Hubby Hates the Doctor and Dentist.

You can't really force him to go. My husband is the same way. He doesn't hate them, he just doesn't have time to go so it's not a big deal to him. I usually try to make an appointment for him at the dentist and then a few days before he has to cancel it because he has to work or something. The last time he has been was like 7 years ago. I can't make him go.

Well, first... I'm not hubby's mom, so I don't "nag" him to take care of himself. He's grown, and that's part of being an adult.

That being said, I would probably take out a HUGE life insurance policy on your husband and have him sign it. Tell him you are just protecting your future and the future of your daughter so that beyond the incredible hole it will fill in your lives when he dies from neglecting his health.... that at least neither of you will suffer financially.

I would also recommend he seek some therapy for his irrational fears. Let him know that he is not setting a good example and being a good role model for his children by not taking care of himself.

Then, you leave it alone. But natural consequences.... if he doesn't go to the Dr when he's sick... then he has to take care of himself. Not you.

Is he doing anything to strengthen his immune system? That's really important. If he's anti-medication, there's a lot that can be done - my family hasn't had a sick visit in almost 6 years. My husband doesn't like the doctor much (mostly he hates needles and is very particularly, rightly so, about bedside manner and not being rushed) but this way he doesn't need one very often.

Also, let him know that insufficient dental care which leads to gum disease also has a strong link to heart disease. If he wants to be around for his daughter, he's got to learn the source of his aversion. Was he mistreated or injured by a practitioner? Is he afraid of bad news? Did someone in his family go to the doctor and get a devastating diagnosis? Is he extremely modest? Afraid of a rectal exam?

I agree that he needs to do something - go to a counselor to learn what the problem is, go to a doctor for just a consult with the promise of no tests or poking/probing, try a naturopath, or pay up his life insurance for double or triple the coverage since he's doing nothing for prevention. I think he isn't going to hear it from you though. He's tuning you out and no one else is telling him. You also need another emergency contact for yourself as well as your daughter because, if something happens to you or to her and he fails to take you or her to the doctor or the ER, something horrible could happen. Maybe knowing that you are taking other steps to protect yourselves will shock him into action.

After almost dying after an arrogant, conceited doctor insisted on doing things "his way" and gave me a medicine prior to surgery he was told I was allergic to "Because that is what I use and the way I'm going to do it" and several (I wish I wasn't exaggerating when I say it's more than one!) other extreme incidents like that with medical professional I will not and do not go to the doctor or dentist unless I absolutely, positively have to. And then I have severe panic attacks and I have to have someone go with me. I very often have my husband and all 3 of my kids in the doctors room with me to keep ma calm, and my doctors know this and accept it and work with me because it keeps me calmer than without them. My blood pressure skyrockets to dangerous levels. I hyperventilate, I have almost fainted. I can barely speak. I have a very genuine and very severe phobia. It takes everything to hold it together when all I'm doing is taking my kids to their checkups. I have panic attacks even then, though it's not as severe as it would be if they were checking me out. I don't take any medication unless I absolutely have to and there is no other alternative. I have several severe allergies to very commonly prescribed medications so I save those that are safe for when I really need them so they don't stop working.
Those of you that are saying to "suck it up" and "oh you're just a baby", you don't understand. And it really pissed me off. Do you really think I want to do this? Do you not think I understand that I need to take care of myself? This is a real issue. It takes a lot to get me to a doctor. The common sniffles isn't going to do it.
What it's taken for me is to find the right doctors that understand that I have a real mental problem and not treat me like I'm just being stupid or childish or selfish. When I find one I stick with them, though I still don't go in unless I'm having a problem. I talk to the desk staff when making appointments and tell them flat out about my panic attacks etc. If I get brushed off I don't go back or I don't make the appointment.
You may never be able to get him to get over his phobia.
He's not doing it to slight your family. He's not doing it to harm himself.
You might be able to work with him. You might be able to get him professional help.

Of course you can't force him to do what you want. And of course you are concerned about him and want him to remain healthy. Would he be willing to visit a therapist to deal with his phobia? Perhaps you could do a little investigative work and call some counselors and get advice. Then present him with possible options. Keep it short and sweet. See if you can find someone that will agree to meet 2-3 times so that your husband will not feel he is committing to a long term big deal.

All the while keep in mind you cannot bend him to your will.

Best of Luck!

You're not his mom. Quit nagging him. He knows what you think about it and bugging him isn't going to do anything but tick him off.

Recruit your kids to nag him. :-) It's far more effective.

"Daddy, I went to the dentist and he cleaned my teeth said I have no cavities! When are you going to go to the dentist? Don't you need to have your teeth cleaned?"

You really can't force him, unfortunately. My husband has likely-fractured his ankle and definitely fractured his hand and still wouldn't even go to get an X-Ray taken. During boot camp for his current job, he was thrown around on a floor mat and has had an injury in his back that won't heal up ever since. He can't sit for more than a few minutes at a time without pain. He still won't go to the doctor. He had an abscessed tooth and wouldn't go to the dentist until it was so severe he thought he was having a seizure. He wasn't... but if he'd waited any longer, he would have lost several teeth and not just the dead tooth.

