How to Get My 4 Year Old to Sleep in His Bed in His Room

you've gotten some good advice, but I'll just suggest a couple of other things. Maybe when you are preparing for the transition you can buy him something special for his room, a new blanket, nightlight, bear, etc... Maybe you could also reward him for staying in his room all night... maybe a sticker each night and after so many stickers he gets a toy. I think it's really important that he learn to fall asleep for the night in his own bed, and then he should be better equipped to get himself back to sleep when he wakes up at night. The key is NOT to give in once you start this process. It may mean less sleep for a few nights, but hopefully it will be worth it soon when you are all getting a good night's rest.

My suggestion is to go with the flow. I am a mother of four and constantly amazed that when they are little and they express a sincere need...I go with it and eventually they feel comfortable enough to venture out on their own. It doesn't feel like it...but, eventually they actually grow up and want their own sleeping space. And, just because the baby's not here yet doesn't mean that your little one can't sense change. They are very perceptive. It just might be his way of making sure that you still love him. It'll happen...good luck. Check out Dr. Sears website, it's AWESOME! askdrsears.com

Hi! I'm S. and mom to two little girls (6 and 4). I also teach a Sibling Class to help families prepare for a new member!

So, here's my advice: (you may have already done some of these things but keep reading)

1. Make your son's room special. Let him choose new bedding or the new color of the room (within a selection of your choosing, of course), new pillows, decorations, etc. It does NOT require that you spend a lot of money...keep it simple but make it special.

2. Involve your son in the cleaning of his room and making of bed in the morning. Make his room a very special place (even rearrange it with his help)

3. Tell him, at bedtime, that he may come in and sleep in your room BUT he may not bring his pillow, blanket, favorite sleep toy, etc. as those things belong in HIS room. So, when he comes in your room, make sure he's not brought anything with him and offer him a small towel (hand towel) for his blanket OR pillow. The goal is to make it very unpleasant in your room. Also, don't dress him in his warmest pjs at this time. Just a t-shirt and his underwear will do well.

4. Also, tell him, at bedtime, that there's a new plan. Each night that he stays in his room ALL night long, he gets a sticker. When he's gotten 5 stickers (that he gets to put on the door of his room) then you will do something special (have a party, go to the zoo, go to the playground, go to the library, take a walk, etc). Try to avoid buying something. He'd much rather do something with his parents!

5. BE CONSISTENT AND FIRM AND DON'T BUDGE. This is key! You may loose sleep worrying that he's freezing but remember that he's 4! He has the ability to get up and go back to his bed!

B., you're a good mom and it's easy to see that. If you get this under control now, it will save you sleep and heart ache later!

Good luck!

Hello, Brittney.

I am a mother of 2 daughters, ages 6 and 2. I also have another baby girl on the way. I have been in this situation before with my children. Let me first say that the biggest change resides with you and your husband. You must make the mental decision and commitment that your 4 year old can no longer sleep in your room. This is best for you and your husband, as well as, your child.

Begin talking to your child and inform him of the change that is coming very soon. He needs to be mentally prepared for the transition. Tell him exactly what day he will begin sleeping in his own bed. Be really excited about the transition. Your energy will flow onto him. I tell my children that all big boys and girls sleep in their own beds. Remind him that you are not far away. He will cry and scream, I am sure. However, this is only to manipulate you and your husband to giving in. Do not give in. You will find that he will come into your room frequently in the beggining. Just remind him that he will sleep in his bed and take him back to his room. Soon, he will come into your room less frequently during the night. Be firm and consistent, while loving and patient. Remember that you are the parents and know what's best for the family.

Your family will get through this tough transition. You may even cry during the process. (Try not to let him see you cry.) The change doesn't happen over night. But, over 1-2 weeks of consistency and talks with your child, he will adjust.

I wish you many blessings and success with your wonderful son.

T. B

You just have to bite the bullet and tell him that it is his room and your room. Don't mention anything about new baby. His room, your room. Starting tonight, he sleeps there. Establish a routine before bed (read books, sing a song, do something special with just him). Turn out the iight and say good night. He's going to cry and scream and scream some more. This is where you have to be tough and tough and more tough. He will probably do this for 2-3 days. When he sees you mean what he says (your room/my room) and he's not getting his way, he'll stop because he's not winning. But, you have to be firm and it's going to be really hard. I was forced to have my daughter in my room due to living arrangements and we had to do this. When we moved to our own house I worried about the transition. It was fine. We just made sure she understood her room/my room. And if she came into our room, we calmly put her back into her room with no lights on no fussing on our end as much as she screamed and said this is your room now sweetie and did our routine and left the room. Sometimes she cried for 30 minutes, sometimes a bit longer. It broke my heart, but it lasted just a few days. The first night is the toughest, many times up and down, but stand firm to your goal. Like I said, a few days and they will learn you mean what you say. This applies to anything you say 'No' to. After a couple times of saying No, their reaction is much less dramatic because they know the outcome.

we had the same issue with my 4 y/o daughter when i was pregnant. fortunately, we got advisement from another parent who suggested that perhaps our daughter was feeling some transitional jealousy because a new baby was coming. we also took the time to redecorate her room while working on the nursery. i found that ikea has great stuff and prepared her for the switch by telling her that as soon as the princess bed was ready, she had to sleep in it like a big girl. i also added sleeping in your own bed all night to the chore list so that she could earn treats at the end of the week. good luck and try to get some rest :).

