My Friend's Son Has a Brain Tumor

My suggestion is that you physically help her with things. Help with the house, cooking, watching her other child so that she can focus on caring for her sick child. Listen and don't say much unless asked to and when asked be as loving and positive as the situation warrants. It is always hard to know what to say, but most of the time what we need is someone to pick up the slack so we don't feel like we are failing the rest of our lives miserably. A warm hand to hold and a clean bathroom do wonders for the crisissed soul.

Hi R. H
My heart goes out to you - what a scary place to be in. The only thing I can suggest to you is to earnestly pray for your friend. Not knowing where either of you stand in your walk with the Lord, I just want you to know that He is willing and able to comfort all hearts He cares for all of us. I am sure that you can sense that I am old enough to be your grandmother however I can still feelthe pain of both of you as well as the little boy. Only the Lord knows right now where this will go, but we can and should still go to Him with our fears and troubles. Please know that I will put all of you on my prayer list. Many Hugs, Yvonne

Hi R.,

Though hard to understand why these things happen, we must not focus on the disease but for the cure. Our God is a Wonderful Physician and Comforter. He has heard your cry, and He knows exactly what you, and your friend needs right now. Please accept the fact that the best help you can give your friend and her son is the gift of prayer. It is my hope that she too will know that God is control. There is always "hope." As was the case of a little boy who recently was healed of a brain tumor at our church. His testimony melted the hearts of those who heard him. The important thing is to let your friends little boy know that He has a God who is His Heavenly doctor, and who hears the prayers of His people.

God be with you and your friend,
Blessings,
C.

Just be there when she needs someone to talk to, vent at or just cry with R.. A circle of Love is what she will need more than anything. You might also offer her "Rescue Remedy" a flower essence that is extremely helpful in times of stress.

R.,

I don't know where you or your friend are in your relationship with God, but it sure looks like this is the perfect opportunity for her to reach out to God for help in coping with this situation. Getting into a church, if she isn't already, or helping her to connect with the people there, if she does have a church, will open up a wealth of support and resources to her. It seems your gut is telling you to be careful and you are right to see how much she needs help and that you cannot do it all for her by yourself. Giving her the gift of opening her heart to God and to a church community is something that cannot be measured and will help her in countless ways. If you feel that her emotional issues are serious, you could try to express your thoughts about that to the child's doctors. They are definitely in a situation where they can make recommendations to her about counseling or support groups (or medication) to help her and they would understand the need for you to speak up without wanting to harm your friendship. Your friend's situation is one of my worst fears for my children and I can only imagine that she must be a basketcase, as I know I would be! I will ask the ladies in my church group to pray for your friend and her son.

R.,

How is it going for your friend and her family?

D.

Hi R.,

I'm so sorry to hear this. I can only immagine how difficult it is for your friend and for you. My best recommendation is to PRAY and get your friend to pray, too. Be a good listener and don't take it personally if she acts out toward you...this may happen.

I also strongly encourage you to encourage your friend to seek alternative care in addition to what she is doing. She will need to make dietary and lifestyle changes in order to aid in recovery and keep the tumor from returning. I have many resources listed on my web site (www.healthyhabits.ws).

Best wishes to you and your friend.

R.,

Be strong for her. She requires your positive support and energy.
You can be there for her <even if you don't know the perfect words...who knows what the perfect words would be> and reassure her that it will be ok, her son will live thru this and be so much better off because of it. Allow her to see your belief as she requires to believe in only the positive right now.
My heart and healing energy goes out to him, your friend and you.
Thank you so much for the reminder to love my little guy up and be present for him!

Lisa

R.,

I cried when I read your story. My 3 year old had a brain tumor removed 5 months ago. It is such a difficult situation to be in. I didn't feel like I needed people to say/do anything - but God knew I needed them. My MOMS group set up a schedule to bring our family meals, they collected money to help cover some of the costs, they made "waiting room backpacks" for my other 2 children filled with quiet toys & things to keep them occupied. It was truly a blessing we didn't even know we needed! It was great when people made a short phone call/ or email just to see how we were doing!

