How Would You Tell a 6 Year Old His Beloved Great Grandma Passed Away? =(

OMGosh--he needs to know.
I'd suggest keeping it short and factual.

Great grammy got sick, the doctors tried to help her in every way they could but she was too sick and her life came to an end.

Explain that the life of every living thing has a beginning, a middle and an end.

Here's a REALLY good book explaining the end of life:

Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children
by Bryan Mellonie
It's about $10 and totally age appropriate for a 6 year old.

If they have religious faith they can then explain their beliefs about what happens after we die.

Seriously, I think by NOT telling him, it will do more harm.

I think she needs to sit down and say, "Honey, this is really hard but I need to tell you something. The reason I've been so sad is that Great Grandma went to Heaven and I didn't know how to tell you." Then let him cry or whatever he needs. Since he didn't attend a funeral, she should do something for closure. If there was something they shared, maybe find a related charity to donate something to. That helped my stepkids when their great grandmother died and the funeral was so far away they didn't attend. Their grief was noticeably less acute after we donated to a charity in her name and received a thank you email from the group.

I DO think he should be told. Death is not something to lie about, especially since he loved her. He will feel betrayed later when he finds out the truth. Kids are hearty if you let them be. He needs to know. Better he know from his mother than from a stranger.

Yes, it's only fair to tell him. He knows something isn't right, and since people are keeping it from him, he is possibly wondering if whatever's wrong has something to do with him. A child's imagination can create stories much worse than a beloved family member dying. And some day he'll find out, and feel betrayed by all the secrecy.

And ultimately, death is a very intimate part of life, and should not be handled as some terrible secret that can't be shared with children. Secrecy breeds fear and misunderstanding, and leaves the impression that nobody would be willing to answer honest or troubling questions.

Kids are more resilient than adults give them credit for. Yes, the child could be torn up for awhile. But if I were the adult in charge, I think I would spend some quiet time with him, tell him I had some sad news to report, and tell him his great grandmother had died while traveling. Then watch his reaction, and respond accordingly. Answer questions honestly and as simply as possible. He might break into tears, want to be held, appear shocked, seem oblivious, have a million questions, just want to be left alone for awhile, or ponder for awhile and then go play. No matter what his reaction, he'll be processing this news for quite awhile.

My grandson lost a beloved GG last year when he was four. He was sad for a short time, then life just took over and he seemed quite normal and playful. But he asked about her and about dying fairly frequently for a couple of months, mostly just genuine questions, and sometimes a few tender tears. He still mentions her from time to time and asks questions about death. We observe that his happy memories of his GG are a part of who he is now, and she will always be with him in his memories.

There is nothing traumatic, grim, or frightening about this process for my grandson – I think younger children still have a very open-ended view of what life's all about, because it brings new discoveries daily. And death, if not handled as something too dreadful to talk about, is just another horizon of life to discover and explore.

We tell him that all living things, people and animals and plants, have a turn to live, and most of us people live a long life and become very old. Then our bodies become tired and sometimes sick, and when our time is finally finished, we are grateful to die and give a new baby a turn at living in the world.

When he asks where we go when we die, I tell him I don't really know, but I think it's a happy place where we won't feel tired or sick or old, and we'll always feel close to the people we have loved. I tell him many people believe that we go to live with God – that we lived with Him before we were born and we will live with Him again, and it will feel happy, like going home.

She should absolutely tell him. He has the perfect opportunity to process the information and his emotions by sharing in the experience with others who are grieving and remembering his grandmother and experiencing her loss as well.

No offense, but I think she is handling this terribly -- this will create trust issues for a long time. To lie to him about what he sees and hears, and on some level understands -- will not only fracture his belief in his parents word -- but also makes him doubt his own perception of reality. To put a child in a situation where there are tears, and flowers, and mourners, and then to tell him it's because she's on vacation -- is just strange and almost cruel. Life and death are a part of our daily existence -- and each human beings needs to grapple with the concept from the time they can begin to understand it. Leaves turn brown, flowers wilt -- everything on earth has its time .

I don't know what her particular belief system is -- but it might help to illuminate for the boy that his grandmother had a long, long, wonderful life, and that her body just got so old and tired and weak, that it no longer worked for her. Then she can add whatever spiritual beliefs she has on top of that basic fundamental explanation

But she should stop hiding the reality of the situation. asap. And start helping him process his feelings. How much better it would be for him to be able to cry and share his emotions with others who feel the loss as well.

Instead, she's robbing her son of a support system,and and opportunity for catharsis and closure.

