How Much "Me" Time Do You Take

Glad to hear I am not the only one thinking a commute is me time :o) I love my daughter to death but I am with you, sometimes I want to take the walk/run alone without interuption. The worst is trying not to face plant into my treadmill while trying to keep my daughter entertained while running(don't worry, I am fenced off from her!) but like you and the elements it becomes difficult. Don't feel guilty. Think of it as taking care of you so you can be the best Mom....this is a concept I struggle with greatly so maybe my own advice will sink in for me too! Best of luck.

Me time is when I don't have to worry about kids or spouse and I can just sit and read a book, watch a TV show or movie, take a nap all uninterrupted. I don't think a commute is "me time". Whenever my kids are napping I take time out to do what I want to do and not what needs to be done.

Aw, man! We're supposed to be taking "me time"?! ;)

In your situation, I would consider the run me time. Not the commute.
And generally speaking, I think that when a mom gets to the point where she feels she needs me time--it's time for some more!

I probably get a few hours per week of uninterrupted "me time". Does watching tv after child & husband are sleeping count? If so, then maybe 1-2 hours per day. BUT usually I am folding clothes, etc. during part of that.

I agree that most moms do NOT get enough. Claim your time. Mark it! Pee around it if you have to!

You'll get different answers on this. I have to say as a full time working mom, I didn't really take any "me" time when my kids were younger. I felt that I already was away from them too much... I still don't have much except a half hour after they're in bed and I've taken the dog out before I need to go to sleep. Other people will say you need to stay healthy etc. I used to consider my husband's commute kind of part of "his time" too and after he starting working much closer, he said he missed getting to talk on the phone, unwind etc. So I think your husband has a point. But what about getting up early and running then? That way you're not taking time away from your daughter or impacting your husband in any way. I know lots of working moms who get up super early to get their workouts in.

You are not being selfish and definitely no neglectful!

Listen, he had a part in making this baby too. He also has a part in taking care of the baby as well.

Taking time to run (or whatever healthy alone-time outlet) is one of the best things you can do as a mother. The stress management and physical benefits ALONE work wonders for you as a mother. Additionally, you are modeling healthy behavior for your child by taking care of yourself and participating in daily physical activity.

I have a 50-minute, one-way commute. That does NOT count as 'me time'.

As long as you both are getting free time outside of work/commute then I don't see a problem at all.

I would not consider the commute "me time"
I do not think you sound selfish at all...as moms we Need to take time for ourselves so that we can be the best moms we can be...that being said, my me time is carved out at odd intervals when I can take advantage of it...I consider an uninterrupted bath me time...I consider the time I spend on the computer while Alex watches Sesame Street Me time = )

I am curious how much "me" time he takes? :)

My fiance thinks 'me time' consists of running errands with the kids (because hey, I'm out of the house, right?) WRONG!!

My 'me' time (and I've settled) is kicking EVERYONE out of the kitchen and having a cocktail while I make dinner. I play music (no, I DON'T care if you're watching tv in the other room and my music is bothering you), have a drink, cook, and I don't answer ANYONE. I will not change the baby. I will not let the dog out. I will not help with your reading right now. I will not help you find your keys. LEAVE. ME. ALONE!!

This is usually all I need though, to get my head back on straight. Some days I put myself in time out and hide on our porch or lock myself in the bathroom... other than that, the kitchen thing sadly works for me ;)

Wives and mother's need to take a stand and when you need a break you need a break. With a family it is hard to be spontaneous and it isn't possible.

I get plenty of me time because my DH and I have a calendar and we get our priorities on there right away. Date night, girls night out, bunco, small groups etc...etc..that way there are no surprises. I don't get resentful and neither does he.

Are you saying that your husband has actually taken the time to calculate your so-called me time? How petty and controlling. It sounds to me like you are trying to achieve a healthy balance in your life, and you are setting a great example of exercising for your child. Why should you crave being with your child? Lol, I crave time AWAY from my kids! Good luck.

You are not being a neglectful mom at all! Running is not only good for your body, it's good for your mind too. I am in a completely different mood when I get to exercise which makes me a better mom and wife. I go for a 3 mile walk almost every day during the week after dinner while my husband watches our 3 year old and 7 month old, I'm usually gone 45 minutes. Sometimes I bring the older one, but most of the time I would rather go alone. I don't work, but I get a nice amount of alone time during the day since they usually nap at the same time.

