How to Let Someone Know I Can't Handle Their Perfurme

"You know, Susan, that fragrance is beautiful. I wish I could wear perfume. I'm highly allergic to any perfume - on me, or on other people. Even the littlest bit. I hope I'm not offending you by sitting a seat down from you. My crazy sinuses are going to go haywire"

You can't really ask her not to wear any unless she were a really good friend. Just give her the information and keep being kind to her. She probably will cool it on the days you get together.

You should just tell her like you said it here. "I hate to be ONE OF THOSE who has to complain but I really like you and unfortunately I have a severe allergic reactions to colognes and perfumes" ~~ It's the only way to do it. If she is compassionate she will quit wearing it, if she's not, she will continue to wear it. If she is not compassionate you don't need her as a friend, right?
Honesty is the best policy. Always.

I have the same problem. Years ago at the company I worked for, there was the nicest lady and I really liked her a lot. She would use strong lotions that gave me headaches and made me nauseous. I finally had to ask her to stop using them, and she did! I apologized and she apologized, but it worked out in the end. Now, I have to be careful with my girls (4 & 7). They have gotten cheap sprays and lotions and when they use them, I get headaches and sick. It's like it smells up the entire house! I especially can't handle it trapped in the car. So, they pretty much can't use them anymore. If they want to smell pretty, I let them use my expensive perfume that doesn't trigger the side effects. Just be honest, you have to! Good luck!

"I LOVE the smell of your perfume. It's really pretty. I also love sitting by you. But I have this terrible problem that I'm extremely allergic to perfume, and when I'm exposed to it I get a two day migraine. It's really a pain. I want to keep sitting by you -- is there any chance that when we are going to be sitting together that you could forego the perfume? I'm SO sorry to be asking you this -- this is MY problem, not yours, but I really enjoy sitting with you, and I don't want to offend you if I have to move to another seat, so I need to be up front with my problem."

Something like that. Lots of apologies while stating it and acknowledgement of how nice her perfume smells. I haven't read below -- someone else probably said it better.

You can say something like, "This is a little awkward, but I am allergic to perfumes and they give me migraines. I really like talking to you, but I am sensitive to your perfume. Would you mind not wearing it on game days so we can hang out?"

ETA: You get desensitized to your own scent after a while, good or bad. So it may also be that she wears more than she realizes. DH's ex will wear so much I can tell what the kids wore while they rode in her car. It's really overpowering. She may not realize how strong it is.

BLame it on your acute sensitivity - not on her obnoxious overdosing of perfume. The problem comes when we wear the same thing all the time - we lose the ability to smell it anymore so we put on more and more. meanwhile our perfume enters the room way before we do - and leaves waaaay after we do.

Tell her that you and your doctor have figured out that perfume of any type is a migraine trigger for you. But you love hanigng out with her - and the games are so much more fun when you can. then say soemthing like "I hate to ask you not to wear a scent you love - but the migraines are dibilitating. Help!"

I am so direct!!
"Sara, you are the greatest!! I love chatting with you at the games, but I have a huge sensitivity to perfumes. Sometimes yours is a bit strong and it gives me a headache. I know, I know...I am one of "those peopel"! haha. Is it wierd if I ask you to tone it down so we can still talk at the games?"
L.

Keep it short and sweet.

"Jane", I love chatting with you, but perfumes and other strong scents give me a migraine. So, please excuse me in advance if I keep our chats short, or call your cell while sitting in the outfield bleachers on game day.

since i'm that lady, i can say that it's best just to be upfront and nice about it.
'jessamine, i gotta tell you, i'm very fragrance-sensitive and much as i love the way you smell, i'm afraid any perfumes trigger a migraine. i love chatting with ya, but if you're wearing scent i just can't sit near you. so sorry!'
she'll either get offended, which is a pity, but not yours to handle, or she'll say 'oh, gotcha. tell you what, i'll go perfume-nakey at softball games so we can hang together' which is great, or she'll say 'i'm so sorry! i didn't mean to make you feel bad! i'll move over here' which is considerate.
but you need to say something. it's okay to say something.
khairete
S.

