How Do I Explain Racism to My 4 Yr Old?

J.- I'm so sorry you had to go through this! The other moms offered great advice, you did nothing wrong, it was their ignorance that caused the problem! I have a 4 year old that would love to play, if you wanted to set something up. Again, I'm sorry there are still racist people in the world, and unfortunetly, you had to deal with them. I can't believe there are still people like that.
S.

I just had tears in my eyes as I read your encounter. All I can say is you should not feel ashamed of yourself. You did what you thought was best in protecting your child. Sadly that is probably not the last time your child will encounter that. Just continue to build her up so that she always feels good about herself despite what may be going on around her. She will know that she is loved and accepted for who she is and those who cannot accept her for who she is are not worthy of her friendship. Once her confidence is built up she will be able to rise above and realize that it is the ones being rude and disrespectful who are missing out. They will have their day and the insecurities that cause them to act the way they do will also cause them to fail in face of a trial. Okay, that is the christian side of me. The other side of me says those mothers needed to slapped.

I know racism still exists, but I guess I am still surprised by racist actions. It really is unbelievable to think that anyone is better than anyone else period! Whether is the color of their skin or the language they speak or money, etc. It's really sad. I am from Pakistan, my husband is African American, we have 3 children. I've lived in 3 other states, and I'm sad to say that TX is the worst as far as racism is concerned. I haven't experienced anything verbally yet, but we do get a lot of "looks". I probably would also have left the situation for the simple fact that I would get angrier the longer we were there. But I definitely would have told those mothers that I cannot believe they would raise their children without manners!

I had something similar happen to my son when we were at a park in MI, only it wasn't with a group of kids (which can be very hurtful). In this case it was a boy from the middle east and my son is caucasion. This boy almost acted terrified when my son walked by him and tried to talk to him. The boy told me that he is not allowed to play with him because he is white and has different colored eyes (blue). I just said, "That's sad because he's a boy, like you and you might have fun." I kept an eye on them and watched. Believe it or not, they ended up talking for a long time. I don't necessarily believe that he wasn't allowed to play with him, but more that he probably hasn't played with a "white" boy before. This was in Dearborn, MI and is very heavily populated with people from the middle east.

Some people are just taught superiority over others and they'll just be awful to be around and not worth getting upset over (whether it is superiority over race, income, status, etc.). Other people are sometimes just ignorant (maybe the kids just didn't have experience playing with other races). We have lived all over and some areas we lived in (in MI and in IL) were predominantly white. When we lived in GA and TX, people in our neighborhood were from all over and of many different races. My kids don't think anything of skin color any more than they do hair color or eye color. When we moved from MI to GA though, they didn't really have prior experience to different races. They weren't rude to anyone, but they would tend to point out people with dark faces. After living in GA for a while, it wasn't an issue. Most kids don't know how to respond to someone who is handicapped unless they know someone who is handicapped. Handicapped kids can also be treated differently by others. My point is some kids are just ignorant and don't know how to handle it. I would tell my child that some people like to feel superior over another and will just put them down so they can feel that way. There isn't much you can do about them and people like that will always be out there. Other people are just ignorant and can often learn that great friends come in all different sizes, shapes, colors, families, etc.

I'm sorry you had to deal with this. Some kids just find a reason to be mean to others and if it isn't a skin color difference, they'll find something else. They just feel like being mean and rude. Just keep reassuring your daughter that she is wonderful.

Hi J.,

I am so sorry to hear that you went thru this experience. Believe it or not, there are only 9 or 10 really mean people in this world...they just move around a lot and you probably ran into them all in one place, lol! As for explaining something like this to your daughter. What I did with my daughter when we ran into a similar situation was tell her that there are people in this world that are just mean because they don't like themselves - so in order to make themselves seem better, they are mean to others. Her reply was that it was sad people have to be so mean to each other and I think she is right. Maybe telling your daughter that although people have different color skin, they are all the same inside would help? Unfortunately racism is all over and until people come to accept each other it is probably here to stay.

Please know that all people in TX are not like this. There are plenty of great moms with amazing kids that would love to hang out and play with you and your little one. Just look at mamasource - there's a bunch of us right here for you!

All the best,
C.

