Why Can't I Stop Thinking About Her?

You have every right to miss her. Everyone grieves a different way, and for different amounts of time. Its okay to talk to her. Its okay to visit with her. Its okay to talk about her, that's how we keep the memories going.

Hugs,
M.

May the below poem bless you as it has me over the years when I've lossed loved ones.

"If tomorrow starts without me,
and I'm not there to see,
if the sun should rise and find your eyes all filled with tears for me;

I wish so much you wouldn't cry
the way you did today,
while thinking of the many things,
we didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,
as much as I love you,
and each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too.

But when tomorrow starts without me,
please try to understand,
that an angel came and called my name, and took me by the hand,

And said my place was ready,
in heaven far above,
and that I'd have to leave behind
all those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
a tear fell from my eye,
for all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die

I had so much to live for,
so much left yet to do,
it seemed almost impossible,
that I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,
the good ones and the bad;
I thought of all that we shared,
and all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday,
just even for a while,
I'd say goodbye and kiss you
and maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,
that this could never be,
for emptiness and memories,
would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
my heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home,
when God looked down and smiled at me,
from His great golden throne,

He said, "This is eternity,
and all I've promised you."
Today your life on earth is past,
but here life starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow,
but today will always last,
and since each day is the same way,
there's no longing for the past.

You have been so faithful,
so trusting and so true,
though there were times you did some things,
you knew you shouldn't do.

But you have been forgiven,
and now at last you're free.
So won't you come and take my hand,
and share my life with me?

So when tomorrow starts without me,
don't think we're far apart,
for every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart "

I lost a good friend to cancer, we were both 31. It was very hard!! You will be able to move on and have happy thoughts about her but it takes time. Give yourself some time.

Have you considered joining a support group for family members and friends of those who have/passed from cancer. My dad died this past Dec and I am doing ok but if you are having trouble don't feel bad about going for help and posting about her. If her kids are getting upset it may be a good idea to not be FB friends with them.

Hi there, I'm so sorry for your loss. It's not an easy thing to get over.

My little brother passed away at 17 from heart failure caused by a congenital heart defect that we didn't know about until the autopsy was conducted. It was sudden and unexpected. He was already dead when we started CPR on him (they said he was dead before he hit the floor) so we didn't have a chance to say goodbye or anything.

What really helped all of us was grief counseling with a Christian therapist. They helped us to understand that feelings of the heart transcend the mortal world and that my brother knows how we all feel about him. Your friend knows how much you miss her and knows about your compassion for her family. Maybe some grief counseling would help you.

Also, see if you can turn your grief for her into something constructive. Make some freezer meals for her family or offer to have the kids over for a day on the weekend so her husband can have some time to grieve in private without having to show a brave face to his children. I'm sure he'd appreciate anything like that and I know your friend would from where she is watching too.

Also remember, you don't have to stop thinking about her. It's one of the greatest testaments to the kind of life a person has lead that they are difficult to forget when they're gone. Your memories of her are a memorial that she deserves.

Best of luck in all things.

You have a right to be sad, you lost a good friend and didn't get a chance to go through the greiving process with her. You are greiving, her family is also greiving but may be at a different stage. Please try not to influence them with this. I lost my MIL to cancer too, she was wonderful and awesome. I missed her terribly for some time. My husband went through greiving quickly, we knew it was coming but he is a different type person, very matter of fact. I didn't have anyone to talk to about her, and about 9 months after she passed I mentioned to my FIL how much I missed her and he started crying, he had been doing well and I started the whole process over for him. He started going to a Hospice Support Group and is doing much better now.

How you are feeling is important to you and how you deal with it is important too. Please follow the previous advice and seek out a support group that fits your needs and that you can talk openly about your friend, talking will allow you to express your deepest feelings and that way they won't be inside you, festering and growing, taking over your life so much. Her family is dealing with their own greif and need to move on too. You can't really talk to them about how you are feeling.

I am sorry about your friend. Grieving is not easy for anyone. I lost my dad 4 years ago, and still my older kid and myself miss him too much (the little one never get to know him..). It is so normal feeling the way you are feeling now.It was a close friend as I understand what you posted.
"When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure" (Unknown). You have a beautiful memory from her, so in the future you will have something to tell to her kids when things get a little bit smoother for them and yourself.
Take care, God bless your heart

My dad died 7 years ago from Leukemia. My husband and children never even knew him and that makes me sad.

I enjoy hearing other's happy memories of him, so don't worry about offending the children. The only thing that makes me mad is when people have this claim to grieve him or whatever, when they weren't there supporting him as he was dying for all of those years. That's what pisses me off as they try and relate to me through my father's memories.

And to be honest, I think posting her picture as your profile picture is a little odd, I would not like to see my dad's picture on one of our friends facebook profile. Why don't you instead post it on your wall with a kind memory?

So, if you were really a friend, then by all means, post happy memories of her, but perhaps don't do it all the time. It may not be about making them mad, but maybe hard for them to cope if they see it brought up all the time.

Has anyone though of doing a memorial facebook page instead?

Also, grief counseling may help you. She is a spirit now, one of still, fine matter, she can hear you and knows how much you miss her. I once was told a story of a young woman spirit who kept trying to comfort her grieving mother, but her mother was grieving so much, she couldn't see the little ways the spirit was reaching out to her like the rest of the family could.

Grief takes time. It will take time to work through the grieving process. You will however have to do the hard work. Some days will be better than others but you just have to work through it. Try dedicating some time to doing something that will honor her memory, like joining a cancer walk to raise money for cancer research or something like that.

I would also suggest spending a little less time obcessing over the memory of your friend. It is good to remember her but to obcess over her is not a good thing. Life is for the living so, I would suggest you spend some time with your loved ones and concentrate on life and the living. It is a delicate balance. Try not to get trapped into the enless cycle of thinking about "if she really knew how you felt about her". You really have no way of truly knowing this since she is gone. Just trust the time you spent with her was of high quality and love.

Ultimately I would suggest you find a support group to help you work through your grief. You are still here and there is so much life worth living. Live it up in her memory.

.

It sounds like she was a great person and friend. And I'm very sorry for your loss. It is hard to understand why such wonderful people are taken from us so soon, but we will never truly know the answer. My best advice to you is to honor her friendship and her character, try as much as you can to be more like the person she was. Be that kind of friend and person too.
Remember the old saying, "Some people come into our lives and quickly go, but there are others who stay awhile leaving footprints on our hearts, and we are never ever the same"
It will get easier with time. And it's okay to grieve. She obviously meant alot to you. Theres nothing wrong with remembering her. But I'm sure she'd want you to remember the happy times, and her healthy times. And to be happy. Just cherish the memories. Some people are never so lucky to have such a great friendship. Sending you {{{HUGS}}} hang in there!

Have you tried helping her family get through this...sometimes the best way to heal ourselves is to help others. I mean, perhaps you could bring them food or offer to help clean the house. Now that her husband is a single father, maybe you could offer to drive the kids to soccer, dance, etc - getting 4 kids to all their activities and supporting a family is a huge job.
Things like that are very helpful to a family when it is going through a difficult time. Perhaps you can make a difference in her children's lives - imagine how happy something like that would make her.

I cannot begin to know how it feels - I know I have a good friend who lost her husband, but that cannot come close to your pain. I am so sorry.

S.