How to Curb a Mouthy Child...

I bought the book 1-2-3 Magic and it works amazingly. Both my girls responded really well to their methods. I realized lots of my girls poor behavior was their reaction to my own bad behavior. I can't express more "follow through" always!!! Good Luck A.

I agree that just talking to the child is probably the best bet. I have a four year old son who can also get pretty mouthy and throw some amazing temper tantrums. I've done everything to try and curb this, but the thing that gets the best results for me is sitting him down and talking to him. I have to wait for him to "calm his body down," then explain to him what he is doing wrong/ why it is wrong/ how it is affecting others/ what would be the right thing to do. Often times, if I say that his behavior is hurting my feelings and "hurting my heart," that will make him stop. Also, I find that hugging him when he is mad (which he hates at first) or just trying to make him laugh is the best way to get him to settle down. Especially since time outs and spankings no longer phase him at this moment.

Good luck! I swear they all lied to us when they said "terrible 2's"!!! 2 was a piece of cake, but 4 is the real nightmare!

Hi B., I liked Elizabeth's note. (I'm not there yet, mine's only 16 months!) My sister-in-law has a 4-year-old who often forgets, in her exuberance, not to run around and make noise in quieter settings (restaurants etc.). Sis' latest method is to remind daughter to be observant of others' behavior in the setting. "Everyone's sitting and eating, or sitting and talking. They chose to be here so they can do those things. That's what we do here. When we're out, you have to match your behavior to what others are doing, or we can't go out." It seems to work, but then she's not being bratty, just exuberant! I was impressed with the gentle reminder though--an assumption of good intentions and with an aim toward socialization.

Sometimes, it's as simple as reminding them who is the parent...and it took me a while to grasp that. I try not to make it about the task, but about the behavior.

If my son acted up in public, he was removed immediately - no negotiation. He got one simple warning: Stop it. You are being rude and disrespectful. Then, he was out and I made sure whatever came next was even more boring than whatever we'd just been doing. As far as tasks, I made sure that he knew it wasn't about the act of putting the clothes in the hamper (I had that one too.. sorry.. I feel the pain) It was about being respectful of me, doing his part, tried to instill a bigger picture, if you will. Sounds too much for a 4-5 year old - but I found if I only took away privilges for "not putting the clothes in the hamper" no big deal. If I said he was being reprimanded for being incosiderate, it sunk in, and carried over.

And...I wasn't afraid to reprimand. He's never been spanked, but I have terrified him with Scary Mom as he called it. Not screaming, but a signficantly increased volume and never breaking eye contact - I save it, so it makes impact - When he went in the street, which he never did again -I said I was angry and scared becasue he could have been hurt and it was my job to protect him, but I couldn't if he didn't listen. Another was a spectacular display of brattyness in a shoe store. I carriedd him out without a word, leaving everything. put him in the car and told him in no uncertain terms and volume exactly why i was angry. I used words like brat, rude, obnoxious, horrible. "I love you, but I didn't like how you behaved." and again "It's my job as a mom to make sure that you know how to behave. I cannot let you grow up thinking that that behavior is acceptable" I've been reprimanded once or twice for my approach - but I now have a son who can observe others and say to me "That was really bad manners mom. They shoudln't be like that to other people." and he puts his clothes in the hamper. :)

The golden rule helps.."How would you like it if I didn't help you with something? or if I spoke to you that way?"

The key is, for me, he needs to know what the core behavior is that is being corrected - not so much about what NOT to do, but instilling the standards of behavior that will guide him as to what he SHOULD do in all situations. It has worked for us. He's well mannered, sweet, kind, affectionate, generous, and helpful.

Don't know if that helps or not..just had a cup of coffee so i'm a little wired. :) So somewhere in that...talking doesn't always work. The bigger picture is important. and always remember...YOU are the parent. (dang that was hard for me to learn.)

Best of luck!