That's awful and I'm so sorry that happened to you and your daughter. Makes me sick when I hear stories like that and especially directed at children. How can the cycle ever be broken if that is what is being taught to our kids! Pathetic.

Anyway, what you did was right for you, especially in the presence of your 4yo. The last thing she needed to hear is her mom going off on the parents that caused it. That would have just taught her to hate as well. What you told your daughter is acceptable for her age. Going into a long lecture about the ignorance of some people would have gone over her head. When she's older and if she has another incident, then you can go into detail again saying people just aren't very nice and it has nothing to do with her personally. It's important to stress that not all one people of a particular race are racist and that she didn't cause it. If it ever happens again, remove your daughter from the situation and out of earshot of your daughter, politely tell the offenders that you have apologized to your daughter for their lack of intelligence and walk away.
I have a 4year old and your daughter is welcome to play with mine at McD's anytime!!

I am so sorry you OR your child had to experience that. It's so crazy in the world we live in today that people are still so uneducated. Ignorance is the true culprit... the behavior you witness is just proof positive just how stupid people really are. If people aren't educated enough to know that the measure of a "man" is by the size of his heart, not the color of his skin, they're not worth lowering yourself to their level trying to educate them. It's an exercise in futility. I think you were the bigger person here and exhibiting that before your child was the right thing to do.

I don't think anyone would know how to handle that situation unless they were in it...and I Think you handled it with dignity and grace. I think your explanation was simple enough ...and face it, it was the truth.

I student taught (when I thought being a teacher was what I wanted to do) at a school that was predominently Hispanic and African American -- inner city school. And I didn't think I would have believed children capable of being racist at that age if I hadn't seen it first hand in my classroom.

I think what it comes down to is that you lead the best life you can and give answers to the questions they have. If your answers are sufficient... they will cease to ask them... when they need more information... they'll continue to ask. There is so much bad/negative/ugly in the world, why put it in her head when she's obviously smart enough to know that they just weren't nice. That's what it boils down to for her right now. I pray it wouldn't happen again to her... but when the time is right, you can teach her about it... until then, just give her truthful honest answers or explanations and since you're "mom"... she'll know that's the truth.

Hello J. S

I am saddened by your story.

As a mom of 3 young girls I cannot even begin to give you the proper advice as I am sure you did the right thing. I, on the otherhand, would've gone off the deep end!

Babies are innocent and only learn what they are taught. I'd hate for my children to have to start school and face this ugly stuff that's out there. I am sure there are far worse issues that could arise in life but for now I'm hoping this is something we can stray away from.

Kudos to you for your mature reaction.

Belle

Wow! That is horrible! I think you did the right thing by ignoring them and removing your daughter from the situation. I truly feel sorry for those children because they are going to miss the opportunity to meet some really wonderful people! And unless they are being raised in a bubble, they are eventually going to have to learn how to respect people of other ethnicities or they are going to have a very rough life (just go to any public school and look at the diverse teachers)!!!!!! Just know that you are raising your daughter with kindness and love in her heart. She will grow to be productive part of our society. I would not try to explain racism. She is too young and she will learn on her own soon enough unfortunately. Just do like you did and get her by the hand and leave. Maybe say something like "Lets go sweetheart, for I am afraid when those people walked in they brought ignorance with them and ignorance could be contagious". Say it loud enough so the moms will hear!! This way, you can take a jab back at the moms and your daughter will have no idea what it means but will just assume it is time to go. :) (Although I pray this never happens to her again!!!)

Hey J.,

Sorry about your bad experiences here in Texas! For some it is hard to believe but racism still exists today in 2007! I am African American and I grew up in a small East Texas town where I cannot remember experiencing racism. However, I see it happen to my kids all the time. When we first moved to Dallas their physician was in North Dallas and we were at the dr. office and my daughter was about three at the time. She was just talking away to a little white girl and asking her if she wanted to play, ect. The little girl just starred at her like she had just stepped off a spaceship! You did the right thing by leaving. It was not even worth the confrontation. Racism has been instilled in these people from birth and they are not willing to change. Just let your daugther know some people are rude and she is better off not associating with them.

