Need Advice Getting 10 Month Old into His Own Bed.

I'm with you, Shannan W, I think it's sad that people consider co-sleeping a mistake. I have a 21 year old and a 10 year old, and I look back with wonderful memories of those times. I could never let a child CIO. I tried it with my first, and contrary to popular belief, not all children cry less & less each day. Mine cried more & more each day and on the 3rd day, she fell asleep in her own vomit. That was the end of it for me. I never wanted to do it in the first place. It was DH's idea. After that, I took on sole responsibility for nighttime care of my DD, and I'm so glad I did. I think of it this way, the child may stop crying because they have finally realized that mom & dad can't be counted on to respond to their needs. I personally wanted to respond to my child's needs. Well, I've probably made a lot of people mad with this post, but this just really upsets me.

~A.~

I have an 18 month old little boy who is still co-sleeping with my husband and I. It was never something that we planned on, but like you I don't regret it. I even think that with our next child, we may start out sooner than we did with our son (6 months). I have since read several books on co-sleeping and the attachment parenting philosophy. Several books that may help you making the transition are Nighttime Parenting by Dr. William Sears and the No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. The book by Elizabeth Pantley is mainly geared toward babies, but I recently saw where she has one for toddlers. Both Pantley and Sears are both strong advocates of co-sleeping, so their books are geared toward children who have slept with their parents. They both (especialy Pantley) give good advice on transitioning from the parent bed. We're going to be making that transition too in the next few months so I'm going to need to reread the books that I was telling you about. Good Luck!

I have gone through this, as well as my daughter with her son. You must be firm in this. Make sure you have done everything he needs before bed. Perhaps put some soothing music on and a night light in his room. He may cry for an hour. When my son was 6 months old, we put him in his own room. I layed in bed and listened to him cry over the monitor for about an hour before he went to sleep(it was torture for me).The next night it was about 30 minutes, the next about 10 and from then on, he slept through the night. We have 9 children and most of them needed to do this at some point.

Hey, don't worry! It just takes some time to transition him is all. Sudden changes just don't work for such little children (or older children, either, really).

Get Nighttime Parenting by Dr. Sears, either at the library or the bookstore (or online). This will help you resolve it. They have superb advice for this common question.

Meanwhile, though: don't make him cry it out. It just causes trouble for you both, for your relationship and for discipline purposes.

L.

We didn't cosleep w/ our children,but,NONE of our babies immediatley went into thier cribs...ALL of them slept in the swing next to my side of the bed. As newborns I kept them swaddled all snug and reclined the back so they would be comfortable.I felt safe knowing they were upright and right next to me and they felt safe and snuggled and at a constant low sway.It worked for us and all 3 of our babies and it'll be the sme when this one's born in the winter!-To take them out and put them in the nursery,I first started w/ little naps and little "private times" for them..Around 4-5-6 mts,I would put them in the crib and let them look around and get comfortable during the day.Our kids always fell asleep w/ the nighttime feedings,so, what worked for me was-feeding the last bottle at night, and then since it's not good to give them milk in the bed because of thier teeth,I would give them a bottle or sippy of warm water when they layed down(if they weren't already asleep).It gave them comfort,but, it didn't hurt the teeth.Also, w/ our last one,he REALLY is a VERY musical child,so, we put up one of those Fisher Price fish bowls on the side of his crib.He liked the music and the lights and it helped to soothe him.After that thing finally died,we bought him a little alarm clock to put on his dresser.I would turn the music on low for him and then, when we would check in on him,he was in there rocking back and forth to the music and eventually he'd rock himself to sleep...Other than that advice-u HAVE to let him cry it out...yes, it annoys u, it breaks ur heart,and u think he's never gonna quiet down!!! LOL...but,he will-and he knows that if he keeps fussing eventually ur gonna come get him...it's a learned process for babies-cry?momma cry?momma cry?momma....be strong-it'll pass and eventually he'll learn that this is a new routine and it'll get easier!

