How to Explain "Inappropriate Touching" to Potty-training 3-Yr-old?

I would say start now with the good touch bad touch. Let him know that any touch that makes him feel it is wrong that it probably is. I have taught both my boys ages 11 and almost 9 and my now 5 year old daughter that there are good touches and bad toucher and areas it is ok for people to touch and where it is not ok. I also let them know if that happens to go straight to an adult that he really trust even it is Daddy or me for that matter. the way i have taught my kids is when it was bath time and I would wash them up I would let them know which areas are for them alone and no one els to touch we would call them places the no no spots and I would make them wash them areas them selfs unless they were that messy that they needed help. make a game of it so he can have some fun with it in the bath tub. When I help my 5 year old get her bath some times I will ask her where are you no no spots and she will point to them I even include the butt as a no no spot as well. I will tell her ok now time for you to was the spots that mommy isn't suppose to touch as well. hope it helps

Hmm.. I think your best bet is to start by educating him about his body and that there are certain parts it's ok for just about anyone to see, and then there are parts that are not. We, like lots of other people, use the word "private." But you can't just give it a name, you have to make sure they really understand it. Try explaining it in a lot of different ways. And we are religious, so we also talked about how we need to respect and take care of the body we were given, etc.. So, there are a lot of different things you can talk about. You can't really just do it once, since they are so young, it's kinda something that you need to keep reinforcing (like when they bath or shower.. whenever it is appropriate). If you can get that down, they will start to get a feeling for who they are comfortable with taking them to the bathroom. It's scary, but when they start going to school, friends' houses, etc.. we can't always know exactly who they are with and what is going on. (guess that's why it's best they usually stay at home with us). But since you can't always control that, I think education is your best bet. That's what we have done with our 4 year old girl, and her soon-to-be three year old brother. Kids are pretty smart, and I think they usually know when something isn't right.. so for those times you are not around, prepare him to use his own judgment.

First of all, I would not trust ANYONE!!! I would definitly talk to your son about this guy and ask if had touched him anywhere. I have four children and I talked to them about this topic everyday and nobody is to help them except for mom and dad when needed. I thought that my family was so safe and perfect growing up, it turns out 3 of my sisters were abused by my brother. We do not alow sleepovers anywhere including grandma's and grandpa's. They can visit but not sleep over. If you feel he needs to stay the night you have to talk to him and the grandparents. I would tell them absolutly no one comes over while your not there. It sounds harsh but the pertection of your son is more important. One out of 3 children are abused, I just wouldn't take that chance.

You are looking at this the wrong way, it isn't about safe people or unsafe people it is the rules about what is appropriate touching and what isn't. Do you not trust grandma enough to use her good judgement when it comes to the safty of her grandchild? She did raise your husband so she couldn't have been that bad, and your right it is those that you know who pose a bigger threat then the people you don't know.Start with the basics, it isn't okay for anyone to touch you where your bathing suit hides, at 3 he is to young for a sit down talk but when he is going potty or taking a bath mention the topic about how only mommy, daddy or the DR can touch those spots, know next time you take him to grandma's or uncles that kind of thing let him know that he may get a bath and that it is ok if they clean him but that touching should never hurt and if it does to tell mommy or daddy. It has to be an everyday lesson and it has to start early even you 11 month old can start learning. Relax a little and always be watchful but don't overreact, feeling could get seriously hurt, start the lessons at home.

He should be told that his private areas are to be touched only by him. when useing the bathrooom at Grandma 's ,she should be the only one who helps him. he should know to ask only for her and you should let her know your feelings on that...Let him know in a way a child can understand that he can talk to you about anything...dont digress to much ,short sentences,not to much information,as he gets older add to it so he understands its not a safe world we live in.. good luck, J.M.

When it comes to my children and such things I don't care who's toe's I step on. With my children the ONLY people that are ever allowed to touch his privates are mom, dad and his dr when mom and/or dad are present. Other than that only he should be touching his parts.

He needs to wipe himself. He is three years old. Grandma can visually check if you wish and tell him how to do a better job but I still wouldn't even put grandma in the ok category. Not because I don't/you don't trust her... it's just that the more inclussion or exceptions you give to a three year old, about this rule, the more confusing this gets... and lets face it like you already know this is a very important thing that you want no issues with.

1 in 3 girls will be sexually assaulted by the time they are 18. That is pretty high. I'm sure boys are nearly as high. I just wouldn't take any chances. I have friends who were sexually assaulted as children and let me say I think, or rather I know, they would have been different people had this not happened to them. They are in their 20's and still never right with it just as you would expect.