DEMAND your time to run! Tell him it's less time consuming and much cheaper and healthier than therapy and medication! (I am not kidding!)
I am home for a year alone with my 2 young children while my husband is deployed and I never thought I'd feel this way, but I CRAVE a walk or jog alone more than I crave chocolate or a beer! =0) I don't get to do it very often, so usually I end up with the chocolate fix. When people ask me "What is the first thing you want to do when your husband comes home"...honestly, my answer is hand over the kids and go running! (And I am not a runner!) You will be a much better mom, wife, and teacher if you get your run in.
Good luck and enjoy...run a mile for me!

I think it is awesome and amazing that you are able to run every day, and your husband should fully support you in this endeavor. I have asthma and can barely walk a mile, much less run it, so I'm in awe that you are able to run competetively. Running keeps you healthy, and when the majority of working adults barely get any exercise at all, I think it's extremely important that you keep it up. And tell your husband that! It's great that you are able to take her with you, but on days that you can't, remind your husband that you are trying to stay healthy and sane. :-)

By the way, how much "me" time does your husband get? It needs to be balanced; you both work full-time and you both need equal amounts of down time outside of work. It shouldn't be all on your shoulders.

You are NOT being a neglectful mom! That is just ridiculous, sheesh!

You need to be honest and direct with your husband that the running is part of who you are and you need it, it keeps you healthy and sane and that you would appreciate it if he would accept that and get over it! I think it is great that you sometimes take the kid with you and now that the season is finally changing maybe you can compromise and take her with you half the time?
Please do not let your husband make you feel bad...I do not think you are asking too much.

~For the record, I do not think housework should qualify as 'me time' either. I do not get time for just me everyday.... but wish I did....I also wish with my whole heart that I was one of those people who loved to run! :)

Okay, so what I would do is:

Turn the question around, and ask your HUSBAND, what is HIS 'me" time and how does HE define that????
AND does he 'crave' being with you and his kid and doing housework and child upkeep... after he comes home from work since he had his drive home from work and was at work... and that SHOULD be his 'me' time. So that when HE comes home, he should have be all ready to help with HIS child and the home chores. Too. And he should "crave" that. Too.
Just like he expects, of you.

He- does not seem to want to babysit. Nor do household chores or baby care.
He, is defining 'your' Me time... by what is convenient to HIM.
Not by what you 'need.'

Next: my question would be- how much "me" time does your Husband get? I mean, you seem to be doing everything. Work/come home/tend to your child/cook/clean/do laundry/put your child to bed etc.
So, what they heck, is your Husband doing????
If he is doing nothing at those times, once you come home, then HE is getting a LOT of 'me' time. By himself. Because he does not do, much around the house or with/for his child.

all the best,
Susan

Driving to work, cleaning & running errands does not count as "alone time". Alone time is doing that thing that is just for you, and only you, and it's that thing that makes you happy, that relaxes you & makes you feel good.

IMO, a good partner will encourage you to do that/those thing(s) for yourself, without any guilt or bad feelings. It almost sounds as if he's either a) jealous, because he doesn't take alone time for himself or b) he's bitter because he actually has to care for his own child by himself. I could be totally off base. I'm just going off of your initial post.

Keep on running. Despite your DH's ramblings, it is NOT selfish to have alone time. It makes you a happier mommy, wife, and woman. Personally, I like my TV & internet time, which I do take for myself, throughout the day. I like to have a monthly mom's night out. Sometimes I catch a movie or a dinner/drink with a friend. My DH has no issues with any of it & doesn't make me feel bad about it.

I think it's a Mars/Venus thing. My husband is never happier than when he is getting things accomplished. It's a good day, when at the end of the day he can say, "I got a lot done today!" Whereas for me, a good day COULD be a day where I got a lot accomplished, but it might also be a day where I got to sit on the couch alone and read a book for an hour. But my husband would never be able to understand why an hour reading a book can do more for my psyche than an hour of, say, dusting. And when you have kids, sometimes dear hubby may have to watch them so you can have some time to run, or whatever else you want to do for your "me" time. In short, you shouldn't feel guilty because you don't get self-refreshment from doing housework or driving in rush hour traffic. And you shouldn't feel guilty asking your husband to share in parenting responsibilities, and to watch your daughter while you go for a run.

