How Will My 3 Year Old Boy Be with a New Sister?

My DS was 23 months when DD came along. I was expecting the same jealousy and resentment, but it never manifested. He actually pushed me aside to see his new sister when he came to visit for the first time in the hospital! I tried to include him in everything, having him help get diapers and wipes and paci's, etc. Also, if I couldn't do something for him right away, because I was doing something with/for the baby, I never said I couldn't do it because of the baby, I just said I couldn't do it right now. And, when the baby went for a nap, I tried to give him my undivided attention for at least 15-minutes (which doesn't seem like much, but it's all he wanted).

Have him 'help' you as much as possible with the new baby. Lay out a couple outfits that he can choose for the baby to wear that day. Have him help you get a diaper for the baby. Anything he can do to 'help' with help him feel more like the big brother instead of the competition. Also, put him down for bed after his sister so you can have special time with him to snuggle and read so he can see that being the big brother is cool. It worked with my kids. Good luck!

I felt that way when I was pregnant with my 2nd child.

First, have faith it will be okay.

Second, ALLOW your son to be a "child"... don't "pressure" him just because he will now be an "eldest" child. They still need room to grow "into" being a sibling and having a baby around. Just like you, or any Mom.

Third, Always nurture your family as a "team" and safe place no matter what... that he can come to you for ANY reason and not just be scolded. (not that you do this). That it's okay to feel like a "baby" too... even though he is not. Its ALL normal, for a new sibling to feel this way.

Fourth, he is a child... so always remember that he is not a mini-adult... as some older siblings are expected of.

Fifth- don't make him the "example" for his baby sister... don't expect him to always be PERFECT and to always do things correctly since his younger sister is "watching" and learning from him. This is not his 'job', it is the Parent's job. It is too much pressure & stress for a young child to carry on their little shoulders. They need to BE a child, first. Not the "example" for their sibling.

If he gets jealous... this is normal. Don't scold him for it. But instead... teach him how to be a "Brother" and how to CARE for his sister, but always for what HE is capable of.... his maturity will grow. But he has to be allowed to grow AND TO MAKE MISTAKES. In time, he will then be open with you, and know that you are always there for him.

Teach him that you ALL are there for each other.... even his baby sister loves him. That no matter what... THIS IS WHAT YOU ARE ALL to each other. In the long term, and as he grows into a bigger boy and young man... this is what will impact him and be instilled in him.

Teach him "empathy" too. ALL practice it together, so he feels he is not alone in all this busy-ness with a new baby in the house, and you being even busier, as the Mommy.

ALWAYS have a routine, and CONSISTENCY in his life, that YOU provide as you can... emotionally. THIS is VERY IMPORTANT FOR A BOY. You don't want him to shut-down or to close himself off. ALWAYS encourage communication, and unconditional love, to each child, as an individual.

All the best to your and your son.... have faith and always be the person he can rely on for his safety, well being, and sharing of his "new" role in your family, and even for his happy and not-so-happy moments. Always. A child NEEDS this. No mater if you are rich or poor... these things will help make a child "richer" inside and grow his confidence and happiness.

take care,
Susan

Mmmm, tricky. It is hard to say. I will share this with you. My son just turned three and his new sister just turned 4 months, and he ADORES her. He says she is HIS baby...LOL. He gives her kisses on the cheek all the time, and is quite protective. What I would watch is the crying. It seems to me, that small kids tend to treat smaller kids like toys. For instance, my little one was crying and my son wanted her to be quiet, so what he did was pick up a blanket and put it over her face. He didn't push it down or anything, but in his mind, he was covering up her noise. Now had it been a heavier pillow or something it could have been a lot worse. Going at it on your own makes it that much harder because your ears have to work overtime ALL the time. I suggest a video monitor...I found a nice one by Graco that looks like a cell phone I can flip open and set it where I am so I can hear AND see what is going on in another room. Just make sure you keep smothering your son with hugs and kisses he can only get from mommy, and I think you will be just fine. Congratulations on your new baby!

My son was 3 when his little sister was born. He loves her to death!! he tells everyone that Kendall is his baby. As long as you continue to show your son attention and make "special" time for him, you won't have any problem.

My special time with my son is coloring and painting. The baby is too small for that kind of activity and he knows that that is something just for him.

