Hubby Working Nights/noise Factor During Day

Try a white noise machine or box fan. Me, my husband and kids all sleep with one. He may have to start out on the low setting to get used to it.

I have a hubby who works mids and it is an adjustment trying to learn to sleep while there is activity going on around you. Also, in the summer he had trouble sleeping because of the sunlight during the day and noise from lawn mowers, kids outside playing, etc. It IS an adjustment and if that's coupled with the fact that he sounds like he misses being the one home all day, he's probably feeling a little testy. Totally normal. I would recommend room darkening shades so that doesn't add to his misery and that also might be part of what's keeping him from getting really good restful sleep (or keeping him from falling into a deep sleep). Tell him to try the ear plugs until he can adjust to the noise or maybe try using a fan that will help to by creating white noise and drown out some of the every day noise.

Also, as a wife who's hubby has worked mids FOREVER I MUST suggest that you set up some guidelines now about what time to expect him to wake each day. Initially, when my fist born came along, hubby thought it was just fine to sleep until he FELT like getting up. Not knowing when he would be awake, it was hard to plan dinner time, look forward to a much needed break, etc. I finally went off the deep end and after I calmed down we came to an agreement that he would be up no later than 5:30 each day so that we could enjoy the remainder of the day as a family and I would know when I could have an additional amount of help. PLEASE DO THIS NOW.

If its any comfort, my hubby has learned to co-exist with us being home all day and I'm even able to have my son's little 4 yr old friends over running around laughing and talking and it doesn't phase hubby any longer. The other moms are shocked that he can sleep through the "chaos" while everyone is here, especially the wives of my hubby's co-workers (who also work mids). I've had up to six kids under 5 at my house and hubby has no problem sleeping through it.

Your will eventually adjust too. It just takes a little time and compromise. You're doing the right thing. Its like training a newborn to sleep through the phone ringing and the TV and vaccuum. The quieter you make it for him, the harder it will get for him to sleep through minor noise issues.

I agree with all the others that suggest ear plugs and a fan/white noise machine. For him to refuse ear plugs then go and turn the TV up @ night would Reeeaally tick me off! My husband is off on workers' comp & has insomnia quite often and I never know if he's watching TV or playing his x-box in the other room. Compromise is very important especially in your less-than-ideal situation. Hopefully your husband will begin to adjust to the new schedule, etc. I sympathize & hope you guys work it out soon :)

Am I the only one who is tired of Kelly S's rude and sarcastic "advice"?

Your hubby can get some ear plugs and a noise machine. You and your family can't tiptoe around and live in silence when he refuses to return the favor when you and your son are sleeping.

MY husband gets home at 3 am and finally to sleep around 5. Of course, I am up an hour later, then the older kids are up an hour after that. Our bedroom is right off the kitchen so any tiny noise does travel. He has complained but I told him he has to be realistic. Yes, our kids can be noisy but how quietly can you expect a box of cereal to be opened? He uses earplugs at work and they are disgarded every night. Well he has brought them home and uses them when it is time for the kids to get up. This has helped tremendously.

first off the situation is the problem, and you can't help that. you are doing all you can and i'm sorry but a child makes noise - it's the nature of the beast. hubby may be resentful, he may be grouchy at having to work nights, whatever the situation, there's only so much you can do. i suggest a fan in the bedroom to drown out the noise, or a noise machine. it's never going to be perfect and he's just going to have to be a grownup and deal with it. after awhile hopefully he'll get more used to it and he'll find it easier to sleep while you guys are home. we had the exact same situation. and i can suggest a couple places to take your son that are free or super cheap - malls are fun for little ones to walk around and burn off some energy, and there is no obligation to buy anything! also mcdonald's playplaces - we hit the dollar menu and my son is a happy camper. even walking around walmart sometimes can help. it isn't fair to confine your son to a dark quiet apartment all weekend just because your hubby has to sleep. there should be compromise on BOTH sides. (and btw i HATE surround sound - ours is horribly loud and yes, if you turn it down, you can't hear the talking. i don't even use ours, i feel like getting it loud enough to comfortably hear the talking parts, then the effects are WAY too loud.)