I never had much "me" time when my kids were younger. But it sounds like you're a teacher and that means I assume not much alone time when you're at work. Everyone is kind of down on your husband but I think it depends on his schedule and how it compares to yours. I know I had this issue with my husband needing "his" time and it meant that unless we used even more childcare, there was no time for me to have any time off at all. When both parents work, I think it's important to maximize parent time and minimize caregiver/daycare. He would put his own needs first and the only way I could minimize nanny time was to do it all myself. So I guess I was petty counting how many hours he got to himself. But I wanted things to be fair and I'm not sure how to make things fair if you don't know what's really going on in terms of how each person's day is spent. SAHM's going jogging is a nonissue to me bc their kids have a ton of their time. For working moms, it's a bit tougher. Your daughter isn't in bed until 9:30 so I assume that means a lot of evening hours and then 30 min of running a few days a week seems reasonable - unless you're home at 8:00 while your husband has been home since 5:00. Weekends should be easy to get an hour. Getting up before 5am is unbearable to me but is there any way to trade off who gets up that early?... So overall, I got maybe 30 min a day to myself when my kids were younger - some days not that much - but to me it's about striking a balance with your spouse. He may be accusing you of being selfish bc he's doing more hours with your daughter than you are and/or has less "him" time etc. That may be more the root of the problem.

I have two children, work full time, am the house cleaner, dog walker and am a wife. Me time is not as existent as it should be in my mind. My husband encourages me getting out more but I do feel guilty. My job is demanding/stressful and I do work occassional nights and weekends of which is why I feel guilty when I take time for me. On the flip side, us Mom's/Women,Wives NEED it. We need it for our sanity, we need it to feel like a women and either enjoy some alone time or cocktails with our girlfriends. I wish greatly I took more time to get out and enjoy my girlfriends but like many feel guilty. Get out and run and enjoy it!!!!

For me, I get "ME" time after the kids go to bed and in the mornings when I go to the gym before I go to work. My hubby would watch the kids so I could work out in the evenings, but the kids never let me, so I stopped doing that! I get up a half hour early and go to the gym for a half hour and shower and get ready there. In the evenings, after the kids are in bed, sometimes hubby and I watch tv and sometimes I watch my own shows and he'll go down to the basement on the computer and watch tv. Once a month, I get together with my girlfriends and sisters in law for dinner and drinks (usually 2-3 hours). Hubby has the kids four days a week so when I get home from work, I usually give him a half hour to an hour to decompress and have 'me' time for himself. He also gets it on his drive to/from work (40 minutes) but I don't count that as I don't count it 'me' time for me! I tell him to go out with friends during the month but he hardly does! He'd rather have his 'me' time in our basement playing on the computer or watching tv! What about investing in a jogger so you can take your baby with you on runs? Make a compromise and tell him that you'll take her 1/2 of the time if he'll keep her for you so you can realy run full out the other half of the time. Don't think he can argue that! And you do need to take time to work out because if momma ain't happy, then nobody is happy (or something like that horribly incorrect grammatical sentence!)

my "me " time or what I call my alone time is when my son is napping and about 30 min after he goes to bed. because I have the house to myself! I can work out or take a bath or read. I am lucky with my hubby and son, my son understand (most of the time) that mommy needs "playtime" too so if I am reading a book he usually plays by himself for a while knowing that I will take him outside (his favorite thing) when I am done (he is 21mnths) my hubby works two jobs and is always worried about spending enough time with our son so he pretty much takes over taking care of him when he is home.

It depends on what you consider me time. I try to sit down and read a few verses in the Bible or a page or two from a book every hour or two for just a few minutes. Since I work 7 days per week, 24 hours per day I have to pace myself. I sleep in spurts and every little part of my life is up for grabs. Meaning, that like a mother with a few teens that have too many activities, my schedule is entirely dependent on everyone else. Only, for me it's not playing taxi...usually. Mine is trying to find time to shower or even sit down and put some hand cream on my dry feet. I can't leave the kids alone for more than a minute at a time. So even hand washing is hard. I usually rinse quick and do hand sanitizer on the way out the door.

