How Do You NOT Take Things Wrong or Personal

Let me tell you something my best friend tells me.

You're not that important.

Random people walking down the sidewalk are not judging you and sneering. They're just sneering. Sneering about whatever is going on in their life. Be thankful you're happy enough to not be the one sneering. :)

The research says that something like 93% of communication is body language. So if you are good at reading body language, it might be hard not to take it personally.

Just try to remember that most people are mainly interested in themselves. Also know that most people like other people who make them feel comfortable to be around. Just try to be kind and pleasant and smile -- and after that if people still give you negative body language then that's their problem. You can't please all of the people all of the time.

You need to change how you think. If you approach the world thinking it is about you, then it will be about you. But if the truth be told, it is almost NEVER about you.

Read the world from stress to stillness. It will help you control your ego. :-)

It helps to realize that most people are fairly self-involved...meaning, people mostly are thinking about their own needs and feelings. Most of the time, it is not about "you".

Can you give some examples, though? I don't know, I am a pretty closed off person, and I am not going to lie, my normal face is kindof a "bitchface". I will catch myself in the mirror and by like, "yikes! I am in a great mood, too!" I don't like people to get too close and I would say my body language is closed off and unapproachable. But I would hate it if someone were to take it as a personal attack. Because it's not that I hate people or think bad thoughts about them, but I also am not super open to being touched or having people in my personal space, and lots of people, strangers even, like to cross that boundary so I do present myself a bit as "back off, I am busy, talk to someone else...or at least, dear God, do not touch me!" LOL.

You are in charge of how you feel. You can stop taking body language personally by changing the way you look at the other person's body language. I suggest you start by not analyzing what they look like. Just make note of it in your mind. "Gee, he looks mad." And move on with business. Unless you have to interact don't. If it's your boss, remind yourself how he feels or looks is not about you. I've often excused other's behavior by saying to myself he had a fight with his wife while being my usual kind self. As others have suggested, think of them and how you can be compassionate. Most times the other person's posture and expression has very little to do with us.

If you think you may have done something to cause their attitude, just ask them and accept their answer. If they tell you that they are upset then calmly talk about it. Know that most of the time what they think or feel about you isn't worth dwelling on. Of course what you boss thinks is important. Try to understand but know that you're a good person who can work through the situation. What he says is not personal. The two of you are equal in being good people. You will have a discussion so that both of you can come to agreement.

I was sensitive often as a young person. Over time, with the help of counseling I learned how to separate my emotions from my observation of others' moods. I mainly did this by first focusing on their need and then adding what I need in the situation.

In counseling I learned that I'm not responsible for how someone else feels and that I'm just as good and as important as anyone else. Learning about codependacy helped me a lot.

If I am in a healthy place and feel loved and supported by other people and am secure in myself, it's no problem to shrug body language off.

If I am not doing well, I am much more sensitive. and yes it is much harder to not take it personally.

Also if you know about the Meyers Briggs personality inventory, some people are more sensitive/ perceptive to body languge and nuances, other people are blind to it. so part of it is just personality and learning to see it as a positive and cope when it isnt'

I classify myself as a very good read on body language and also character, even when I have only been around someone for a short time. I am also a bit of a sensitive flower and my feelings get hurt easily when I think that someone is giving me the cold shoulder or the blow off. It's something I have struggled with most of my life. I've been told it's because I care deeply about people and I'm kind of one of those folks that just wants everyone to get along and be the best person they can be. To me, I am sensitive to body language and I react to it. As I get older, I have learned to control how I feel about what I observe a lot better. I am also very aware that a lot of people feed off negative behaviors and make a habit of disturbing others by outwardly making it known that they're having a bad day or enjoying being a total witch for the moment! Those people I try to avoid like the plague because I always feel they are looking for attention and use the worst behavior and body language to get it. No thanks.....not from me. If I were you, I would just focus on the person that you want to be and center your attention and time on those that respond to your efforts. After all, who really wants to hang around people that are outwardly unavailable or standoffish?

Guess I don't read body language well.
I'm generally ok with people unless they are flipping me the bird but it doesn't happen often and even then I don't really care.
Surly looks don't bother me.
I actually like silence (so the silent treatment never works to irk me - it relaxes me).
I am the only one responsible for my own happiness (and all my other moods).
You are responsible for yours.
No one can make you unhappy if you don't want to go there.
So - try not reading into body language as much or re-evaluate how you interpret it - I think your translator is on the blink.
Happiness is a choice.
Choose to be happy.

Depends on who it is. If it's someone I care about and care what they think, then yes, I would take it personally and I would question them as to whether or not something is wrong, talk it out and resolve it.

