How to Dscipline My 6 Yr Old Son

I feel you, I really do. I had issues with my son from 4.5 on. I read this really awesome book called Dreamers, Discoverers & Dynamos: How to help the child who is bright, bored and having trouble in school. It is by Lucy Jo Palladino Phd. Once I read about half of it and implimented some of the suggestions we saw an immediate improvement at home. We shared the suggestions with the school, but they refused to impliment the ideas and for some time we had no issues at home, but the school had issues. So we pulled him out of school to homeschool.

I highly recommend this one! Good luck!

While there is nothing wrong with a swat on the bottom every now and then, it should not be used in fustration. One thing you could try is making him stand in the corner perfectly still for 5 or 6 minutes. That worked for my hard headed son. He hated to stand still. I would stand over him until he did and then after the fit stopped, the time would start.
that is what I would do

Ok, I'm going to go against the norm here. It sounds like your 5 year old is just being a FIVE year old. ADD and the likes are SO over diagnosed, by both school systems AND pediatricians. Why is it the USA is the only country with this kind of epidemic of overactive children? He's five. He's supposed to be crazy and have the attention span of a gnat. I'm not saying it doesnt' exist to a certain degree, but please look at ALL the other ways to remedy it before drugging him up.

Ok, with that said, one of the things I've learned with my crazy four year old, is to catch him in the act of being good. And to praise the heck out of him when he does do something good. Because with a little one, compared to no attention, negative attention can't be all that bad. So REALLY work on catching him in the act so he experiences praise as often as possible. He'll find that he likes that MUCH better than losing something.

Also, you can't just take something away. Because, as you've experienced, some things just don't mean that much to him. You need to find his 'currency'. What does he hold dear, and treasure beyond belief? For my son, it can be a special dvd or a bit of ice cream at night. He LOVES his ice cream. So if everyone else gets a bit and he doesn't? holy cow, that has an impact.

Finally, help focus al of that energy! My friend recommended for my son to start taking him to Chi Quong classes. It's about intentional movement. He needs to slow down, focus, and learn about being disciplined.

Good luck and keep at it!

Try reading this book: Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. My daughter has some issues, albeit slightly different from your son, but the book really helped me and our family. Your son requires a bit more "work" than alot of kids, but once you figure out his temperament and how to work with it, you can teach him and alert others (teachers) in what he needs to concentrate. For me and maybe for you, the standard discipline methods just DON"T WORK on some kids. This book really helps you break down what is happening with your son and gives you strategies to deal with it. The book also helps you identify areas of YOUR temperament that may clash with your boy's temperament and how to deal with that. I can't recommend this book highly enough. Please go read it!! I'm sure you'll do a great job!

Oh, boy do our sons sound alike! Our 6.5 year old son gives me a run for my money a lot, too....very emotional & dramatic & VERY vocal (loudly!) about his problems. Believe me, there are times it takes every ounce of my strength to not pop him one but I know neither of us benefits from this. So, the recycling bin gets pretty full of wine bottles at times! Just kidding! I agree w/the one mom's response about the ed. system being quick to suggest/diagnos ADD/ADHD but I say, it can't hurt to have him assessed. If there is an issue, then your son & your whole family can get the help you need. Like some of the other moms suggested, we're REALLY big on praising the postive. It is sooo easy to point out the negative & ignore the positive which seems strange but once I got on the positive wagon, it became pretty easy. We also do a star chart & give him stars along w/the verbal praise when he's doing something really good, had a good day or handled something very well. Together, we agree on a reward & the amount of stars needed to recieve the reward. And, as redundant as it may seem, EVERY morning before my son gets out of the car, I tell him the way I expect him to act & treat others. One other mom mentioned a book, '1-2-3 Magic,' which I highly recommend. Our son also has a temper & has a hard time expressing it appropriately so he now sees a therapist a couple of times a month. I think it really helps him to talk to an outside, objective party. Have you thought about therapy as an option for your son? So, there's been quite a lot of progresss for our this year which I think is also due to just maturing & gaining self-control. This could also be the case w/your son. I suggest tho, that you not wait until school starts up again but get an appt w/your ped soon, see what they think & maybe get a referral for a therapist or an assessment. Your son may have a negative feeling about school & be worried about how the new year will go so it could help him to start the year on some kind of a positive note. Hope this helps & good luck!

i just want to start by telling you that you seem like a great mom. And if it helps any, i have a 5 year old son who is almost the sameway, but hes not hyper. Im sure you give him tons of attention, with my guy, i think he was starting to get jealous of his little brother and sister, and he needed just a little more time with me. Sometimes i feel like im not there for him because i have other things to tend to with the other 2, so i have changed a bit, i listen to him more, i ask more questions i make him feel like hes so important. But im sure you have tried all this, you sound like a great mom. As for the hyper thing, i would defenitly check this out. Good luck!
A.!

Dear DeAnna,

For one thing, do not wait for the school to diagnose him, take him to a pediatrician, then he or she will give you the name of a specialist to see your son. You are not failing him, he has a disorder, and you need professional guidance so that you can guide him in the way that he needs.

The school could test him, but, in my experience, they are not fast enough, sometimes, in my experience, waiting a whole year before the child is tested and the results given, if even then, yes, this is true, I experienced it as a teacher and as a grandmother. So don't fight them or expect them to do anything right now. Just go and get him tested yourself, and the doctor can tell you what to do.

I am sure that he is a very wonderful child, and that you two are the best parents "in the world" --I tell that even to my cat, because he is doing everything that a cat can possibly do, and you are too. Crazy kind of explanation, but there you are.

Go for it, and now. C. N.

