant, rude and life will bite her back in the rear all by itself without you needing to raise your blood pressure. Your son will not remember that moment and you can just explain to him that she must be really having a bad day and didn't mean what she said. It wasn't her business and please don't let her get to you. You are a mom and what you do with your children at that moment isn't her concern. You did what you had to. HUGS!!!! It isn't a crime and I am sure a police officer would have laughed in her face. Some people are just full of hatred and pity them as they will have to answer for that!! HUGS HUN!

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Unfortunately there are many rude, ignorant bitter people who have nothing better to do than to pick on others. It is amazing to me how easily women forget how difficult life can be with young children (or maybe she was never able to have any herself).

Please know that if I had seen you that I would have asked if you needed any help.

Here in the US we have an expression, "Don't let the turkeys get you down!" Basically, don't let stupid and ignorant people bother you and keep up hope that most people are decent understanding human beings.
Peace!

F.,

I just wanted to let you know that I support your decision to clean your son when having an accident, and if that means cleaning him next to the car where the accident occured, than good for you! There is no excuse for how that woman treated you and I agree with your husband that she must be a very angry woman with life in general and feels the only way to get through the day is to be mean to other people. I applaude you for sticking up for what you were doing and not just let her run her mouth and take it all in. I am sorry you had to go through this before the holidays but don't let it eat at you. Let the incident go and be grateful for everything else in your life since coming to the US.

Happy Holidays,
M.

This is clearly a misinterpretation and judgement of a situation this lady had no business getting involved in, and she was wrong to traumatize your son over it, much less you. While her bias clearly played a part in it, there are people like this in every society; judgemental busybodies who think they know better than you do how you should live your life.

I would definitely take this opportunity, if you can, and any other opportunity that arises, to teach your son how to handle it. Make it clear to him that you know he did nothing wrong, that it was the lady who was in the wrong, but there's nothing we can do to change such people, we just have to let it go, maybe say a prayer for her that she learns to be less angry. I frame it to my son that we should feel sorry for people like that, because they're not happy and they don't have many friends. It's a perfect chance to point out what will make a person loveable, and what DOESN'T make a person loveable, then ask whether he wants a lot of friends or no friends and let him make his own decision about it. That will give him a sense of control over the situation, also, and reinforces your trust in him, to turn it into a lesson and let him think it through and come to his own decision.

I don't know how long ago it happened and whether your son is still thinking about it or has moved on, but this is a good way to handle any situations that arise in the future; they will. There will always be people who think they know better than you do how to raise your children, and periodically you will hear from them. Some of them you can just smile, nod, tell them they're right, and move on - it takes the wind RIGHT out of their sales when you don't argue with them. Others, like this woman, you just have to get away from as quickly as you can then discuss it with your son to let him know he didn't do anything wrong, and get him past any sense of insecurity and helplessness that may have arisen.

Good luck, congratulations on handling the situation so well at the time. As for the legal implications, While there are laws against indecent exposure, the vast majority of police would understand if they know it's an accident and would HELP you rather than harangue you. Most police DO listen to both sides before making a decision as to what really happened, and will nearly always give the benefit of the doubt to the mother with the young son, and they take the child's need not to be traumatized very seriously even IF they think something wrong was done - at worst they might give you a warning, if they insist on believing you did it on purpose, but chances of that are slim, in my opinion and from my experience.

You can't account for other people's poor behavior. She obviously has issues and all you can do is explain to your son that he did nothing wrong, mom did nothing wrong and that this woman just has some problems and you just need to pray for people like that because we fell sorry for them. Their lives must be very lonely.

You did nothing wrong. She was wrong. Don't let her affect you anymore than she already has.

Dear F., Please don't let crazy old racist ladies bother you so much. No, we American ladies are not all like that! I, myself, have a 3 y/o boy and have changed many diapers in and around my car, for lack of a better place!
I'm sorry you had to encounter someone so awful, but please don't think she's the norm - she is not!
I'm sorry you were the target of such irrational hate and I hope you never encounter that again. I also hope you can explain to your little boy that some people are just not nice, but not everyone is like that.
M. M

F., I too am sorry you experienced such a vitriolic attack. It happens to many of us, American and foreign born, everyday. Some people are just mean. Lately, I think too many mean people gather courage to misbehave by the hatred they hear in our mass media.

I'd like to address the perpetuation of stereotypes against older adults...that woman was likely just as mean when she was a younger woman.

It sounds like you handled the situation very well. I am not sure I would have had the self-control you showed.