I work with someone who has a severe allergy to scented things. Even scented hand soap can trigger a severe migraine. She has just simply let people know that it isn't anything personal if she keeps a distance from you. I think you can just tell the woman that although you enjoy sitting with her that you are extremely sensitive to scents and to avoid migraines you might need to sit somewhere else. If she is offended by that so be it. You need to take care of yourself.

I actually had to tell my mom that one of her perfumes gave me migraines. It took me a while to figure out what it was. I get migraines from a variety of triggers, but one very odd, very specific trigger is a flower- hyacinths. Pretty much all I have to do is smell one and I get a full-on, vomiting, loss of vision, blinding pain migraine. I am not a supersensitive person, no other flowers bother me, it's just this one. I know, WEIRD. So we figured out that this "essential oil" that my mom insisted was all natural and holistic and at peace with the universe and all things and could not possibly hurt me...contained hyacinth. So I absolutely get where you are coming from. I do think that some people do not care for fragrances and try to frame it as an allergy or sensitivity, but a lot of people have very serious reactions. I think you should make it clear which camp you fall into. I would deal with it just like you would if you were allergic to peanuts and she ate a PB&J every game. There are great suggestions below. It's not insulting to her, any more than telling her you can't sit next to her if she is eating PB&J would be. Don't tell her to "lay off that god-awful stench bomb you step in before every game." Say something like Rosebud and others suggested- "This is weird, I apologize, you are so much fun to be around, I have this odd sensitivity to the perfume you wear and I find that I get migraines from it. I don't want you to feel obligated to stop wearing it on my account, just please don't be offended if I have to talk via phone. I wish I could enjoy the lovely scent, but something in the composition flips a switch somehow and boom, migraine!"

"Sherry, I'm really sorry to tell you this, but we may have to have our nice talks over the phone instead of at the games. It's gotten so that fragrances literally give me migraines, and I don't know what else to do but sit away from people who wear them. I like you, I want us to be friends, and I love talking to you, but if I'm 'distant' at games I want you to understand that I'm not being unfriendly. It's just self-defense for me."

Just say it. Something like, "I'm so sorry. Perfumes trigger migraines for me. I love the way your perfume smells, but I'm afraid I can't be around it, and I really want to sit with you, because I enjoy your company so much. Would it be possible to skip wearing it on the days we're together?"

I would simply say "Hey, I'm so glad your daughter is on our team now, because it gives us time to chat. I love hanging out with you, but could I ask you a huge favor? I'm allergic to all perfumes. They give me a major migraine and yours is bothering me. Could I possibly ask you to skip the perfume on softball days, so we can talk without my head pounding. Otherwise, I'm going to have to make us tin-can telephones. Thank you SO very much!"
Said nicely and directly, most people will either comply or not. If not, then she's not really that nice afterall.
Good luck!

I think I would say something like this to the lady. I was so excited that your daughter joined the softball team and it is so nice to visit with you. But I have developed some perfume allergies and other sensitivities and I have been getting a migraine when we sit together. The smell of your perfume triggers a migraine and then I am not very good company. But i love to visit with you, do you think you could skip the perfume on game or practice days? Or I can sit over there on that other bench? That way you let her make a change or she will understand when you move.

Just be honest, people tend to appreciate honesty.

What is your reaction? Sneezing? Itchy? I would just say next time you see her that your allergies were triggered and after you thought about it, you think it may be her perfume. Then ask if she could pass on wearing it at the games or when she knows you'll see her.

I'm allergic to dogs. Last weekend we went to friends house and they have 3 dogs. They KNOW I'm allergic and left one dog in the house anyway, sure enough, I started itching. It got to the point that I asked her for allergy meds. Then after she gave it to me...SHE LET THE OTHER 2 DOGS IN!!! It got so bad I just abruptly said we had to leave. So my point is, even after you tell her, don't be surprised if she disregards what you ask and does it anyway. I'm not sure why my friend thought she could do that to me, but she clearly did. =0/ Good luck.

Be honest and to the point - much like many have already said.

When I was teaching kindergarten, there was one day when one of my students came wearing dad's cologne. He was so excited dad let him put some on and I could tell he let him put it on himself! He was doused!!! I have the same reaction to some scents and by 10am, I was miserable and had classroom windows open in the middle of January (in Wisconsin).