J. my kids are bi-racial as well. They are black and white. I have not had to go through this situation yet. However, If you see kids acting like that toward her and the other parents are willing to stop it, then grab your child and leave. if she asks questions then tell her the same thing you told her. Not everyone knows their manners and how to use them. It will be easier to explain when she gets older but for now you need to protect her from it. Good luck!!

Developmentally, I don't think your 4 year old would grasp such a complex issue as racism. 4 year olds still think about things in concrete terms, so I would just explain an incindent in the like. Explaining and consoling your baby as you did, I think, was right on the money. Some people can be "mean", "not nice", and sometimes we get are feelings hurt, and we will stay away from people that hurt our feelings and find friends that are "nice"- something like that. What you did, like I said earlier, was right on track. Acknowledge her feelings, "I know you must be sad, and mad, I would be too.." this could be a great "teaching moment" to connect with your baby. Unfortunately, this probably won't be the last time this will happen. Good luck.

I hate that some people are so ignorant. I know the best I can do is raise my own children the right way. I think you took the high road. Don't let people walk all over you or treat your children badly, but don't sink to their level either. We can't protect our children forever, so we just have to do our best to show them the right way to handle the situation.

I am so sorry that happened to you. I don't really have any sage words of advice for you. I wish I did.

I think that it pains you more than it pains your daughter. Children are really resilient when they have a strong person to model their own behavior after. I think you did the right thing by ignoring these women. You did not lower yourself to their level, thus making you "the crazy [whatever derogatory term they'd use]." You handled it with grace and tact, and that says a lot.

Where do you live, if you don't mind my asking. I'd love to meet you to let our kids play...my daughter is only 16 months, though, so I'm not sure your daughter would have fun with her.

I almost cried reading your post, I am so sorry this happened to you. I can't believe how ignorant some people are.
How can some people act like this if here in America almost everybody is from different countries, races, religions etc.
I've dealt with some racism myself and it does not feel good at all; I've been left in tears after a few incidents. I cannot imagine the impact on a small child, it honestly sickens me.

Don't be embarassed by the way you acted, I would have been shocked too to see this kind of attitude specially in the McDonald's playground, where it's suppose to be a happy place for kids to play. What you said to your daughter was age-appropriate as someone said and I'm sure she was comforted with your words.

I have a 5 year old daughter who would love to meet a new playmate, e-mail me for playdates anytime.

iam a AAW and I think u did the right thing, bye leave. cus if u would have said something. they would have said that how other race act. and u did go down to their level.

I am SO sorry that happened to you. I am white and abhor all forms of racism as do most people. The people you encountered sound like they're pretty ignorant and insensitive people. I would tell her about Martin Luther King Jr. That's what I did when this issue came up in my house a few weeks ago. I explained that some people had so little imagination they actually thought they could tell what other people were like just by looking at them and seeing what color their skin was. I told my girls they'll never have that problem because they have such good imaginations they'll never be so lazy to decide just by skin. My daughters couldn't believe some people dislike others based on skin. They kept asking me if I was sure. So I told them that other peole have been fighting against that for a long time and we talked for a while about Martin Luther King Jr and his message. My very perceptive seve-year-old asked next why all the people who clean the food court area at our mall are brown. So we talked about racism and a lack of opportunities and how some people come here for better lives but have to start doing jobs no one else wants and work their way up. My four-year-old daughter was fascinated and asked if that's why these ladies treat her like a princess at the food court. My older daughter agreed and said she didn't understand why grown-ups would bow to little kids when they walked in their way. I told her it wasn't bowing, just looking at the floor. But in a way they're right. No one should have to look at the floor to avoid contact with anybody else. This topic really gets me ramped up. I'll be interested to hear how you choose to explain things to your children. I'm sure I could have done better. I think it's important to be truthful and to say you don't know when you don't. Some of it is just really hard to understand.

Bless you and I wish you kinder encounters in the future,
Andi

Wow...this is just horriable. I can't even imagin how you felt and how you felt for your child. You are a much better person than me, i probably would of had to say something. Not in a very ugly way but to let the parents have alittle something to think about. My daughter is 7 she is half mexican and half white. And she personally has never had to go through this, but she lives in a small town with her father where it is inter racial everywhere and noone there is really racist. The child i am carrying right now however is a Hienz 57. My hubby is some latino, black, and white and me, well i am a straight up white girl. We get looks ALL the time. But we dont let it bother us, infact i like to grab him closer and slap a big wet one on him. All i can say is i hope my child doesnt have to experience this kind of behavior. And for parents to teach there children that kind of hatred from other kids is just plain sad and sickney. I truely hope your child never has to go through this ever agian.

