How to Support My Husband Through This Difficult Time

I lost my father a day after fathers day last year. Since your husband just lost his, he probably doesn't want anything special done for this fathers day. It is still very fresh and upsetting.

I think at this point all you can do is listen and be there for him. He has to grieve in his own way. Support him by asking him what you can do to help him thru this difficult time. I know when my dad passed, all I wanted to do was know someone would listen.

I am still grieving, but time has helped to heal some of the pain and only time will help him heal or ease the amount of pain he feels right now.

My condolences to you and your family at this time.

I think I'd skip the mug. If you want to do a picture, what about just a nicely framed pic of the two of them together? maybe from when your hubby was young. If you have kids, and depending on the age(s), maybe they could make the frame? simple wood with some knick-knack mini toys, tools, fishing stuff, maybe something to go with whats in the picture. on father's day, have the kids give it to him, then give him the option of some time alone, then a family activity that might also be related to the picture? fishing, baseball, whatever. so he can remember his dad, but also to build memories with his kids. poor guy.

My dad passed away years ago from cancer and it is a very difficult thing to watch someone you love go through that; but the blessing is he is with our creator now. I was ok with my dads passing but it took me 30 days to get passed a guilt issue I was having. I had a feeling to go visit my dad the day he passed (not knowing that it was going to be that day0 I had talked with him on the phone a few times and then when I was on my way to go visit he passed. So I had guilt about not going earlier in the day. The issue was that i had to deal with his passing while dcarrying guilt of not lsitening to the inside hunch earlier in the day. It took me 30 days to do that because I had to ask for forgiveness. Needless to say i listen to the inside voice now.

My suggestion would be for you to allow your husband to grieve in his own way; I know it is difficult for you because you can see and feel his pain and suffering right now. Just listen to him when he opens up to you, edify him as much as possible and talk to him about how you are feeling. Your husband will open up to you when the time is right. I will keep you and your family in prayer for healing from the loss. For Fathers day celebrate your husband and express his fathers love for him. Peace and blessings to you.

Too soon for the mug.
Familiarize yourself with the stages of grief. They're normal, natural & essential.

i would skip any gifts with pics right now. it hasnt even been a month yet. just let him kno you are there for him. i made the mistake of helping out my sister's nasty divorce when his father died and I should of been at his side and I wasnt and he turned to drugs.

might wants to take flowers to the cemetery and ask if he wants to come along on fathers day.

You should read my last posting although my FIL didnt die like this my husband held it in for almost 1 year. I got a TON of great advice you are more then welcome to read them. Now that my husband has gone through the blame and anger part of grieving the 1 year ann. is coming up and fathers day so I am not sure what to do so that he doesnt fall back into the same emotions. I will def. be reading your responses to help me... One thing I know that might have helped my husband is I kept telling him I love him and I will always be here if you need to talk. OH and one thing that helped more then anything was my husband had 1 friend to go to a nd cry out to. I hope your husband has 1 amazing friend that he can talk to. It is so important that he has another male,outside of the family to cry out to. Good luck stay strong and do some research on grieving, it really help me know what to do. I also went to God for wisdom on what to say and God told me to just listen.. will keep you in my prayers

You can't keep your husband from having sad memories or thoughts on Father's Day and I wouldn't try to stop that. He grieves however he grieves and unless he's harming himself and/or others then there's no wrong way, you know?

When my husband's brother passed away it was devastating to the family and in particular to my husband. The fallout affected our marriage because of how much emotional turmoil he was in over the loss of his brother. All I could do was let him talk when he was ready, let him vent, rant, work things through. I let him know I was there to talk to and let him cry if he needed to. He still managed to misinterpret, misunderstand, and misremember things I said and did because his grief was so profound but we worked through it. After ten years, though, he still can't talk about his brother without crying and romanticizing and blame (for his brother's condition which was a lifelong degenerative neurological disorder).

But now his father is in a nursing home receiving palliative care and after a few months of very rapid decline is still slowly dying and shutting down. My husband is already grieving for his beloved father and feeling overwhelming guilt. We talk, and I try to maintain talking about H. memories and strengths his father has always had. I don't need for my husband to say out loud how much he hurts about his dad or his brother because I KNOW. So I hug him, I'm here for him, and if a subject comes up naturally I just go with it and let him lead the rest.

As for Father's Day, maybe you can print out a nice photo of his father and overlay the Foot Prints In The Sand prayer onto it. My SIL did that for my MIL (translated into Italian) when my BIL died and she made one for everyone. It's one of my husband's most prized possessions.

In June of last year my husband's dad passed away. Hospice was a WONDERFUL resource for us. Call on them, esp if you already have a contact there. Even if your husband isn't ready to talk, hospice can help you help your husband. Ask your husband what HE wants to do for Father's Day. Remind him that he is also a dad (if he is) and you would like him to do what he feels is best for him and his kids during that day.

Keep everything low key this year.

Maybe stay home on fathers day and do a nice quiet breakfast a home and an at home BBQ. Maybe invite some of his man friends and their families over for the cook out.

Ask him if that sounds ok as it gets closer.
Maybe on that friday go with him to lay flowers or place a flag at the burial site.

I'm so sorry for your loss. This especially hit close to home for me as my dad died of the same type of cancer. It's horrible to watch your loved one go through this. One gift that I was given that meant the world to me was a framed picture of me and my dad together from when I was young. My sister in law actually snuck around and found pictures of my dad with each of us kids seperately, took the photos to a place and had them enlarged and had them very nicely framed and gave one to me, my sister, and my brother. Brace yourself because the first Fathers day without dad is AWFUL!!!

Just let him grieve the way he does. Its not a planned thing. It isnt something he can decide to do. It will just happen. Be there when he wants you to be there, but dont push him into feelings he isnt ready to have. He might think he is cold and unfeeling if he doesnt react a certain way if everyone keeps asking if hes ok. Some people can grieve without crying, sobbing and being distraught. When Father's Day comes next month, have your kids do what they would do for him any other time, and tell him how glad they are that he is their dad. It may be what sets off a few memories and tears and thats ok. Hugs work wonders. Sometimes just not talking will be what he needs. Just let life go on.

It's great that you want to be there for your husband and I'm sure that once he's ready to talk to you about things, he will. Sometimes we have good intentions, but it comes across as being a bit bothersome to some people. I know my husband well enough to know that when things are bothering him that bad, I have to just sit back and wait for him to reach out to me. As long as he does what he needs to then there really isn't anything I need to worry about. However if he starts sleeping an excessive amount, not showering, not eating, etc, then I know he needs more help then I can offer and I call our physician. (I'm giving you this firsthand coming from my experience w/my experience w/my husband who had been treated for depression for the past 3 years b/c of cancer). On the other side of things, I lost my M. 13 yrs ago and I think that just as part of my nature needed to talk to people. Neither way is right or wrong, but I commend you in asking because so many people would just keep going the way they were. Kudos to you.