Sweetie, don't let that old bat, who clearly was taking her bad day, out on you, get you down. Kids gots ta go, when they gots ta go, and no matter WHERE you are, they really don't care. My 17 yoa once stripped down in the market and started swinging his disposable diaper around his head---how did I figure this out? He beaned me with it while I was getting the waffles out of the freezer case. He was upset with me because I made him wear overalls instead of his favorite comfy sweat pants and he let me know who was gonna be in charge of the wardrobe. Some folks (those with kids or grandkids that age, I'm guessing) laughed with me (it was truly hysterical, he was sooo cute) and others looked at me like we should both be in a mental ward. If anything, feel pity for this poor woman, who has such a rigid code of conduct that she cannot feel compassion for a young mother and child in a difficult situation. It would be awful to have a heart so small and so cold, don't you think? Rejoice in your beautiful, healthy sons. Rejoice that he didn't pee on you or a neighbor's couch. Rejoice that little boys are just so wonderful and rejoice in this part of his life---it will be gone before you know it, and he'll be 17. Of course, then you can tell any girls that call for him your funny story, and that make you and your son smile.

I am offended right along with you and many of the other moms here!! I would like to have a talk with the lady myself, no one has the right to terrify shildren for an accident, or the childs parents for helping the boy be clean again. I have a 3 year old son who is starting to use the potty and I am waiting for the public accidents to happen ( because we all have to deal with that at some point ). As a christian it would be very hard for me to hold my toungue with a person like that old woman! Let us not judge her unhappy life and let the higher power be her judge. Keep counting your blessings and be grateful for the wonderful people that are in your life daily and forgive and forget the few horrible people we are all faced in once in awhile. God bless you and yours!

Dear F.,
Please just ignore that old woman, and let her spite go from your mind and heart. Know that she is probably bitterly unhappy and must have an unhappy past to be so hateful, and that you are much more fortunate than she is. You have two healthy, wonderful boys, a husband who is a man of integrity, and you mustn't let this woman's anger (which is not really anger at you, but at some idea she has in her mind) enter your heart. Don't let HER anger turn into anger in YOUR heart. In that way her hatred would win.

Find your own peace and your confidence in your own goodness; know that you are a good mother who was doing your best to help your two children at that moment, and that you are a good woman. The best thing for you would be to not give that woman another thought, or, if you must, the highest goodness would be to try to think of her with compassion, imagining what pain and ignorance her mind and spirit must be in for her to be so hateful.

About your son; if he mentions it to you, i would advise talking to him about it; you can't pretend it didn't happen, but i think it is important to reinforce that he didn't do anything wrong, but that the woman was sick, and sometimes people who are sick act very strangely.

I hope you find peace about this--i know it was very upsetting. I wish the best for you and your family, and I also even have a hope for that woman; that her heart will soften and she can become more loving.

F.,

First of all, I'd spend a lot of time explaining to my little boy that he did nothing wrong! Kids have accidents when they are that age. Every mom knows that. You did more than most people would by trying to clean up the ground with paper towels. I think most people would clean up their kids and leave the pee pee on the ground. That woman IS obviously mad (crazy)!!! I know this will be hard, but ignore her, try to forget her and what she said. I'm so sorry you and your children had to go through that. That woman is NOT a good representation of Americans and certainly not of American moms.

F.,

I am so sorry to hear that people cannot be more compassionate towards others. This is life and at times things will not go as we would like. I would find compassion and forgiveness in your heart for this lady that felt the need to act inappropriately towards you. If you dwell on the negative then that is what you will bring in to your household. Not all people are this way. Don't let yourself act as she has by focusing on this one incident. Best of luck to you, Stefanie

Say a prayer for her that she will be more understanding and nice to the people she comes in contact with and let it go. It's not good for you to hold onto it. It creates feelings that are not helping you to be happy and productive. Maybe even say a prayer telling satan to leave you be as only bad feelings come from him. It's helped me when I was in a bad mood before.

Hi F.. I am so sorry that you experienced this horrible incident! It sounds like the lady was crazy. I have to say that when my 3.5 year old son starts yelling in the car that he has to go potty, then I have pulled over for him to go on the side of the road too! I have no idea if there is anything wrong with this, but when a toddler has to go, there really are no other options... I hope that you can see past this one horrible person and know that there are good people out there.

Sweetie pay no mind to this cranky old woman. You did absolutely nothing wrong and neither did your son. Little ones have accidents sometimes, it can't be helped. For this woman to berate you and your son was out of line on her part. I'm sorry you had to deal with her. Unfortunately I have found there are a lot of mean rude people in Vegas...and I've been here for 15 years. If you need a friend please feel free to contact me any time.