True he may feel resentful about going back to work, but bear in mind that working nights is really tough. I only work 2 12hr night shifts per week and it's enough! The sleep you get during the day just isn't as restful and rejuvinating. It's common for people to get grumpy and even depressed working nights, even if they get several hours sleep during the day. I would suggest a multipronged approach.
1. Put a large fan in his room and turn it on high. I realize it's going to make the room chilly, but turn it towards the wall or away from his bed. The noise from the fan should drown out some of the talking/walking.
2. In addition to the fan he should definitely wear the earplugs. they take some getting used to, but they are so worth it. He needs to take some of the responsibility (by wearing the plugs) b/c as you pointed out, it's too cold for you to spend the day outdoors.
3. Look for free activities in your area. You and your son could go to the library in the morning; see if they offer storytime or sing-alongs. Invest in a museum pass that allows you access to a few science/childrens museums for free (after purchasing the pass). Find some other moms that are willing to have you over for a playdate on the weekends. Most malls have children's play areas for climbing, going down slides, etc. Not sure how old your son is but this might be fun for him if he's a toddler. Is your family nearby? Ask if you can come over to visit once a week on the weekends.
4. Bundle up and brave the weather for Saturday sledding or walking. Even an hour out of the house should give your hubby a chance to fall into deep sleep so he doesn't awaken to the slightest sound.

He is unhappy about going back to work, and I'm sure you are upset about losing your job. Try to support each other and look for solutions instead of butting heads. I know it's easier said than done. He probably feels jealous that he has to sleep instead of playing with the two of you. Good luck! :)

Anne Marie- no, you are not the only one tired of Kelly's rude "advice."

It sounds like you're doing everything you can to keep quiet. He's just going to have wear some earplugs and get used to the fact that he has a wife and child are NOT sleeping during the day!

Keep up the great work. If I were you...I wouldn't even be trying that hard to be quiet. I guess I'm not a delicate flower though.
Lynsey

It's sad he won't wear the earplugs. It seems like he isn't ready to compromise and work with you. There are only so many things you can do. Have him put a blanket across the door jam after going in the room and you put one one the outside. Get him a white noise machine or turn on the radio very quietly. Tell him to take some Melatonin, I have heard it helps people naturally to get better sleep, I have never taken it myself. Explain to him that there is this button on the remote that says "subtitles". It makes words show up on the screen so he can watch his movies on mute if needed. His adjustment will take time. My friends husband averages about 5 hours a day of sleep when he is on nights. He is off at 5am and sleeps until about 1-2 once he goes to bed.

Lots of great advice out there! My husband also works nights (varied schedule throughout the month) so we have issues with him getting enough sleep. I like the ear plugs idea - I think I will suggest that to him.

I too am looking for ideas outside in the winter! Do you have a Barnes and Noble near by? I brought my son to one last week and he loved it! They have a little play area and of course there are lots of books to look at. Someone suggested to me going to Petsmart to look at the kittens/birds/fish and of course any dogs that are in the store. I like that idea.

Best of luck to you!

Get your husband a fan to put on in his room when he sleeps. I use that when my son takes a nap. The white noise drowns out the noise around the house. Tell him to use the earplugs or put a little bit of cotton in his ears. Tell him to deal with the lack of sleep on the weekends!! He can make it up during the week.

My husband is the same way. He has now bought stock in foam ear plugs!!

Why are you not the delicate flower that says "ok, hun, we'll be more careful"? Sounds like maybe you should try a little harder to be quiet and be more curteous. I used to work nights and it really is harder to sleep during the day. Get him a box fan and that will drown out alot of noise, but you still need to be quiet too.

I have a hubby who works nights too and when he is feeling neglected (too little sex, for example) or otherwise ignored in the family doings, he has more trouble sleeping. It seems the only thing that helps is making him feel more involved and loved, whatever that entails. Not spoiling him mind you, just showing him how important he is to us. Maybe you could find a way to do the same for your husband, and he might find his sleeping patterns improve. I sometimes wait up to hang out with him while he gets ready for work or ask him to set the alarm earlier to have time for those adult activies we miss out on otherwise, but my husband goes to work at 1 am, so that might not work for you.

My husband has worked nights almost our entire life together. We have 3 childrenages 9 yo, 3 yo and 6 months. We also have a tiny house!!! Go to the sporting section or even in the pharmacy section and buy him a set of ear plugs. The kind that you smoosh then, put in your ear and it expands. They are sooo cheap and comfortable. Have him use them!!!! I use them at tiimes when the hubby is home at night and snorring like a freight train!!! (I somehow missed where you said he has these but won't wear them. That is his BAD choice and simply tell him if he wants sleep then wear the ear plugs!)

As for being upset he had to go back to work.... tell him thank you that he is suppporting his family and that being resentful is not helping and it will only hurt your relationship in the long run. being a SAHM for the past 9 years has been somithing I can do and I would hate going back to work now but if thats what pays the bills we have to do what is best at the time. Maybe soon you can go back to work and he can be a SAHD again but in these tough economic times he AND you could both be jobLESS! Remind him (lovingly) that it could be soooo much worse!