Hi Deanna

I also have a very active 5 yr old so I GET IT! Its good you recognize that you need to change something and im my opinion (only my opinion) I would start with taking away the spanking since you yourself said its not working. Im not completely against it but if your fed up, thats a bad idea. For my son I just try to be completely consistent. Its so hard but I notice that when I tighten up on him his behavior improves within a few days. As far as discipline I have started taking away the things he cares about most... his trains first of all and next will go his tv or movie time, special privleges (park, zoo, etc.) and so on. The really hard part is that he'll be bored...be wont like it anymore than you will so bare with it and it'll all be worth it. I usually let him keep books so he has something to do and if he is ACTUALLY behaving better sometimes I'll let him have something back 1/2 way through the day but it will go back quickly if he misbehaves again. Hope this helps!

What my husband and I do is have our son go to his room and think things over, and then have him come back out when he is ready to talk about it and apologize. He might throw a bit of a fit, but once he is done, he talks to me and my husband and we talk about what happened, and what choices during the situation would have made things differently in a positive way. Then we talk about actions that cause reactions such "good" or "bad" consequences.
When he was in Kindergarten, we also used to take away privileges such as toys, TV, and computer. However, like in your situation, that did not improve our son's behavior. My son was still misbehaving at school.
Now we don't punish him for school related issues, we just talk to him about what could have been done so that he only gets punished once and not twice. Also, it shows the child that you are willing to listen to their side, and you care enough to acknowledge them. It means a lot to a child. If your child is getting up in the middle of class or "goofing off". Ask him why. If he does not want to talk about it right then, he will eventually come up and talk to you about it and you both can talk things over on how to "improve" that behavior, or action, or whatever the issue is.
In Kindergarten, my son did the same thing. He would "not listen to directions", or "goof off" a little bit. But I later found out that he was just board. That may be the problem with your son.
Another thing to consider is between ages 5-7 are learning to deal with and understand certain emotions. So talking about that also helps. Such as basically saying, "Why are you so upset?", "why do you feel that way?"... ect...

I hope this helps! And Good Luck!

Read the book 1-2-3 Magic. It is wonderful, and the tips really work.

HI.
My son's most difficult age by far was 6~!
Just try to be patient - my son is now 8 and is an absolute pleasure to be around. He is kind, helpful, gentle and listens well : )
He was impossible at 6.

Hi Deanna,
Definitely get your child evaluated but remember, the ONLY people who can truly diagnose ADD/ADHD are mental health specialists (child psychiatrist/psychologist) NOT teachers, nurses, GP's, pediatricians. There are SO many other things that could be causing ADHD symptoms (sugar intake/emotional problems etc etc etc) and it's really easy to misdiagnose. It also tends to be overdiagnosed in our culture and since the medication that is given is a stimulant, it could make things worse if not truly ADHD (and it could be very helpful if it is).

I highly recommend counseling, parenting classes and reading the book "How to Talk to Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk". There's a great section on consequences versus punishment - it will take a lot of consistency on your part but it sounds like you're a very loving, concerned mom who wants to do things in a more effective way so I'd give it a shot.

Good luck!!!!

Hi...I have a son around the same age as yours. I have found that when time outs don't work it is time to take away rewards. If he isn't going to listen to you or behave at school then no chuck e cheeses, no going to the park no fun. You can't reward him for misbehaving. My son learned fast that if he had bad days at school there would be no park, no TV, no toys for the rest of the day. It may seem harsh but trust me...it worked. He is now on day 23 with no outbursts or bad behavior at school. And there is A LOT LESS yelling at home from me..LOL.
Hope this helps you out at least a little bit.
Good Luck!!!
J.

I think there has been a lot of good advice already, especially, remember to catch him doing something good. We've started rewarding our 5 year old with some money (but use whatever your son would be most interested in) whenever he is a good helper or good listener, or plays well with his brother, etc. We have also been trying to ignore the issues that cause power struggles as much as we can. It has been a long road over the past few months, both for us learning to control our frustration and anger, and for waiting to see some results. But, slowly, we're all learning new habits and the past few weeks have been pretty good. Another book I would recommend is "How to Behave So Your Children Will, Too!" by Sal Severe. It was recommended to us by our last pediatrician.

I agree with all the responses that say to take him to his DR. They will refer him to a specialist.The school district will just tell you to take him to the Dr. My son was diagnosed at age 6 with ADD. Try getting him involved in sports or extra curricular activities. This really helped my son.
K.

Hi Deanna, I am interested in this because I have the same problems with my 5 year old. He is standing here right now telling me he is going to ride his scooter that was taken away last night. I have spanked my son out of frustration and I am not proud of that. I hope someone has some good advice for the both of us!

your son sounds a lot like my son. my son had good reason for acting out. we just moved here from arizona. we moved in with my boyfriend. we left our family and friends and everything that my son knew for his whole 5 years. we ended up taking him to a therapist. he and i had sessions and then my b/f and i had sessions to talk about my son and my sessions. whatever punishment you do; dont over do it. dont make him go to time out too long or he will forget what he is there for. keep all punishment to a sensible time frame. if you take something away like a playstation; dont take it away for more than a few days to a week. when he is good; make that the first thing you give back. maybe there is something your son is frustrated about and doesnt know how to get it out. mayeb your family should seek some professional help. it woked for us and got us thru the rough adjustment period. good luck!

Call Child Find if you are in Vegas. That's the school district. They work year round so call now and get an appt. It will probably take a month or 2. Or you can have him evaluated by a psychologist. Dr. Julie Beasley is great and she is a neuropsychologist. She does have a waiting list. It sounds like he really needs an evaluation. Good luck!