How to Approach a Mom Who Can't Properly Deal with Her Daughter

Sad to watch I know. Calling cps is an iffy to, if she wound up in foster you never know what kind of person may get to have her. Some people who do foster parenting are in it for the money and are lazy and think that its an easy dollar. Approaching this lady you'd have to choose your words loving and carefully. If she gets defensive then she knows she's wrong and if she gets really upset with you it will because of a defense mode she'll put up so she can escape having to listen. Like how dare you tell me how to raise my daughter. So pray and let her know what your seein and how your worried about her to that she doesnt want to interact but only with a dead computer. She sounds very depressed. If you can see if you kinda make up for this mothers doing. If you decide to speak to her just make sure you don't use a blaming a proach just as a friend being on the outside looking in. Talk to her in a way that she knows that you care and that your not passing judgement. Even if she does get mad it may be something that will sink in and she act on. Good luck and ask God to speak thru you and give you peace.

I doubt confronting her would do any good - a messed up person is a messed up person, and only years of therapy and medication would ever make this person see the light. Coming from a messed up home myself, my thoughts are that this child needs intervention fast. I'd report them to Child Protective Services and let them take over. It's sad that this little girl may potentially go to foster care, but from what you're telling us, it's better than what she's going thru now, and at least she would have some chance at a normal life. The first 3 or 4 years of life for a child is the most crucial in her psychological development. Please, please let us know what happens to her. But whatever you do, don't ignore the situation - get professional help for this family.

H. - the best thing you can do is pray, pray, and pray some more. I don't know if you are a believer, but God knows exactly what each one of us needs. He knows exactly what it will take to change that mother into the person she could be.

It may be that the mom needs help loving and valuing herself. How we treat others is a reflection of how we feel about ourselves.

The mother is lost, and most likely, grew up in a disfunctional home. If you can befriend her, show her you care about her and her child, then maybe she will trust you. Then you may be in a position to get her the professional help she needs. Every person is loved and valued - no matter what they have done! But unfortunately, no one has ever told her this. She needs a hand up, not a hand down.

I hope this helps. It breaks my heart that this precious girl is growing up just the same as her mommy did... without attention, love and value.

** But don't feel like you can't step in and set some boundaries where there is right and wrong. If it gets out of hand, you need to call someone or step in. Loving someone is also showing them truth, holding them accountable and pointing out right from wrong. She needn't get away with abusing her child.

I would definitely consider assisting them in getting the help they need - not a handout - but a hand up. Please email me back if you think that they could use some "angels on earth" to help them get to where they need to be.

God bless you for caring and may God give you the words, the power and the direction to help this family in crises.

This mother is neglecting her child. You deffintly need to have a serious conversation woth her about the problem or call a professional like CPS in to interven. THere is help ot there for Moms like this she just needs to be found the right help.

WOW! Being a mother is hard work. Of course, if this mother is on the computer most of the day, no wonder she gets frustrated when her daughter calls out for attention (which is VERY NORMAL for any child, much less a 2 year old). It sounds like this mother needs a “get away” (like every mother deserves). Sound familiar? But taking a break while the kids are around is NOT a break. This is a serious situation and this mom needs to buck up to her responsibilities.

I don’t know what her background situation is, but I believe she needs help from several people in her life. This is one place where you, H., can help. Perhaps you can offer to watch her child once a week while she goes out for the day to do what she needs to do. Perhaps, you, her and other friends can go out to dinner and coffee one evening a weel. (no alcohol please) There has to be a healthy balance in all of our lives for us to be happy. Trust me I know.

Another thing you can do is have the visiting child play with your children. Since you two moms are home, the two of you can put together a preschool curriculum and set a schedule. Let’s say from 9-12 noon the kids can have a time for learning letters and numbers, coloring, painting, outside play, manipulatives, science, pretend play, music, reading, lunch and nap. And don’t forget potty time. Fifteen to twenty minutes each activity should do the trick. You watch and see how happy the children are after you start doing this. Amazing! There will be a big difference in the children and the adults. Once the children are happy, then like dominos, the rest will fall into place and this mom can have her computer time without a fuss.

Keeping the child in her room all day is not a good thing for her or you. This MUST stop. H., help this mother and show her what to do. Telling her what she is doing wrong might put her on the defense and you sure don’t want that. It could make things worse.

Girl, I will be praying for you and your friends.

Hugs,
Deborah

How old are your kids? You can always use them as an excuse and use the "Ok, all TVs off, it is time to play outside/with legos/imagination games/time to read a story, etc." I know that you aren't the little girl's mother, but it seems like this woman has her head shoved so far up her...well, you get my drift, that she doesn't know HOW to be a mother. Maybe if you went ahead and stepped in and started doing things with the little girl, she would get the hint. If she gets all "drama queen", just play the innocence card and tell her that you "enjoy" interacting with the kids and that it is no bother at all. If she pushes it further, tell her that in "your house" children don't sit around all day and that they have specific bed times. Also tell her that you will no longer allow eating anywhere in the house except in the kitchen, as you don't want to take a chance of spillage or a pest problem. It is your house, you make the rules.

honestly, i don't know what to tell you on how to approach the mother, but, no, you can't just sit by and let it continue. she is a child and since her own mother is the one doing the damage (maybe not even understanding the far reaching consequences of her actions), it is definitely your responsibility to speak up for this child. maybe you could contact the united way and they could give you some advice on the matter. good luck.