Oh my gosh.
How long do they intend to tell the kid everyone is crying because Grandma is away "visiting" people?
Your friend needs to let her son know that she passed away. It's sad because everyone loved her so much. She may be visiting angels in heaven, but she's not away on a trip of some kind and coming back after an extended stay.
Death is one of the hardest things to explain to children. Trust me. As a child, I experienced so much of it. There was no way for my parents to "shield" me. I'm glad they didn't try.
Kids are very intuitive and when there is profound sadness around them that no one explains, it's worse than the truth.
That's my opinion.
Everyone is sad because of the loss. The little boy should know it's okay for him to be sad for the loss too. He should be allowed to know it's okay for him to be sad now, but keep his special Grandmother alive in his heart. It's okay for him to miss her. It's okay for him to wish she was still here. It's okay for him to remember her and love her always.
My own children, unfortunately, have handled many losses.
Grieving is actually a healthy process and little kids can understand more than we give them credit for sometimes.

I'm sorry for your friend's loss.

If she needs help, she can get a referral from a grief counselor at a funeral home in the area. They have wonderful resources.

Best wishes.

Do they honestly think he will never notice why she hasn't come back and they can ignore the issue by lying? It will be best for everyone if he was simply told the truth. You say, "Listen honey, you know how there are picture of great grandma all over right now? Well, she passed away and so family and friends are sending flowers in her memory. She became ill and was getting very old and it was time for her body to have rest." If she is religious, then explain the beliefs, "she is with God now, with all of her family and friends that have died before her, but we will be able to see her again someday. We can still feel her love and memory in our hearts as well. She may even be an angel coming to check in on you every now and then."

Has she never talked to her child about death before? That's kind of sad, my children are 3 and 5 and know all about it. They understand about aging, getting sick and all of that. But some families are more open about those conversations than others. Ours is very open about it since we have a lot of death and sickness around us.

I would be honest with the 6 year old and sit him down and based on the religious views of the family explain to him what happened. My kids had to go through an death of an uncle due to a freak accident last summer and it was difficult to explain and also for them to deal with death. I still hear all about uncle Clint, I think they will always remember him as the first one to go live with God.

She needs to tell him right away. She was old obviously and he may have sensed she would be sick and leave them. She just should tell him his great grandma is gone. He needs to grieve with the family. Putting it off won't make it go away. Furthermore when he does find out from someone else he's be embarrassed that he didn't know and VERY angry at the betrayal and the lies.

She should not be afraid to just tell him the truth. "Great Grandmother was very old and her body became old and tired and she has died."
"Do you have any questions?" Then she should answer them truthfully.

Children can handle this type of news. Especially if the adults around them are matter of fact. She should then answer any questions with basic answers.. even ask him how he feels, and share her own feelings." Death does not have to be scary. It is just part of our lives. It always will be.

We had books about the cycle of life.. Maybe if she has not spoken with him about it, she could check out or purchase some of these books and read them with him.

http://www.amazon.com/Lifetimes-beautiful-explain-death-c...

I had the unfortunate experience of having to do this myself ten months ago :(

I simply explained to my six year old that nana's medication stopped working and that she lives in heaven now. That we wouldn't get to see her body anymore but we can talk to her anytime we want, even though she won't be able to answer. I let her say goodbye at the funeral home because she wanted to, after I explained what she could expect. She did better than any of us and hasn't mentioned it since!

We put up a lot of pictures, let her see us cry, talk about feeling sad, laugh about memories, and visit grandpa as often as we can. Overall she's done really well, definitely better than me! I was glad she wasn't with me when I found out, and I had a few hours to prepare myself to tell her. Sorry for your friend's tremendous loss, and thankful she has a friend like you that cares so much. Be sure to be there for her and call her! Too many people avoid calling afterward and it feels really lonely. It's a long, ugly process, this grief stuff!

watch what you say......if you say she got sick every time he gets sick he will think he is going to die. Don't say she went to sleep b/c the same thing. Go to the book store and there should be a book that you can read that will help a 6 y/o understand

Absolutely she must tell him as soon as possible! What she says depends a lot on the family's beliefs. If they believe that a loved one has gone to Heaven, that's what she must tell her son. "We miss her because she's never coming back; but is in a better place now where nothing can ever hurt her." I feel that young children are way more clever than most people give them credit for. Its better that she tells him herself than if he hears it from someone else! Best wishes for getting through this sad time.

Yes, he probably knows, and is very confused and scared as to why everyone is avoiding saying things out loud. That could make him far more fearful about death and dying than just TELLING him would.

When I was a kid, it was very common to give "old age" as a cause of death, especially when talking with children. Tell him that when people are very old, their bodies wear out, and they don't work any more. Let him know that people are sad because they miss her, but that SHE isn't sad, because she can't ever be sick or hurt again.

If you are in any way religious, tell her that his gr. grandma is in heaven and very happy there. While he can't see her any more, she can see HIM, and she's going to get to watch whenever something important happens to him.

Since the one absolute in this world that EVERYONE knows and agrees on is that we'll all eventually die, making it seem as normal and NOT scary as possible will help this boy all his life.

Kudos to you for being a thoughtful friend. :)

My husbands sister just lost her father in law yesterday, and I can't help but think how the grandkids are going to take it. My heart goes out to them, which makes me cry. I hate funerals...................