Am I Crazy for This.. I Want to Make It Better..

Sorry, sweetie, sometimes you just need to be uncomfortable for a while to get to where you want to be.

Good luck.

It is true that you just have to get used to having him in bed with you again. This will take time/many nights of him sleeping with you. Get earplugs and discreetly put them in when he snores or breathes loudly. Snuggle up and just remember you WANT him back in bed with you!

Three words for you. King sized bed!!! It's one of the important foundations to a relationship in my opinion. I cannot stand it if I don't have my space to sleep in - I am not a cuddle all night kind of gal. Seriously, my husband and I have trouble being comfortable in a queen even - we are so used to our "own" space. And we aren't huge people either.

I also have a snoring husband. Using a fan or a humidifier, depending on the season, does indeed work wonders; I used to use earplugs but have gotten used to it.

Good luck!!

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Is the bed too small? I wonder if getting a larger bed so you had your own spots on the bed would help? If he's snoring, maybe try earplugs. Or get a box fan that creates some loud white noise so that it drowns out his snoring more. Those are probably lame suggestions, but they are what came to mind!

i agree with K N...it seems curious to me that you keep saying you want him back in the bed but when he tries you have to make a comment about being uncomfortable? make sure your bed is big enough, like others have said, maybe switch to a better mattress...but in the end, no amount of saying you want him there will convince him, if the first time he does, you complain about it. sorry. if i was in this postition and truly wanted him back in the bed, i'd keep quiet...maybe give it a week or two and THEN when he is solidly "back", make suggestions that might help you both feel more comfortable - during the day, not when he's laying in bed with you.

I found that when me and my ex got back together after the first time I left him I couldn't get comfortable. He'd hold me and I'd feel like a heater was attached to my back. His breathing irritated me too. He got frustrated because he may have felt like he was reaching out and was turned away or being complained to. After a week or less of being back together, I was used to sleeping in the same bed as my ex and it no longer annoyed me. You just have to give yourself time to adjust to a different sleeping situation. With the snoring, either wait and then you'll get used to it and it won't phase you anymore... or get some soft ear plugs. It's just because you haven't slept with him in a long time

I think your going to have to tell him you didn't mean to say something mean about his snoring. You really want him to sleep with you. I would stay away from saying you hurt his feelings because then he might get defensive (just assuming b/c he's a guy). It makes perfect sense, I went through it too. I'm sure most everyone does when they have a new night time partner. Same thing with co-sleepers, first it feels uncomfortable but you get used to it.
I like Teresa's suggestion about a box fan (or ceiling fan) so it'll be inconspicuous :)

I really like Teresa's idea about adding white noise!

My DH snores, and it used to drive me crazy, but I did eventually get used to it. I'm sure you will too. Dawn's earplug and sleep aid suggestion could be really useful until then.

Best wishes!! :)

If he snores and that is the problem, he may have sleep apnea.

I do. I got a CPAP machine. It stopped my snoring and made it much easier for me to sleep laying down. I've had it (my CPAP machine) since 1992 and it had done wonders. It was a little inconveinent at first, but I now find it difficult to sleep without it.

Good luck to you and yours.

King sized beds do work wonders. Many nights I never even feel my hubby in the bed. I miss our queen size since it promotes closeness but I'm a snorer and it can drive my husband pretty crazy some nights too.

You got used to sharing a bed with him once - you will again.
You have the love, just add patience on both your parts.
Maybe ask his doctor about the snoring - or invest in earplugs?
In a couple of weeks you both will be used to sharing a bed together again.

Hugs

My husband was in the navy for 27 years. He was gone as much as he was home. When he is gone, I sleep SO much better! Always have. He snores, twitches, jolts, talks in his sleep, hogs the covers, radiates heat (great in winter, not great in summer) you name it, he does it. But I still much prefer the nights he's in bed with me. It just takes a couple days to readjust when he gets home.

Get a king size bed as so many have said, and snuggle for a few minutes and then take your own side and get comfortable. Hold hands, and make him feel wanted and needed and loved. Rub his back, touch his face, even while hes asleep. I like my space and comfort too but I love being able to reach out in the dark and touch my husbands arm or neck. Im not one to "spoon" or need to cuddle all night, but I do like hearing him breathe, and if he snores, I can get up for a few minutes and go sit on the couch and go back later when he isnt snoring. Or sometimes if you just touch them on their arm or shoulder they stop snoring. You need to put a lot of effort into it so he can feel like your husband again. Be sweet to him. Put up with a bit of discomfort and it will get better. youll get back into your rhythm again. It will do your marriage a lot of good. Hang in there!

