I Think I Want Another Baby... Talk Me Out of It!

Where ya at? I will send you my Andy, that will fix you right up. Really, as long as you need him you can have him, I am a little helper like that! :p

gas $3.89 a gallon
milk $2.99 a gallon
diapers at least a $1000 worth over the next 2 years
no sleep
baby crying, pooping, spitting up, teething, running fever
no dates or romance with hubby
pregnancy gas, backaches, cravings, stretch marks
visits to the obgyn
prenatal vitamin nasuea
maternity pants -eww
giving birth
if all that didnt talk you out of it.........think about this
right now, you're youngest will be graduating from high school in 12 or 13 years. So, really only about 13 more years of kids at home. If you get pregnant now, you will have kids at home for another 19 or 20 years.
That means you will have been a full time mom for 26 years between oldest to youngest!

How about I just send you my 14 year old son?
Right now, he should cure anyone of wanting a baby. :)

Talk to your husband, your doctor, and pray on it.
You will make the decision that is right for you and your family.

God Bless

As a woman in my 60's, I've had a chance to look into the lives of many, many of my contemporaries, and many younger families, too. Nature, including hormones and women's basic emotional structure, has designed "longing for babies" into us for the survival of our kind.

But survival is no longer an issue. Humans are so successful that we are crowding out thousands of other species and changing the face of the Earth in some alarming ways. This has become an ever more obvious problem since I had my one daughter in the early 70's. Even then, I knew that human overpopulation was becoming a hazard to future generations, and to the Earth's biostructure.

On a more personal level, some women, by the time they reach the end of their childbearing years, do regret the babies they didn't have. But I've watched the opposite happen, many times over. I have known quite a few moms (and dads) who ended up regretting having had more children. Health problems in parent or child, a change of circumstance, surprise loss of job or home, even a seriously health-challenged child have been contributing factors. These parents loved all their children, of course, but nevertheless, in quiet, honest moments, wished that they had not brought one or more of their kids into the world – a terrible emotional burden for the parents, and sometimes for the child, as well.

You say you get overwhelmed easily. That alone would have me asking whether I could do well by a new baby, in addition to the children I already love and care for.

And I can surely relate to the sense of a baby waiting to be born through you, because that is the sense I had when I was trying to get pregnant with my only child. But I've often wondered about that, and suspect that WE put interpretations like that on the built-in desire for babies that is common to most women.

I suspect that what God most wants for humanity is a sustainable future on a healthy Earth that also supports the rest of His creation. We have already caused the extinction of many species, with more occurring every month. We have created levels of pollution that cause serious illness, and thousands of early deaths among humans every year. The population curve, on a graph, was once a very gradual rise over centuries. Now it's a line that runs almost straight up every year.

Every baby born nudges us a little closer to a tipping point, and not only on on the level of physical sustainability, but also social – almost every society on the planet is severely strained in every possible way, and too many people with too many needs are, in the opinion of many biological and social scientists, THE major contributing factor.

Women do wish for more children, some of us chronically, some of us in little flurries of desire that last a month or a year at a time. Most of my contemporaries stopped with a maximum of three children, but many with only one or two, and had no trouble coping with the "baby hungries." All ended up content with the number they had, including a friend who tried for years to conceive and never succeeded. All built good lives with the blessings that were available to them.

Okay, those are my thoughts. I appreciate the chance to express my worries about future generations, which include the only grandson I will ever have. I want him and his peers to have a chance at a good life with many opportunites. The stresses we are adding to their futures, if we keep making so many babies, will limit their choices, and perhaps even reduce their chances for health and emotional fulfillment.

Whatever choice you ultimately make, I genuinely wish you happiness.

7 and 4?!?! You're in the home stretch to all kids in kindergarten! Don't hit the re-set button on your life! Plus, not you, your kids OR your hubby are going to enjoy a new baby if you go through a depression.

In truth...I love all 4 of my baby girls, even now that they are grown and still give us gray hairs. I wouldn't change a thing.

That aside..... If you really want to be talked out of it......

Sleepless nights, colic, thrush, daycare costs, 2 years of colds, pink eye, potential ear infections, fun stages like screaming, hitting, picking their nose, tattling, terrible two's, head lice, pin worms, impetigo, hand food mouth, POTTY TRAINING, costs of diapers, formula, finding more space in the house for all their things, TEEN YEARS... look out, they bite LOL!

I haven't even mentioned the miserable pregnancy and childbirth :)

I'm with Lesley. I can send by my oldest, who has ADHD, OCD, depression, encopresis, tics and a possible eating disorder. He's a pretty good deterrent to more kids at the moment.

Also, think of the sleep deprivation. That was the worst for me. It was hard to function at work on a couple hours of sleep.

Why not just stop with 2? The world population is exploding right now. I do not begrudge anyone with more than 2 kids, their kids, but if you have the choice, why not make the responsible one for society? With 2 kids, you've replaced yourself and your husband in terms of the population. With 3, you have increased your footprint by 50%. Something to think about.

Aside from that, with 3 you need a bigger car, you need 2 hotel rooms when you travel, if you ever hope to go on vacation, you're looking at one more plane ticket, you're looking at another $100K for college, probably fewer opportunities for your kids to participate in after-school activities (the expenses add up!). Suppose the public schools continue to go downhill and you need to pay for private school tuition... just sayin'!

Of course, once we have the kids we have, we love them and would never send them back, but I do question my decision to even have a second child! I can't imagine a third... you'd definitely go from playing man-to-man coverage to playing zone defense, that's for sure.

