My husband and I are trying to blend our blended family, we have different parenting styles, I have more rules and morals and he tends to let a lot of things go although he is getting better, he tends to favor his 7 yr. old daughter over me and the other kids. The kids don't like me b/c I discipline them, I tell them "no" and they say I'm mean. I feel like things would work out better if we separated. I need Godly advice please.
I would like to thank everyone for your responses and good wisdom, I recently got a word from God through someone at church, the woman God used did not know any thing about our family or problems. It was a word for me and my father-in-law, he is a pastor at the church we attend. It was confirmation from God. Here's a peice of the word I got, HE is knitting me into this family. WOW!!!!
We are having some issues with the kids not wanting to go to their class at church, some times they want to go and other times they don't want to. This has been going on for 1 year. We do give in some times and let them go with us that is our only time with out kids besides the bible study we go to e/o Friday night,but the kids know they will not have fun in the Sanctuary with us. Any suggestions?
Sit that husband down and get on the same page when it comes to discipline or the riff will just get bigger!!!! Good luck!
ok i dont know if what im gonna say is gonna help. when my dad and his wife got married it was kinda the same. she was the one that let things go and my dad had more rules. we had to be really nice to her but her kids were rude to my dad. she would take her one sons side over my dads all the time. trust me when i say she shouldnt have. he didnt like my dad because my dad like to have a room that is calls his own and her son wasnt havng it. we all lived together for about a yr and my dad, me and my brother moved out. this was atleast 8 yrs ago. they still are married though! its werid!!
well i hope you two can work it out! your husban needs to understand how you feel about the whole thing. i hope he will want to help! good luck
Hi my name is B. I have had three blended Family's the first two did'nt work out to well but the third one is better I have learned to give eveything to God and trust Him to work it out. My third husband and I have been togethere for 12 years and four months and trust me it took a whole lot of praying.You have to ask yourself do you love your husband if so pray for him and your children. A really good teacher to watch on tv is Joyce Meyer she teaches alot on the family I have been through what you are going through all of my husbands favored their own children over mine and me but with the help of the Lord we made it through and so will you if you really want it to just know that you are not alone there are many others out there that have gone through and are going through the same thing. I hope I have helped you I will be praying for you and your family. God bless
welcome to the club, i'm in the same boat, if you want to talk feel free to send me a message.
L., I am or was in a similar situation. My husband and I married in July 05. He had 3 children, I had 2 and in Oct. 05 we had our only one together. He is more of the disciplining one than me but we definitely had a rough time going at first. Now things are so much better with all the kids. I think what helped us was we all sat down and let all of the children know that they MUST respect me. we said you dont have to love me but you must respect me. I think maybe if they hear it from him it would be better. I think you should sit down with him first and let him know in order for the relationship to continue there had to be some changes. I hope this helps and I wish you luck....It does get better...keep your head up and feel free to holler at me if you need to chat. K.
I'm so sorry that things are so rough for you that you think it would be better if you were separating. No matter how much his kids say that they don't like you, they will suffer if the two of you separate. Not to mention your other children and you and your husband. Please blot out the word 'separation' and 'divorce' from your vocabulary. The two of you made a commitment to each other and to your children. Marriage is a covenant and you can make it!!! I know you can b/c I have been there. Believe me, I wanted to give up many times but I am so glad that I didn't. Jesus went through His sufferings because of the joy that was set before Him. If I told you that you will have to go through tons of difficulties but the end result will be a marriage with your husband that both of you are hoping for and relationships with all of your children where you receive honor and respect, would you go through the difficulties to get to the good times? Hang in there. Pray, pray, pray. Remember what the bible says that our warfare is not carnal but spiritual. Prayer has to be your foundation in this. Prayer for your husband, kids and for you. If you and your husband are not praying together, then start. Even if it feels awkward and even if it is just 30 seconds together. You have got to get God into your relationship now. Do not let Satan rob you of something that God has promised you. Do not listen to the things you hear in your head unless they glorify God. You have God on your side, who can be against you? Besides starting to pray for your husband, find another woman you can pray with. Someone that will encourage you biblically. Someone who will love you for who you are and who supports your family. Someone who will show you God's love and who will hold you accountable to do it God's way. Also, I know this is hard: Ignore the kids when they say that you are mean or when they say that they don't like you. Get your relationship with your husband on the right track first. One of the most important things in a blended family is that the two of you are strong together. And that takes work. He needs to back you up and you need to back him up. And building a family out of all of you is going to take time and a lot of effort. I do have one consolation for you: As the kids get older, it does get better and easier. Do you remember what it was like to give birth? You had to push through the pain to get to the best part. It's the same now. Your pain and difficulties are only temporary. But you have to push through the pain to get to the best part. You can make it. Feel free to email me. I can give you scriptures and more encouragement. Just don't give up. You are not alone in this.