I sent a note home saying, "Matthew was SO excited to wear Dad's cologne to school today. He felt so grown-up. Unfortunately, I need to request that he not continue to wear it because I am prone to migraines and one of my triggers are strong scents........" I also sent home a generic note to EVERYONE saying that a friend was so excited to wear cologne but please don't let your child follow suit because I am sensitive to scents. Parents were very understanding and accommodating, no more cologne days! :-)

Be honest. If she is a good, caring person, she will understand and comply :-)

I wouldn't say her perfume in as much as I'd say perfume in general causes me to have an allergic reaction... this way, it's not overly specific, even if it is..
Also, as someone who does wear perfume, I'd want to know IF it bothered someone...
Additionally, I had a co-worker who used to wear loads of perfume.... and she sat across from me where she'd have a fan blowing.... which made it all the more worse... I finally asked her if she could please wear a little less. granted, she and I knew one another for a long time.. she took it well.. but in my opinion, still wreaked of perfume..

the saying goes, the perfume shouldn't enter a room before you and shouldn't stay afterward... many still apply way too much (my MIL) does.... and when she gets in the car, it's overwhelming... and I don't like the smell of it.. but hey... I deal with it.. however, if I got migraines... then I would speak up..

My mother gets bronchial infections from certain scents, so I am very familiar with it. I'm only bothered by them when I think that they are too strong. I have been known to wear a surgical mask when experiencing unpleasant smells, like smoke. I would sit there with a mask on. When asked why..."Perfumes and other scents give me a migraine, so it's just easier for me to wear a mask." Say that kinda dismissively, like it's no big deal at all. She'll likely feel good about herself for hearing your cues and lightening up on hers. She doesn't have to know that she's the culprit.

I shared an office with someone who wore strong perfume. I thought about it but I had to be honest and tell her I was really sensitive to it. It made me sick.
She did stop wearing it for awhile but resumed in a couple months. I thought it was kind of rude but she ended up quitting so problem solved.

Definitely say something. I tell people that I'm super sensitive to scents.

I'd put my hubby on the case. Yes, I am a wimp.

I would ask hubby to say to the other hubby: "My wife is so happy that you guys joined. She really likes talking to your wife. She is too chicken to tell her though, that she is seriously allergic to perfume. She does not like to tell other women about that because she thinks it makes her sound bitchy. But she really does get sick from being too close to any type of perfume. Can you do me a favor....."

I don't know. This is a hard one. I really wish people didn't wear perfume at all. :/
I think I would go for the offhand comment. Maybe have him say something like- "Honey, I can smell someone is wearing a lot perfume. How are you feeling?" A which point you can say "Not so good. I'm feeling a little ill." or something like that. Once she knows you are sensitive, she should pick up the hint (hopefully).
Be more tactful than my husband- Once we were standing in line at the grocery store. Someone near us was wearing some rank perfume and a TON of it. My husband proclaimed "Someone around here smells like a french whorehouse with all that perfume." I was mortified. lol

I'd visit with her on the phone next time you have a massive migraine. When she asks how you're doing say "Well, I was sitting/standing by a woman who had on perfume and I always get a massive migraine when I am exposed to any sort of perfume or cologne". Her response should be "OMG, does MY perfume make you have a headache"? Then you say "Well, it's not as bad as some but yes, I do get migraines from your perfume, I'm sorry, I didn't want to say anything".

Then a conversation should follow this and she should stop wearing it every day. She may think it's okay to just wear it when you're not around but letting her know your starting a headache even when she's not wearing any will help her to understand her clothes hold those oils and smell for some time, even through washing.

I used to go to the temple through the LDS church. There is written policy that states to not wear any perfume, hair gels with fragrance, laundry supplies with strong perfume odors, etc....to the temple because so many have the same issue as you do. So I got out of the habit of wearing any sort of cologne or deodorant with fragrance.

It's something I notice now more than ever before. Some people have no concept of what they smell like. My daughter uses so many hair products and each one has fragrance. Sometimes when she gets in my vehicle I have to immediately roll down my window or have an asthma attack.

There is no nice way to say I can't stand your perfume. What do you really want anyway? Should she not apply perfume on the off chance she runs into you?

