I’m having a hard time deciding if I want to accept one of my sister’s friends requests on Facebook. Let me explain why I’m having such a hard time with this. Sorry if this gets long.
First, I want to say I love my sister dearly but these are the things that drive me nuts about her. My sister is older than me but you would think she was my teenage sister. She’s immature, nosey, self-centered, loves gossip and drama. She is one of those people on FB that post their every move. And if you make a post, you can count on her to comment within seconds. And she has to know who, what, when, where and how! She’s comes off as being jealous of everyone if they do something she wants to do or has something she wants. She seems to think her life is so hard and everyone else has it so easy. I became at stay at home mom this year and she could not stand it! She has two boys (almost 3 and 1 yrs. old). I was talking to her one time and mentioned I was cleaning, she says, You want to come clean my house since I’m a working mom? Uhh! Excuse me? As if SAHM’s don’t do anything? Plus, I was a fulltime working Mom until we had our third child so I’ve been on both sides of the fence.
So this is where our falling out began. She has talked and talked about wanting to be a stay at home mom. She would ask me what we did to see if we could make it off one income so I told her what we did, We lived off my husband’s income for a few months, did a budget, paid off all debt, etc. So, one day on FB she announces she gave told her boss she was quitting, she gave three week notice. Good for her. I asked her if they worked out their budget and she would just reply, We’ll be just fine. So, about a week before it was supposed to be her last day of work we get another breaking news announcement on FB, I’m sorry to announce but I will not quitting my job. I asked her why, what happened? And she said, we just sat down last night to figure out our money and we won’t be able to do it. I said, why in the world did you give notice without figuring that out? I was just in shock. So, I guess she realized how dumb of a move that was for her to make, she deleted that post then makes a post about me. She made two posts about me and finally I said, Do you not think I can see your posts? She comes back and says, Yes, That’s why I did it, DUH! So I told her if she has a problem with me, she needs to messages me. Not make posts about me. So she starts messaging me rambling on about stuff that didn’t even make sense then turns it around and says she doesn’t know why I’m upset she isn’t going to be a SAHM when they can’t make it. Then says, I don’t have the problem, I think you do. So after she says that I respond and tell her I don’t care if she’s a SAHM or not, she asked me for help how to budget their money, I spent a lot of time going over things with her, telling her how to use excel to do their checking account and budget, etc. and she just dismissed it all and just quits without thinking about anything. She wasted a lot of my time knowing she wasn’t going to do any of it. Then I told her, I do have a problem. My problem is she’s acting like a high school girl by making posts about me. Well, that ticked her off. She goes off saying I will never see her or her kids again. Cussing up a storm. So I told her there’s no need to continue this, it wasn’t going anywhere. She kept messaging me every time she would think of something else to say so I remove her from Facebook and blocked her. She kept making posts about me after that for the next week or so then it died down but she would make comments on other family members posts. Someone could mention what they did over the weekend and she would start talking about me. I didn’t care too much about that b/c our family all knows how she is and how I am so they didn’t pay any attention to her comments. My mom did finally get upset one time she did it and asked her to stop putting family business out on FB.
I just needed a break from her. It was so peaceful. No drama. No one annoying me online. I could use Facebook as it was intended. While we weren’t talking she had to find someone to argue with so she got mouthy with my mom (our own mother!!) and one of our other sisters on Facebook. She says rude things to people then throws a “love ya” at the end and thinks it makes it better. She’s so bad on FB that our mom has her and her husband hidden (they don’t know that).