Dr. Kevin Leman is a psychologist with religious views and he wrote a book called Step Parenting 101 and Living in a Stepfamily without betting stepped on. You may try reading those.
I'm not sure where Roseville is, but you can check into taking classes through this program.
Ask your husband to have a strategie meeting with you. You need a "Parenting Plan" You need to discuss, what is important to each of you and compromise and you also need to discuss, which parenting"tools" are going to be employed.
You have to present a united front to the Children. Never question each other in front of the kids. i am pretty strict and my husband is a little more relaxed when it comes to things and if one of my punishments comes out to harsh, he will pull me aside and let me know in private, and later we find a way to amend my verdict. But the kids will not know that he was the one ammending the sentence. Kids are really good at divide and conquer. I hope this helps.
HI, Im B. from versailles. I have two children girl 17 and boy 16 and they have a step-father, in which he has girl 14 boy 13. His two do not live with us. I do know what you are going thru. Life is a struggle with many things. This is something that is serious and can cause alot of friction between everyone. Jim and I sat down and discussed alot. He feels that when he grounds, that means everything, i thought that was to rough, so we comprimised, ground 1 thing, if they argue, 2 things and so on. ALL have to be equal and yes that is hard, becuse whether we want to admit it we all have one that we favor more than the other. Rules apply to all. Seperation is giving up and we arent suppose to give up when things get tough, we are to gt tougher. Do you all go to church? That helps also. You both have to agree that the children are not going to come between you two. You both have to stand strong. I hope that I helped some.
Christian friend
B.
Try this website: www.patchworkfamily.com. I used to work for a company that promoted Barbara's work. I think she has a good concept that may help you get through this trying time. Best of luck!
I do not think seperating is the answer, it will only create more problems. It takes a lot of hard work to blend families, I have been there. My husband and I still disagree sometimes when it comes to the kids, but I am glad we stuck with it. It takes a lot of compromise. maybe getting an outside source to sit down with you and your husband where you can both voice your reasoning behind your parenting styles. It is hard when you don't agree and maybe you feel you aren't being heard when you explain why you feel the need to discipline. please try everything you have to before seperating, because that may confuse all the kids involved. My husband went through counseling with our pastor and it helped us so much. I pray things will work out for your family.
Oh my, do I feel for you! My mom remarried when I was 14. I swear, if he had EVER tried to reprimand me, I would've blown up at him! It's so hard for kids!
Having said that though, these kids are younger, so the need for constant discipline and supervision is much different than in my situation.
The first thing I would do is sit down your husband and discuss your parenting desires vs. his parenting desires. Notice, I said "desires" because if you say "you do this, and I do that" then at that point, you're attacking his ways and it changes the mood of the conversation. But, if you guys sit down and decide on some house rules, and decide on proper consequences, then you can atleast handle this as a uniformed front.
Once you guys get on the same page, THEN you HAVE to have a family meeting with all the kids. The only way you're going to get respected by them, is if they're told by their dad that the two of you are in control and that you're both equal and demand the same respect from all the kids. Unless you do this, you're going to get a lot of rebellious behavior from his kids, and eventually from your own because they will mimic how the people around them treat people.
Don't just give up though. That's not a solution, that's admitting you won't, not can't. It's completely workable, and I'm sure you knew it would take some work when you got married, but you made that vow before God, KNOWING all the things that came along with it. Pray, read books, and be patient. Get your ducks in a row with your husband, then start over again.