Every time I try and find some time to do something like get my hair cut or see a movie or even just sit and have a soda someplace by myself, something comes up with a daycare parent or family member.

And yet...I do this...mamapedia :) I can see and hear the kids when I get on here. I still have to jump up and run if they need me. But someone once pointed out to me that this is my me time even if it is only about 5-10% of my waking hours... I don't know if it's that much or more or less. That's a wild guestimate.

I totally understand the running thing! My husband and I both like to run and consider it me time too. We have realized while our children are little (2 and 4) we won't be able to get in as much "me" time as we would like. We also work opp shifts so if I want to run I have to push them in the jogger or take them to the gym. I think its ok for you to ask for me time to run, but maybe at this point in your life that is only 2-3 times a week. Once the kids are older you can have them ride a bike with you, or when they are home with dad it won't be so hard for him to watch them. Little kids take a lot of attention and although I would love to go our for a 1 hour run everyday it just isn't going to happen right now! Why don't you ask your husband what he feels comfortable with?

Housework does not count toward "me" time unless it is cathartic or emotionally balancing for you in some way. And even then, I don't think it should count unless you want it to.

Do not give up your running time. Tell DH that your "me" time is when you are free of responsibilities, to do what you wish. So, housework doesn't count, neither does the commute, since you have to work. And if need be, sit down and show him a chart of the hours during the week when he is doing his own thing (socializing with friends, watching TV, playing on the computer, reading the paper), vs. your "me" time (20 min of running).

Then, tell him that you want to be appreciated for the work you do, and shown consideration for it by having a spouse who allows you time to refresh yourself and follow your own hobbies, instead of a spouse that focuses only on what he thinks you're getting and he's not (antogonism vs. cooperation). And then tell him that you will put in a greater effort to show him your appreciation of his hard work, since that might be what the problem is (you can say it, even if that's not what it is, because it might be contributing). Then, thank him for working at his job for the benefit of the family. Thank him whenever he helps around the house, or drops off the baby at daycare, or does the grocery shopping. And after a few weeks of this, schedule some me time for yourself, and let him know that him generously watching the baby (without grumbling or making it a tit-for-tat) while you recharge/refresh/do your own thing is one of the best ways he can thank you for all your hard work. And say it with a smile.

To answer your question, I get about 20 minutes of me-time per day, if I give up some sleep to do it. And 1 hour on the weekends, for a tai-chi class.

Wow, this is tough when you are working full time. I am also a runner. You need this! Shoot for what you think you can fit in and share with your hubby how important it is. If you have to get a sitter to get in a 30 minute run, do it. It is not only "me" time, it is necessary for your health and well being. The drive time is NOT me time. Ridiculous. Neither is the laundry, dishes or vacuuming. Since you work full time, maybe you two need to divide these duties more evenly? Just an idea. Find a way to get your run and don't compromise. When my kids were 2, they played on the floor while I ran on the treadmill nearby. You can always find a way, as long as you can get your husband on board!

A couple of things factor in to what I'd consider reasonable.

One is - how much 'me' time is your husband getting? Is he with your child all day and he needs the break when you get home? Or is he home earlier and he's already putting in more childcare time than you are?

Another is - how much time do you really want? It sounds like you are getting a 20 minute run in every day. I'd say that's actually pretty good - more "me" time than most moms I know.

Third is - how much time do you have after work with your daughter? You said that she goes to bed at 9:30, but it makes a big difference if you are home with her by 4, or if you're not home until 7.

I agree with you that commuting and housework do not constitute 'me' time.

How much 'me' time do I get? My husband and I trade off - we each take one evening a week for 'me' time. So we each get about 2 hours/week. That's about the same amount of total time that you take, if you run for 20 minutes per day. But I feel like I'm getting more of a break by taking in one big chunk of time. Plus, I'm not asking my hubby to watch the child every day. Maybe something like this would work better for you - ie, running for an hour every other day, instead of 20 minutes every day? Then, at least some days, you are home with your daughter for the entire evening.