There is a website called CaringBridge, that is free & created to keep friends & family in touch during a critical illness. www.caringbridge.org It's a free service & easy to use. What a great thing to be able to keep everyone up to speed without having to rehash new information 20 times a day.

Dr. Harold Rekate is an amazing pediatric neurosurgeon. He is at Barrow Neurological Institute in Phoenix (www.thebni.org). He answered all our questions very patiently & thoroughly - even answering us by email with a few things we forgot to ask in the office!

Other helpful websites are:
www.braintumor.org (Brain Tumor Board)
www.abta.org (American Brain Tumor Association)
www.pbtus.org (Pediatric Brain TumorsFoundation)
www.stjude.org (St. Jude Hospital is also helpful in answering questions)
www.pbtc.org (Pediatric Brain Tumor Consortium)

Prayer was a huge comfort to our family. Our daughter & our whole family were placed on prayer chains (literally) around the world! Just knowing that so many people were praying for our daughter, made the whole process a little more do-able. Does your friend belong to a church? If so, a Stephens Minister is a great place to turn for support. I would be more than happy to speak with you &/or your friend. She has a long roller coaster of emotions ahead of her - but thankfully she has a good friend at her side! My number is ###-###-####

R.,
I don't assume to know your religious or spiritual background, but if it were me in your situation I would tell my friend that God would get them both through this. He will! God has a plan for everything and everyone and even though His plan may not be clear to us we need to have faith.

Anyway, that is what I would say. If it isn't right for you that is fine and I hope you find the words to comfort your friend.

T.

Pray with her to give her comfort. If you are not a Christian, put her in touch with someone or a church who can pray with her.

I wouldn't worry about saying the wrong thing. The most comforting thing in these situations is just knowing people care and will *endure* with you... with all the pain that entails. If you can think of some practical things that will help her, that would be great... like bringing some food to eat while she's at the hospital, doing odds and ends at her house (people often forget to pay bills, walk the dog, etc.). You may feel in your heart that you need to make a stellar performance of some kind, but just being there to be her friend and do little things will end up to be stellar to her. I pray this little boy gets better and that God is near you all.

R.,
I am so sad for your friend and pray that the surgery goes well. As a friend, not to worry about saying the wrong thing, just listen more than you talk, find out what she needs, think what you may need if the situation were reversed and just love them. The less you worry about you and the more you focus on them the better you will be.
Warmes regards,
L.

Wow. First of all, hearing this makes my heart ache. I sincerely hope all goes well with your friend's son. If you are concerned about saying 'the wrong thing' I would just physically be there for her. Be with her, hold her hand, make sure she eats, and that her other child is cared for.
Good luck in this difficult situation.

One way to support her, is to be there for "the little things" i.e. helping with meals, helping with the other child, errands, etc. It may alleviate some stress, knowing that daily necessities are getting done, and she can put her focus where it needs to be - on helping her child get through this tough period. I fear I am not very good at words and find that I can't say "I understand" because in all honesty I don't, this has never happened to me. Just let her know you are there to listen and support her.

Hi R.,
I'm so sorry about your friends son. When I'm faced with the type of situation you are in and worried about what to say and do, I pray. I ask God to guide me and give me the words to speak. He always helps me and the words always come. I have never felt confident in my communication skills but after praying I feel like I am able to say and do the right things. I will keep you and your friend and her son in my prayers. Take care.
E.

Hi R.

I think that it is already a big blessing that you are around and are willing to ask for help. The only thing that I can think of is your constanct prayers for wisdom,love and devotion to the situation. I will for sure keep you and this family in my prayers and will let other friends from church know so that they pray too. If this family needs any other type of help e-mail me because if she live in Gilbert our church has many resources. Have a bleesed day.

I would approach it as more of a "helper" than comforter - that way you can avoid her taking anything you say the wrong way and be super helpful at the same time. Here are a couple of ideas:

1. Organize friends, family, and neighbors to cook dinners

2. Have someone grocery shop or buy paper goods so they do not have to do the dishes or too much clean up

3. Offer to babysit so mom and dad can have a private moment to deal

4. Help clean the house

5. Run errands

Good Luck!

