Hi Moms. We have a very strong willed and smart 2.5 year old son whom I stay home with all the time while my husband works. I think with our son's outgoing personality he rushes into everything.... want to do/touch/have all things and also really enjoys testing how far I can be pushed (you can see the mischief in his eyes). But he is a sweet boy who does understand all we say, but often chooses not to obey. I do not believe in spanking, and as such I have found myself yelling at a volume that surprises even me- which I TOTALLY hate- and feel like a horrible mother the minute I realize and see the look on that little guys face, sometimes even makes him cry (and me). I try very hard to not let myself get frustrated after long days at home. We have no family around to share the childcare. What is really bothering me is that my husband was raised with strong physical punishment well into his mid-teens. We talked many times about how that was not how we wanted to discipline our son but he has recently made a few serious comments about how he needs a "spanking". I am firmly against this and fully understand the harm is more psychological than physical. My husband is not a big reader, but I need to find a way to teach is old dog some new tricks and hope this is one zebra who CAN change his strips (too much of the cliche?) Any easy read books or tips to help either of us would be of great thanks. Our son really has such a bright light I NEVER want to see diminished. Thanks so much.
You MUST read THE HAPPIEST TODDLER ON THE BLOCK by Harvey Karp, M.D.
It is super easy to read and will completely change the way you deal with a toddler. It will help stop tantrums, and explains the way a toddler brain works and processes information. Good luck and love on that child, instead of spanking.
Hi R.
I swear I feel like I wrote this request myself my husband and I go through the same thing all the time with our daughter (born April '07) I completely understand your side.. My husband is the one who believes in spanking and I think that it is totally unnecessary all it shows your children is that the parent has lost control of the situation and that violence is ok. Also yelling isn't good for your kids although I have yelled at my daughter on many occasions I really try not to. It is not good for their self esteem. Please don't listen to everyone saying that they grew up fine being spanked .. stand up for yourself and your feelings on raising your kids .. you are making the right decision and just remember the terrible twos don't last forever :) I totally support your decision :)
1-2-3 Magic, by Thomas Phelan is a VERY easy read. It would be a good place to start, especially for your husband who doesn't like to read. It stresses "no talking/no emotion" which would help you deal with your frustrations. You can probably borrow it from the library.
Another book I like is Negotiation Generation: Take Back Your Parental Authority Without Punishment, by Lynne Reeves Griffin. It reinforces no talking/no emotion, but also gives you ways to be proactive by preparing your child for appropriate behavioral expectations.
Both methods will be appropriate as your child continues to develop.
Good luck!
J.
My only response for you is that I have just heard in the last 6 months that there was a study that indicates that hitting or spanking a child reduces the childs IQ.
Good luck.
1,2,3 Magic, quick and easy read
"Our son really has such a bright light I NEVER want to see diminished"... this is such an excellent way to describe the dangers of spanking because you're right, thats exactly what spanking does to a child, diminishes an inner light.
As far as something your husband can read to convince him, I always put a lot of stock in Dr Sears, and the William & Martha Sears Discipline Book has an excellent section on spanking. Good luck!
My youngest was also born in August of 07. :)
Two is such a challenging age. As a dedicated non-spanker who also had to fight against my upbringing, I can tell you that 4 and 5 are much, much harder! Right now is nothing compared to what you're up against in a few years :p
If you start hitting now, all you're going to have left when he's bigger is to hit harder and longer. Would that work with your husband?
You can also point out that if his parents still 'had' to physically violate him in his mid-teens, than spanking must now have worked very well, eh?
I recommend "The Discipline Book" by Doctor William Sears.
You will find a wealth of great information at http://www.loveandlogic.com/ I ordered the toddler package of audio books as my time to read is limited. I play it in the car and get snippets of GREAT info. L & L as the name implies does not use corporal punishment as a means of discipline. It's a loving means to parent with logical consequences that never includes physical punishment. It's important to recognize there are certain states that have lobbied hard to make "spanking" a crime. And certain countries are currently reviewing making spanking a national crime. (I want to say it was New Zealand). Spanking only appears to work on the short term. It creates long term fear and resentment, NOT respect of parents. also, I'd strongly encourage you to see if there's a love and logic parenting workshop in your area. I took a 6 wk course at my son's preschool then a follow up one day class. It's my son's grandma who is always pushing/suggesting spanking in our household and I will not let that happen. once spanking starts, it's always an option and often only done in a fit of anger. it's the parents losing it. I'm not particularly opinionated except on this issue but anyone halfway evolved knows it is a barbaric means of discipline. Don't extinguish your toddler's natural and perfectly normal interest in touching and exploring his surroundings. good luck!
Hi R.. Happy New Year! I am interested in seeing the responses you get. My 25 mos old DD is so strong willed - she has the persistence of the Energizer bunny, and the stamina of an Olympic gold medalist. It is frustrating and completely exhausting! You are not alone.
I have heard the book - The Happiest Toddler on the Block is a good one to get, and I plan on getting it ASAP.
Good luck.
