How to Give Middle Son More Attention

Hi Tracy,
I feel like that all the time with my kids (4, 9 & 11). I try to keep it small so it doesn't seem like someone is being left out. When we are watching a movie I'll say "OK this time I'm gonna sit with *pick two* but ** gets to pick the movie (we have family movie time) or if someone is around I say "hey, pick out the supper (choice one is....choice two is....), when I go to the grocery store I try to take just one kid, when they are doing chores (or I am) I go in and help a different person or ask them to help me.
Its not huge and nothing like a trip to somewhere extra special but we have very limited time with our schedules and then money is on a tight budget so
it seems to help.
Best Wishes!

I have 2 kids. At some time or other, the other one will feel left out. Though I spend time with both of them.

I just say honestly to them "I have 2 kids. Mommy can't be there with you both at the same time. So, I have to take turns. I don't have 2 of me.... " and then they 'realize' and giggle... then are more amendable to it.
I tell them, EACH of them need special time with me... and I "try my best..." and this seems to alleviate the stress of it.

Next, help and teach your 3 year old the names of feelings/emotions and how to express it.. and that he CAN tell you how he feels... no matter what.
I teach my kids that, since they were 2 years old. And this helps. Because then they know they can tell me their feelings/problems/discomforts.. and that "I" WILL hear them and listen. Good or bad/icky feelings... its okay. The home, is where a child should feel comfortable in knowing they can express themselves.

Next, try asking him, what is bothering him. Even if he can't be 'exact' about it... just talk with him.
My kids, when I talk with them, openly, without judgment, they feel better. Because Mommy is RIGHT there, 'hearing' them. And they bond with me that way.

Giving 'time' to a child is important. BUT it is ALSO about building a "Relationship" with them. Seems common sense, but it is not. But it makes a big difference...
Then a child is not just a satellite floating around, being told what to do/punished/scolded/being ordered around by the parent, or not 'heard.'
A child, needs to BOND... with their Parent, at different ages, in different ways. At each age. Thus, building a 'relationship' with your child, is really key and paramount.
Spending time with a child... does not always equate to having/building a 'relationship' with the child. Seeing what their thoughts are/feeling heard/seeing what their interests are and their dreams, having their parent be able to 'see' them for who they are etc., and feeling secure in knowing that they are 'accepted' no matter what.

all the best, just some quick ideas and what I do with my kids,
Susan

Does your older one care if the middle one gets more attention? Some kids want and need more attention, and it's okay to give them more attention than you do to your more independent children. Everything does not have to be even.

I had another thought after reading your question yesterday. When my girl was 4 she had a regression in potty training. My daycare provider took me aside and asked if everything was ok at home. I was a little taken aback and defensive. I thought "well nothing unusual, just a little tension between me and her dad, but that's nothing new." A month later my husband moved out and my daughter immediately stopped peeing on herself. I didn't even know how bad it was and that my daughter was feeling it so deeply. I'm not suggesting you get a divorce, but could there be some tension, sorrow, depression, or something going on in his world? Is he the only one with a change in behavior? Everyone reacts differantly. Some kids never make a peep so you don't notice they're hurting. A little one on one time with each couldn't hurt and may give you some clues as to what's going on.

What about small steps like O. per evening gets to go out for ice cream and an hour at the park?

my middle one seems to always get the short end of the stick also. maybe because she really is easy going most of the time, and then once in a while she will let us know that she has had quite enough of this being taken for granted by acting out. and she is right. making time for each kid is really hard sometimes, but it is really important. i have 3 little ones, all close together. its hard. just grab one and go, it doesnt have to be a big thing. go for a short walk after dinner, take one to the post office or bank or whatever errand with you. its important and i find it to be one of the most effective things i can do to help everyone get along better and feel better about things.

My boys are 4 and 2. I take them out seperately on mommmy dates on the weekends when their dad is home. Whoever is home with dad, gets one on one time then.

As for the behavior problems, I greatly recommend this book, it has helped us so much:

The Discipline Book: How to Have a Better-Behaved Child From Birth to Age Ten by Dr. Sears
http://www.amazon.com/Discipline-Book-Better-Behaved-Chil...