Sounds like you are being as quiet as possible, you and your child can't be silent, I know. If hubby is hearing the noise, then he does need to use the earplugs and a fan or white noise machine. Hanging a thick blanket over the door may also help to muffle noise. Perhaps you and your son could look into some library programs or other free/low cost programs in the community so that you can spend some time out of the house on those weekend days that hubby is sleeping, or if you have friends/family nearby, you could visit.
good luck

I don't really have a lot of additional advice, but we've done the "opposite schedule thing" almost since we were married. Since we had kids, my husband has generall worked the 3-11 shift, and for a while I was working about 6:15 to 2:30, then home or in graduate classes. He had full-time child care duties, then full-time work, and he struggles with insomnia. Medication stopped working a few years ago.

This might sound mean, but men tend (not always!!!) to be a little whinier when their needs are not met (sleep, food, etc.). He might seem more upset than he is, and a little humoring never hurt anyone. We used to have carboard and blankets hung over our windows to block light when my husband slept days, and he sometimes listens to music with headphones on to help drown out sound and get him to sleep. You can establish that you are sorry for the rotten schedule, but you all have to suck it up and deal with it. We have had to do that and just maximize the time we can have together. I have pointed out to my husband that I pulled myself through grad school sleeping about 4 hours a night, even after having a baby and working full-time. If your son is still napping during the day, you can all take a family nap-time and you and your husband can have some time to cuddle when he is not sleeping well anyway. Sometimes I think they just want us to sympathize and be angry about the circumstances with them, even though there is nothing we can do to help. If you can find things to do outside, great. If all he can manage is to sleep from about 8 until 1 on a Saturday, then that is more sleep than a lot of working parents get at all. I don't think you need to be harsh about it, but continue what you are doing. And incidently, my husband is also the loud movie/music at night person, and I've had to learn to tell him it is keeping me up. I hope things work out soon for you. It does really stink to work those hours, but just tell him how proud you are that he is back working nights to support you and your family and keep up what you are already doing.

P.S. One more thing I just remembered has helped my husband sleep (although he won't admit it) is going for a walk. Maybe after work you can make a morning family tradition of going for a short walk to get some fresh air and help him sleep better, so he gets a little family time and can fall asleep faster.

Hi A.,
I like Danielle B's advice and agree with Sarah that a little sex can't hurt - it may be harder to make time for it since you are on different sleeping schedules and harder to feel like it since he is acting so cranky right now.

It does sound like he's being resentful of going back to work (and jealous that you get to play and do fun stuff with your son), and it is a HUGE adjustment, more so because he's on the night shift. That being said, he has to suck it up and stop being such a baby. Wear the earplugs! and he should be considerate when he is watching a movie. I'm sure he loves his surround sound, but that DOES make the house shake - more than a herd of kids, and it may be true that he can't really hear it at more reasonable volumes, so he should get headphones! No, it won't be surround-sound, but he can use that when everyone is up. Friends of mine just bought a new TV with surround-sound, and the wife is sure their 8-month old is going to wind up with hearing loss from it, her husband is good about turning it down (if she's there to complain) but otherwise it is quite loud, it's just the nature of the design - think about the last movie you saw in a theater.

Even with a hundred good ideas, you can't spend your entire day out of the house. I would check out your local library to see if they have story-hour or other little kid programs, also check Barnes and Noble, Babies R us, etc. There are many places that have free events. And I always found that getting my daughter outside for at least a 1/2 hour did wonders for everyone (no matter how cold or hot).

The ear plugs work wonderfully, they are slightly uncomfortable, but you get used to them. We used to use them occasionally to drown out a snoring boyfriend or roommate in college, and then they were really put to the test when I had to spend a few weeks sleeping in a giant tent with a couple hundred people I didn't know for work during the early part of the Katrina Hurricane response. We all make sacrifices for our families every day. You are doing your part, he has to do his. And, for the record, who LIKES to work? There are aspects that are good, getting out of the house, interacting with other adults, etc. But given the choice, wouldn't we all rather do that on our own terms and schedule - assuming we had the freedom to do it. There's a reason work is a 4-letter word. And, like you said, your husband had it easy as a SAHD, there are few men in that position that do the work a SAHM does. He's got a lot of adjusting to do, he just has to understand that the adjustment involves more than just being the one to go to work everyday.
Tell him if he won't wear the earplugs to sleep, you'll wear them so you don't have to hear him complain :)

It can take a while to adjust so you hubby is probably still grumpy from the adjustment. It takes some getting used to. i worked 11pm -7am for just over 4 years, my husband worked is still working it. once his body adjusted he could sleep fine because he was tired. you can do what you can to help him sleep but you can't remain silent with a child, especially in the winter and only on the weekend. i have dealt with sleeping while the house is full of action it is tough but it is possible. let him get upset until his body adjusts you cant change your life totally. keep reminding the kid to keep the volume down and take it day by day. if you think your husbands anger comes form the job resentment then you need to talk to him and tell him what a service he is doing for his family. Good luck