J.C.
I know exactly how you feel!! Word for word, you are me 3 months ago. My husband had to have a tumor removed from his brain. It was an 8 1/2 hour surgery. He had no fear, I was terrified, and would have so rather it had been me!! I could have handled it better if it had been me. I did have to leave the waiting room, and focus on my kids to stay sain. I came back to the hospital at around 6 hours and sat in the waiting room in fear. I could not help but think of how I would handle the kids, everything, if he did not make it, or if he suffered a sever brain injury from the procedure! For us, it turned out fine. He is weak, unbalanced, can not hear on one side, and getting kicked out of the military, but he is alive, and we are a family still. I wish you the best of luck and hope everything goes well.
Blessed Be.