Husband Won't Help

hmmmm sounds like my hubby!!! some guys are just afraid of newborns. it's not the he doesnt like your son, he just doesn't know how to handle him and is probably afraid to do something worng or hurt him or mess up. that's typical with guys. I thought my husband would come around with our second baby...he was a bit more helpful but not much! Now our son is one year old and he is fine with taking care of him at home but has a fear of going out with him...he thinks he won't know how to take care of him in public if he cries or needs something and I'm not there...guys are silly LOL! But they just don't have that motherly instinct, that thing that we all have where we pretty much know what to do...and if we don't we figure it out real fast. Some guys are just better with kids when they get a bit older. I know it's tough, I know what you are going through and you deserve a break. Maybe the best thing to do is just take the break without out asking, outside the house. Say "I'm leaving, bye!" and let him fen for himself. he'll do fine and when you get home, he will realize he did it without you and it will give him more confidence!

Hi K.. A lot of guys have issues with newborns. The baby is so small and fragile and helpless. Your husband is probably just afriad of hurting him. Did he help you out when your daughter was a newborn?
I suggest you get grandma or aunt to help you. I'm not sure that forcing the baby on daddy is such a hot idea. Or you can just wait until daddy is sitting down on the couch or something, and put the baby in his hands. Don't say anything except here. Don't give him a chance to argue.
Those are the only options I can see. The mothers here are wonderful though, and I bet your going to get some good advice. Good luck with this!
Best Wishes, T.

Break down and start sobbing. LOL. Hey, it worked for me.

My husband too is the best dad ever but when my daughter was born, I felt I could have used more help. Suddenly he was always too tired to help...not that he was doing it on purpose but I had a hard time getting his exhaustion to be less than mine.

I started to realize that God gave me a super natural ability to go without sleep during that time and that it was a built in gift that goes along with motherhood. Dads didn't get this. Is this true? I have no idea but it helped me not get bitter.

Funny thing is, I was not a newborn person and in fact, my daughter was the first baby I held ever.

Seriously at night, when the baby would cry, I would hit him and say I can't get up and speak firmly for him to get up. Maybe it was because he was sound asleep and startled awake, but he would get up. Also, I would just break down from exhaustion and he would suddenly get his second wind.

Flat out tell him: I can't do this alone anymore. Tonight I'm (example) putting the baby by your side of the bed and you need to take the first baby shift. Here's what you need and then don't get up. When the crying starts other times...say...It's your turn. And don't get up. The trick is to show you mean what you say and if you tell him to help and then get up, he won't feel the pressure to do the work.

Isn't it strange how we can have the best husbands and fathers and then WHAMMO, they just really do something so out of character? Good luck.

Here I go again with recommending "Babyproofing your Marriage", there is a section where the three women authors recommend you get away for a weekend...allowing your husband to see what it is we mommy's go through...I can't complain here, my husband is a wonderful (and helpful) father and husband (most of the time! lol).

At the very least the book helped my husband and I to find humor in our exhaustion and battle of wills. :)

And just an observation: you say he helps with "your" daughter but not "your" son...they are HIS children, too, no? It is not just YOUR job to handle the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of parenthood and he "should" (God, I hate THAT word! lol) understand that.

I wish you luck!

My husband was the same way. He said I was better at the newborn stuff than he was. I dont know if he was scared or what. And he never got up with them either because he said he didnt hear them he is serious tho he can sleep thru anything but now that they are older he helps so much more and I finally get a break. I think its a man thing

I don't think I have any advice but I do want to say that you aren't alone. I have a 2 year old son and a 8 week old daughter. My husband doesn't like to help with her at all. I just find ways to make him help me. If we need something from the store I'll tell him I'm going to the store with out the baby and he deals with it. Most of the men that I know don't help with their newborns either. It's that they are afraid they will do it wrong or that they might hurt them. When my son turned one that's when my husband starting helping with him. Tell your husband you didn't get pregnant on your own, that he helped. And since he helped with that he should help now too. Tell him it's not like you want to go away for days that you just need a few minutes a day to yourself. Maybe that will help. I told mine I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown if you don't help me and that worked for me. He can't stand me getting emotional at all. You could try that too. Tell him if he doesn't help your taking him to counseling. Just a few ways I got mine to help me. Good luck and I know it's hard. My husband is active duty military and he's not here much as it is. It's hard doing it all alone.