How to Help 35 Year Old?

his college/universtiy where he graduated from should be able to provide career counseling (& maybe more) for him- even if it's been years since graduation; he's an alum.

I've read some of the posts so far - so I know mine will be very different.

I think he needs tough love. Men these days are enabled to be lazy and enticed to not be hard working men. They are coddled and pacified into staying either boys or teenagers. I have seen it too many times. I know from experience - my brother (20) and my brother in-law (28) are both boys. My brother is barely making it and working for a fast food joint. My brother in-law and his child still lives with his parents. It's a sad conversation when my father in-law needs to tell my BIL to keep his pants on so that he will not have anymore babies!

I believe in tough love and my in-laws do not. I will not let my son grow up to be lazy or slack around until "he finds himself" - whatever that means.

Tell your parents to give an ultimatum - 8 to 10 months to get a job and save for an apartment. It doesn't have to include putting him down or belittling him. They can be encouraging - but encourage the right type of behavior.

Good luck!

You can try CNS Healthcare - they often do studies that he can participate in - if he qualifies. ###-###-####

Hi C.- You dont say what his hobbies are. Any way he can get a job doing something he really enjoys? Maybe he wont make as much money, but he is likely to stay employed if he goes to work doing something that stimulates him. In other words, if he is into model trains, try to get a job in a hobby shop, etc. Or perhaps he can find a way to make his hobby make him money. If he is into wood carving, perhaps he can sell what he makes as art. If he is truly depressed, which you would probably want diagnosed since true depression is not just the blues as some people believe, you may try St. John Wort. I was diagnosed with clinical depression years ago and my therapist wanted to put me on antidepressants. After reading the side effects, I decided to go herbal and use St John's Wort first to see the results. It has been used to treat depression in europe for over 30 years with great results. The veil of depression and hopelessness was lifted for me in 5 days. Some people take a week or two to react. Make sure if you try it, it is 3% hypercin. Good luck

At this stage, I am not really sure how much you can help him. You may only be able to throw a "life-line." The real help comes from him. I know that you do realize that and it is so honorable for you to care after your brother this way. I have a brother who is 50 y/o and has never worked any day beyond his military tour of 4 years. He has no benefits or income. He is married and has children all with different mothers and he is majorly depressed although he does have the benefit of VA counselors, the treatment is not the kind he needs and the drugs would render him a zombie. Of course, he gets by on the prayers of all of his sisters and our hospitality and feelings of guilt and responsibility to him that he has the basic needs, food, clothing, shelter, etc.,

You have to continue to pray for your brother. He may be angry if he knows you would come forward to confront him about not getting on with or completing things or being responsible. Go to the school he is attending unbeknownst to him and see guidance on his behalf. Talk to them about him and don't hold back anything. Since he seems to like being a career student, maybe they can offer employment for him and help him to brush up on life skills. Trust them, they are professionals and have seen, handled and resolved many problems such as his. They will know how to approach the subject with him and have many resources available should he react in the adverse.
How is church? Does he attend? Could the pastor speak with him?
He maybe unable to move out on his own because being provided the basic needs of life from your parents for all of these years has stunted his growth so to speak. He does'nt have the life skills or maybe the experience to pay rent, utilities, buy groceries, get insurance plans and maintain them. There are usually free clinics in most cities that can help. Antidepressants are good for brains that are chemically imbalanced. but there are natural products you can purchase also to help, supplements, like did you know that St.John's Wort is equal to prozac and celexa? Why don't the therapist tell you this? Because the drug reps give them perks and they must prescribe them to keep them in business. Before the therapist prescribes those drugs, they will ask you if you are on natural supplements like St. John's Wort because they do the same thing. They help with the production of seratonin in the brain. Try this, should not cost more than $8.99 anywhere and less in the dollar stores. Place the tablet in a cup of lukewarm water first and watch it dissolve in the cup. This will tell you if the tablet is quality and will absorb in the intestine. You do not want to get something that just sits inside and does not break down.
Wait about 3 weeks after he has been taking the supplement, then you may be able to approach him with a plan for getting his bearings in order to get a place of his own and become more responsible. Explain that your parents are getting older and it is not helping them for him to continue to live in the home unless he is actively helping them. Good Luck. Ask Our Heavenly Father to change his heart and mind. Ask him to help him to become focused and to concentrate on cutting the apron strings. He will. He can. You are a loving and kind sister C.. You will find the way to help him with God's help. I'll pray for you and him.

I think you've received some very good advice so far. I wanted to give you two websites as possible resources:

http://www.christianhelp.org/index.htm
http://www.cfec.org/ (Central Florida Employment Council)

It sounds like your brother needs to pursue a career that is more fulfilling instead of just getting work to conform to societal expectations. He likely needs some psychospiritual guidance and life coaching - NOT psychiatric drugs which actually perpetuate depression over the long term regardless of any short-term symptom relief they appear to provide. There are actually some free career guidance and unemployment counseling services offered to the public in some areas... your brother could also find support groups that help him. I know some people who offer Life Coaching sessions pro bono in some cases, I'm a counselor and also make fee accomodations for people in need. Doing a web search usually turns up something. Ideally, your brother will seek support with his own initiative rather than having seemingly judgmental relatives tell him he has to get help and/or get medical treatment. I know you mean well, but telling someone who's unemployed that they are depressed and it's a medical illness to be treated with a hazardous drug would seem pretty judgmental. Common antidepressants are known to increase suicidality in a percentage of people who take them. Best wishes, JS.

I think that those on medicaid also get mental health coverage. I do know that in Vero Beach, there was always an advertisement for free mental health at the 777 building. I am not sure what it all entails- maybe just counseling. I can get you info on that, if you want, through the phone book or something. He sounds a lot like there are underlying issues that may him such a "free spirit". Either that or maybe everyone has been enabling him too much ( which is a lot like an ex of mine). If everyone keeps catering to him and doesn't light a fire under him, it may go on for a lot longer.

I think we are all going through a depression - mentally, physically, financially...here are some numbers I wrote down
Palm Beach County Health Care 866-930-0055

Medical 800-622-5437 or 800-829-1040

Florida Lifeline 800-342-3552

grants.gov for companies and individuals.

Blessings, S.