Dear L.,
If you coslept with your son for 10 months you probably are very in tune with your son and he has a strong and very healthy and very normal attachment to you. Follow your instincts about how to handle the transition. You mentioned you felt cosleeping was a mistake- I am sure your son was greatly blessed by your closeness and this formed a strong basis for security and trust. Approach the transition (if this is something you have decided you want or need to do) with patience, compassion and base it on your instincts of your sons needs. My personal opinion (mine only) is avoid Ezzo and other baby training methods that go against the maternal instincts you have developed and blessed your child with. Blessing to you and your son, R.

Both of my girls were in our bed for a few months, my oldest around 7 and the second for about 10. I had to get them out because I just wasn't sleeping well AT ALL anymore. We ended up just letting them both cry it out and that worked. The crying is hard to hear at first but by the second night there was considerablely less and the third night it was almost non existent. Once they were in their own beds they started sleeping through the night, which made everyone much happier in the morning! Good luck with whatever you choose to do!

i don't think you need to feel bad or apologize for what you said. it didn't work for you-so it was a mistake for you-right?
i would slowly transition him into his own bed starting with naps. lay him down when he is very sleepy-but not completely out. if he really has a hard time with it try some soothing music. it will probably be hard at first but just prepare yourself for that. know that your are doing what's best for your whole family(since you all will probably sleep better!) make a plan and be consistant!

I hate to say it but tough love is how it's going to work for most of us. You have to let them cry. My son is now three and I let him cry up to an hour at a time and he started going to sleep on his own, less crying each night. I think it took about three to four nights of it and he was done crying before bed. If they cry during the middle of the night, let them cry for awhile. You can tell if it's a cry of just wanting you or a cry saying something it wrong. Then when we put up his toddler bed it was no trouble at all. He started getting sleeply that night so I picked him up and I lifted him up and over (letting him think I was putting him in his crib) and he slept all night without getting out of his toddler bed. You have to stick to your plan or they will take advantage of it for sure. Good Luck, it's not an easy transformation.

I, too, made the mistake of letting our son sleep with us until he was 9 or 10 months old. My reasoning was that I was breastfeeding and it was just easier on me. I didn't have to get out of bed to go get him at feeding time.

This transiton is hard to make. He never wanted to sleep in his crib afterwards but I finally made it! His crib was in our room until he was a little over a year old. I finally had to continue to rock hime to sleep then lay him in his crib. If he woke up, I would simply stand there and pat him on the back or bottom until he fell asleep again.

When he began to walk, we put him in a toddler bed, sadly enough, he was still in our room. I just could not move him out of our room. (Caleb is our only child and we cannot have anymore.) I was afraid to have him too far away. This drove my husband nuts, too! When he was 2, I put him in a twin bed and moved him to his own room. At first, he would come to my side of our bed and ask to "seep wit you" but I would take him back to his bed and tell him that he was a big boy now. That worked on most occasions. Although there were several times that I would have to lie down with him until he went back to sleep, but he finally got used to the bed away from us.

{He now is 8 years old and when I tell him how hard it was to get him to sleep in his own bed, he gets embarrassed! He has a huge room all to himself and he loves it.}

My best advice is to take it slow and don't expect him to adjust overnight. Our son sure didn't! He was almost 3 when he finally accepted the idea of sleeping in his own room and in his own bed!!!

My prayers will be going up for strength for you and that this will be an easier transition for you than it was for me.

P.

First off, there is no mistake for co-sleeping. Secondly when you're ready and and ya'll got a good strong bond going, then you use the method that involves gradually moving your child to his bed. What I did was let him fall asleep in my bed then put him in his bed... did that for fe nites then put him in his bed and sit beside his bed and read a book til he fell asleep... did that for a good while then one night just stopped. During all this time and until he's too big to fit on the matress, he is/was allowed to come into my room at night if he was scared ... I had crib matress kept under my bed that was made up with sheet and a blanket. He was not allowed to wake us up but was welcome to pull his matress out and sleep on it. Now you say yours is 10 months ... mine was two and half before I started putting him in his own bed. Consistancy is the key. Once you've put him to bed that's it. Do not pick him back up not even to change him if he's the type to not like slightly dirty diapers. At this point you change his diaper in the bed. If he's waking in middle of night, I would suggest going to him since he can't physically go to your room and pull out a matress, console but don't pick up... sit and try not to fall asleep lol..seriously though.. Sit in the room where he can smell, see and hear you. The final step is to award all night sleeping in his bed. Make a big deal about it ... Do a little dance when wakes up singing alright you slept all night by yourself and have a special breakfast. I kept chocolate donuts, the little bitty ones, on hand ... which was allowed to have after eating his eggs n toast. Hope that helps...