If it's someone I couldn't care less about, I would probably take it personally for a few seconds (because I am also a very sensitive person), but then I would fluff it off and move on.

Good luck!!

It depends upon who it is.

A person walking down the street or at the grocery that I don't know? I pay attention, but I'm not affected by their body language unless it is obviously directed at me (they make eye contact, THEN change their body language to an agressive or negative look). But it they just look pissed/whatever before they even see me...not my problem.

My husband, kids, family, and close friends? Yes, I'll ask. But I'm careful and kind.

I would strongly suggest that you read Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. Codependent personalities are often strongly affected by body language, because we're trying to head off any negativity and keep the peace before bad things even happen. But it's NOT our responsibility to keep the peace. It's our responsibility to be authentic about ourselves, and recognize that we are not responsible for the negative emotions of others.

I hear where you are coming from. I also struggle with this. It's hard to know where you stand with people when one minute they are meeting up with you and chatting with you, then the next time they are breezing by and don't seem to notice you at all. Is it intentional, have I said/done something to make them want to distance themselves from me? Yes, I know where you are coming from.

I think I will take a look at the book Julie G referenced. Good question - glad to hear I'm not the only one who wonders about this.

I tend to be a loner or I only meet with two others and myself at a time. Not so much do I pay attention to body language, but the texting while together is very annoying to me and sends the signal that the present conversation must not be as interesting as the virtual one.

My boss just asked if someone was giving me a hard time at work and I said I thought that person was just overwhelmed with work. He mentioned that she tapped her foot while she was waiting for management the other day, which didn't go well.

I shared with him that I have been called on that before and didn't realize I was doing it. Sometimes we do have things on our mind and don't realize we are acting this out. He admitted he did it too and was called on it.

You just have to realize everyone has a bad day, some more than others.

I focus on others and not myself, and can't remember the last time I was offended by somebody. Honestly, everybody is too self-focused and they usually don't mean to be offensive even if they are. If people are short with me or unfriendly (I sometimes get this at work) I figure they either don't feel good or have something on their mind that is bothering them... You never know what people are going through.

I'm not sure I understand what you mean by body language and feeling rejected by it. Examples?

I tend to "read" people's body language automatically and 'read a room' pretty easily. That said, I try to just use it all as just information. "Oh, that person looks X" and I gently adjust my expectations, how I might approach that person, etc. Unless someone flat out comes out and says "I'm upset with you because...." (which is the grown-up thing to do, however there are moments when bringing things up is really inappropriate, and then I just try to take things at face value), I just go about my own business. If I need to approach that grumpy/upset/hostile body language person about something, I might also give them room: "Hey, I know we need to discuss XYZ; will you let me know when you are up for that?" It gives a chance to switch gears and is gracious in giving that person space.

What I have learned, over time, is that usually body language is about that person and not about me. Not saying I'm perfect, either, just not the only person to have an effect on them.

I figure that that person is having a bad day or has personal issues. Instead of feeling insulted I tell myself that that person has problems in life and is not happy. I try to feel sympathy for them. That said, I do not waste my time letting them dump their negative stuff on me. If it is an acquaintance I will avoid them...be polite and friendly...but not put effort into them. I move on...quickly. Some people are so negative and they let everything get them down. Some people love to complain. Some people are always looking for a fight and love to feel angry about something and have a platform. Some people just always feel all the stuff in their life is harder than everyone else's. These negative people really start to annoy me...get over it! Move on! Life is too short to always be negative. So...I guess I would tell you to be polite to that person but don't put any effort/time into thinking about them.

Its probably has absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. It sounds like your self-esteem is low. Stop analyzing people. It will make you crazy. The book suggestion sounds like a great idea.

Life is too short to take things so personally......

My husband's body language has an affect on me as does my sister's. They both tend to adopt aggressive postures when I don't go along with what they want (even if it mostly affected ME, not them).

I don't have this issue with anyone else. The best place to start unlearning this is to remember that you are thinking about YOU really. They are also mostly aware of themselves. That's how most humans are.

Good luck,
e

The Bait of Satan: Living Free from the Deadly Trap of Offense
by John Bevere
http://www.amazon.com/Bait-Satan-Anniversary-Devotional-S...

That's a great book. That helped me release past hurts.

How do I not take things personally? I remind myself that whatever someone does, really is more about them (a reflection of them) than of me. People are sometimes self-absorbed, into their own thoughts and not really aware of how they come off. Then the other person gets offended (for nothing) when it really had nothing to do with them.

Ever read The Law of the Garbage Truck?
http://bewareofgarbagetrucks.com/wordpress/the-law-of-the...

Hopefully that will help cure you. ;)