So a couple months passed since this happened, she texted me a couple weeks ago and said, I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry for whatever I did and I love you. So, I reply and remind her I was upset she was making posts about her own sister but regardless I love her too. Then I say, I’m not ready to be “FB friends” again though. She said, that’s fine. Just send me a friend request when you are. We’ve texted back and forth just stuff about our kids, we were both at our niece’s birthday party recently and it was fine. We acted like nothing ever happened. Then this weekend she sends me a friend request on Facebook. If she wasn’t my sister I would just ignore her request. I hate drama and don’t need or want it in my life. I know that if I add her again it’s going to be the same way it was before. But if I don’t accept her request she’ll want to know why and I wouldn’t know how to explain it to her without hurting her feelings or for her understand (remind you she’s very immature). I could accept her and hide her but I can’t hide her from commenting on my stuff. I didn’t mention this before but she turns everyone’s posts into something about her. An example is when my baby started sleeping through the night I made a post that he slept through the night for the first time and she says, must be nice, her son (who is two months older than my son) is still getting up a couple times a night. I know this, she tells me that every day. I have a lot of friends and family members out of state that I talk to on FB and a lot of people I used to work with that became good friends over the years so we use FB to keep each other updated on what’s going on in our lives. It’s annoying when you’re trying to share something with friends and she turns it into something about her when she just texted me that day and told me.
So, does anyone else have a close family member like this on FB? Am I required to accept her friend request just b/c she’s my sister? I know she just wants to be friends on FB because she’s so nosey. I’m sure she’ll read through all of my posts for the last few months if/when I accept her requests. So, thoughts? (sorry again this is so long)
Just txt her and say " let's just stick to txting for now". That's it. If she takes offense then so be it. Plus personal or family conversations isn't for FB it's for txting or twitter.
Continue to be her sister, but not her FB friend. If she asks why you haven't accepted just tell her you don't use FB much anymore.
You have answered your own question...you don't need to be FB friends. Ignore the request. When or if she asks about it simply tell her the truth. You like the relationship with her the way it is....FB causes unnecessary drama and friction. Sarcasm, inflection and tone cannot be read on the screen and can cause misinterpretation all around. There is no need to insult her with ALL the truth - that you find her rude and obnoxious online. She may be a little hurt, but she'll most likely recover. A little hurt is better than a relationship ruined because of FB of all things.
If you say you aren't using FB as often or your cutting down contacts, it won't take too much for her to look at posts from mutual friends and family to see that isn't true.
(This reminds me of my husband. Every single time we play pool together, we wind up aggravated and arguing. I have no idea why pool causes so many problems. Our solution? We don't play pool together, ever.)
tell her you would prefer to just text... it's more sensible since the world won't see it.. tell her you don't really do facebook that much.. and thats the end of that... tell her texting is more personable... good luck
I see your bind, however, I would not add her as a FB friend. If she asks why, just tell her that you have really enjoyed your relationship with her since FB was out of the picture, and you don't want to risk the potential problems between her just because of FB. You have to set the boundaries here... you have no control over how she is going to take it or if she is going to understand... you really don't mean any harm and your intention is good... you want to preserve what good there is in the relationship and you know that if you get back into the FB thing with her again, it is just going to end in aggravation. If she chooses to be upset and act like a spoiled child, well, that is a reflection of herself... not you... so don't feel guilty about it. I really believe that we need to learn and understand that we teach people how to treat us based on how we behave... they either come around or they don't... and that is a choice they get to make... but at least you can minimize the drama of it all! Good luck :-)
Wow! This is a crazy situation that seemed to just spiral out of control. Not only would I not re-friend her, I'd pick up the phone and have a real conversation with her and tell her that you'd much rather have real conversations/relationship with her rather than limp along with one on FB. If she wants to know what is going on, just call. If she wants to see pics of the kids, email or share a photobucket account. . . I would not put yourself out there again.