Hi, first let me say my mind boggles with the way you and your daughter were treated. I mean, what is this, the 1960's? I would like to think that we, as a society, have come so much further than that. To be so mean-spirited and small minded is senseless.

I am from an all caucasian family, and I am ashamed to say that as a child, my mother tried to instill in me that I was better than people with darker skin. Thank goodness I realized that was wrong before I even became a teenager. I would never, ever treat someone badly because of some completely unimportant difference like skin color, nor would I allow any of my kids to treat someone that way. Talk about getting in trouble! The world would be a pretty boring place without a variety of people to share it with, imo.

There was a fairly recent situation, where my boys and I were visiting my parents, and my step-dad used the "n-word" in front of my kids. I pretty much flipped out, read him the riot-act in a loud voice, packed our suitcases, and left early. I made sure the boys knew that it's not right to talk derisively about people, especially just because they're different than we are.

I believe we should all be proud of who we are, and as long as we make good choices, and work at getting along, isn't that what's important? Aren't actions what show who we are, not what color our skin happens to be?

As many other mom's have said, please don't judge TX by what a few ignorant people have done and said.

Best wishes,
D.

I'm so sorry. You have gotten some good advice here, so I wan't give you more. But I just wanted to tell you that your story brought tears to my eyes. I can't believe that anyone could be mean to a child. Unfortunately ignorance breeds ignorance. All you can do is assure your daughter that she is beautiful and that this world woud be awfully boring if everyone was the same!

I am so sorry that happened to you, people can be just awful. In today's age you would think people would get over thier prejuidces, fears, and just plain stupidity (especially since most of us are multicultured in some way or another).

Unfortunantly this may happen again, at school, or elsewhere. I think for a four year old you explained it well. but as she gets older you might try telling her that some people havent' been taught how to be nice and we can't let them hurt our feelings, encourage her to tell her teachers if it happens at school (elsewise it could turn into bullying).

I personally would have told those women that they should be ashamed of raising racist, bullying children. And not to be suprised when the school calls to suspend them, or they can't find a job, get fired, or never make something of themselves because they can't tolerate other's differences in a world full of different cultures. You can't be a manager, or in customer service, or a lawyer, or a doctor or anything if you can't handle dealing with people who are different than yourself.

Some people are just rude. I am sorry this happened to you and your daughter. In my opinion, you handled it fine. I would not have stooped to their level and started some fight or caused a scene. I would have just removed my child from the situation and explained to her that she is better than "that." Showing her love was the best thing you could do.

My husband and I took an out of town guest and our 8 month old baby to a restaurant Saturday night. It was crowded and we were waiting in the bar. My baby was asleep in her carrier THE WHOLE TIME we were in the restaurant. As we were being seated, someone in the bar area commented "this is no place for a baby." My first instinct was to respond back...but, what is the point? She was probably a little tipsy, and it would not have accomplished anything. It hurt my feelings and I knew I was not in the wrong...so, I tried to just "get on down the road" with it. You can't change people.

You can only show your child how she should handle herself with dignity and pride. You can be better than they are...

You said the right thing. It's their issue, not yours. They didn't use their manners and are very rude. It's all about them having the problem, not you nor your daughter - keep it on them.

Wow, just when I thought people couldn't be more rude, something like this happens. I am so sorry your daughter and you had to experience this, especially when you were just trying to have fun together. It is one thing for an adult to be a racist, but to teach your children how to hate others based on skin color/ethnicity/religion is simply deplorable. Unfortuneatley, it may happen again and my only advice is to teach her empowerment and how to embrace her culture and be proud of it. Let her know that she is who she is and she should never have to apologize for it. In four year old terms, let her know that if someone is being mean and saying rude things to her, it is okay to feel upset, but move on to people and children who want to play and, soon enough, she will make sure to surround herself with children who just want to have fun and avoid the nasty ones who only spread meanness.

