Husband Doesn't Want Another Child and I Have Baby Fever!

Get a puppy.... its what i did with my most recent baby craving and right now I am soooo content with what I have and really wish the puppy would stop pooping on the floor.

The answer is, wait. Nothing good can come of having a child that both parents don't want equally. And let's face it, the economy is in terrible shape right now. Almost without exception, anybody who makes enough money to be providing for a family should be worried about layoffs right now and planning for that. This is not a "build it and they will come" situation, you have to be practical and level-headed. It sounds romantic to have a baby and hope everything will work out, but in reality that could land you on welfare or divorced or who knows what else. Enjoy the child you do have for now!

I'm guessing that you'd most like to hear from moms who agree with your desires. But I hope you're also seeking a diversity of opinions that will help you make the best possible decision. So here's mine:

Longing for pregnancy and/or babies is a much-too-narrow reason to bring more kids into the world. Hoping that things will take care of themselves can happen, but often doesn't. Dads sometimes carry a horrendous burden of responsibility, anxiety and exhaustion for the whole time their children are young. Perhaps your husband is just not willing or able to take on more than however many children you already have.

And at 62 years old, I am watching shocking changes in our environment, and can see staggering challenges mounting almost by the year. I think it's acceptable to replace ourselves with one child each, but beyond that, we could be fulfilling our desires now at great cost to future generations.

There are useful ways to redirect that longing into loving one or more of the many children who need caring adults in their lives right now. I've known families who found adoption to be a delightful alternative. And many, many more moms who have found the profound satisfaction of volunteer work with little ones (as a mom of one child, I chose that route). So, unless and until your husband feels confident that bringing another child into the family won't be a source of anxiety, I hope you'll at least consider other possibilities.

I think you are panicking over turning 30. 30 is not the end of the world. I had my son at 36. Why don't you work a few years, put away some savings, and spoil your 3 yr old. If you still want another child 2 or 3 years from now, the savings should make your husband much more comfortable with the idea.

What does "financially stable" mean? I think you need to sit down again and have a plan. You need to talk numbers, or his excuse is bunk and he needs to give you another reason why he wants to wait or be done with having kids.

Does he want to have a certain amount saved in the bank? If so, you need to do a budget, figure out how much you can put away each month, and figure out how long it will take to reach that number.

Does he want to be bringing in a certain income? If so, what is the magic number and what is the plan to get his (and/or yours) salary up to that level?

Are you currently working? If so, can you figure out a way to ONLY use his income to live on and put away every penny of yours? If so, decide together what to cut back on and how long you will do this before you get pregnant.

Do you currently stay at home? If so, you may need to get a part time job and put that money away--- and be sure to crunch the numbers to decide how long before you get pregnant.

Unless there is more that you haven't told us, it appears that the only thing holding him back is money, so you need to talk in figures, set some goals, and put a plan in action to reach those goals by a certain deadline.

I know this is a little different, but my husband and I were renting forever and I really wanted to be a homeowner. He kept saying we weren't ready and needed to have more money in the bank. I finally got him to give me an actual number. I secretly think he picked something he thought we couldn't reach out of the fear of actually being a homeowner--- but I am very thrifty and within a few years we were blown away to see that we hit that magic number he had picked--- so then when he started giving other excuses why we had to wait, I said NOPE! You said a few years ago that we had to have this much saved and we do, so now we need to move toward being homeowners!! (The end of the story is we DO own a house now!) Sometimes men need to see things in black-n-white.

I am in the same boat! Well almost anyway. I want a baby yesterday and my husband could wait another 5 years. So I talked to him about it straight up. Got all his concerns on the table. I really listened. And then I shared why it was important to me to have a child within then next 1-2 years. After thoughtful discussion and some time, we compromised and decided to start TTC within 1 1/2 years. That gives us a true date/deadline to have things "in order" financially and otherwise. It has helped tremendously because we both feel like we are getting somewhere without burdening the other person. Best of luck to you! Maybe it will work for you guys too...

haven't read the other answers but i have 2 daughters instead of 1 and i can tell you how in 2 words: black teddy
i guess you can tell that it's been a few years. she is the most amazing young woman you would ever want to meet!
good luck!

I agree with the poster that said it seems like you're more worried about turning 30 and your husband being 7 years older than having another baby.

We had our 3rd and last child when I was 35 and my husband was 43. You have plenty of time. A friend of mine just had her 3rd baby and she is 41.

I don't see anything wrong with sitting down with your husband and developing some sort of financial plan. Plus, you can do a "where do we see ourselves in five years" type of thing. For example, in five years you see your family has expanded and you live in a nicer home. Your husband might have the same plans or something different in mind. My point is you need to talk about it with your husband - come up with a plan and stick to it.

Good Luck!

We got married when I was 33, had a few kinks to work out with our marriage and then when we started trying to have a baby we were not able to conceive so I finally was able to take drugs and have a baby at 38. I am now 41 and would very much (somewhat desperately)like to have another child. We will most likely adopt. I thought we would have no problem because all of the women in my family are quite fertile but age still plays a factor no matter who you are. I grew up with three siblings and would love for my daughter to have a sibling to play with, share with, grow up with, depend on and have as an adult family member to deal with things. My husband is an only child and I would not wish it on anyone (sorry! that's how I feel!) I've seen what my husband has gone through with his long divorced parents and he just recently had to handle his father's passing and sorting through his estate. From my observations, especially only male children have a more difficult time (and are more selfish ...) Girls deal better because they tend to be more relational by nature. As for fertility, look at the statistics and one sees that fertility greatly diminishes at 35 and is nearly nonexistent at 40 except for a very few - yes- it's true! I've seen all ages at the fertility clinic - there are no guarantees. None. So, bottom line - don't wait, have the kids closer in age (many women I know say that works better) and have more than one - please! and yes - I am very opinionated on this subject!