Seriously, I went through my account last week and purged a number of folks for a variety of reasons and in this instance, I would keep this on the purge list.
you are not obligated to accept her friendship request on facebook or anyone else's request for that matter. i deleted and blocked my boyfriends whole family! and i have not thought twice about it sense. his family is messy and talk to much and to keep them out of our business i deleted them! you can set up what you want people to see when they search for you, so you can make it so that the only thing they see is your picture and name. )go to the privacy menu. my boyfreind also makes no about our business because of his family also. i don't accept any of his family friends because they can look on my page and tell his family what they want to know( though i don't really say to much anyway) but they are just nosey and messy like that. his niece sent him a friend request 3 months ago and he still has not replied. so hey wouldn't even worry about it. your already family who said you had to be friends? good luck
You can hide her and if you put her in a specail group you can make it so she can not post or comment on your pictures and wall. I believe there is a preset one on facebook called "Limited Profile" when you put someone under this you can easily choose who can and cannot see what. Everyone under my limited profile can no see my pictures, info, wall, videos... pretty much they can message me if they want and I can see their pages. The person does not know they have limited access but your sister might figure it out. You could also say that you have cut back on use so do not post as much.
I am addicted to facebook, but in the past 3 months I have cut back on the number of people I am friends with. It is nice to stay in touch with shcool mates that otherwise I would only hear from every other month, I really enjoy being part of their lives and I know they enjoy being part of mine. In the end if someone is not treating me or posting rude comments I will either set them to "limited profile" or delete them from my friends list.
Maybe you can accept her, then send her a message that if she start posting anything rude or inapporate that you will unfriend her. That way she know that you are giving her a second chance BUT she also knows that if she is not careful she could easily be unfriended.
She did say you should be the one to send her a request. Ignore it or deny it, either way you can just say you aren't ready yet (subtext: "I probably never will be") and let this go.
Well that's a pickle. The funny thing is I have a friend whose situation is almost identical! When my friend mentioned to her sister that she was interested in starting a photography business, her sister, who had never expressed any interest before in taking photos, wanted to know what kind of camera she was getting. Then she immediately went out and purchased the next model up. Facebook has been weird between those two as well. My gut says that your sister doesn't deserve to be your friend on Facebook. She's already in touch with you every day with texts anyway, and she sounds so self-centered with her posts. I'd tell her that you're still not ready to be friends. Forget hurting her feelings--she needs to know how much she hurts YOUR feelings when she makes a bunch of negative posts about you. Sadly, sisters aren't guaranteed to grow up to be the best of friends. If you had a friend who was unrelated to you that acted like this on Facebook you'd delete them in a heartbeat and never look back. Sometimes you have to loosen ties, even with family members, just to keep your sanity.
Can you tell her you've been so busy you aren't really doing the facebook thing right now? Has she seen you comment on other family members posts? Maybe just act like you didn't see her request because you haven't been on. When she asks you about it just tell her you didn't see it, you really haven't been on lately, you're really busy- and leave it at that. Tell her to text you instead, it works better for you. I wouldn't want to be "friends" with her either!!
I would friend her and not fall into every post she makes. Let her do and say what she wants just stop getting so involved in her posts/comments. Have you tried ignoring her drama? You are going to start a new family drama or not accepting her.
I would tell your mom you are going to post what you like, if she doesn't like it she can not read your every posts or un friend you. There is so much drama and people blame FB, its not FB it's people who start and respond to stupid posts there!
Recently my lil sister started her drama on my page. Instead of freaking out I nicely posted for her to stop. she got mad and un friended me, I don't care and I haven't said anything about it. Eventually she will friend me again, or not I really don't care. It's not a big deal to get upset and respond or start drama online.
Also there is an option to friend someone and not see any of their posts.
If you accept her friend request, you're allowing her to manipulate you, to guilt you into friending her on her time schedule, not yours. Don't accept. Tell her that you're not going to be fb friends any more and no matter how much she goads you, don't explain anything to her. Just say you'd rather not then change the subject. If she pushes on, walk away, but don't give in.
This is why facebook is for teens!! Use e-mail or a telephone.
When it doubt, don't. FB is like a party, and you don't have to go to everybody's party.
Let her know you're cutting down on all your FB usage and FB contacts. (And then do it. You know you should! So should I.) :^)
This doesn't mean you don't need to love her as best you can in real life.
And lots of people don't "friend" their relatives! Ask parents with adult children!
Honestly, you both sound like two peas in a pod.
