How Would You Handle Thisder? Birthdays...

I would absolutely keep my party as planned and tell MIL if she can't make it to the actual party, just come by later when she can. And don't stress - in the whole scheme of life, this is a nothing. And if MIL gets mad, well she'll get over it. Time is a wonderful healer!

I'd do exactly as I'd planned, send the invites and whoever was available and wished to attend could attend.

Soooo.... let me see if I am understanding this correctly. Your daughters party is already planned and invites have been sent out. Now your SIL is *thinking* that she *might* want to have her daughters party that day? WTH? I am not sure what planet they are living on, but that is the rudest thing I have ever heard. Your SIL is WRONG and should change her party. The MIL should tell the SIL, hey the other party was planned first so in order for HER to keep the family in harmony SHE should do the right thing and pick a different day. All this and your 30 week prego too? Shame on them!

I would stay with my original plans. A failure to plan on their part to plan should not cause you to have to needlessly move mountains to accomodate them.

Don't change your plans. Keep them as they are.

I would explain to the in laws that the date has been set and I would voice confusion as to why this is an issue now. I would explain that this is the date and you are so very sorry they won't be able to make it and you sure hope next year will be different.

Don't be rude or nasty. Just be matter of fact and voice confusion as to why they would pick this date.

Do not change your plans. Why should your plans get bumped b/c your SIL wants that day? If it's not her daughter's actual birthday, then it's fair game for everyone. Just tell your SIL and MIL that you've already made plans for that day and since your SIL hasn't made any plans yet, it would be easier for her to pick a different day. Stand your ground!!!!

You don't need that kind of stress especially when your pregnant. I wouldn't change your plans just because your sil "might" plan a party on the same date. You have dibs because you planned it in advance and notified people in advance as well. Maybe you could have your husband talk to your inlaws and let them know you won't be changing the date since they are his parents.
It's hard to teach people how to respect your boundaries and when you go about your business you're letting your family members know that you aren't going to let them dictate when you should plan an event. I hope you have a great party with or without your sil.
Good luck!

I am so glad to hear that your husband is also advicing you to stand your ground and continue with your plans. I have had the same issues with my SIL and MIL, and pregnant. Be cordial and do let them know that they "will be missed at the party" maybe next time they will be able to attend. You will never make everyone happy, YOU must stay calm and happy for your family and newborn.

Sweetie,

If you have sent your invites out, please do not change a thing.
SIL knew when your party was planned for - she is flexing her muscles to see how much power she can garner within the family. Childish, I think.

Ignore her

Have your party
Have fun

You have already sent out your invitations. You have had these plans in place before and your routine is a surprise to no one. She has said they "might" do it on the same day... well she'll have to plan around your plans. Do not change. Make sure she has the info about your party, and then she can plan hers AROUND yours. Your husband is agreeing with you, and he can be the "bad guy" and tell his mother and sister that you are not going to change what has already been planned and SENT OUT TO PEOPLE. SIL needs to work around your already established plans.

And if you cave into the drama, it'll keep happening. You are NOT the bad guy. YOU are being RATIONAL. SIL and MIL are being stupid.

"I've already sent out invitations, not just to family members but to friends. I can't change up on them now. I would love to have all of you there, but if you can't make it on the day we chose, we will miss you but will make it a friends party rather than friends and family. We'll miss being at Niece's party if you have it that day, but maybe we can get just the kids and us together at a later date and celebrate everyone's birthdays together." Then do just that -- offer specific dates and times LATER for a family meal out. Not a party.

If they fuss and fume, you can add -- if you can manage to say it VERY sweetly: "I know you said you might have your daughter's party that day. I hear you there. But I have already planned and sent out invitations for a party that same day and I am hearing 'might' from you, so we're going to go ahead since things are already set. It really does mean a lot to have invitations already in people's hands and we know people are already setting the date aside for this, so we don't want to move things around again."

I would not worry about the "maybe they'll choose another time that same day and both parties can happen." For real? Think how exhaused and cranky all these kids will be if they do two parties in the same day. The adults will be just as cranky.

Have your party when you want to have it regardless of what they do. By saying "maybe we can do both" you're still caving in to what sounds like a bossy SIL and MIL.

I assume all the kids involved are pretty young. Please believe me, as years go by this just will cease to matter. Once the kids are about four they are much more into seeing their friends at parties than seeing their aunts and uncles and cousins, and the older they get, the less they will care about a family party and the more they'll want to do other things for their birthdays.

