I Am Getting So Pissed off at My Daughter's School!

At 9, I think she's more than old enough to be held responsible for getting in the correct line and to not put so much emphasis on the teacher that has to keep up with 30 kids.

Hi,

I like the idea of asking for her to wait in the school office for you. That way there isn't any mixup in the 2 lines. Sorry this happened to you! I would apologize to the teacher asap for yelling at her--she shouldn't have gotten that from you.

M

You should apologize to the teacher. She did not deserve to be yelled at. People make mistakes. I am sure you make mistakes too. They did not do this on purpose to mess up your day and piss you off.

I do not know what you do for a living, but if someone came in a yelled at you, because you made a mistake, how would you feel? This is a person that is a professional. She deserves to be treated with respect at all times. I know you were frustrated. .

Remember this was not a normal day. The teacher has a lot of students. At the age of 9, and after the 4 only other times you have picked her up and it was messed up, maybe there needs to be a better way for you and your daughter to make sure she can remember you will be picking her up and to not get on the bus. This seems to be the same problem each time and I assume with 4 different teachers? What is the one thread that has been constant?

"but I think she's A.D.D." This needs to be verified. Not just a guess. There is obviously some help needed here. and it needs to begin by problem solving.
This is where the work needs to be made first and then present it to the school. Ask them what other families do in these situations?

Speak with the school and see what the solution is or could be if you are out of ideas..

I am sending you patience and clarity.

I put a large luggage tag in a colorful shape from Target on my daughter's backpack when she is NOT to get on the bus. It reminds her visually that I will pick her up. I also wrote "M. pick up" on it to remind any adults or kids who see it. That was what I did after 1 mixup and it has never happened again.
I also get there before she goes to the bus and am not late. I would apologize to the teacher because that is not right to yell at her. You want to work with your childs' teachers to help your child succeed in life.

I am a teacher - yes, you are right to be mad! When I get a transportation change I tape it to the door so I don't forget and remind the student at least twice that day. Having 30 students is not an excuse. At this age, when a parent changes transportation it is the school's responsibility to make sure the student gets in the right place. Especially when a pattern has developed of her not getting to the right place.

If this is such an issue for your child, why don't you show up BEFORE she has time to get on to the bus? It sounds like you're getting there well after school has let out, when you could actually get there early and prevent this problem from occurring in the first place. Why is this all the teacher's responsibility when you could show up early enough to take care of things on your own?

Frankly, I assume that since teachers have 20 or more students, they can't remember where each student is supposed to go after school. Our son walks home from school (he's 10), and I would expect a child who's 9 or 10 to be sufficiently responsible to go where they're supposed to.

All that said, regardless of whose responsibility it is, it would be incredibly frustrating to show up at school and not find one's child there. The good news is, it's totally in your control to prevent that from happening again - by getting there in time to get your daughter before she goes on the bus!

I can see your point and would be very upset with the school and I would be as well. But since your daughter is almost 10, she can be taught to be responsible as well. I am not saying it is all her fault and really hope this does not come off that way or saying that the school does not carry some of the responsibility for this to happen. Since this happened 4 times, the only 4 times, then a note is not working. If this was my child, besides a note, I would call the school about an hour before the end of the school day and ask that the teacher remind your child that she will be picked up. My kids are not ADD/ADHD or anything like that and they do sometimes forget that they need to go to an activity after school or they forget they were supposed to bring something home even though I tell them the night before and remind them in the morning. My nephew is ADHD--no argument at all there--and when he has to remember to do something, they have a special reminder for him. I cannot remember what exactly but it helps a lot. Maybe a special ribbon on her school bag that has words about being picked up or no bus or something (maybe MOM MOM MOM Pick Up today). I think 6 hours in school is a pretty long time for a child to remember something unless they do have some kind of reminder when it is different from the usual. If your child was 6 or 7 or 8 or younger, I would have done the exact same thing you did.

Schedule an appointment with the principal and teacher and have a conversation about this. Yes, you have every right to be angry. The school (especially an elementary school) should have a procedure in place to make sure each child gets home the correct way each day. Yelling at the teacher won't make it better and you should offer an apology, not for what you said, but how you approached her. This is a "systems issue" and should be addressed with the "system leader".

For us, the secretary would ask that all notes be sent to the office BEFORE 10:00 am and then would compile a list. At the end of the day, she would announce over the PA... "The following student should report to the ____ for dismissal: " 5 minutes later, the rest of the kids stormed the halls to get on the bus.

At our school anybody that is not supposed to take the bus is sent first to the cafeteria where someone is there with a list and a sign out sheet for each kid. If your child is not present in the caf AND is on the list the school goes into an alert mode. I know because this happened when my son first was a car rider-I just took him and the school called frantic about him. And our teachers ALWAYS check their list at dismissal to hold the car riders. So myabe talk to your school about implementing these safefuards.