I get it, I have a very sensitive nose and heavy perfume will give me a raging headache. Still all I do is back away a bit or turn my head away and apologize for my sensitive nose. Most people are very nice about it. Pretty sure they wouldn't be nice if I said something they feel makes them pretty gives me a headache.

If she is truely a nice person she will understand. Simply tell her, her perfume gives you a headache.

I have been knocked down by other people's perfume for about 30 years now (severe headache, nausea, dizziness and confusion, inability to function or sleep for up to 4 days). It really takes a bite out of any possible social life, except for a weekly discussion group that has voluntarily stopped using scent (for the benefit of 3 participants; at least I'm not the lonely weirdo in the group).

My mother uses a strongly-scented shampoo that I've begged her not to use just before I have to drive her somewhere, but she does it every time… then complains about my having to have the car windows open. I tried explaining it to her several years ago, and she wept with fury and personal insult.

So, I may not be the person to give useful advice. The nearest I've come to a successful communication is, "I'm so sorry, but I'm having a very difficult reaction to your perfume. I must sit farther away from you." On only ONE occasion, this has resulted in a caring friend actually choosing to stop using the scent so we could stay close. A couple of those I've told have either continued using the scent, sometimes giving me an "up yours" look when they can see it hit me, or become angry and pointedly avoided me.

It's almost impossible to bring it up to strangers. On the few occasions where I've tried, people have either failed to comprehend that perfume could cause anyone misery, or become quite angry at my "rudeness." I never say anything insulting, just "Excuse me, I'm having a bad reaction to your scent, so I must move away from you." On one occasion, the "friend" I had been talking to kept moving in closer, arguing that I was imagining illness. I ended up vomiting in the bathroom 10 minutes later. I couldn't even tell her, since I knew by then she wouldn't believe it was her perfume.

I made a small card that I tried handing out for a few months: "The person who gave you this card has had to leave because strong scents make her ill. This is a common problem, with at least 1 in 20 people having uncomfortable or serious reactions. Kindly consider their need to breathe safely before refreshing your scent again." I handed out the card, then scooted out of harm's way. So, I never got positive or negative feedback, and finally got bored with it. I doubt that the recipients were receptive.

I wish you success. If you find a way to communicate that's non-offensive and effective, I do hope you will share it.

I don't think I would have your husband say something to her husband. That seems too indirect or a little sneaky or something to me. A migraine is a pretty severe reaction. I think I would just be honest. Tell her you really enjoy having her daughter on the team with your daughter and reconnecting, but that you've developed a horrible reaction to scents and can't be too close to people wearing perfume, cologne or lotions for any length of time or you develop severe migraines. I wouldn't say it's "your perfume" even thought that is essentially what you are implying. I would say I can't tolerate any perfumes or lotions and sometimes need to sit by myself as much as I enjoy socializing with the other parents. If she wants to sit by you in the future she will understand and not where scents on game day. Otherwise, just be friendly and then find a safe and scent-free place to sit.

Just curious, do they play indoors? How are the kids playing softball in CO this time of year? I only think of this because if you were in a warm climate and sitting outside I was going to suggest you try to sit upwind of her, but I see you are in CO.

BTW, I don't do well with strong scents either. Luckily, I don't get migraines, but I do get ordinary headaches and sometimes even nauseous from them so I understand your predicament.

Ugh, this one's hard. I'm really sensitive to strong smells also, so I totally get where you are coming from. They don't give me migraines, thankfully, but I usually end up feeling pretty nauseous.

I will say, there is really no great way to bring this up with her directly. I think I'd just mention it in a general way if it happens to come up in conversation. If she asks you how your weekend was, for example, you can say, "It was great, but after church I had to lie down because I was sitting next to someone who wore a ton of perfume. Strong smells give me migraines." Something like that. If she asks, "Does MY perfume bother you?" then you can say, "Well, to be honest, a little bit. But I like you so much that sometimes I don't notice as much." Hopefully, if she's a considerate person, she'll tone it down the next time she knows she's going to see you.

Good luck. In the meantime, I'd suggest keeping a handkerchief and bottle of water handy. When I feel suffocated by strong smells, I find that breathing through a wet napkin is a discreet way of filtering them out. I just make it look like I'm wiping my nose.