Just have your party. Family isn't required to be at every party. That way, they will know they can't bully you around. It's quite possible people simply forgot the date of your party since it was so long ago that you told everyone. Stuff happens. Hakuna Matata. :)

Patricia G is spot on. Your MIL is in the wrong. You are pregnant. You have the perfect excuse. Don't change the party. Your HUSBAND needs to be the one to tell his mom that the party date will not be changed and if no one shows up, that's up to them. Don't cave, A.. They will CONTINUE to do this stuff if you let them, AND your MIL will ratchet up her expectations that you will let her push the envelope with you if you cave to her. You have already sent out invitations - that means you have to take care of the people who you already invited.

Don't answer the phone - let it go to the message machine and when your husband gets home, let him listen to the messages. Don't be in the same room when anything is said. That way, you don't know about fighting. Tell your husband not to tell you. That will help your blood pressure and stress level, because quite frankly, you need to concentrate on the little life inside of you.

I was on complete bedrest with my first pregnancy from 24 weeks on. In addition to what I've suggested above, drink as much water as your doctor recommends every day, a little all day long to keep your uterus hydrated. A dehydrated uterus contracts and can start early labor. Pee every single time you need to - a full bladder pushes on the uterus and can cause it to contract. So drink and pee, drink and pee! Take beaks and go lay down on your left side. This helps the baby. Don't lay on your back anymore at this point in your pregnancy. You put too much pressure on a major blood vessel. Having a pillow between your legs might make you feel better.

Please take my advice to heart. The last thing you need is an early labor and high blood pressure due to your MIL being the wicked witch of the west.

Dawn

Sorry. Once the invitations are sent out, that's it. Your SIL will have to be quicker next year if she doesn't want a conflict and doesn't want to have to pick a different date.
MIL will just have to choose. Maybe if she is so very unhappy about having to choose, she can get her daughter to pick a different date for the party she HAS YET TO SEND INVITATIONS FOR.

I would find a way to calm down and then talk with your sil with the focus of coming up with two dates for the birthday parties. I understand your frustration and anger. If you've already sent out invitations then I'd be angry too. But if you haven't sent out invitations then be flexible about the date.

You do not have to play into the drama. Getting upset and staying upset is adding to the drama. You know this family's way of doing things. Stop expecting them to act any differently. Be flexible yourself. Get over the anger. It only hurts you and your immediate family. If you don't want to change the date, then don't. You can remain calm and go forward.

You cannot keep the peace. They will most likely be unhappy no matter what you do. What is important is to take care of yourself. You don't have to fight. Be like the willow and bend with the wind.

That was a hard concept for me to grasp but once I finally realized that I can control how I feel I was much happier. I cannot control anyone else. I let them do and feel what they will and I will do and feel what I want so that I'm happy with myself.

Sounds to me like you're planning a party for 3 kids, and she's planning for 1. Also sounds like you chose the date and were the first to let people know. But, perhaps a compromise can be found: Can you work with the SIL and maybe time it so one is earlier in the day and one is later? Or...add her kid to your party too and split the costs?

I don't think you should change the date.

I wouldn't do anything. I would keep the party since its ALREADY planned. They can figure out another day for their party or have it the same time, who cares? Less people to feed and less gift bags. My kids bdays are 19 days apart so I understand. We used to have a combined party, but now we spred them out and are divorced so they get 2 parties anyway. I would not make a big huff about it to your SIL or MIL and just say, "we all know when our kids bdays are, I've always had mine in the middle and its already been planned, sorry, its too stressful for me to change it and I'm not going to". Then next time, make sure you TELL everyone the day you are having the party once you decide so they can't pull this again. Good luck.

Ask your daughter what she wants to do. If SHE wants to move her party so that certain people can attend, then change it. If SHE (your daughter) is fine with some people not making it because they went to the other party, then DON'T change your time.

YOU have already sent invites out, she hasn't. My vote is for HER to adjust her party.

The day of the party has been set-"they might" do their daughters party?? that's no way to approach someone-why didn't they ask you if you minded if they joined in with another birthday girl? Can you plan a big bash to include everyone-and everyone brings something?

Since it is the in-laws and your husband agrees with your position, then try having him explain that your plans can't be changed - he can say since your sister's kids are also hosting and their friends and family have already planned accordingly; also your pregnancy prevents you from being able to start all over again with plans for a different date, etc. He might also want to bring up the fact that you got "jumped on" for being organized ahead of time, and he doesn't appreciate them treating you like a disobedient child (but don't be ugly about it)

No need to change your event. If anyone gives you hell just keep your manners and nice sweet voice telling them than you but this is all planned out hope you can come. Then repeat the same sentence.

First off, congrats on your baby on the way! What a joyous time - no need for drama is right!! Plan your party...if people can't make it, so be it - their friends will come anyway. You could spend your life planning YOUR life around everyone else's - at your inconvenience. Who wants to do that!?!!Sometimes it has to be to your convenience. Your SIL can't possibly expect you to take the time NOW to rescind the date & replan. Ridiculous. Have your party for your girls & enjoy!!