How Do You Know If Having Another Is Right for You?

We put off having a second for a long time. In fact, I was just about to go back to work when we decided on #2. I've been home for seven years now. Financially, it is difficult. My husband works full time and he runs a business from home to pay the bills. It also helped that he was the Saving You Money producer for the news. He's always been finding cheaper ways to do things and with good reason because tv news pays nothing!

You can save money in little ways like buying store brand diapers (Walmart brand is as good as Pampers and costs MUCH less). We also recycled a lot of stuff we needed for the new baby. If you check out freecycle.org or craigslist.com, you'll find that there are people who are just giving away baby stuff they no longer need. Also, I did some shopping for the baby at consignment stores (and sold stuff to them, as well). And since this is #2 for you, just hold on to your older child's toys and clothes. A little end of the season shopping helps, too. If you shop for your children off the clearance racks at the end of the season, and put the stuff away for next year, you can save so much. I once found a winter coat for my son at Target for $3.89!

It isn't easy, and we certainly don't live like royalty. However, my sons are not missing anything important and we even manage some extras for them.

Dear A.,

The same way that you make other important decisions. You think about how you would feel if you did not have another child. Then pursue that frame of mind for a few days.

After that, take the other side and keep that as if it were your final decision feeling the two children senario in your heart and soul for a few days. Don't wiggle waggle inbetween the two. When you are contemplating one decision, do not let yourself wander into the other one, just stay on course for a while.

As you go through this exercise, be sure to talk things over with your husband as you pass through each time period - keeping on track - not being afraid because you know that the decision is yet to be made - together.

You will come out with a better understanding of how you can handle each way of living, and together you and Dad can moved ahead in your lives comfortably - without regrets.

Regrets are the worst - try to keep those to a minimum. O.K.? Sincerely, C. N.

Hi A., My husband and I had two planned pregnancies and two surprises but are soooo glad we had all four! I have a friend who is an only child and REALLY wished she had siblings. Even one more brings a balance to the other one. One child in the family many times (not always, but many times) sharing is hard for them. The world seems to revolve around them. Having at least two is fun, too. They have each other to lean on as they grow up. I was a stay at home mom for many many years. It wasn't easy either, we didn't have a new car, new furniture, etc., but we had fun. Camping, picnics, etc., there are lots of things (like relationships) that are more important than 'stuff'. I guess you just have to know in your 'knower' :) what you and your husband want in your lives and go for it. Blessings, M.

If you are feeling if it is or isn't correct my sense is give your self more time. There is no hurry.
There will never be a more financially secure time. We found that there is always a reason to wait financially no matter how much money.
For me having a child was a definite want and everything lent itself to supporting that......family helped, friends helped etc. After the realization that i would get a lot more help if it was his idea I did wait till it was my former husbands idea every time and we ended up with 3. And you are right not everyone is cut out for being a stay at home mother. Thank God for husbands like yours.Good luck.....you will make the right choice for your family.

You just have to make it work. A lot of people can never truly afford to have a child but you make it work. You sacrifice in some areas and figure things out. I had to quit full time work when I had my 2nd because daycare was too expensive. Now with my third I've had to quit part time because my husband cant handle being with the kids by himself part time. (He is great when I am home) So he is going out to get a 2nd job so we can get by. I think spacing your kids farther is going to be harder and harder. But again it is up to you.