Should I Punish?

Why would a child get punished by her own mother for looking at factual information provided by her own mother? Sorry--confused.

I don't know what the big deal is either. The mom had bought it for her and if you are okay with it then the mom needs to relax.
I really don't know why people are so afraid of sex education. I think Queen Victoria has been dead for over 100 years.
Kids who know about sex are less likely to take a lover at an early age.

I don't understand what the punishment is for... Didn't the mom buy the book for the girl in the first place? Why can't she look at it? Like you, I don't think it's that big of a deal. I can see why the mom might not necessarily want the girl to take it out of the house (it might end up around boys, younger kids, some parents might not agree with it, etc.), so maybe that's what the punishment was for - she just didn't want it to become an issue with other parents, like she was handing it out or something? Still, I don't think it should be punishment, just an explanatory conversation about how the book isn't right for everyone to see so it should probably stay at home. No, I wouldn't punish my daughter. I would just have a conversation about why it might be more appropriate to leave it at home.

No don't punish her. Actually you should get the book and look at it with her. That will be punishment enough..LOL. She obviously is curious and seeking information. This is the PERFECT opportunity to show her your not going to overreact and she can talk to you about these things! Good luck!

What??? I don't get it. A body book? If it's a book illustrating human anatomy, sexual and otherwise, of course you shouldn't punish her.

How old are the girls?

WHY should you punish your daughter, just because another Mom punished hers???

The book IS the girl's book. So she can take it and read it where she wants.
It IS her book. The Mom gave it to her.

Is it one of those American Girl books about "The Care & Keeping Of You'?
This is a good book. My daughter has one which I got for her.

The girls probably just wanted to read it.
Unless, the Mom actually told the girl, NOT to take it outside of the house, specifically.

She BOUGHT the book for her and now she wants to PUNISH her? I wouldn't. The girls are of course going to want to look at it and if the mom didn't want her to she should not have got it for her.

Um, no.

The other mother over-reacted. This is probably why her daughter didn't ask first.

For what it's worth, when I was about 8 my friend who was ten had a body book. Her mom just gave it to her. No big deal.

Reading some of your previous answers, I read your question about the "Care and Keeping of You" and another book. I'm puzzled as to why you would get those books and then ask about punishing your daughter.

I don't see what the big deal is either. Maybe the girl got in trouble for "sneaking" it out. Maybe her mother doesn't like her keeping secrets which I understand, but since the mother is the one who bought her the book. I wouldn't punish your daughter for something the other girl did. Also you might want to get your daughter the book seeing as how she is probably curious.

I cannot understand why the girls was punished for wanting to look at a book her own mother bought her? What gives? I must be missing something here. And not sure why you'd consider emulating such irrational behavior? What exactly is the basis for "punishment"?

I guess my answer to the very specific question you've asked is - no you shouldn't punish. i simply don't see an offense here.

Very confusing. The mom punished her daughter for sharing a book that SHE gave to her? Even more disturbing, why did the girl feel like she had to sneak it out of the house?
What mixed messages and confusing signals to the girls involved :(

Unless you're terribly uncomfortable with this, I'd reassure the other mom that you're glad your daughters are referring to this source of factual information instead of hearsay and gossip to find out about themselves.

The other girl's mom is quite possibly afraid that some mothers will see too much information as promoting early sexual activity. That's a major point of argument in many public school programs that teach youth about menstruation and "private" body parts.

I remember being incredibly curious about bodies and anatomy (not just the sexual parts) at about that age, and my poor mom was so uptight that she shamed me for even examining myself in front of a mirror. It convinced me that she was never gonna hear a dang thing about any future questions I had. So most of my information came from sneaking into the adult section of the library and looking through medical books.

Take this as an opportunity to let your daughter know that it's ok to be curious & now that you know she's getting older you would like to take this opportunity to talk to her about *her* body. This is great mother/daughter bonding, use this time wisely but no need to punish.

Punish kids for learning about their own bodies? Hell no.