F.,
So sorry that you and your family had to experience this!
I agree with your husband! This women was truely CRAZY!!
And a racist too. Please don't judge all american women by this one poor example of a human being. This country was built upon a 'melting pot'. - Meaning: At one time or another we were all from a different country, wheither it was ourselves or an ancestor. The majority of people in this country are normal, loving , people.
Unfortunely, your child had an accident in the wrong place at the wrong time. It is not a crime for a child , or anybody else to have an accident. It was wrong for that women to be so mean and critical , especially to a child!!
I have a 3 year old also! The thought of somebody being so cruel to my daughter like that makes me angy too.
I wish you the best. and again, please dont allow one crazy women's actions sku your opinion of all americans. Take Care. Heidi

I am so sorry to hear about your experience, F.! I hope that one ignorant person will not ruin your view as a whole. Obviously, it has been a LONG time since this woman had a child of her own! As we mothers know, sometimes you have to improvise and if changing your child at the side of the road is what is necessary, then we do it. Going forward, I hope that your experience with other mothers in this area isa a positive experience.

D.

Ignore her. She had no right to say any of what she did. I know it is going to be very hard to let it go because it not only hurt you, but your son, and that was wrong. You can't let your son see you so wrung up though, it will only hurt him more. Explain to him that she was wrong, and he is a wonderful boy who did nothing wrong, but had an accident. Not everyone is like that. Just as other cultures don't like to all be judged on the actions of one, neither do we. You take the bad with the good, but the good largely outweighs the bad. I'm so sorry you went through that. I hope your son isn't adversely affected.

I'm horrified that you had to experience something like that, it sounds nothing short of traumatic. And believe me, that woman was just a crazy racist freak. I've had to deal with plenty of accidents with my daughter in less than ideal (and public) circumstances and I have never even considered for a moment that someone might be offended by it. I've had to deal with accidents at the park, at the zoo, in a store, at the side of my car etc...

I am so sorry your family had to deal with that! I always find it shocking and sad to hear stories about people who can't just mind their own business and who feel the need to be rude or mean or critical when it comes to a mother (or father!) trying to take care of their child. That woman must not have any children of her own to be so heartless and not understanding. I feel the needs of our children must come before all else. For every horrible busybody out there, there are countless others who can empathize with a child who's had an accident. I was always taught that if you don't have something nice to say then keep your mouth shut. I hope this experience did not traumatize your son. Keep up the good work mama!

I think you ran into someone with a very sad and angry life and she should be pitied. Try to let it go and remember most people are not like that- although if that happened to me I would feel much like you do. What she said was horrible and inexcusable and to scare your child was an awful thing to do. But remember, that scary mean woman has to live in her scary mean skin everyday. Too bad for her. Your life is filled with the blessings of a wonderful family. Lucky you!

F.,
I think you unfortunately met a very rude woman who also sounds racist. We'd like to believe racism is gone but it really isn't. There is no crime for your child to pee on the side of the road .. he's a child. What are your alternatives -- none. We've had to "go" on the side of the road in daylight when we haven't been near a potty. There is nothing wrong with what you did but that lady needs a lesson in respect!!!!I am sorry for such an ugly experience.
L.

Hi, F....

Honey.. accidents happen. I tell myself and my kids that every day. That old woman obviously had some other emotional or mental problems that have nothing to do with you or your son. I am sure you are not the first nor will be the last person she verbally assaults. It isn't a crime for a child to have an accident like you described, and please don't paint all Americans - young or old - with the same brush that elderly woman deserves. I commend you for trying to clean it from the street. Many ppl wouldn't have tried that.

Please try to erase her from your mind and accept that she is a miserable person in the world and by trying to belittle you, made her feel better for about 5 minutes.

L.

Im really sorry you and your family went through that. I am a american lady, so to speak. I can feel your pain. People can be so rude. Most of the time I want to lash back but I just say a little prayer and go on. Maybe if I dont get the chance to see them again someone else will. Maybe she had a very bad day. I think its more important that our children be raised with respect and not like them. My son is 5years old and had to go to the bathroom when we were at the school bus stop. You gotta do what you gotta do. So dont loose faith with us. There is always a bad apple in the bunch.

Hi F.,
I'm sorry that had to happen to you, unfortunately there are ppl in the world who just aren't happy so they do what they can to make other ppl just as miserable as they are. Please don't take one nasty old lady's words to heart, she does not represent the majority. I hope your little boy and you can soon forget about her and her insensitivity. People like her are not worth a second thought.

S. Hall

What a terrible example that lady set for your 3-year old son. I would have told her to call the cops, because most likely they would have scolded her instead of a mom trying to take care of her child's needs! I am so sorry for this ladies behavior and know you did nothing wrong.