Wow, J., what an experience. I am hispanic american, but my husband and his family are from Colombia. We deffinately can appreciate your feelings. I just wanted to say that you behaved very well in the moment. I maybe would not have been so full of "cooth".

Sweetie,

I am so sad that this happened to your baby. I can't believe the ignorance of people. The only thing I can tell you is to remove your child from the situation. Pick up your items and leave. It would not have been safe for you to confront them.

If you have ever have a situation where you have the space and ability to say something, tell the women how sorry you are that their parents didn't raise them any better as to love all people and that you would have hope that their children will benefit from diversity. Having small minds only leads to unsuccessful, unhappy lives.

My heart goes out to you.. I am pregnant with our first. She will be, from me, German, English, Irish, Scotch, and Dutch, from her father, Mexican. We are a highly educated family, but I already get the eyes at times from women of both white and hispanic background. Just let it roll off and teach your child the love of all, even those that she should pity for the love they lack.

Good luck and the biggest of hugs!!!!
Jodi

I was so saddened to read your message. I know its hard because I face the same thing with myself and I know my daughter will face it too. I am Pakistani and Muslim and people have made comments at me since I started wearing a head-scarf. Its really sad that there are people out there who behave like this and allow their kids to behave in this way. I know its hard to explain to your kids what this is all about. Sometimes when there are rude kids around and my daughter wants to play with them, I just tell her that she will get hurt and she should stay with me. The reason I give is that they're bigger or something like they don't want to play the same game. For now, this will work but later on, yes, we're both going to have to explain why people are racist. When I don't even have the answer to that, I don't know how I'm going to explain it to my daughter.

OMG!!! I really can't say how to handle this. I do fell bad that happened to you and your daughter. It's a shame what some people teaches their kids, you would think the parents would have step in, but I guess they are just like the kids. I have a daughter myself, she is very friendly and if something like that was to happen to her I would not know what to do. I'm really sorry that happened to you. But always remember God knows you did the right thing, it hurt them the most to see you walk away.

UNBELIEVABLE! Those people should be ashamed of themselves. You need to speak up, and a public restaurant is as safe as ever if you are afraid. If you do not speak up you are only condoning the behavior. All children are gifts from God and need to be taught how wonderful they are. I am so appalled that happened to you.

J.-
I read your post and though I was saddened by it, I was not surprised. My dad is from Somalia (in Africa) and my mom is from France. I grew up in a good community and did not start experiencing problems until high school. It wasn't pretty, but I made it through with a good head on my shoulders with the support of my parents (who were married in the late 60s, if you can believe that). Now I am married to a Puerto Rican and I have a beautiful 2 y/o boy. It is funny how genetics works, because my son is pretty fair and we get a lot of looks when he calls me mom or I tell him things like 'mama said to sit down'. I even had one woman tell me that she couldn't believe I adopted a white baby. I did lose it with her. I am not proud of what I said, but I was just so tired of it. I know that my child is going to have some difficulties as he grows up. The best we can do is let our children know that we love them and that there are ugly people in the world who don't love themselves and they only way they know to express it is to be mean to others. Teach them about the richness of all their heritage and encourage them to be proud of who they are.
I was born in Madison, WI but lived in Chicago before I moved down here. I miss Chicago like crazy and I do wish that we could move back. I have been in the DFW area for 6 years and I am still looking forward to the day that we move (if we ever do). If you ever need anyone to talk do, feel free to email me and maybe we can get together. I live in Arlington as well.
Katya