Hello,
First I am so sorry to hear this about your friends son, I pray he makes it through this with a full recovery. You can submit a prayer request at www.worldprayercenter.org it will be read by millions and millions will pray for all of you. And you know it's ok to cry with your friend too, just being there to listen and support her will do wonders. Have faith that everything will be fine. Please give an update. I will be praying for all of you. Best wishes.

hi, R...

I am sure you're going to get a dozen replies like mine. My suggestion is, Just be there. Right now, in the beginning of this trying time for your friend, take her aside when things are quiet, look her in her eyes, and tell her you love her and are there for her, day or night, to help in any way she needs it. She will remember your words, believe me. Try not to understand what she feels or tell her how she should be handling things. Just be the support you've been for her before.

Dear R.,
At a time like this in your friends life just having someone there to hold your hand is often the best thing. My daughter is 2 and has a seizure disorder, we have been through many days of testing and MRI'S to find the source of the problem. While your friends situation is much more severe than mine I can honestly tell you that there aren't perfect words to say that will help. My sister flew in and stayed with us at the hospital while we went through a similar situation. She went with me to all the tests and held my hand or hugged me and just let me cry when I needed too. She also helped me to take my mind off of the worry by playing cards and making crafts and things like that. She made sure that I ate and took the time to take care of myself too. The best thing by far that she did for me was to be there and to show confidence in the doctors and that they were doing all that they could for my daughter. She stayed positive for me, but she also told me that no matter what happened that I would be strong enough to get through it. That was almost two years ago and my little girl is doing great, but I will never forget how afraid I was of losing her then. I can't thank my sister enough for just being there with me and my husband at the worst time in our lives. Be there for your friend to hold her hand even if you say nothing at all.

Maybe you could offer to go grocery shopping for her, clean her house, etc. because you know that's the last thing that she's thinking about right now. Also, you could make a care package for her to have while he's in surgery with magazines, food, games, etc. to keep her mind off of what's happening in the O.R. Just a couple of suggestions. I hope this helps. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend's son by the way. :(

Hi R.,
This can be so devastating. You've gotten some awesome advice on here. Most importantly, pray. Pray with your friend, by yourself, with your church. Or encourage her to get in contact with someone who can pray with her if you're not comfortable. God is an awesome God and He can provide comfort where we fall short.
Helping her with the day to day items is a great idea. This can become consuming and leave her little time for other things. She's gonna be busy with Dr appts, learning the meds, caring for him after the meds have been administered, administering some meds on her own at home, dealing with his school work, etc. So any help with other kids, cleaning, cooking will probably be welcomed.
When my daughter was diagnosed I started writing her letters about her experiences and my feelings. It was very therapeutic for me. After chemo days and procedures I had many sleepless nights so I'd get on the computer and type away. Maybe you can suggest something similar to her.
Another great thing is to have her set up a webpage for her son. There are sevices that will do it for free for people who have medical issues (i.e. Carepages.com). My husband created a website for my daughter and it was so encouraging to get emails from people all over the world who were praying for our little one. It was nice to have people write in who'd been in our shoes and also those who had no idea, but were praying for her. It's also a great way to keep friends and family updated on his progress and upcoming hurdles without having to make a ton of phone calls.
I will be praying for you to have widom and discernment in your words, for comfort to come to his mother and family, and for his healing.
If you want to talk further, please email me. Your friend is welcome to email me as well.
God bless you...she's blessed to have a friend such as you.

Casie
____@____.com

A friend is available, both physically and emotionally at this time. Be a good listener as she will need to talk about her feelings. Respond to her by lovingly accepting her, don't talk a lot about yourself. Pray with her. Try to encourage her by your presence when she needs you. This will take commitment on your part. My best wishes and prayers for her and her son.

