I have a 4 year old boy and have been keeping a friends almost 4 year old daughter. A few weeks ago the were playing and went and hid in the closet and had a marker, they colored all over each other's butts. Part of it was to hide that they were drawing on themselves but today I was upstairs and went down and they were in the playhouse, I opened the door and she was bent over a chair with her pants partially down. We have talked regularly with our kids about private parts and all that. I know that this behavior probably isn't sexual, I am trying to remain calm when dealing with such things explaining that they may think that they are just playing but we are trying to keep them safe and there are reasons for the rules about private parts. I am somewhat sure that this is normal stuff, but there is an underlying fear of anything happening to my kids (or my friends) that it still freaks me out. So two parts, does anyone have any sort of professional literature about what types of behavior is normal and when to actually be concerned? Part two, how would you handle situations like this. The other mom already knows and I am actually writing this more for her than for me, because I don't want her to freak out and inadvertently act like her daughter is at fault for allowing this type of interaction,
Let me just add, I don't mean for it to sound as if I place blame on the girl, they are both equally a part of the situation and I have spoken with both of them accordingly. Just need confirmation for her mom that this isn't as sexual as our adult minds have a tendency to make it.
Normal. But at least for now I would increase supervision and keep up with the talking about what parts are private and who we can allow to see/touch those spots.
It might not be sexual, but they know that they aren't supposed to do it. It's also something that might turn in a way that you certainly don't want it to with TV sex being so easily seen.
I'm sorry to say that I really think that you aren't watching them closely enough. They shouldn't be left alone with each other. If you don't work harder on this, either of them may do something similar in school, and then all of a sudden, the school will be calling social services. There's a thread on here from a few days ago where a boy touched a girls panties when she was leaning over, and believe me, the proverbial you-know-what hit the fan. (You and your friend should actually read that thread, L..)
http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/9145398357915860993
Good luck to you both.
This is pretty simple.
Don't leave them alone . They obviously can't be trusted to play nice together alone.
How would you have handled it if they had snuck off to draw on the walls? Or if they were in the playhouse doing something else that you had already said "no" to.
Deal with it like that, they were told what to do and what not to do and they disobeyed. Keep talking to them and keep the discipline consistent. When have kids ever done the fisrt time what you've told them?
Good luck, my 6 year old has been pelting me with questions every diaper change since her baby brother's been born. :) Curiosity.
I have a couple problems with this - one time maybe, but they continue after you've spoken to them. And how are they sneaking off? Are they not being watched? My children never did this - if they wanted to color on each other, it was an arm, hand or leg; they never snuck off nor did they ever go into a closet. Maybe they're seeing some type of similar behavior - if they're hiding, then they know it's something they're not supposed to be doing. In my opinion, this has a possibility of escalating into something worse the older they get and then you're going to have real problems. They need to be punished; I wouldn't make it because of anything sexual, but make it that they just shouldn't be drawing on each other, hiding or sneaking off.
Good luck!!
Normal and actually VERY funny (the drawing pictures on each others' butts). I
At this age I would remove the sexual aspect and treat it like any discipline issue. My kids were fond of stripping, jumping on the couch and smelling each others butts until I told them to stop doing it and enforced like anything else. My opinion is: Not sexual and Don't allow it. They've been warned not to sneak off and do it, so be aware and enforce discipline.
Curiosity is normal, and you're handling it just fine. Don't freak out, just calmly remind them, repeatedly if need be, that the parts inside underwear are private and need to stay private. It's a phase and they will outgrow it.
We've had some similar issues. I just make sure that an adult or older child is ALWAYS in the room where they are and they are never alone to go create mischief. It gets tedious and I miss out on some adult conversations, but it is worth it to me to make sure that there are no questions about what did/didn't happen.
Take the markers away. They have to play in the room where you are. No sneaking off for any reason - doesn't matter about taking the clothes off, because it would be just as bad if they were sticking things in the electrical outlets or breaking the glassware. They don't play with regular toys, they grab the forbidden items or do things they've been told not to do. So give them only completely age appropriate toys that do not require complete supervision (markers, scissors, etc. are problems). Go back to Duplos and puzzles and nerf balls and so on. They stay in the room. Period. If they still disobey, put their favorite toys in a big bin and put it on top of the refrigerator where they can see it but not play with it. Or take them outside for a nature hike or some time to run around and blow off some steam.
You handled it fine. Very normal four year old behavior.
Normal and not sexual in nature. The ONLY reason that it would be sexually-driven is if one of the children involved was being abused or had witnessed sexual activity. As a child psychologist who hears EVERYTHING about what goes on in homes... you would be surprised by the number of children who sneak out of their beds at night and observe things they shouldn't be observing!
Having said that, both parents need to speak with their children separately about remaining clothed in public and about keeping hands and feet to themselves unless it is to hug a friend. I would also suggest having them play in common areas of the house for a while and checking on them more frequently until the behavior goes away. It will.
Kids are fascinated by "what the other kid has". My son (5) loves to streak through the house nude. My nieces (twins, 4) do too. They've compared parts, but have been told not to touch. My son also informed me that his baby sister doesn't have a "peanut" (don't ask, we've tried to correct this 1000 times), but she does have "two butts".
Don't make a huge issue out of this. Address it, try to prevent it and stop it immediately (with a consequence) if it continues.
My own DD once stripped down at a playdate (with girls) because she wanted to change into a princess dress. I explained to her that she keeps her clothes on and puts dress up clothing OVER her own clothes and she never streaks at a friend's house. In our own home, half the time she doesn't wear pants if it's just family. But that's family. She needs to keep covered in public.
I would also steer their play so that there isn't opportunity to hide in a closet or hide in a playhouse for a while. You may need to be more interactive with them, but if they've chosen to draw on each other or remove clothing, then they need more supervision. I would also address that you don't draw on things that are not paper.
I recall when I was about that age a moment of "show me yours and I'll show you mine" that was just kid stuff. Happened once and never again.