I USUALY NEVER ANSWER THESE THINGS BUT I AM VERY SORRY THAT THAT HAPPENED TO YOU.WE LIVE IN WEATHERFORD AND FOR THE MOST PART EVERYBODY WHITE BUT HERE LATLY WE SEEM TO BE SEEING MORE AND MORE DIVERSITY. WE HAVE SIMILER THINGS HAPPEN TO US..LOOKS,COMMENTS, PEOPLE TELLING MY SON THAT HE CANT GO TO THEIR BIRTHDAY PARTY BECAUSE HE'S MEXICAN,CLERKS NOT WAITING ON US BUT ON WHITE PEOPLE FIRST, ECT.I KNOW THAT IT FEELS AWFUL..NOT BECUASE OF WHAT THEY SAID BUT RATHER BECAUSE ITS SOMTHING US MOMMYS CANT KISS AND MAKE BETTER.WE CANT MAKE IT GO AWAY, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.IGNORANCE IS THE ONLY WAY I CAN EXPLAIN THOSE MOTHERS WHO DID NOTHING. YOU SET A GREAT EXAMPLE BY DOING EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID. YOU ARE A BETTER PERSON THAN I, PERSONALY I WOULD HAVE PROBABLY TRIED TO KICK SOME ASS BUT.... I THINK ALL WE CAN DO IS PREPARE THEM TO BE ABLE TO HANDLE THOSE KIND OF SITUATIONS WHEN THEY ARISE.OR AT LEAST GIVE THEM SOME KIND OF EXPLANATION.IT SUCKS I KNOW.ANYHOW, I TOLD MY SON THAT I FELT VERY SAD FOR THOSE PEOPLE BECUSE APARENTLY, THEIR MOMMYS AND DADDYS DIDNT LOVE THEM, CARE ENOUGH OR
TAKE THE TIME TO TEACH THEM TO RESPECT OTHERS.AND I THOUGHT THAT ,THAT WAS VERY SAD BUT, THAT HE WAS LUCKY TO HAVE PARENTS TO TEACH HIM HOW TO BE KIND TO OTHERS AND NOT MEAN.( YOU GET WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY)WELL, AGAIN YOU ARE THE FIRST PERSON I HAVE EVER RESPONDED TO SO I HOPE THIS HELPS ALITTLE BIT AT LEAST.

I am really sorry this happened to you but you have got to stand up for your child period... If the other parents didn't like it, they could leave, you were there first. it's not going to make a difference if you tell your child about racism because she see's that you do nothing so she will always be pushed around. She is not going to learn to have self esteem and learn to stand up for herself if you can't. It is tough, i have two small girls 3 & 7 and we have never encountered racism but i have encountered rude children which is no different with kids and i have no problem reprimanding the rude kids if their parents are there and do nothing and if the parents don't like it, they can take it up with me but they never have.

I'm not saying you have to get in a fist fight or anything but words go a long way, this posting really upset me to know that your child got treated that way and those children and their mothers got away with it.

Children are going to encounter bullies, racism and just plain mean spirited kids all their lives, we have to teach them to stand up for themselves otherwise they will grow up with issues.

i would not shy away from going back to that place, and if you run into the same situation, be assertive please.. Even little kids can be charged with assult and their parents to. Please don't let your child get hurt and do nothing.

By the way, i am hispanic and my husband is white.

I am so sorry that your 4 year old and you experience that. You did the right thing through your actions. You didn't stoop down to their level. Most of all, you can share with your daughter that throughout history, many people changed the world because of their intergrity and dignity, standing up for who they are where and what they believe in. Most importantly, let her know that they have deeper problems, and that she should choose to make a difference instead of becoming like them.

I have personally experience racisim myself and it's ugly. But as a believer in Jesus Christ, I prayed for them that their eyes would be open to the truth to that each person is wonderfully and fearfully made.

Wow. I honestly didn't think there were jerks like that still out there. My gut - only my gut (I'm not specialist in this) - says to just get your daughter back into other fun environments where you know kids of all skin colors play together. I have a feeling that if you explain to her that some people think that people who don't have white skin are inferior, she might start wondering everywhere she goes if people are thinking that about her. At the age of four, I would just try to protect her emotionally by getting her in diverse play groups that include children of all skin colors, including white. She also needs to know that all white kids don't feel this way. We're white, and we certainly don't feel that way, and we're not raising our kids that way.

I am not sure you can explain racism to a 4 yr old without teaching them to be a racist. If you tell her they are ignorant children and try to explain it from that context instead of racism she can understand that. This is exactly how racism begins whether you are white, black or yellow if we teach our children this they will become racist. Children learn what they live and if you are not a racist she will learn from you. I would simply tell her the childrens parents did not teach their children good manners and that is why they behaved so badly. I don't know if this is good advice or not, but I am a 53 yr old with 2 grown children and 5 grandchildren and I don't believe any of my children have ever been racist. You could also tell her those children were jealous because she is so beautiful. Good luck.
R.