My son was 3 when his baby sister was born. We included him with the baby things: aHe helped pick her name, we took him to a sibling class, he helped decorate the nursery and he received gifts when she was born and at the shower. Aside from Daddy, he was the first one to hold her. This was his baby sister. We told him all of the things he could teacher her when she was ready (then he turned around and helped her learn to walk at 9 mos. - lol). Include him on as much of the preparation as possible, allow him to see mommy and sister in the hospital (unless he's sick at that time), make him your helper, and when sister is asleep give him your undivided attention. Your house is going to suffer for a while, but your children will be bonded and content.

Hi P.,
Since your little guy hasn't been jealous of other babies, I think you're going to be okay. I had a second when my first son was 3.5 years and that was old enough for him to talk about it, which really helps. He said once the crying was "weird" and I agreed, it was weird to him, he'd never been around a fussy baby. But I assured him it was alright and that it was a stage that would pass. He also said I held the baby quite a bit. I explained that when Mommys nurse their babies it does take a lot of time and Mommys have to hold their babies a lot. I told him that I held him just as much when he was a little baby. He seemed surprised and then it seemed like it was much more okay with him that I was so preoccupied with the new baby. I offered/encouraged help in changing the baby, asking him to bring a diaper, etc. But when he didn't want to, I didn't make him. I just wanted him to be as involved as he wanted to be. At 2 months, the baby started to smile - at him - and from then on, they became the best of pals.
All the best with your growing family.

P.,
My two daughters are 20 months apart, so I can relate to your concerns. Scanning through the answers seems like you have a lot of great advise already. I agree with the moms who talk about being as inclusive as possible, finding tasks that are age appropriate for help (e.g.: I would ask my oldest to get a diaper so that she can help me change the baby, or get the towel so we bath her, etc.

The other thing that really worked well for us, is getting a couple of toys that came to the hospital as presents from baby to older sister. She still cherishes those. And very tactically, she got a baby doll, and used to do to that doll whatever I did to baby (e.g.: nurse!, burp, feed a bottle, change a diaper, wipe bottom, etc.). Make sure you snap shots of that.

My kids love each other, but the feelings of rivalry and jealosy come and go. Sometimes in a matter of minutes I have the two in a screaming match for attention. Sometimes I catch my oldest making the little one laugh. You need to go with the flow on that, and know that it will get easier, and more predictable, when they get older.

Having two on diapers for a while was hard, and potty training my oldest made my life much easier. It also gave her another way to exert her "big girl" side, and express her difference.

Congratulations on the baby, and enjoy the kids.

every child reacts differently our son was 18 mo when our second was born so he wasn't quite aware of jealousy but when he turned two all the sudden he did become jealous. we bought him a doll that was his to play with he changed the dolls diaper and clothes. he enjoyed having his own baby. good luck

yes i had this same experience my daughter was 2 when i had my son, the only advice i can give that worked for me and my kids (because my huband was deployed when i had my son) is keep him involved as much as possible let him help with everything and when the baby is asleep make sure your son sees you tell the baby " its your brothers time now" and spend that time with him, so that he knows you are not pushing him aside and he can be the big brother but still your baby boy!! also what i do is when i have both of the kids i tell the older one stories about when she was born and that littel and i reasure her that even though there is a new baby in the house she was my 1st born and just continue keeping the older one involved, this works my daughter is 3 almost 4 and my son is 14 months and they are in love with eachother they are really close. the only time i have had a problem with jealousy is when they are both sick! and wheni take them to families house and all the attention is on the baby so make sure that dont happen!! i hope my advice helps you, good luck and congrats on the bundle of joy!!

They all get jealous but after a while they just get used to the new baby being around. Try not to worry to much about it.

good Luck!
D.

Dear P.,

My older son was three when my second was born. It is important to make him feel included. When you nurse have him bring a book and read to him. (This was especially helpful and gave me time for reading and interacting with the oldest...he held and turned the pages.) When you change the diaper, have him get out the diaper. When you do wash, have him be a big boy and put things into the washer. When baby sleeps spend special time with him building with blocks, playing with cars, etc. Get out to the park or other activities you did before the baby too. She can sleep in a carriage while you swing him and catch him at the end of the slide. If grandparents are near, have them take him out for a "bib boy" trip. Buy a special toy or book and give it to him just after the baby has arrived...wrap it and make it special...babies get a lot of gifts, but this one is his. I often give a book more appropriate for a two or three year old such as Richard's Scaries Best Word Book to people when they have an older child and tell that child this is my gift for your new baby, but you can use it until the baby is big enough and then you can help him read it:)
God's blessing on your new little one and the adjustments you will have to make.

