Dear CG:
I totally understand where you are coming from. I'm sorry I haven't read the other posts so if I am giving you repeat info - I'm sorry.
1. Being a SAHM isn't always fun. Trust me - it is MORE than a full time job and you don't get a paycheck for all you do. In fact, you don't see the rewards for MANY years down the road. You want to be with your daughter - which is the best - however, it's not just about being with her - it's about getting into a routine and schedule with her.
Ask yourself what your expectations are.
What do you expect to gain from this? You won't be sleeping in, watching TV and eatting Bon-bons (something my husband thought when our first child was born! BOY DID THAT GO OVER LIKE A LEAD BALLOON!!)
Do you have activities planned for her? I have activity books for my boys - we spend time in the AM doing 'school' stuff and I let them have free play - they have their chores to do as well - we go to the pool, we play outside, etc. we have playdates - since I'm the only SAHM, the kids come to our house - that means snacks and drinks for kids - plan for that as well as they get older....
You said you've worked hard to get where you are in your career. Are you ready to give it up? Yes, you can go back - but you might not make the money you are now and you might have to prove yourself again. Being in sales - you would have to stay up on the trends and such while you are at home....
Since this isn't something you do on the spur of the moment....and since you are worried about finances try this for three to six months - survive ONLY on your husband's paycheck. Put yours in savings, etc. This way - you know you will have an even greater back up cushion should you chose to go back to work. This includes paying for your daughter's daycare while you try this - this will give you guys that extra cushion to know that if an EMERGENCY comes up - you can swing it.
If you can't do this, survive on his alone, then the financial stress will force you back to work. You don't want to live off your savings in order to stay home with your daughter.
Keep track of your expenses - make a lunch for your husband every day - this will save you $200 a month. Stop going to Starbucks (if you do) - that will save you another $200. We bought the Hamilton Beach dispenser coffee pot - so I prepare his coffee the night before and it's ready for him when he wakes up in the AM.
My next piece of advice is to stop using ANY credit cards. Ensure you have no credit card debt when you make this transition and go on a CASH ONLY basis. Why? Because I can't tell you how tempting it is to go shopping in the middle of the day and how easy it is to get carried away.
Going all cash was the hardest thing my husband and I had to do - but it's SOOOOO good knowing what will be in the mail and not worry about surprises.
Use coupons. Go to hotcoupons.com, coupons.com; hotcouponworld.com; eversave.com - any place you can save money - DO IT. Call the numbers on the boxes of things you use regularly and ask for coupons. They'll send 'em to you. Subscribe to the Sunday Washington Post, you'll get coupons every Sunday - look through the fliers to see what's on sale that week - plan your menu around that and the coupons you have - you'll cut your grocery bill in half! TAKE YOUR LIST WITH YOU TO THE STORE!! This will keep you from impluse buying.
Set up a menu for the week and buy off that menu.
Use what you already have in the house.
Rent movies instead of buying them or going out to see them.
Set up a date night for you and your husband - you WILL need this. This might be the most important thing to do - you will need adult time/conversation and you will need to be able to touch base with your husband. It's something you will both look forward to. Even if it's just sitting on a blanket in front of the fireplace or in chairs out on the deck - do it. it's not just about your child - it's about your marriage as well.
Some women find that being a SAHM isn't for them. Really - it's not a bad thing to admit it's not for you. For me, it hasn't been a problem. Now that they are older (both in elementary school) it's a whole 'nother ball of wax. I admit I have worked off and on over the last 9 years, but I keep coming back home. I sell things on ebay to earn extra money for ME (yep, it allows me to get manicures and pedicures without disrupting the budget).
As a SAHM, your kids might expect you to volunteer at the school, be chaperones at field trips, etc. even the teachers might expect more from you.
You need to set your expectations. This isn't going to be strawberries and wine - it's well worth EVERY SINGLE concession you have to make, but for some, they can't do it. Which is FINE - to each his own. You have to do what's right for you and your family.
TALK with your husband - is this what he wants?
I'm enjoying being a SAHM MORE now that they are in school and really don't want to go back to work in an office. I'm now afforded the opportunity to know my kids' friends - something that I feel is DOUBLY important in today's society. And be with them at school in their rooms. At first they hung all over me - then I became a fixture in the classroom - so it wasn't sooo special anymore - I got to watch my children learn and interact with others and have learned a whole lot about my kids!
I realize this is long - it is my hope and desire that you make this decision with as much knowledge as possible! There is a lot of stress on the breadwinner of the family if finances are tight - which them translates into arguments, etc. Sometimes expectations are set high - the person staying home (it's been the dad before) has unrealistic expectations - and is TOTALLY disappointed when that bubble is burst.
I find that I am a:
mom
wife
housekeeper
launderer
seamstress
taxi driver
chef
personal assistant
accountant
physical trainer
nurse/doctor
phychiatrist
social worker
computer expert
and sooo much more all rolled into one and being pulled in many directions at the same time on different days.
I wouldn't trade this life for the world - but some people aren't cut out for it and there are times I question myself. No kidding - there are days when I say "what the heck am I doing - I could be in an office doing XYZ instead of listening to this!!"
I truly hope this has given you food for thought.
Best regards,
Cheryl