Most of the time when a child is molested, it is by one of those people you have listed as "safe" people. It isn't about safe and unsafe it is about appropriate and inappropriate. I am very open with my children about this subject because I was molested as a child. I knew that what was happening wasn't right even though I was really small. Your child will get a bad feeling if someone does something inappropriate. You may confuse him by giving him a list of safe and unsafe people. He needs to learn to listen to his inner voice even if he is with those you feel are safe. I have told my children what their private parts are and that nobody, including me and their dad is to touch there. They should be able to wash themselves and wipe when they go to the bathroom by the time they are old enough to potty train. He also needs to know that it is always ok to talk to you about this subject even if someone else tells him to keep it a secret. Molesters are very cunning and will use all kinds of bribery and threats to keep your child silent. I wondered if what I was saying to my children was getting through until my 5 year old came home from kindergarten a couple of weeks ago and told me that a boy in her class had touched her privates. When I asked her to explain exactly what happened she said that he pinched her on the bum. I was very glad that it wasn't worse, but I was able to call the principle and let him know so that the little boy could be talked to. I am confident that she will talk to me no matter what. She was able to see that I didn't just let it go. I am her advocate no matter what. Good luck and I pray nothing will ever happen to your child, but prepare him in case it does.

I am dealing with this exact same thing, and we have told our son, who is now almost 5, that the ONLY people who can take him to the potty are Mom, Dad, and his grandparents. It is a hard situation because he has one uncle whom I do NOT trust but we are around him all the time. I have tried asking my son if anything has ever happened like that and I don't think it has. We've tried to explain to him that no one should ever touch him and he should tell us if they do, even if they tell him not to or that it's a secret. We've told him that it's good to keep secrets, but not from Mom and Dad. It's hard because I know it's confusing for him, and I just pray he is never in that situation.

My mom is a very good judge of character and didn't find out until she was 50+ that her son had been molested at a very young age so Grandma might need a reality check. This day and age is so very different from when she was growing up.

I would recommend that you read "Protecting the Gift" and "The Gift of Fear" both by Gavin de Becker. He has been on Oprah and various other talk shows years ago because he started an organization that helps people find their lost or stolen children. He works closely with the FBI and is very good at what he does.

You know your son best, so you are going to know how to reach him best. If you think a sit down talk is best than go for it, if you want to do baby steps than start on that road. The most important thing is to talk to him about it. I read somewhere that one lady started taking her son to public places and then asking him who he would ask for help if was lost or needed something. They talked about searching your feelings and who makes you nervous (don't ask that person) and who makes you feel safe (that is the one you ask). Then after they did that a few times she would have him pick someone out and ask them what time it was or if they could help him with something. They practiced talking to the right kind of stranger in a supervised (Mom was watching) invironment.

Good Luck!

It's all pretty much been covered by the other advice given, no safe people, just appropriate and inapropriate touching, but there is one thing I'd like to add that is SO important, please teach your children the proper names for all the parts of their bodies. I know for a close friend, it was very embarrassing for her to say and it stopped her for quite some time, but it is so so important that they know the proper names and are not ashamed of it.

A.-
There was a good posting a few weeks back called "Private Parts should be private..." on 12/12/07 and someone asked a similar question. I though you might be interested in reading some of those because there were some good suggestions.

I think the mother is quite right to be wary of stranger in regard to her son. I felt the same, when my present husband first helped my own grandson in the bathroom but now I know my grandson is safe with him.
It is difficult to explain anything to a three year old but maybe by using picture he might be able ton understand the problem. You must not frighten him but try and tell him that if he wants to use the bathroom to ask mummy or daddy only as strangers prefers not to help little children.I hope this may help you,
Merry christmas to everyone and a very happy New Year.

I agree, I know its a tough thought to swallow, but its also important not to scare him to death about strangers, after all if he does get into trouble somehow, or lost from one of you, who is he going to turn to for help but a stranger. I think the best things to do is teach him about the touching stuff and to tell him not to let any adult tell him that its ok to not tell you something, anything. Being a parent means we become protective of that what is ours to protect. Good Luck!

I just posted this on a different one yesterday so I just copied and pasted. I hope this helps!!

I have had this same talk with my 5 and 6 year olds. I also use the swim suit analagy. We say only mom, dad, grandma and the doctor may look at or touch your privates. We also have gone further to say that even those loved ones may only touch you there when they are "wiping or washing." I didn't want them to feel that anybody, including a family member, had the right to touch them inappropriately so we added the wiping or washing phrase.

Our school social worker also does a lesson on good touch, bad touch. Every once in a while I will just slip the comment into conversation during bathtime or something just to reiterate it without beating it to death.

It's hard and scary, I know. Good luck!