What is a "body book for girls"? Is that a book about girl's anatomy? Not getting why your daughter and this girl should be punished because this girl was taking a book out of the house that belongs to her.

I personally believe that once something is given as a gift, then the person who has received the gift should be able to use the item however she wants to, within reason of course. And I also don't believe that books that are meant to teach young girls what their bodies are all about are the same as pornography. Maybe just talking to your daughter about how the book probably shouldn't be shown around to their other friends because their friends' parents may want to be the ones to talk to them about this information first, would be a good idea. Otherwise, I don't believe any punishment is needed.

i don't see why either girl was punished, and honestly can't figure out what you're thinking of punishing your daughter for.
:/ khairete
puzzled S.

The girl was probably punished because she isn't supposed to share such a personal book ( I imagine it has some 'nude' pictures in it to explain things?) without the mom making sure it is okay with the other friends moms (you) first.

Unless you have told your daughter she is not to look at a book that explains puberty or your daughter was the one who told her friend to sneak the book out, she should not be punished.

I wouldn't punish her. I'm not sure I see the offense on either girls part. Sad that the friend thought she had to sneak out her own property to look at it. The only thing I can figure is that maybe it was a really nice book and mom didn't want it leaving the house? OR maybe mom was worried that other moms might think she was out of line giving it to her daughter. I am assuming the girls are tweens or older...

I am sorry but I don't see what the problem is? Isn't it good that she is looking at the book and discussing it with her friends/peers? I would want to know more info about the reason she got punished. Was it because she snuck the book out secretively? Or something else. As far as your daughter, why would you punish her if you didn't feel she specifically did something wrong-

M

Is it possible that the punishment has nothing to do with the type of book it is? Does the girl possibly have a history of taking her stuff out of her house and losing it? Maybe the mom told her to stop taking her stuff out and failing to bring it back? My youngest sometimes takes her stuff and leaves it on the bus, at school, at her friends' homes, etc. If I'd just bought her a book (especially one that I would want to read and discuss with her) and saw her sneaking it out, my initial instinct would be "she's going to lose THAT, too" and I would probably reprimand her - not because of the type of book (I actually encourage open dialogue with my girls), but because of her bad habits of losing stuff.

Maybe she isn't allowed to take stuff out of the house and that's why she was sneaking it out? I could see myself doing it as a child lol. It seems like the mom may have overreacted and I also understand books can get expensive and maybe she didn't want the book to get lost or whatever. What's a body book? I think it is a bit over reactive to punish (depending on the punishment anyways) over a book she gave the girl, but understand if they are rules that the mom set and the girl knows (she apparently knows if she was sneaking it out lol). How old is the girl? From your title, are you asking if you should punish your daughter? The answer in my opinion would be no, that'd be silly to punish your child for another child's actions.

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No, definitely do not punish for this. I do think it's appropriate to have a talk with the girls about sneaking around and hiding things, so they know that they shouldn't be ashamed to ask questions about their bodies, or anything for that matter. And also that it's OK to look at the book on their own without their parents around, and then ask questions later if they want to.

Huh? No. Punished for what? MAYBE they should be "spoken to" about sneaking or stealing, but not so much in this case. They obviously had it hidden for content, and I would NOT associate punishment with curiosity about anatomy. NOPE.

Sneaking anything out is the issue that I would be addressing. If the mom had concerns about the subject matter and didn't want her daughter sharing the book with yours then she should have put the book up when you daughter came over. Otherwise it's the taking things out. It's really kind of like stealing to me. It wasn't supposed to be taken outside so it is taking without permission.

I wouldn't punish my daughter for that. What message does that send her about her natural curiosity about her body?

Get your daughter a copy if she wants it and make sure she knows she can come to you if she wants to talk.

If the mom didn't want her daughter to look at the book, why did she buy it? Was she just worried what you would think or was the punishment because the girl was sneaking?

Meet the mom for coffee without the girls and make a plan together.

Her mom bought it for her? Why in the world would she punish her for looking at it, then? Could there be more to the story? Why was the girl sneaking out with it? The sneaking would make me wonder.