I knew I was done with one, so I can't offer any perspective on going from two to three, except to say that if I were on the meds you're on, and treating my disorders without them for nine months was going to make me miserable, that would outweigh my kids' wish for a baby sibling.

I honestly think it's just Spring Fever! Everything is new and blossoming and a LOT of women get the baby bug about this time of year. So, wait for at least 6 months post family baby explosion to make that decision.

I would agree with the poster who says you are well on your way to kindergarten. You have no idea how busy you are going to be with both kids in school and all the activities. Don't limit yourself to not being able to do everything with them as they experience the next stages.

Also, you paid to lose that weight! No, no, no, no, no..... That was an investment in you and a baby will undo that. Personal experience... I got breast surgery at 26 and had a perfect 36D. Had my girl at 35, now have a HUGE 36DD on a small frame. *sigh*

GL with your decision!

I'll talk you out of it! Remember when you were in a walking zombie state, waking every 2-3 hours for feeding, carrying a diaper bag everywhere, with spit up on your shirt, and a gassy uncontrollable crying newborn? Well, if you have another you'll be that woman again, but this time with a 4 and 7 year old as well to take care of as well!

I have two sons, seven and four, and I'm currently expecting our third son. I am absolutely over the moon! I never thought I'd have the opportunity to have another, and now that we are, I'm so happy I can't stand it.

But that's not much help, is it? Sorry ;-)

Sorry, I *can't* talk you out of this. We decided to try for our third when our first two girls were 3.5 and 20 months. It happened right away - so she was totally meant to be :o)

The only struggles I've faced are the sleep deprivation, but my oldest is STILL a crumby sleeper, and getting 3 little kids out the door in the winter for preschool - but since your 2 are already old enough to do so much on their own, you won't have this problem. It's always a little chaotic and overwhelming when adding a new baby to the family (whether #1 or 10), but eventually you hit your stride and find your groove.

I can't imagine our family without our third daughter. She fills a void I never even knew was there. She's so mild tempered and easy-going - a very dangerous third baby!

Only you and your husband can decide if this is the right time for another child. But I *can* tell you that you (probably) won't regret another baby if you have one.....but you might always wonder 'what if'.

If you want to snap out of the baby brain, babysit my 16 month old for 2 hours. You'll be begging to give him back!! ;)

no offense, but you speak of a lot of issues, with your DH, with mental illness... I would wait, have a baby when things are more stable. You have 2 girls. God doesnt have babies waiting for anyone, we are all born with countless eggs, and anyone can get pregnant. I think you should at least postpone this a couple years.

Stick with what you've got!

N.,
I don't think you REALLY want to be talked out of it. I think you want to be talked into it! It took me a while to realize that when I posted similar posts, what I REALLY wanted to see, though I'd never admit it, is for people to come next to me and encourage me to go for it. I'd read the "don't do it!" posts and get a knot in my stomach. When people ask you, "So, are you done?" and you say, "Ohhh yeah...never again"...how does that make you feel? I say it, and I get that same hole in the pit of my stomach...something deep and indescribable that whispers "no you're not". I know I'm "supposed" to be done with my girl and my boy and 36 years old, but another child is something I think about every single day. I felt the same way after DD and thought that it would resolve after DS, but immediately I had the "just one more" feeling. All those things that people posted, about the sleepless nights, the spit up, the diapers, etc...those are not scary to me. I loved those days. The comments about "getting the kids out of the house"...THAT is scary to me. I want them to be kids in my home for a LONG time. I never thought I wanted kids, I never thought I wanted to be a mom...we changed our minds and now I cannot imagine NOT being a mom with children. I love it. Granted, they drive me bonkers very often, and I'm home alone with the 2 of them while Dh is deployed for a year, and there are days...well...you get the point, but still I don't feel my family portrait is complete. My Dh is 38. He won't be home till Fall...and will be 39 if we have another child. But to think that I'd give the kids another family member to walk with them after we are both gone...that is comforting. So...now that I am realizing my true desires, despite the fact that logically, it makes NO sense and I have a "cons" list a mile long...we probably WILL try for #3 after he gets home. I am realizing that it doesn't matter what other people think (and trust me, people have voiced their opinions!)...as long as we can love and support emotionally AND financially another child, it is the decision of our family. I was always too worried about what we were "supposed" to do, and when it came time to get ready for the neighborhood garage sale this Spring (in a week) and I just couldn't sell all the baby stuff...that's when I realized my true feelings. I almost wish I could have an "oops" while preventing, so it's not my "fault"...but I know I'd be very excited...so what does that say? How would you feel if you got pregnant right now unexpectedly? I bet, from your comments, you'd be over the moon! It's making the decision that is the hard part...and this has actually been the hardest decision ever for me...
Guess we'll wait and see. Good luck!

Sorry- I can't talk you out of it either. :)

Although I would like to know where milk is $2.99 per gallon.

Sounds like money won't be an issue with having a third, right?
I say do it. You already have the baby itch- and it is only going to get worse.

I also am on anti-depressants to keep me "even" after a terrible bout of PPD. I only have one child, but just thinking about the 8 months before I got diagnosed with PPD makes me never want to go through that again. Whichever way you go, good luck!

N., you can watch baby Mason one Saturday for me. He'll change your mind REAL quick! Can we say colic???

if you truely want another baby, then you shouldnt be asking other peoples opinions on it. this should be a decision between you and your hubby and if you both feel that its right for you then do it...... good luck