My Sister Is a Bad Mother!!!

sounds like your mother is a bad mother. she is allowing your sister to live off of her and is not allowing your sister to become a responsable adult. where is the kids father? would they be better off with the father? its not about what you want or what your family wants but what is BEST for those kids.

you cannot make someone be a good parent. You already have a house full of kids and I am not sure what age they are but if you can help her with laundary and when they stay with you to give them baths. Start teaching them how to take there own showers too. They can clean themselves if your mom is willing to get them into the bathroom. Its time for the five year old to wash himself and the four year old might be able to start learning too.

Do the kids have a dad or paternal grandparents who might be able to help? You could call CPS? They might help her get on the right track through some of their services, but they also could potentially send the kids into a foster care situation.

You can't make your sister be a more responsible mother, and you have no legal rights in regards to her kids. Since the kid live with your mother, they are considered homeless in the public school system which will identify them as at-risk and also will entitle them to certain social services. Also, some of these things about the kids (like being dirty) will become apparent to teachers, administrators and social workers who will be compelled to notify CPS if the kids are showing obvious signs of neglect.

It sounds like your sister is ill-prepared to be a parent. She'd might benefit from some parenting classes.

It sounds like your sister is not interested in being a mother.
Pray she's on some reliable birth control or has had her tubes tied.
She needs to grow up, but she might never manage it.
It also sounds like your mother can not handle your sister.
Can the kids Dad/his family step up and take care of them?
They are being neglected now, and I'm not seeing the love happening for them and it's beyond sad.
Perhaps your sisters kids need to be in a foster home.
Once the kids are someplace they are being taken care of, your Mom needs to evict your sister.

Because your sister is filthy your mom now has to live with roaches?

The optimal thing would be that your mother puts your sister out, then when she continues to neglect her children, she (or you) reports her to CPS, and the children are taken away (Or given the option of going to family). Then when your sister deals with her substance issues, she can get them back and begin her life. (I am suspecting that it is her use of drugs or alcohol that lead to her being a single mom, unemployed and losing any alternative living arrangements.)

Your mom may be reluctant to "do" anything because she might think that as her health declines, your sister will be HER caregiver (God forbid!).

A messed up situation to be sure.

What can YOU do? Cut out of your life what upsets you, angers you, insults your sensibilities. That might include your sister.
As always, IF you suspect these children are being neglected, report that to CPS.

If you are trying to apply logic (common sense) to an insane situation (addiction) you are spinning your wheels. Addiction issues are like a snake--you've got to cut off the head! THEN the insanity will stop.

First your mother needs to stand up to her and stop allowing her to destroy her home and her grandchildren. Go in with you mom and issue an ultimatum to your sister - clean up your act, house, and kids or we call CPS. Give her a deadline. They are not in a healthy situation.

How bad are your mom's health problems? You might consider starting with elder protection services in your state. Explain the situation and see if you can get a social worker to help your mother with evicting your sister and restoring her home to sanitary condition. Let that person be the one to bring in CPS.

Welcome to Mamapedia! Great first question.

Do nothing.

There is nothing you can do. You mother made her choice, your sister made hers. Its sad there are kids involved, but there is nothing you can do.

I know. My sister also lives with my mom - for the past almost 7 years. She has 4 kids - one of which was conceived WHILE she lived with my mom.

Help the kids whenever you can. Show them what life looks like for someone that has a work ethic.

But you aren't a savior. You can't rescue your mom, your sister or those kids.

It is hard to sit by and see kids you love treated so poorly, isn't it? It tugs at your heartstrings, makes you angry, and makes you feel helpless. I know what you are going through.

I am related to a pair of unfit parents. The problem with them, is that they know how to make it LOOK like they have their act together. The kids have nice clothes, etc. I could never call CPS on them for it to matter. I also don't live near them to see it first hand to be able to report it.

Your sister, however, doesn't know (or care) how it looks....probably because of the crowd she runs with. You have seen it first hand.

I would call CPS on her. They will see the living conditions, and check on the kids' medical records (if you tell them about that part of it). More than likely, they will come in, do a report, ask questions, and provide services for your sister, and her kids. I would doubt they would pull the kids first thing....unless it is warranted....and I'd think you'd want that.

Sometimes the best love, is tough love. Stand up to what she is putting these kids through. Their own mother and grandmother are not.