It just takes a couple days, just like when our soldier husbands are gone on deployment. My husband was gone 15 months each time and it took a little getting used to. Don't worry. A couple days, total exhaustion from each of you and you pass out and you won't even think about it and you'll wake up and he's just there and it will be great.
L. D

Hi J.,

Without knowing exactly what the problem is, its hard to judge. But if your hubby has back problems which makes it hard to sleep in the bed, maybe you could get a special pad or cover for your bed. Or, buy him another bed and bring it upstairs in the room with you---you can rearrange a bit of furniture to make it work. As for you getting comfortable, if the snoring is what bothers you the most--get some ear plugs and maybe a relaxation cd and see if that helps. Hope things work out where you can be together again soon!

M

well it isnt wacky... i work over nights and so does my hubby, so we never sleep in the same bed ever at the same time, and when we do actually get nights off together it is horrible sleep... i think it is the same as when getting used to sleeping next to someone, then adjusting to sleeping alone, then trying to sleep next to someone again... after a week it will feel right again :)
good luck with the dr appt and hope everything is ok!
also side note, nice new soft sheets and pillow cases always make getting into bed more comfy :)

1. First thing I would purchase an ipod. Get the super soft ear plugs. I purchased this CD in the self help section at Borders. Its called "deep sleep,sound sleep"these are two cd and both helped me achieve a great sleep.
2.get a pillow top matteress cover..so comfortable

Another vote for a king sized bed, if you can swing it or think it would help.
I LOVE my space and we have a kid between us.
Also, I know they don't work for everyone, but DH wears those Breathe Right nasal strips when he is having congestion issues (i.e. snoring like a beast) and they help.
He is not super stoked to wear them but he does.
I hope this helps a little bit!
GL! Give it time. :)

My husband and I can't share a bed any more due to my snoring! :-) Actually, I moved out of our master bedroom and into the guest room and we couldn't be happier.

When we do have guests staying in the guest room, hubby and I are roommates again. We sleep with a fan on for white noise, and it helps that we are in a king size bed. I am currently refurnishing the master bedroom (all of our furniture except for the bed is his childhood furniture) and I'm planning to put a couch in the room so that I can sleep on it when we have guests over.

If a king size bed isn't working for you, maybe you could do the "I Love Lucy" thing and have two twin or full size beds in the room. Just because you don't share a room doesn't mean that you're not madly in love or can't be intimate. It just means that you both get some well deserved sleep.

Good luck to you.

A king size bed really does help. You have your own space. My kids have the sleep app on their ipod touch's, i borrow that every once in a while. I love it! Once you get used to him in the bed it will reverse. You wont sleep well without him there :)

Once you start sleeping in the same bed again you should both be able to adjust to each other. I can't stand touching in bed! I get way too hot, I'm not a snuggler or anything! My hubby knows this and doesn't take it personally. And if his snoring bothers you try those nose strip things you can buy or get ear plugs or try to just get over it. Its important for your marriage to work this out. And if you are not having sex, you better get on it! That is just asking for a divorce. I hope you find something that works for both of you. Good luck!

Get ear plugs! My husband comes into bed after I'm asleep and sometimes starts snoring and wakes me up. I wish I had ear plugs. When he lays against me I get really hot and it drives me crazy like I can't breathe. I hate when he falls asleep on the couch though. Good Luck. Make it work. Joke around about it with him so he doesn't feel insulted or like he tries but you shoot him down. Laugh about how you were sleeping like a single woman for so long that you have to get yourself comfortable with having someone in your bed again.

My husband works nights during the winter. His schedule is set on the tides (he works on the water), so each night he'd leave and return one hour later. I DID get used to, and enjoy my space. I love my husband, and I love time without him too. It took me a while to feel that way, but my alone time is something that I really value now.

Anyway. Transition takes some time. I didn't get used to him being gone over night (I'm back enjoying his summer time schedule, and have a harder time falling asleep if I don't feel his heat), and I didn't get used to him being around over night.

I try to set reasonable goals for myself, and I try to communicate them.
ex: "I have gotten used to you being out of the bed. I REALLY like having you in bed, and my sleeping body is not used to sharing space. I think that I will be able to share space with you again, even when I'm sleeping, but it might take a few nights/weeks. I love you, and am looking forward to having our groove back!"