At 4 I'm not sure exactly how I would explain this to her/him (sorry). I would probably say something like "they are just jealous of you because they all look the same and your exotically beautiful/handsome." Because in truth, that probably is the "truth". Most people talk about other people when they are "jealous" of them. My children are all white, but I tell them the same thing when other children make fun of them, or are really rude to them for no reason.
Some people are intimidated by "beautiful" people, so instead of being nice and friendly they are rude, because they are jealous.
As far as her being pushed to the ground....I believe I would've found the mother of that child and had a little talk with her. But that's just me.
I still believe the best thing you can do at this age is really boost her self-esteem. Self-esteem goes a long way. Always tell her how wonderful she is and give specific reasons why. Tell her how beautiful she is...also give specifics, otherwise they become just "words". Pick out things about her that only she (or few) have that make her beautiful, or unique. That's what I do with my children, and I think it works. My youngest child is constantly taking pictures of herself and seems to be really confident. Some may think that is conceded, but I'd rather her be conceded than have low self-esteem, like I always have, and take everything someone says personal and hurtful. HOpe this helps.

I would just explain to her that in life we will have to deal with children that will not be as nice and its terrible the aprents did not discipline there child! i am so sad for you and wish i would have been there to help you and your daughte rdefend yourself!

i also am american, indian, & siciilan. my daughter is african american and my hubbie is to. i so would have went off! but we all are not the same and you are the btter person for not getting in a confrontation, but you mus tdefend yourself....standup or you will be walked on in this crazy world we live in. :(
please lemme know if u need anything else and macdonald's which one in texas? god will punish them in his own way.....i just relocated from chicago but i a moriginally from new orleans....i do not miss the snow in chi-town we lived close to michigan and navy pier! i luved chicago!!!
____@____.com

What ignorant people you had to be subjected to. And that is what those people are, downright ignorant. I am truly appalled by people like that, people who are too blind to see that the color of someones skin should not be a factor. It is the morals and values of a person that matter and obviously they do not have any. I am s sorry you and your little girl had to go through that.

I don't know the best way to explain racism to a 4-year-old, but I just had to write to say how sorry I am that you and your precious child had to encounter such rude and ignorant people! I can promise you that if I had been witness to such a vile situation, I would have ABSOLUTELY spoken up in you and your daughter's defense!!! It makes me sick to think that such blatant ignorance exists in today's society - there's little hope for young children with total FOOLS for parents such as the ones you had the misfortune of running into at that McDonald's! My heart goes out to you and your daughter! I'm only an aspiring Psychologist (LOL!), but I do think it's important when addressing this issue with your daughter that she remembers how those kids made her feel. In this way, she may be able to understand at her young age that not only is it wrong to be cruel and insensitive to others, but it is hurtful as well. Furthermore, you will be instilling the important virtue of empathy in her - something those kids at McDonald's will most likely never know, thanks to the ignorance of their parents! Anyway, good luck with your situation, and I hope you and your daughter never have to endure another terrible experience like that ever again!!! - Liz

WOW!! I can't believe how rude some people can be. I'm so sorry that you and your little girl were treated that way. I would have done the same thing in your situation... please don't feel ashamed that you didn't do anything differently. I know it's hard to be in a new place and try to find your niche.

Maybe you could see when your local library has storytime for her age group. Those kids are usually a little more controlled (unlike the ones whose moms let them loose in McDonalds to terrorize other kids) and she might meet some fun kids her age who like to sing and do arts & crafts too.

Here is a link to the City of Arlington Parks & Recreation Dept, they have preschool programs too, maybe you could look into those.

http://www.ci.arlington.tx.us/park/guides/facilities/inde...

Hugs to you and your precious little girl. Those kids will probably be on Dr. Phil one day getting help for their bullying. :o)

T.

That is tough, I am from Paris so I know exactly what you are talking about. A while back my 5yo came home from school saying the 'N' word. I was astonished because we are multicultural as well that is a BIG no no. After talking with him I found out that he didnt even know what it means. Children follow by example. If I were you and this is what I did with my son...I told him that there are some people that do not like other people for no reason as at all.I dont want him to se things in 'black and white'. It's really hard when people can be so ignorant. God didnt create just caucasian people...believe it or not Jesus was not fair skinned. GOOD LUCK!

