1St Birthday Party Stress!!!

No, don't cancel your baby's birthday event - just make it between you, her daddy and her. Tell your fiance's sister you will be late to her baby shower and cancel the "next day family event" for your daughter. She is only 1 yr old and so she won't care anyway or even be that upset. Your fiance sister wants her moment and so do you. Unfortunately or "planned", it so happen to be the same day, so do your thing and show up at hers when you are done with yours.

You know, I was not going to respond because I really have never had to deal with this. However, I think they are being very rude and self-centered. What I think is you should keep your plans the way they are and they can figure out what they are doing. Did you have your plans first? It sounds like it and if that is the case, they knew your daughters bday party was going to be on that day. A baby shower is easy to move and if they just decided to do this on this day, they have not sent invitations either.

I do agree with another post that the 1st bday parties are always more for the adults. You know, spend it as a family and keep your plans. Who ever shows is fine and don't let them push you around. I am the type of person that USUALLY is the bigger person and lets things go....but how this sounds, the SIL is trying to get her way and it sounds like it is the norm. This is to celebrate your daughter and i would not let it go that easily.

GOOD LUCK and let us know what happens.

I would not combine both party together. In my opinion, 1st birthday and baby shower are so special and both should not be combine together. If I were you, I would keep your original plan and celebrate your daughter's birthday at the zoo just the 3 of you. As for the birthday party, would it bother you if your MIL and SIL doesn't attend your daughter's first birthday? If it doesn't bother you, then just have the party as planned. Otherwise, you can either changed the date or have a talk with your SIL and see if she willing to change the date of her baby shower. I agree with other moms that 1st birthday are mostly for the adults. Your daughter probably won't remember too much about her 1st birthday party. Best wishes and hope your daughter's birthday turn out fabulous!

Oh that's a tough one bc the first bday is so special. I am thinking you might want grandma and auntie there because it is a family party. Since you haven't actually sent out invitations yet, maybe you could adjust your date? I totally get that they are not being respectful, but your SIL is prego and you know how we get during that time, especially if she has those tendencies anyway!;) I agree with you 100% on not wanting to blend the parties. You only turn one, once, and it is special, I think making her day only about her is best. If it is not a huge inconvenience for you, ie changing a reservation, losing a deposit etc, which it sounds like from your post is not the case, I think you changing will help the whole family out and be best for your daughter. She is still young enough that she is not aware of when her party is planned and grandma and SIL probably do really want to celebrate it, even if they are acting silly at the moment. If it were me I would probably just push my party to the next week, if at all possible and go to the shower to celebrate my new niece/nephew. Best wishes and hope your party turns out great!

I would not change it if you cave now oh girl if you only knew keep it the way it is and if they don't come more cake for you guys and your daughter will have a more peaceful party!

You mentioned the party is to keep everyone happy with you...Why care? I know that's crass for me to say - but in my old age...I have 2 daughters that didn't always get a birthday party. Most of the time b/c I wasn't a good mom and didn't plan to spend the money. BUT my girls always had Mommy, Daddy, sister and a special day. My girls are now 16 and 11...and you know what? They like having just us. Yeah, we go to Nana's for cake and ice cream. But the day itself is for family. And for all the times I didn't include my family or the in-laws...sure they were mad for a few days. But all these years later - we're still family.
I know it's hard...But you do what you want to do. Don't do a party for your daughter if you don't want to.
Go to the baby shower (yes, that will take some real control on your part) and let it be about your soon-to-be SIL. You will show more class and dignity by letting her have her day and NOT letting it bother you (easier said than done).
Seriously, set the tone NOW...if you let it bother you - they will always do stuff to undermine you and get to you. But if you stand your ground, dignified AND respectful...they will see they can't push you around and they look foolish. It will change the way the treat you.
People treat you the way you train them to treat you...so train them RIGHT!
Good luck...and Happy Birthday to your daughter...

What a shame. I don't think you're freaking out - I think your original idea sounded perfect with just the 3 of you. That's how I'd do it again with our first child. It's a really important milestone for your family, and I think you should do it however you see best.

In all honesty, a first birthday party is a photo opp and WAY more for the adults than the child. So, to keep the peace, if you're comfortable with changing the date/location, I'd recommend it and still keep your original plans for the 3 of you.

We've had to bite our tongues several times with both sides of our extended families because their opinions on how we do things were so different than ours, but to keep the peace you have to pick your battles.

With my personality, I'd honestly not bend, but that's me personally. I can be very stubborn when pushed in a direction I don't want to go, but I also know it's not always the best approach.

Good luck and congratulations on surviving the first year! The second year is SO much fun.

First birthdays come once in a lifetime and I do not see anything wrong with having a party and then doing something with "immediate family" my husband and kids do stuff all the time by ourselves on our kids' birthdays. Also your SIL can have a baby shower ANY day and you need to stick to your guns about when YOU want to have your daughter's FIRST birthday party. Let them think about thier priorities. You shouldnt have to accomodate your SIL and MIL. They are being selfish!

Send, don't take, a gift and a nice card to the shower, and take your baby to the zoo.
Get a cake and some ice cream, and whoever shows up for the party at your house shows up.
If you let your mil and future sil call all the shots about when and how to celebrate YOUR baby's first birthday, you're pretty much handing them the reins to the rest of your life.

Do not change your plans or you will regret it the rest of your married life. I have been there and done that with my in-laws and everything was always about them and their wishes. My family was always having to change plans because his families plans were much more important and since my family was so much smaller it was just easier for us to change. When I finally had enough after years of it I was the bad guy but my children were asking how come I had to change my plans for daddy's mommy. Now if they attend it's fine if they don't I don't care and neither do my children.

I would not combine parties. SIL friends may not mix with kids. I'd either keep my plans and say everything is set to go already or just tell them " I guess the family party is canceled then. I don't have time or energy to plan another day." And let them deal with it. The MIL is the one who wanted it anyway. You have your own family day at the zoo planned which I think is perfect. Mommy and Daddy are your baby's world right now. At my house we usually have just me, hubby and our kids for birthday celebrations. We have cake and ice cream and presents. We just don't do big extended family parties. My boys seem ok with this so far. What they want is a party to invite their classmates to but I cannot afford.lol Mostly because "everyone else does it". lol

I would say stick with your plans for your daughter's birthday plans. If you have had this planned for a while and MIL knew then they should have chosen a different date for the baby shower. If you give in to their demands now then it will continue the older she gets. You want to set boundaries and expectations early especially if your fiance is backing your decision. Good Luck and hope your daughter's birthday is a good one.