That being said-a nine year old should definitely be held accountable for this as much if not more than the school. If it happened 1x then OK but 4x?? You need to speak with her about responsibility and consider taking away some of the privileges that a girl her age should have until she can be responsible.

You need to find out about the ADD...you are throwing a serious label out there to justify her actions. Take her to get evaluated.

I have issues with the way the schools are run too. But they say it's the kids responsibility to remember. They are old enough to know what they are supposed to do.

I think it's bordering on neglect to not remind a child to eat when it's obvious they need to eat. Mine threw up in class from hunger because they forgot she was supposed to eat breakfast...she's been eating every day since Kindergarten. Well, to find out she never eats and goes to the gym to play with her friends really pissed me off. Plus, she threw up, so she had to stay out of school the next day too. I told the Principle off. I told her that they needed to make sure she went to breakfast so she wouldn't be so hungry . They told me it was her job to know when it was time to eat and time to go play. They told me it was MY job to make sure she went downstairs and eat. I drop her off, make sure she gets in the line to go to the cafeteria, then I have to leave to take kids to to other schools. I told them if she threw up again they were keeping her.

So, ultimately it's the kids job to remember where they are supposed to be.

I don't know how all schools are.... but my daughter goes to public school... and the Teacher's there... do... remind the child... or if another Teacher notices a child wandering around in a place that is not the usual "routine" for after school.... they do go and speak to the child or see if something is amiss.
I do that myself.... if I notice a child seemingly lost or not being picked up yet... as they usually are, by a grandparent, for example.

It also just depends...on the Teacher... they can remind the child... but that does not mean... the child will then without error... then do, what they are reminded of.
Also, right after school, Teacher's are REAL busy and other students stop them to ask questions or to ask for help... of they have to go to meetings etc., or other Parents are there waiting to get a moment with the Teahcer too. They cannot... I think... possibly follow or accompany a child.... from their classroom to the bus area or pick up area. BUT... perhaps... they could ask a volunteer or school volunteer... to do that??? Or to make sure the kids.... are in the proper place. I don't know.

But as you said, this has happened each time... you sent a note to the Teacher. Each time.
What did the Teacher say... when you questioned her about it??? Did she forget you sent a note???

I know... it is very frustrating... and worrisome... and I would have been MEGA irked... too.

I don't know how... a school... can make 100% sure... a child is where they are supposed to be... after school. Campus is like a bunch of marbles scattering around... after school... but for me.. if I know a child and they are looking 'lost'... I do, assist them... or call their Mom for them. I don't know... what other schools do... or how they ensure... a child is in place per parental notes... to a Teacher.
But... yes... that Teacher... seems... very.... very.... lacking in protocol.
Maybe some Teachers don't even read... the notes from home???

all the best,
Susan

I would be outraged too. I would write the teacher apologizing for your outburst but ask her what she suggest you do in the future to ensure your daughter does not get on the bus.

I also don't understand why Moms think that just b/c there are 20+ students in a class this is acceptable. Really? You're ok with your kid being just a number while at school? I don't get it.

I would not like it either. I *think* the law states that the school is responsible for the children from the time they leave home until they get back home (or from the time you drop off or pick up). Something about liability, if I remember correctly, so if they ride the bus the school should be responsible. The question is if they are still responsible once she got home (doorstep) and she can't get in or is not safe.

Since you mentioned ADD, you should get her tested. If she can't remember to not get on the bus, she may have concentration or recall problems. Get it checked out so you can either rest assured it just slipped her mind, or do something about it (whatever 'it' may be).

honestly, if they are used to her riding the bus home then i can see where accidents happen, i wouldn't be mad at daughter, that is really teacher's responsiblilty, i also try to give them 48+ hours heads up notice and a note AGAIN that day. The fear of being home alone would be punishment enough to your daughter....if she has an agenda don't they have to write down their assignments? if so, put a reminder where she has to write her homework down at the end of the day so when she does that, there's her reminder just before she packs up to head home.

Uh, no. I would be outraged. I would not regret yelling at the teacher and I would have gone and banged on the principle's office door really loudly... the first time it happened. Call the school district and COMPLAIN . Frankly, the first thought I had was calling the police! Maybe unreasonable, but that is how scared and mad I woudl be. I would be all over thar school..

PS - At our public school, the teacher is responsible for dismisal. It sort fo works like this, she has a master list, writeds down where kids are supposed to go, and sends them in groups - afterschool program, bus, walker, carpool, etc. I have no doubt she made a mistake - the first time. Subsequent times is incompetence. Maybe you should get their earlier, but it is still totoally inappropriate and the school's fautl if she doesn't get where she is going. She is a CHILD! And at our school, you can get there 15 minutes before dismissal and still sit in the carpool like for 20 minutes. Perhaps you need ot go into th e building early to make sure she is safe, but you shouldn't have to.

Bethany,

Wow! If I were not home, our bus drivers would not allow the child off the bus. Is your daughter left off at a place away form your house or at your house an in view of your house? Do you usually meet her when she gets off the bus?

