How Much Time to You Allow Your Kids to Play with Friends?

Hi M.,
I have an only child (5 y.o.) and so I think she is learning some important lessons from play time with friends, not to mention it's just nice for her to get a break from me. I try to ensure that the kids she plays with are from families that have similar values and standards of behavior. Even at that, we usually keep it to 2 or occasionally 3 times a week even though her desire for play dates is insatiable! Kids develop their creative abilities by spending unstructured time playing on their own as I have to remind myself and her when she's begging for more 'friend time.' It's hard putting a lid on it, but you can do it!

There are a couple other pertinent questions to ask, such as, are you in a situation where these other kids might be lifelong friends? Does your son have siblings or cousins who will be that link to childhood for him? I still remember the neighbor kids I grew up with - they helped make me who I am today. How do you want to manage that for your son's best interests. You want him to feel at home in the world with strong relationships with both family and friends.

The other question is what are you willing/able/desiring to give those other kids? If they're over every day is it because they are soaking up some of your mothering because they aren't getting enough of it at home? Time and time again I hear of the mothers of friends making huge differences in the lives of kids from difficult situations. Maybe that's part of your opportunity here. Or maybe it's a situation that's just weakening your family. Obviously I don't know the answer to that, but I'm sure you do!

If you do cut the friend time be sure to have some alternative activities at hand such as science experiments, craft projects, books, sports that can be played solo etc. or else the tv becomes the next 'opportunity' for boundary setting.

Best wishes to you!

L.

With my daughter we allow time spent with friends in 1 hour increments whether at home or at friends. You will always have the parents that don't give their children time limits, but after an hour I usually ask the visitor to check in. I also make my daughter check in after an hour when she's at friends. When you and your daughter establish some boundries with friends, you'll find that most parents are in full agreement with you. Hope this helps.

I have 5 kids and they have friends over every day or are going to their friends every day, which gets really crazy when I have to drive them there and pick them up or pick up their friends or give their friends a ride home...blah, blah, blah...crazy. But, for the most part, I love it. I love that my kids have friends and their friends love me because I'm the cool mom who is always there for all of them. My kids just love that I take the time to be there for them and do so much with them even though I'm busy too. They do understand that some days, it just will not happen though. There are the days where I have just way too much going on and if their friends can make it here and back home on their own, or their friends parents can pick up and bring back my kids for me, then that is the only way the friends can come here or my kids can go there; otherwise, it's just going to be a "no friend day", and they just have to understand it...which they do. It has taken some time for them to get it through their heads that not every day will be perfect for them...lol...but they have learned and come to respect the fact that I have a life too. For the most part, my house has a revolving door and the kids are coming and going all the time and I love it. Also, good thing I have a Durango that seats 7...lol.

For me, it depends on the friend, the season, and the day of the week. During the summer my kids will play with their friends for hours, whereas during the school year my older kids rarely play with friends on weekdays. My 6-year old will play with a neighborhood friend all afternoon, but only if they are playing outside where both parents can see them. If they are inside, her friend can play at our house longer than the other way around. I prefer this. If you don't mind a house full of kids, it's an easy way to both keep your kids entertained while simultaneously knowing what they're doing. And if they feel comfortable bringing their friends home at 7, chances will be better that they will feel comfortable bringing their frinds home at 17. With friends we have to drive to we normally limit playtime to 2-3 hours, but it depends on how well I know the parents. Most importantly though, you know your son and his limits best, so this advice will only take you so far...

Good luck!

We have a rule that you can go to someones house or they can come here 1 day a week. Specifically on Wed as here is is early release and the kids are all home by 1:45. that gives them more time to play. So they go or come on the bus from school and parents pick up at 4:00 or 4:30
We went through a time when i did outings with friends once a week. but now it is eachothers houses on Wed. I have 3 of my own and can not up that to 6 some here some there driving picking up etc. We also have sports and community ed stuff so that is our rule.
My kids are 8,6 and 18 months

You're the boss. What you could do is, when they come over, explain that your child is going to do some constructive stuff today.