I don't know what to tell you. Honestly, you are in a terrible situation, but before calling CPS do your research. They could take the kids away and put them in a foster home, which will not necessarily be good. This is awful for you and the kids. Call some agencies anonymously. Possibly your place of worship, or a local shelter and talk to someone with more experience. Gather your information.

In addition to what everyone else says, your mom needs to start some tough love. She needs to insist your sister take a surprise drug test and, if your sister is clean, make some rules that need to be followed if your sister is going to live there.

It sounds like your sister is in a depression. She may be using drugs --as in self medicating. Get her signed into a hosital psych ward and get a diagnosis. You need to know what you are dealing with, drug addiction or depression or bi-polar disorder. From there you need to get your sister into counseling. She needs to understand that her kids need to be her first priority. She needs to get a job, take care of her kids, and keep her home clean. She needs to understand that she could lose her kids unless she straightens out her life.
While she is in the hospital get a few friends/family together and clean up Mom's house and get it sprayed for roaches. When she comes home usually 72 hours, tell her she has to maintain the home and get a job. She also needs a time limit, 6 months, to have a job and save for her own place and move out.

SHE'S USING. If her behaviors have changed so drastically then she is using. She is going out at night and coming home high. Then she sleeps it off while someone else watches her kids for her. It's time for mom to take a stand. She needs to make appointments and give daughter plenty of notice. She needs to leave the house every day and not go back home until later. If daughter has slept through the day and the kids have fended for themselves it is time for grandma to call social services.

If she is found to be neglectful then the kids will be taken, they can be in kinship care so if you are interested in this form of foster care you might check into doing training if it happens.

This mom is not taking responsibility since she is being rescued each and every day by grandma. She does not need to get up, she does not need to feed her kids, she does not need to do anything because there is a live in care giver.

Grandma cannot legally not take care of them while they use her address as their own legal address BUT if she is not there and comes home to find a situation that is a bit different. Shades of grey...not black or white.

AFTER READING YOUR SO WHAT HAPPENED: I agree, you are in denial and if your mother's house is as dirty and bug infested as you have told us, the children don't belong there. The children's welfare need to come first. Please don't wait until something worse then the present situation happens.

Give your sister a warning, if she doesn't clean up her act and start taking care of her kids, you will call CPS. If she does not take immediate action, DO IT! Why should those children suffer because their mother is unfit and there are no family members able to step up?

Give her a list starting with making sure the kids are fed, clean and taken in for a check up this week. If she has no insurance she can go to the county.

Then a clean house

Laundry

Stop depending on mom etc.

Do not give her anymore chances if she blows this...if CPS finds those children in the atmosphere you describe, they will take them into foster care.

Please keep us posted

Maybe it's not really drugs but alcohol that is her problem. Anyway, I don't really know that there is much you can do. The kids are in a stable environment (your mom's house). They can't tell her that she has to get up in the mornings or that she can't go out at night, especially because there is an adult in the home when she leaves. If CPS comes to the house, they will look at the kids closet and drawers. If they have clean clothes in them, then you're pretty well done. All CPS requires is that the children live in a safe environment, have at least one set of clothing and one pair of shoes, and a bed. That is all that is required.

How long has this behavior been going on? Are there any other indicators that she is using something? I do not know all the details, only you and your family do but it may be time for more drastic action such as an intervention. I know that you love your sister, but sometimes loving someone means doing what is best, whether they'll like it or not. She is currently being enabled and as long as that continues she will not change. Ultimately she is an adult and can do what she chooses. But there are children involved and while they may not fully understand what is going on, this is impacting them. If their mother will not get her act together then the children and their well being must become the priority. I'm not sure who would be best to speak to to figure out what to do next. Perhaps your pediatrician or, if you go to church, your pastor/priest would be a good place to start. I hope and pray you all together will be able to find a positive solution. Good luck and please keep us posted.

I agree that something has to be done to help your sister and her kids. I think drastic measures need to be taken too. I just think you need to really consider all options before involving CPS. I say that because once you get the system involved it's a LONG difficult battle to get them OUT of your life too. They may take the kids away, they may traumatize the children by doing this. They may place the children in foster care, the kids may become abused. There are many factors involved. I think CPS serves a great purpose but there are loving family members willing, that should be avenue number 1.