I am on child number 4 and child number 3 has just started sleeping in her own bed after 15 months of slepign with us. We just moved her crib into our room and she thinks it is cool to have her bed in our room and went in no problem. No she cannot lay with us at all without freaking out she has to be able to spred out. Try this and slowly move his bed out of your room =) good luck. They never really get out of you rbed, my 5 yr old and 4 yr old crows us as well sometimes,lol.

why is so-sleeping always considered a mistake? Did you know that in countries where co-sleeping is the norm, the SIDS rate is exponentially lower than what it is here. I just read a story the other day of a family who co sleeps and the mom woke up in the middle of the night and the front of her shirt was wet. At first she thought she had leaked through, but then realized that her baby had thrown up. She looked over to check her babe and his mouth was full of vomit and he wasn't breathing. She caught him in time to flip him over and get the vomit out and he started to breathe again. If he had been in a crib in the other room, he would have died because she wouldn't have been close enough to him to even know that something was wrong.

Our culture has gotten so hung up on training babies to be as independent as early as possible and we haven't even thought about whether or not this is biologically and/or developmentally appropriate.

Co-sleeping is not a mistake.

Most people who co sleep, the child skips the crib and toddler bed and goes right to a twin or full bed. Why would they want to go from a cushy mattress to an uncomfortable crib mattress. If they are used to a harder mattress from newborn, they don't mind it, and its comfort to them, but once they have had a real mattress they won't go back. Or at least that is my experience. Is your 10 month old walking? If so, get a twin bed with rails and teach him how to come off the bed feet first. If he is not walking, get him used to sleeping on a mattress in his room. You could sleep with him less and less on it, and then sneak back to your own bed. My only cosleeper was used to white noise of the radio so we just did that in his room, so he adjusted quite well and now shares a room with his 3 yr old brother. Anytime you go get your son even if you stretch it out, it just makes him scream longer knowing you will come get him. If he has toys he likes he can play with in his room, and a gate up so he can't get into other rooms that may not be babyproof...he will get used to playing quietly till mom gets up. Be firm but patient.

I let my daughter sleep with us until she was 18 months old. We really didn't have any other choice and I just couldn't do it anymore. What we did was when we moved and she had a room of her own, I tried the "sleep lady method", where I sat by her crib for three nights and soothed her with my voice and some touching, then the next three nights I moved further away and just used my voice, and move further away after that. I got the book on Amazon for like $4 after shipping and it has worked wonders. I never thought I could get her to sleep in her own crib. Now we lay her down after stories and bath and snuggle time with her "lovey" and she only cries for a few minutes if that. Then she sleeps pretty much all night for the most part. There are still some nights where she wakes up, but it's so much better than sharing a bed. I can't believe it still that I don't have to have about a foot of room anymore. Good luck and let me know if you need any more help. Be strong, it gets better.

why are you wanting to transition him now? maybe if you could wait a few months, he would understand better. a bedroom 'redo' would be a great 1st birthday present and encourage your 'big boy' to sleep in there. we did this with my daughter and son at ages 3 and 2 and it worked great. best of luck to you!!

Hi L.. I just recently made the same transition with my daughter. Here are a few things that I tried. I Would wear a shirt for a few hours and then take it off, just to get my scent on it (wouldn't do any activities in it but watch tv) and then place it in her bed at night. This would allow her to smell my scent and think that I was there next to her. It is usually the comfort of them smelling your scent that helps them sleep. Another thing that I tried was laying her in her bed and I would lie next to her bed so she could see me and then she would fall asleep. Each night I would move further and further away until I was out the door. These ideas sound crazy and I actually got them Super Nanny and magazines and they really worked for me. Hope this helps.