How to Address an Overbearing Mom

Ooof! Hard! Sounds like you got in the habit of responding right away, so now she's used to it.

I always use the "I almost never carry my phone" excuse (but for me it's true) and for certain people, I ALWAYS take a while to answer emails, etc just to "pace them" from not contacting me more..you know?
Limit her FB viewing with privacy settings. She won't know. Say you haven't been logging on much.

Maybe say, "Hey, I need to talk to you about something, and it's sort of awkward-this has never happened to me before. You're such a great friend and neighbor, and we got familiar so fast, that suddenly I'm socializing and communicating WAY MORE than I can handle. I've always needed time to myself with my family. Can schedule ply times for X times (once or twice per week) That would work much better for me."

Don't acknowledge the phone comments, just simply don't respond every time or right away to texts. If she presses, say, "I do not always have my phone." Don't cut her off, just maintain the amount of messages you are comfortable with.

She may get miffed, but you haven't done anything wrong, and if she blows up or something, you have an excuse to cut her off...which my be good in the end. She sounds super impossible to handle!

Some people do not understand subtle and hints.

I am like you, try to be as nice and polite as possible, but this is one of those people that just needs it to be spelled out.

"I do not check my phone or texts unless it is from family, "

"When I post on FB if you do not understand what I posted, it is because it is between me and one of my girlfriends or family. "

"We love spending time with you and your family, but we need some just family time. You know how it is during the school year, so much time attached to school stuff, so we have made a promise to do more things as just a family and with some of the people we have had to ignore all school year. "

"Maybe we could schedule our play dates.. Maybe I could watch your kids so you can go shopping.. Maybe we should plan a neighborhood cookout, so we can meet some of the other neighbors."

Use your own words.. But be honest with her. I have found these types of people just need to be told how it is going to go down.

Sounds like she is either socially challenged, lonely, bored, unhappy, insecure, jealous, needy, or a combo of all of them. To put it quite bluntly, she needs to get a life - you can't be her everything.

I'm afraid you're just going to have to spell it out for her, as nicely and non-accusatory as possible. Now, she sounds fragile, and she will probably find a way to be upset by this, but you will really see what kind of person she is when you are honest with her.

Personally, I am like you - my friends are all moms (some are single, some work, some don't, etc.) and if a call or text goes seemingly ignored, it's not a big deal & we catch up when we can. We may not see each other but once a month (if that), and it's okay, and we all "get" it.

I would also limit her visibility/access to your FB page. FB is unbearable when it comes to people like her.

Good luck, I hope you both can reach a point where there are good boundaries and the friendship is still intact.

Ask her if her fingers ever hurt from texting. Tell her that you don't want to get arthritis from too much texting, so you are going to severely limit your texting. (It doesn't matter that the arthritis and texting isn't an issue.)

You can make it so she can't see all your fb entries - somebody can tell you how to do that. Only tell her what you want her to know. If she pushes, tell her "Now, Susie, we talked about that, didn't we? Do we really need to talk about it again?" If she acts like she doesn't understand, say the exact same thing you already told her again. Over and over.

Don't get upset, and don't act like you care much. That will save your relationship since you are next door neighbors.

Good luck!
Dawn

I would be honest in a kind way. I'd tell her directly that you're OK with occasional texting but not with daily texts. Tell her you like her but are feeling overwhelmed by all her contacts.

If you want play dates with her children, set a specific time for the week or month. Whatever amount of time works for you. Then tell her that the rest of your schedule is full. When she asks if you're mad at her say no and repeat this is your schedule. If she continues to ask, be honest and say you're feeling overwhelmed. YOu like to spend a limited amount of time with her and her kids but you also have other friends and obligations.

Sounds like she's very needy and will possibly be hurt by what you say. That is her problem. It's not your role to take care of her. It is to take care of yourself. Let her work it out for herself.

I would make it plain what kind of friend/person you are. I like to talk/see my friends off and on and don't need to talk everyday. Some of my friends have people they talk to every day. I don't think either style is right or wrong. I wouldn't presume need or infer anything into her style. You know your own and you can make it clear without being rude, just honest.

Hmmmm...tough O..
Maybe remind her that there are still some people on the earth that are not glued to their phones 24/7?
As for the comments on FB....I'd basically ignore that.
You can tell her things like:
•"We should be around Wed. afternoon this week...send your kids over around 2."
•"We start getting ready for bed here around 7:30 so anything after that results in tired crabby kids for me the next day."
•"I've got a day of running around tomorrow, so that won't work."

Kwim? Direct, polite, but firm.
That's probably the best approach.
Normally, I would unfriend (FB and life) someone like this, but since it's your neighbor, I see that would be very tricky...unless you tell her you're done with FB, and block her completely so she thinks you're off of it entirely."
Or add her to your "restricted list" (under privacy settings/manage blocking). Then she can only see what you choose to let her see.

Oh man, I feel you. I had someone like this in my life, and I basically had to let her know that I didn't think we were a good friend match. I think that's probably going to be too drastic for you, considering that you are neighbors. I would just tell her, "You know, I'm not great at texting or talking on the phone" whenever she asks why you haven't responded immediately. Just keep saying it over and over again.

Limit what she sees on your social media. Facebook has so many different ways of letting you control how much information various people see.

As for wanting your kids to play, I agree with the suggestion that maybe you can set up a weekly playdate so there is at least a time that she count on seeing you? Otherwise, just tell her, "Sorry, we have other plans" or "Now is not a good time" if you don't want to play.

You can't control how interested she is in you, but you can set boundaries. Hopefully you will find the right balance that works for you both. Good luck.

Some people never learn how to be a friend. She is probably lonly and grew up isolated and now wants to fill that need for friends. She just doesn't know how to do that without being overbearing.
Tell her: Hey you know I really like you but I do have other friends and family members that I spend time with too. I do like to hang out with you but please understand I do have other friends.

Maybe you could find a group activity that the both of you would like --- go together and encourage her to make new friends.

Maybe she's attaching herself to you out of need. Or she's just not as passive to the whole idea of friendship. Does she have any other friends besides you? I think it would be wise to determine the cause before you upset this woman because she likes conversation and wants to be your confidant.