I have had a similar situation to yours. I always wanted several kids and my husband comes from a very large family and was on board with my plans when we got married. We are in our early (me) and late (him) thirties and have an almost three year old. Last year I started talking baby number 2, started trying to prepare my body with the vitamins etc and was getting ready to start trying when my husband decided he really didn’t want baby number 2. He said for financial reasons and time constraints he felt we were better suited to have just one child. Well, after weeks and then months of talking about it he actually changed my mind instead of visa versa. I stay home, he is the sole provider and he is very involved with our daughter too so he cares a lot about our family but he likes things just how they are. So how can I “strap” him with a child he may not really want, oh yes, he would love it dearly, but I never want him to feel spread too thin or resentful. I initially thought I’ll give him a couple years and then he’ll change his mind. Instead, I have learned to be really grateful to be the mom of one and now I don’t think I want another one. We get to travel, buy organic foods, and pay for her to go to extracurricular activities and I don’t have to juggle my time between two. Recently, my sister had a baby and I kept her baby for six months, wow it was hard to have an infant and toddler! I realized I really missed my time alone with my daughter and we were home bound a lot.
You may never feel the way I do and that’s OK but you can’t let it consume you. I think these other posts are just trying to convey you may risk your marriage for the sake of baby number 2 and if you change your mindset you may learn to love being the mom of one.

Every woman out there gets baby fever when their "baby" stops beng a baby, which is at 2 -3 yrs old. turning 30 can make it even worse. Wait a couple of years, my mom had my youngest brother after she turned 40. Everytime I get baby fever again I remind my self of all the bad things that come with babies like , no sleep, diaper changes, the back pain, feet swelling and miserable feeling that comes with being pregnant. Then there's labor . . .
And to the lady that talked about " overpopulation" it's a myth.

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2008/jul/27/taking-on...

http://www.ncpa.org/sub/dpd/index.php?Article_ID=13087

Hello,
I can relate as my son just turned 3 and I am suffering from baby fever. I am only 23 but do no want to wait until I am 30 due to personal/medical issues and my husband also says due to finances we shouldnt. I disagree with those who say you should get a puppy or other harsh things. I would have thought this site was full of nice woman... apparently not.

I do agree that you should get a financial goal with your husband and once you've met the goal its time to try for baby. We are financially stable but I think my husband suffers from anxiety and is afriad the strains of support another person would be too much. However I work, so we have/make extra money. I would ask your husband about his anxiety and if that is also playing a role in the baby planning department.

Good luck to you,
T.

Try and sit down and talk with your husband. Maybe you guys could come up with a time that would be good for the both of you. I agree with if everyone waited to be financally stable no one would have kids. Ask him if he just doesn't want to have another now or if hes done having children and if that will ever change. Because if hes not going to change his mind at all then he should say so.
My husband and I have 2 daughters, one is 4 y.o and the other is 9 months. I would love to try for a boy but I know I want to wait at least 2 years and my husband if you asked him he would say that hes done having kids but he himself will say its not out of the question and in a few years we could try. Hope it all works out for you!!!

Not sure what one mom meant when she said "it's acceptable to replace ourselves with one child each, but beyond that, we could be fulfilling our desires now at great cost to future generations". Hmmm, a bit strange.
Anyways, more than likely he'll come around in a couple of years. Relax, you're only 30! I had my first baby at 32, my second at 35(2 wks before my b-day), I just turned 36, and hope to have a couple of more. Don't pressure him though. My sil tricked her husband and said she was taking her pills, when she wasn't and got pregnant and they ended up divorced. He never wanted kids, but maybe would have come around, but instead she went behind his back, and her kid grew up in a screwed up mess. Just be patient, it will all work out.

I agree with Sarah K. Get a puppy! It will cure those baby blues!! From 2am potty breaks to wimpering in their sleep.

M.

You should definitely wait! I didn't have my children until 36 and 38, and it was a great thing! If both of you are not on board, you're asking for a boatload of trouble with your husband, support, finances, etc. Sure, lots of people don't wait until they're more financially stable, and lots of people are also on welfare, food stamps, homeless and in real messes with small children. You have plenty of time to have another, so talk to hubby about the fact that you two will do everything to get it all together financially over the next year, and if you do -then you can proceed with another baby.

Sorry for those who think everyone is so harsh. I think a lot of us see so many women out there who are just having one baby after another simply because "they want them" and not giving it truly meaningful thought -about the money, time, stress, etc. of having and raising children well.

To cash_twins -Peg M and I are on the same page. No one thinks people who have twins should have to abort one or anything -that's a different situation. However, I am all for people having two children -one to replace themselves and one to replace the father. If multiples occur -no problem -but the entire earth has a SERIOUS overpopulation problem right now. Thankfully, children, mothers and people in general don't die like they used to, but because of medical technology, we are really straining our earth as more and more people live longer and longer. I just see so many women everywhere -and many on this board -who seem to think it's really cute to have MANY children (4,5,6 or more) and they will readily tell you or post that you shouldn't be worried about finances or if your husband likes it. You know where that puts people like me who think and think about things like finances? Supporting all of those who just blindly kept breeding.