In our town, if the parent isn't there to meet the child, the busdriver keeps the child on the bus and brings them back to school after the route is finished. I do not know at what age they are allowed to get off by themselves. I guess you would let the school and busdriver know that they have a key.

On days when I am going to pick up my children at school, I try to remember to tell the driver so she knows and can remind my children if they forget and go out to the bus. I also send in a note. First it goes to the teacher who then sends it to the school office. The child's name is then put on a list. Parents have to pick up there children in the cafeteria and sign them out.

I'm amazed that a busdriver would let a 9 year old off the bus without a parent present. How does she get into your house? Does she have a key?

Good luck,
M. D.

Reminds me of our school...tons of "protocol and policy and procedure and hoops to jump through" on their end, followed immediately by NO follow through.
Sorry. I would be upset, too and I'll bet you get their attention now by scheduling a conference. I'd definitely do that. Sometimes the squeaky wheel DOES get the grease!

What did the teacher say when you confronted her? did she say "sorry I didnt have a chance to read the note?" (not acceptable!) OR I told her in the AM to not take the bus (not acceptable) Or I told her at line up time to get in the car line, thus putting the fault on your daughter?
I agree with the other poster who said at nine years old a mother cannot say I think MAYBE she's ADD Find out if she is or isnt. and manage her behavior accordingly, if she's not expect more from her, if she is expect the school and teacher to work with you to help her. We do not say Maybe my child is sick, maybe my child has a LD and do nothing about it.

While I do not think you are unreasonable to think that the school should hold your daughter's safety to a high standard, I think after the first time the note or call to school didn't work, I would have come up with a different plan.

When I need a different pick up arrangement than what is usual, I send an email to the teacher, I call the school and tell the office staff (since that's where the kids go if they aren't picked up by a certain time), and I also leave a voice mail message on the teacher's voice mail IF I haven't received a return email confirming the teacher received my note to verify the change in arrangements. My daughter's teachers have never had a problem with the change when I follow these steps, and I have done this far more than just 4 times in 2 years.

I do believe the teacher has a responsibility to make sure the student is where they need to be, but at the same time, the parent should be proactive in finding a way to best communicate the change and assuring the issue is not repeated. You do bear some responsibility since you knew this was an issue and didn't work to solve it the first 3 times it happened.

I would discuss this with the teacher and come up with something you both can agree will help avoid this issue in the future. If the teacher is part of the solution, maybe she will be more likely to remember the next time it comes up.

Blessings,
N.

I completely agree with you. That happened to a woman at my daughters school, she stood there forever waiting for her kid to come out, to find out she was on the bus and was probably already home. Her daughter is only 5!! She was REAL mad. I would be also. Its easy for kids to forget something like that, they are tired and just in routine mode. What a bummer!

All I can say is, it happens to the best of us sometimes. My girls bus to elementary school, just a short distance away. But there are those days, every once in awhile I have to pick them up. In the morning, I have to write a note for them to share with their teacher. But at dismissal, really, the girls have to remember on their own not to get on the bus, and instead to go down to the parent waiting area. It is easily forgotten by both distracted kids and teachers, when they are so used to the bus routine. It is insanely frustrating, but I really do understand. There is A LOT of commotion at the end of a school day. Kids going to buses, pick up area, after school care, and other activities. 30 kids in a class, and probably half of those with complicated dismissal instructions that change frequently, like ours. Right now, my daughter has to bus Tues, Wed, Thurs, but be picked up Mon and Fri. We just started this today, as I have a middle schooler across town, and 2 activity schedules to run them to. I actually hate changing up their routine and try really hard not to because I think all of that back and forth, with high chance of error must make the teachers crazy. My kids do know if they forget and take the bus, to #1, do not panic, #2, walk home with a neighbor friend, leave a phone message at home, and I will come and find them shortly. I'm a very reliable person and am always waiting for them at the bus stop in the afternoon, but we have discussed what to do in case Mom is not there (if I had an emergency or was running late or was waiting at the school because they were supposed to be picked up) just in case for safety reasons.

My kids are 8 & 9 - they are fully capable of remembering when I am picking them up and when they are doing something different. That being said, I think that the teacher still has some sort of responsibility since you sent the note, BUT, at my childrens school, different teachers do after school duty each week. I am not sure how your childs school does it. Also with so many kids I can see where it would easily happen that the kids who normally ride the bus would accidentally be put on the bus. I think that I would be mad as well. At both my kids and at the teacher. What did the teacher say was the reason she got put on the bus? Did she not get the note from your daughter? Did she forget? I think that her answer to what happened would depend on my reaction.....

I pick my younger 2 up from school on Tuesday's for Little Gym, they are 6 and 8, my 8 year old has Autism and I was worried I would have problems but no each time I go in they are either in the gym waiting for me or I meet them as they come in. Write a note to the teacher and make sure your daughter knows you will be picking her up. Request that they tell her to go to the office at of the day and ask for your daughter to be in the office waiting for you since you had problems in the past.