Wow I don't know what to say to that. When my husband and I were looking for our first home I experienced something similar to that. My husband is half Filipino and white. I am 3/4 native american but I look rather caucasion. During the "sunnier" months my husband tends to look rather hispanic. In fact sometimes people will speak spanish to him expecting him to understand! I do feel like when we would look at certain houses people treated us a little differntly and being "white" I was a little offended but I've never experienced what you are describing.
Unfortunantly you can't control others and there are still small minded adults out there that foster this behavior in their children. I do truly think those children will have it harder in society though than your child will. They will be the outsiders someday and have a hard time fitting into social groups as I hope we are becoming aware of and sensitive to other cultures. I don't know I could just be ovblivious to it because we dont' think that way in our home.
I will tell you this just for encouragement...One day my 10 (then 8) year old daughter came home from school wanting a little girl to spend the night on Friday. She was telling me that she just became friends with this little girl and she was so excited because she was the prettiest, nicest girl in her class. All she did was talk about her all week and they talked on the phone making plans for her to come over that Friday after school. When her mother dropped her off Friday evening I was a little taken aback! My daughter never mention this little girl was African American. I wasn't taken aback because she was African American but in all the adjectives my little girl used to describe her "black" was never one of them. I was so proud of her. She was telling me how pretty and smart and polite this little girl was and she was blind to her color! I knew then we had done a good job teachin our girls acceptance of other races.
I just want you to know that there are people out there like us and the population is growing I believe. I think that the old generations just have to kind ween out and hopefully your little girl won't ever have to experience that again. I think you did a good job explaining to her what happend as this was the truth...you might also throw the word ignorant in there too though as these people really are stupid!

Hi J. S I am so soory that happened to you and your daughter.
I believe that what goes around comes around and i know how hard it is to explain to a 4 year old but there is a wat to show her that she is not different by asking the mothers to please keep ther children from shoving your child. I beleve this in its self will let your baby know she is not different and should not be treated that way by no one by using the correct language with these people you show your dauaghter the correct way to deal with rude rasist people and this will stay with her her whole life if the people get loud then the manger should be brought in to the situwayion. I understand it is very hard but it has to be done. there are allso books at the libary that can help her to understand at her age there are also dvd's to help as well. They just might help you to. hope this helps god bless you and yours T. aka MOMMA T

First I'd just like to say that I am sorry that your daughter and you had to deal with that. You are so very right about some people not knowing about manners. You can't protect her from it. Things like that will happen her whole life. But as long as you raise her to be strong, she'll will be a better person. Second, I have an almost 3 year old (in 2 months) and he is dying for someone to play with. He's an only child and doesn't get to spend time with very many kids. We live in the Lancaster area if you ever want to get together so they can play. Let me know.

I am sooooo sorry that this happened to you and you child. Just know, that those women are uneducated biggots, and unfortunately they are raising children with those views. I would like to see how those children are going to cope with the real world when they grow up!!
Anyway, please know that you did the right thing. In a world full of such violent bullying, it is hard to know what to do! I would teach your daughter by example, and always walk away. Defend youself, and stick up for yourself, but always as peaceful as possible. It is better to take the high road. I would try to teach her that those people just don't know any better, and it is not her, they have just not been taught the right way to act. Teach her to feel sorry for people like that because they are going to have a very lonely and mislead life.

I am so sorry you had to go through all that, but don't worry about it to much. I am hispanic and my husband is caucasian, and I used to get really mad at people's comments and so forth. Unfortunately my two children (6 and 10) have gone through that, still do from time to time. I have always emphasized to them that beauty comes from the mind and heart. How you talk to your little angel depends on her maturity, but the best thing is to tell her that she is beautiful regardless of what anyone tells her, and that if anyone tells her anything that the only thing that matters is that she has a great family and friends that love her! Send me an e-mail if you feel the need to vent or support, with time you'll be able to helpl your children understand that people like those mothers aren't worth anyone's valuable time. Start a playgroup in your area and DO NOT shy away from these places you'll only show them they are better than anyone else. I to used to be shy about confronting people, but believe me there is going to be a day that you will be able to look them in the eye and tell them that the only reason they do this is because of their own insecurities!