Hi B.,

I have a six yo girl and a 18 month boy. The greatest resource I have found for discipline is the Dr. Sears book of Discipline. It has helped me see that if any of those measures you mentioned are going to work, you have to have a strong enough bond with your child first. It's something I work on all the time, especially with my girl! That, and there is a reason he does what he does. And it sounds like you are like me and many other Moms, as intuitive as we are on some things, there are other things that we need to work on figuring out. When it comes to routine chores of the day, the only thing that seems to be working for me and several of my friends is just keep at them. Seems sooner or later (later really) the routine finally sets in.

I wish you peace!

I agree with Dana about what to do at home. "I just can't hear you when you use that tone" sort of response. If you ignored him at church would he stop? Probably not. If he would you could try that. Otherwise perhaps treat it the same as a temper tantrum or any other unwanted behavior in public. Take him out of the sanctuary. My daughter has done that and then told her son, age 4, that they would not return until he could be quiet. If he once more began talking too loudly she repeated the action. I understand he's usually quiet now but I don't know how long it took her. If you sat in the back row it wouldn't be so embarrassing.

What worked for me was just walking away. I would open the door say "put your clothes in the hamper" and during the rebutel, close the door behind me. If they choose to follow, I had a safe zone in the bathroom. A radio, book, candels, whatever. All the kids soon learned not to bother. Especially when concequences still followed if they didn't finish the task. I still allow conversation about what and why but they have to be respectful and begin the conversation with something like "Mom, I will do it, but...." The public aspect of your problem will take more time with this system tho.

I am mother to 3 and this always worked for me. In church or an public place take him OUT. ALWAYS follow through with what you have said will happen IF YOU DO THIS......THEN THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN ...... you have just got to always be concistant. Start doing something every day with him that he really LOVES like read him a story. ( etc) and then after he gets to just love it you can use that..... say If you do ( whatever) We will NOT read the story tonight and then NO MATTER WHAT DO NOT READ TAHT STORY you get the idea...this works at home too....good luck, stick to it and be consistant..

With my children, from the beginning, when I would ask or tell them to do something, I expected them to be "1st time listeners". If they chose to not be, there would be a consequence fitting to the scenario. To this day, my oldest son is better at this, as I was the most consistent with him. There is never a need to remind him. However after his younger brother and then sister came close behind, they have not had me follow thru like I did so consistently with their brother and it is very evident in their "1st time listening" skills. This was my own doing, as I was really busy with 3 babies each about a year apart. So, nowadays, I reward with heavy praise of 1st time listening. If one of my kids tells me "no", there is an automatic (now some of you may disagree with this but it has worked for me and I have not had to to it more than a couple of times) antibacterial hand sanitizer. I put a small dab on my finger and rub their mouth. Generally, it only gets on the lips but does not taste pleasant and evaporates quickly. Plus, I always have some in my purse so no matter where we are, they know it is a viable threat. Like I said, consistency as many other moms have pointed out is the most imporant in whatever you choose to use as the consequence.

One shot of Tabasco. Spicy tongue = a spicy mouth.

Pain is the best reminder to obey without question.

Get the book 1-2-3- Magic. It works the very first time you try it, and will keep working if you are consistent!

find and focus on positive behaviors and reward him when he is displaying them.

I believe the fact that your son has a voice and puts up an arguement is not such a bad thing....The alternative would be to be introverted and afraid to express his opinion which is worse. The trick is to teach him how to control his thoughts and opinions in age appropriate ways so he can put them to good use. One thing I've learned is that our kids are like mirrors....They often mimic our ways. Good parenting books often point out things we never saw in ourselves and help us and our kids too as a result. If you're absolutely certain this is not the case with you....you'll have your answer as to why you can't tell him to do anything without him putting up an argument.

I have the same issues with my 4 year old daughter. I have found what works the best in our situation is to pick her up and sternly look her in the eye and talk to her. In all honesty it does scare her but at the same time no she is not afraid of mommy or daddy. I have also found that explaining to her that her toys are going to go to another more deserving child works too. She doesn't respond to the toys just being taken away, I have to throw in that we're giving them to another child. It is usually then that we will bargain, in that I tell her I won't give the toys away but I will keep them for me until she can show me that she can act like a big girl who wants to go to school. Going to school is a very important thing for my daughter. Perhaps you could try using school as an incentive to your son? I wish you the best figuring out what to do. :)