There are two books that I purchased from the bookstore about children sleeping in their own bed. Sorry I can't think of the names. I constantly read them for about a week, I made a sleep in your own bed calendar and put a sticker on each day my daughter slept in her bed. When she got three stickers in a row we went to the dollar store to get a treat. It worked in a couple of weeks, we had set backs but now she is in her bed and my husband and I can sleep close together. Don't get discouraged he will sleep in his bed.

B.-

I have never had this problem, but in my professional life I've had a similar problem. I am a speech language pathologist and I worked a pre-school for kids with language/speech delay. We had one child who could not be away from her caregiver at all (not even 5 seconds). What we did is we slowly took the caregiver from the room, but would tell the little girl how long she would be gone. We started with one minute, then increased it slowly. It only took a few months for her to be able to participate the entire time (1.5 hours) without her caregiver. Translating that to the sleeping issue. There are two routes you can take. One you can have your son lay down in his room and give him a time. You may want to even have a kitchen timer or clock in there so that he knows exactly how long it has been (it's hard for anyone to know how long 10 minutes feels when you're waiting for something). Then allow him to come out of his room and lay on the air matress. Increase his time at a pace that is ok for him. Eventually he should fall asleep in there. If he wakes up you may want to still use the timer and say to him that he has to lay down in his bed for a certain length of time, but then he's allowed to move to the air mattress. The second way to work the situation is to slowly move the air mattress out of the room. Move it farther and farther from the bed until its near the door, then move it out the door, but leave the door open, etc. I would probably try the time related one first, but there are two suggestions. I hope it works!

H.

Hello B., i know what ur going threw.Maybe u or ur husband needs to get in his bed w/ him until he goes to sleep an then ease ur way back into ur bed.However, u can also encourange him that all the kids his age are sleeping in their own bed by them selves, so he should be a big boy and sleep in his.Sometimes @ that age u have to play mind games w/ them on how important it is to be in their beds...or when he climbs into you all bed, u & hubby may have to take turns returning him back to his bed a few nights & stay in their w/ him until he falls back to sleep & sneak out and get back in ur bed. It may be a bit tiredsome a few nights, but give it time. I have two kids & my boy was easy, but my daughter is another story.She's 9yrs. old & still in our bed, hick..my hubby moved out of our bed until she gets tired of being under me.lol!1 Hope it all works out for you both.GOOD LUCK!!!

ahh, so sorry to hear of your sleeping arrangements. Just remember your not alone. I don't have experience with this specific matter but there are other things my daughters do that I find hard to break the habit. What I find works best is being strict about your rules. In this case it is sleeping in your own bed. I would just tell him in a loving manner that his a big boy and is going to sleep in his big boy bed. It's always easier said them done. Just be consisent. Every time he comes out of his room crying to sleep with you, explain to him why he needs to sleep in his own room. It could be 10 minutes after you put him down or 4:00 a.m. Also you can make it a big deal. Redo his room with his favorite character, read to him before bed, tell him how proud you are of him, huge praise for sleeping through the night in his room and maybe even a morning surprise for a job well done. I know it's hard to hear your child cry because his unhappy; but your doing the right thing by making him sleep in his bed. After a week of not getting his way he'll give up. It'll be difficult but stay strong and don't give in, no matter how tired you are. You and your husband deserve a room by yourself (at least for he next 20 weeks). Hope it helps and best of luck to you.

we had the same problem with our twins when they were that age. We sloved it very easily by allowing the girls to each have a tinkerbell pass (in their case it was a napkin with her picture on it) With this pass they could each get out of bed just once and trade the pass for an extra mommy hug or kiss after bedtime. But...after that one trip they had to stay in their own rooms. My husband thought I was insane but it ended up working beautifully. good luck!

