Husband Dipper Duty

Is it possible for you to work part time instead of him? Then while you are gone (and you must need some time out of the house), he can have more bonding time with the kids (including diaper changing).

I am a Full time working mom of a 17mo. old and my husband is in the Army and away. I do all the housework and child care. I admit it gets quite challenging sometimes but I manage to get it done (and I chose this life, so I take responsibility for it).

.

You are a very patient person. I would have totally lost my mind with him by now but that is my way at times when I get really frustrated.

I know how you are feeling. With my first marriage many years ago (16) I did everything for our daughter and I worked full time as well. I was young and allowed it to happen and by the time she was about 18 months she wouldn't let daddy do anything for her, including diapers/baths, help with toys, etc. All I heard was "Mommy Do!!!" We did end up divorcing when she was almost 5 and she had to deal with Daddy during visits and was forced to allow him to care for her.

With my second marriage 2 years ago and the birth of our son 9 months ago, my new husband tried the whole "the poop is gross, I'm going to throw up" drama and I just made him do it. I was so afraid that my son would end up like my daughter, only wanting me since I'm now a SAHM too that I really have made him pitch in. My son can be comforted by either of us now and that is such a relief to me but it took some time to get here.

I would totally use your pregnancy hormones and the pending birth of your daughter to tell your husband flat out how you feel, in the nicest way possible that you expect his help, no fights, no arguing, he will help, it can't be a wait and see thing. As if there is a question as to whether or not you will "need" his help. It's only fair, these children are half his and when he is around he should pitch in too!

I wish you lots of luck!!

I hate to say it, but the two of you probably should have thought about that before having a second baby. Definitely don't have a third if you don't want to have to change all those diapers. As for the house cleaning, a good thing to do it make as few messes as possible. You have to have certain rules in the house. If laundry gets thrown all around or dishes left through the house, it can get pretty crazy. Also, no shoes in the house, leave them by the door. Stuff like that. You make a mess, you clean it, is a good rule too. Make sure you talk to your husband about keeping tidy. Dishes by the sink, and laundry in the hamper. That might help a litte. I don't know what your cleaning problems are really, but that stuff helped me when my son was little. When the kids get old enough, have them help out too.

My response is sort of a combination of all those you have received so far.

I do think that he is going to have to change his tune once your pretty girl comes along. He won't have much of a choice but to assist.

My husband told me that he wasn't going to change a single diaper before our daughter was born. He was not comfortable with it and did not know how. We spent many dirty diaper changes together with me showing him the proper way to change a baby.

Now he changes her (mainly when I hand her to him and say - "New diaper, please.") :)

So, it's been said that if you want someone to change, you must first change yourself. Whatever it is you've been doing, try something different would be my advice.

I was also a stay at home mom, with all the parenting duties. IF you're not there, does he let the child sit in the mess..? Go take a bath at the first sign of an impending BM...."oh, honey, I'm in the middle of this & can't do it...it's all yours!", kind of thing.

I should say that I'm also divorced because I did NOT have the partnership through all of our life together...my ex was not willing to change, unfortunately, so if I'm doing it myself anyway, I might as well really do it myself..and did! Good, effective communication & a reality check with what you're willing & not willing to negotiate and/or live with. It really is in your lap, ultimately. Choose your battles & good luck!

Hi E.,

There may not be much that you can do to get your hubby to change diapers. My husband will change a wet diaper, but always asks for "help" with a poopy one. "Help" means that I change the diaper and he stands there and watches. Our son is nearly 30 months old. You said that you have expressed how you feel already. Once the new baby comes you can tell him that they both need to be changed, so he can take his pick of the older one or the younger one, but you really need his help. I'm sorry that I don't have any better advice, but I did want to let you know that you are not the only one in this situation.

J.
A Mother's Boutique
Breastfeeding clothing, nursing bras, breast pumps, slings and accessories
MamaSource Members will receive 10% off of their first order - just mention promo code "MamaSource"
http://www.mothersboutique.com

Your husband needs to GROW UP! It is way easier for him to go to work than it is for you to stay home, play and clean. You are also working a FULL time job! When he gets home, he needs to put in his fair share to help you out. He chose to have children too....it's not a one sided deal...or we women wouldn't need men :o)

Stand up for yourself and tell him he needs to help you. After all, right now being pregnant and all, you are probably pretty tired and should be pampered...at least some!

How would he feel if you didn't have dinner for him at night? You could tell him your shift at work is done too....

I wish you luck girl, but please stand up for yourself!!!!

36 y.o. mom of 3 boys 11,9, and 4. Used to stay at home, but now work full time. Married 13+ years to a no complainin' DIAPER Changin' hubby! (well, we are done with diapers now....but he was awesome!)

What is your husband going to do while you are in the hospital? Bring your child to the hospital to have a dirty diaper changed? I would have a long talk about being a parent. It takes two to tango. You both made the babies, so why do only you have to change the icky diapers? I've had this fight with my huband also. Point out that he works and so do you. So when you are both at home you should both share all the parenting duties. Whether that be changing diapers, midnight feedings or bath time. Does he expect you to be "on call" 24/7? If you put it in terms of how many hours you are working and what it would be like if you worked outside the home it usually helps. Good luck with your husband and your new baby!

Oh E.!! You have let your hubby get away with this one far too long! He helped make them, he can help clean them for god's sake!! The rule in our house when our three girls were little was you find it, you change it, peroid. It doesn't matter that you are a SAHM...when he is there he should partisapate in your childrens life! Yes that means baths, changing, playing and disapline. It's nice that he has a second job to save money, but if you don't NEED it, then maybe he should quit and stay home more to be part of your children's lives more. They are young for such a short time! Good luck!

Does he really have to change the diapers? Can he help you in soime other way? He may be really quesy and the thought of it just grosses him out. Personally there are other chores around the house that I absolutely hate and would change all the diapers if my husband did that chore. If the problem is that he won't lift a finger to do anything you ask then you have a problem. Sucessful marriage is based on service and sacrifice. If your always taking care of your husbands needs and hes always taking care of yours, you never need to worry about yourself cos you are always being taken care of!
If he does help out in other things then praise him for it and make sure you tell him how grateful you are. Count yourself lucky and don't emntion the diapers again!
Good luck.

I can't imagine being in this situation! I feel so bad for you. My husband changes diapers all the time! And we use cloth. How about if you leave for a day and he has total responsibility with your son? Will he change the diaper then? How about a schedule? You could talk about it ahead of time and say that he is responsible for certain diapers changes? Maybe when he gets home from work or nighttime? Does he get your son ready for bed? Maybe he could start doing that and be responsible for that diaper change. Good luck..but I'm afraid you can't change people..but maybe you can!

Maybe he doesn't know what a dipper is. I suggest you ask him to change a diaper.