He won't go in for well visits either unless he's having long term severe issues that he simply can't ignore, and there are several issues going on. The only reason he had a physical in the past year is because it was required by his job. If he didn't follow through then they weren't going to hire him.

For my husband, he says it's not a fear but that "why should he bother." He'll also say that he doesn't have time. Or it's "more important" for the rest of the family to get checked out, remain healthy, get healthy, etc.

I've learned over the past 20 years that I simply can't force him. I can coerce him and discuss it with him... but he really has to be the one to make the decision. He recently asked me to make him a dental appointment for a cleaning... a simple cleaning!!!!! so I called the dentist immediately before he changed his mind. He even made his own appointment for a physical. When he told me, I just nodded like it was no big deal. I don't know what got into him, but I'm not looking a gift horse in the mouth.

I'm wondering if when your husband was a child, maybe he had a really bad experience with a doctor in which he was extremely fearful and it just never resolved. Maybe a doctor had a bad bedside manner or he had a hospital stay that was traumatic. He may not even realize if it's due to a childhood incident.

If you can't get him to the dentist, lack of oral hygiene could cause him to have really bad physical ailments. Look it up if he doesn't believe it. He needs to get his teeth cleaned.

If you can't get him to see reason, then buy life insurance on him now because you're going to need it...

He does not realize that his avoidance of medical and dental care will cost your family HUGE bucks sooner or later.

He is being exceptionally childish and selfish.

I would ask your dentist, first, to help you out here. Have the dentist do a simple list of the cost of two cleanings a year. Then have the dentist list the cost for each of these: Fillings. Root canal. Partial dentures. A full set of dentures. Show it all to your husband and explain: Two cleanings a year now, maybe a filling or a few, versus thousands upon thousands for root canals, dentures, gum work.

Now: Think about ALL that money going down hubby's mouth instead of going into your kids' college funds. That's the selfish part here: By not getting the most routine care, he is setting your family up for paying big-time for his dental and medical bills which means less money for your children's educations -- maybe even less money for THEIR medical bills if, heaven forbid, they (or you) get really ill.

Do the same with the doctor. Cost of routine annual physical (include costs of routine tests) versus costs of treatment for a host of things.

Did he have some horrid experience in the past? Probably he had pain with a dentist and/or with a doctor. I'm sorry if that's the case but frankly, he needs to "man up" and maintain himself or he will end up not being around to see your kids grow up, possibly, or he'll be so cranky from painful teeth or who knows what else that he wont' be able to enjoy his own kids. Seriously, he needs to grow up here. If he gets sick and does not get treated, he could end up spreading something to his own kids.

If he is not going to listen to you, have a male friend he trusts give him a verbal trip to the woodshed over this.

Oh, and he's also setting a truly poor example for his children. They will have every right to say eventually, "But daddy doesn't see the dentist, why should I have to?" Make HIM try to answer the kids on that one.

I'm sorry if it sounds harsh but it seems he might need a real wake-up call, hence the itemized bills and the talk with a guy he respects. It's sad when husbands don't listen to their wives on these things but unfortunately some men just will not listen to a woman tell them they need to do the right thing. Good luck.

lots of men prefer to macho through illnesses, but your dh being so paranoid that he's afraid to take your daughter indicates some sort of phobia.
'bugging him' translates to 'nagging ineffectually.' i doubt that will work.
he's a grown man, and he's acting incredibly irresponsibly. instead of pestering him about it, you need to either have a truly serious conversation with him, or wash your hands of it.
i myself would have a huge problem with a man who refused to practice oral hygiene.
khairete
S.

I only go to a doctor or dentist when I"m sick and my home remedies don't work.

He's a grown man, so you can't force him. You can tell him you love him and how important he is to your family's safety, health and financial stability. Tell him if he doesn't think he'll ever use his medical benefits, you'd like to shift money you spend on those for him to a higher deductible plan that's mostly for catastrophic injuries and invest in life insurance AND disability insurance. You want to be covered for the possibility he lets an infection go too long and the worst happens. Or the NOT worst happens and he just can't work, but needs expensive, on-going care.

Scare tactics? Yep. But unfortunately, unless you can support your family on your own, easily with very little lapse in time, this is what you'll need should anything happen. Shift the focus away from making him go and how to protect your family. MAYBE (and it's just a maybe) that will get his wheels turning and have him think about what's best for the family.

I don't really care for them myself. I do go but only when I feel it's necessary. Never on their "check up schedule". I think more and more people are going this direction. Our contractor is in his 70's and he stays clear of them as well. (very healthy man by the way).

My hubby also hates both. However, it honestly sounds like your husband may have a phobia of sorts. My husband has no problem taking the kids to the appointment because, well, it is for the kids. I don't know any dentist who would then force himself on an adult and make them get a check up - so that little fear is a bit irrational. And that says to me he really needs to talk to someone about this fear. It may sound silly, but trust me, he will feel much better after. Chances are he won't see anyone for his phobia either though.....

My hubby refuses to go to the dentist for years, and same with doc. I learned to accept it and realize I am not his mother. So, I just have good life insurance on his stupid butt. =)