Hello there B.. I nursed my children so I would often fall asleep with them in my bed and just leave them there...of course that got old once they got a little bigger so I would nurse them in their bed. It was a twin bed though and had a side rail so I could fit in it and was content to leave them there. Anyhow, I felt like and it's probably just my situation...that if I was good enough to sleep in their bed then they thought it was okay. You might try sleeping with him in his bed...if you can a few times and maybe even your husband could too. This might help him think...it's cool to sleep in my bed and be okay with it. You could even reward him for being a big boy with some extra special treat after breakfast for sleeping in his own bed. My children loved Pez and I used those especially when it came to pooping in the potty. Every time I went to cracker barrell I had to stock up on the refill packs. oh, and if he still takes naps...maybe he'd start out taking daytime naps in his bed then adjust to nite too...Hope this helps and I'll pray for you too!

Buy and read books by Dr. Sears and Dr. Harvey Karp. They are very kind and have lots of years as doctors of children and have tons of children themselves. Don't listen to those who would have you do whats best for you and not your child first.

B.,
I had the same thing with my children, I was told just to put the baby in her own bed, until she finally went to sleep. I know it sounds awful and mean, but eventually it will work. Start a schedule and maybe do something like read to him, maybe start to teach him how to read, and before you know it, he will be asleep.
Good luck, and get earplugs for the first few times....<G>
L.
http://www.youravon.com/llovejoy
Your Avon Lady in Cyberspace ~¿~

I don't know what the big deal is to let him sleep in your room unless there is just no room. He is only 4. They will only be small for a short time. For whatever reason, he is communicating to you that this is what he needs from you right now. You have conditioned him to this habit and it is not his fault to want to stay the way he was taught especially now that he is getting competition for your affection. If it is absolutely necessary for him to be in his own room at night, then try something different from what you are doing right now. I think he is just afraid of losing you to the baby and that is perfectly normal.

INDEPENDENCE:
I don't know what he does for himself right now, but help him be more independent by teaching him to do things on his own like brushing his teeth, getting his snack (with permission), cleaning his room, dressing himself, etc. Tell him that he is a big boy now and one of the things big boys do is sleep in their own bed.

INVOLVEMENT:
Involve him in the process of the baby and tell him he has an important job to help with the baby. Let him help decorate the room or fold clothes.

ROUTINE:
Routines are very important to children. If they know what to expect, then their anxiety level is reduced. Establish a routine at night where he takes his bath, brushes his teeth, read him a book, and then lay with him for a few minutes until he falls asleep. Once he is used to it for a little while, then tell him you are going to stay with him for a little bit, but then go to your room. Do it at the same time every night so he can feel comfortable in his own room. Maybe even sleeping in his room with him for a little while will help the transition.

Good Luck!

I'd put him in his room at night and spend the time waiting on him to go to sleep. If he gets up in the middle of the night, escort him back...no talking, perhaps carry him back, give him a hug. Go back to your room. If he gets out again, do the same thing over and over and over. Win this battle, if this is what is better for your family. You will be tired for a while, until he understands that this is what you need.

Hi B.,
Your son has slept with you a darling Hubby (DH)for four years. Offer him a shirt that DH has worn and one you have worn. Let him wear DH's and cuddle with yours. He may be missing your scent.

Sticker chart...each night he stays all night in his bed, Son gets a sticker. Earns 10 stickers a surprise...

Hope this helps,
B.
deaffmommie

You will have to tough through this and stick to it (should take about a week to a week and a half), but you need to put him in his room and walk away (he will cry and scream and try to run out of the room), just keep putting him back in his bed (I suggest having nightlights). You will have to do this repeatedly for about a week. Before you know it he will sleep in his own room, but once you start, you can not let him back into your bed.

I started laying on top of my son's bed with him and reading him 2 nighttime stores (again in his bed), by the time I am done he is sleepy and I give him a kiss, tuck him in and turn out the light. He will keep calling you in (to test you--"Mommy, I need water, Mommy, I need to go to the bathroom, etc., but you have to ask him is there anything else he needs and let him know that is the last time you will come in that he needs to close his eyes and go to sleep. Whatever you do it needs to be the same pattern every night-kids like routine.

Another silly suggestion...If he is scared of monsters, you might want to have him help you "booby proof" the room with you. You can tell him to spray the monsters away(and carry a water spray bottle around with you to have him help you spray). I keep a baby monitor in my 4 yr old sons room still and he knows I can hear him from my bed, so it is reassuring that he can call me in the middle of the night and I will come.

Hope this is helpful...to you and others.

I had a friend who had the same problem as you, here is what she did..she put her childs bed in her room, and then each night she slowly moved the bed further towards the door. Eventually his bed was in the door way, then in the hallway, then in the middle of the hallway, then in his doorway, then in his room...etc. It worked for her...it may work for you. You may have to leave it in the same spot for a day or two..or even longer. Place your air mattress at the foot of your bed, or where ever you want to start, then ever day or more, slide the bed a little closer to the door..it may take a month or so, but evenyually he will be out of your room!! Good luck!