Hi P.,

I bet he will do just fine. I always make a big deal about the new baby being all of ours so he really feels a part of! I also let the older kids play with the new baby stuff (appropriately) I've seen other parents freak out about all the new baby stuff and make them leave it alone. My 4 year old has been walking around the house sucking on a baby bottle we got at my baby shower on Sunday. I won't let her take it outside and I'll only let her have water in it. The funniest part is she would never take a bottle as a baby...breast only!

Being a little jelous is normal. One other thing I used to do is tell the baby to wait just a minute while I helped the other child. For EX: your son asks you to do something for him and you are tending to the baby, tell the baby "Wait just a minute I need to help your brother" The older child usually would get a kick out it! Plus it points out that he gets your time too. Instead of constatnly hearing "I can't right!" All the best! Siblings naturally love each other! Being a single mom is not easy I've been there. Make sure you take care of YOU too!

Smiles,
Steph

My Husband is a resturant manager, and I was alone with my 3 year old and my newborn ( and our 10 yr old). My 3 year old was extremly affectionate- to the point of crushing, and had no concept of the gentleness of babies. Take care of everyone and try not to leave the two littles alone, my daughter never understood a blanket could hurt a baby. I am unsure if at 3 they are jealous or just confused, but as a mom who was always alone and needed to pee, keep your eyes open to things that could be bad for the newbie.

hi there. my son had just barely turned three when i gave birth to my daughter. i had the same concern as you do. before the baby came, my husband and i agreed to sit our son one day and started to slowly talk about how he would feel about having another baby in the house and how he will still be the #1. i had bought some books and videos about baby siblings and welcoming babies etc...we also involved him in all the baby stuff shopping ,had him pick colors and toys. he amazingly responded to all these in a positive way. when the baby finally came, he was fine, and we contineoud to make him feel that it is still about him. i cared for the baby and my husband and relativs took him to the park to play and visit. the relatives made sure he was given the same attention as the baby. at one point, having watched the baby, he somewhat regressed just a little bit questioning why he can't have the bottle anymore or why we don't run to him when he cries just like we did with the baby.he outgrew that regression s fast as he developed it. my point is, it's all about explaining and preparing them for a major change. do not be afraid to talk about having the baby to him because they can comprehend more than what we give them credit for.include him in the preparations and value his ideas and make it known to him tht he is important to and even whaen there will be an additonal to the family that your love for him will not change. hope this helps. good luck and an early congrats to you and the baby.

Hi, it looks like you have gotten some great advice on how to prepare so I will not repeat! But the one thing I didn't see at all and maybe it's just MY issue :-)...but I wish I could go back in time for this one....when new baby started scooting around I had to constantly keep after the older brother (3 1/2 at the time)to keep his little things off the floor (he learned the word Choke-able)and also to put away things he didn't want baby to get ahold of up in his room. (so baby wouldn't wreck his things)This seemed like the right thing to do but I created a little monster, to this day (they are now ages 8 1/2 and 5) my older one will put EVERYTHING away up in his room, does not want little bro to touch anything of his. Like I said maybe this is MY issue only? but just a heads up on that! Best of luck to you and with the transition!

When my son was born we did what we could to keep the routine normal for my daughter (2 1/2 then). While I nursed we would read, sing, play games, color, watch a video and did lots of playing while he napped. I cuddled both of them on my lap. She loved being able to hold him and help feed him. When my hubby was home one of us was always with my daughter.
Take friends and family up on offers to help, whether they stay with the baby and you go out with your son to the park or they take him out somewhere special.
Our daughter went on the hospital tour too so she could see where the baby would be born. this was also neat because she was born at the same hospital-they ended up being born in the same room. We had my daughter pick out a gift to give the baby and the baby brought her a present as well. We also let her pick out a stuffed animal from the gift shop and got the big sister shirt from the hospital. She was in the room with us up until it was time too push (we thought it would be to scary for her to stay) and she came back in immediately after to meet her new brother. My husband said it was cute watching her walk next to the bassinet as they took our son to get weighed.
A new baby does add stress to the household for everyone so you should expect some changes in your son. It could come in a variety of ways. Our daughter started to stutter shortly after her brother came home. It only lasted about two months. The doctor said it was just her body handling the stress of the new baby. We didn't bug her about it and it went away on it's own.
happy pushing!