Well, I'm sure every person is different but I am currently going through a tough time with a sick child. My 7 month old has a severe neurological disorder for which there is no one cure. . . anyways the things that people have done or said to help me include the following. . . praying, checking in on progress, cooking food for my family or helping with household chores, sitting with me (my mind runs wild and having company helps, going to doctors appts. with me, frequent phone calls of encouragement, and a big one for me is letting me know that my emotions are warrented and that I have every right to worry and feel the way that I do. I hope this helps and good luck to you and your friend.

I do have experience on family tradegy. When I suffered, all I could ask for is simply the presence of those who cared, and their prayers. If you don't know what it is to experience what she is going through, the worst thing to do is try to give advice. Just lots of love and just "being there". The people that I will never forget are the ones that would just show up with something special to eat, or help me clean up my house, the ones that always gave me loving words telling me what a wonderful friend I had been to them. Try to keep her mind on positive things, but if she wants to talk about it and cry and get emotional....then let her! She needs someone to talk to and she need to express her pain.

R.,
Just be there for her when she needs you. Do small things to keep her going. Cook a meal or watch her other child and do special things with the other child so he/she is not alone. Cancer is a hard thing to deal with at any age.
Does she have a church? That can be a great support, also.
C. B

You are a good friend to want to help her. More than anything, people in her situation need someone to listen to them. Often, if people talk about the possibility of death or something upsetting, our instinct is to minimize that and say things like "don't think like that" or "don't even worry about that yet". The fact is- she is thinking about those things and worrying. Your best bet is to just listen to her and and ask questions to draw her out. Also, don't say you know how she feels, always a bad idea. "I can't imagine what you must be feeling" or "this must be so scary for you" are better. Finally, anytime you think of something that would help her, as she gets more worn out with appointments and illnesses, make sure to be specific about what you'd like to do. Don't just say "let me know if I can help", say "I'd like to bring you dinner for the next two days, or I'm coming over to clean your house/do laundy at noon tomorrow, or while you're at the hospital, I'd like to pick up your other child and babysit". She always has the option to say no, but she is not likely to just request specific help like this. Good luck, and she's lucky to have a friend like you.

Let your friend know that you will be there for her both now and later. And then, well, BE there. Offer to take care of her other child, be there while she is with her son in the hospital, cook, clean - better yet: find other people to do these less personal domestic things so you can physically and emotionally be there for her.

People say "brain tumor" like it is the worst possible thing that can happen to a person, but that is not the case. When I was 27 I was diadnosed with a brain tumor - 15 years ago. It was removed and I was out of the hospital in 3 days. Elizabeth Taylor had a brain tumor and is still going strong. There was really no physical pain for me - the head does not have a lot of nerves. And for me, personally, after being tested and put off by doctors for almost a year, the diagnosis was a relief. I wasn't going insane, and I did not have cancer. The hardest part for me and my family was the fear: "brain tumor" sounds very scary. Probably because it is not as well known as say breast cancer.

Find out information about what is going on and what the outcomes might be - she may not be in a state to handle this stuff. Be positive and comforting without shoving happiness down her throat. Tell her it is alright to be afraid.

There's lots of good news medical wise: big advancements in technology - many times they do not even need to make a single incision. Children's brains have a great capacity for regeneration if there is any damage. And it is a blessing she has a good enough doctor who took the extra step to find out what was really ailing her son! It is wonderful that the tumor will be taken care of so quickly - less time to worry.

You could make her a soothing tape, CD, ipod download. She may have a lot of time on her hands at the hospital. She may need time alone, she may need a shoulder to cry on. You are her good friend. Follow your instincts and give her what you think she needs but respect her reaction. And take care of yourself and be brave. The hardest thing sometimes is to turn toward a person who is going through a medical crisis rather than away. A lot of people stay away and say, "I didn't know what to say," when what a person needs is simply to have you turn toward them with open arms and not say a thing.

The best thing to do is be there for her physically and emotionally. Open your ears and truly listen to her. Open your heart and God will put the right words in your mouth when the time is right. I will place all of you in my prayers.