Qeustion for Sahm's..

I dont work either my husband pays for everything.Sometimes I clean my fathers house and he pays me other than that my husband gives me money when I need it.

The best marriage is one that is a team effort.....joint finances......joint chores......joint interests. When a family is shared in all the responsibilities it provides a bond that can't be created otherwise. A husband should share in the household duties just as a wife should help with work and finances. This way no one feels left out or left behind. This takes a leadership role from us women though!! Best of luck!

R.,
You know We don't have our owe accouts but I do work part time. and I never see my check it goes right in today the accout. The checkbook is in the house but I get fussed at when I use it and I don't get allowance either. I am so soory you are goin through it. I don't think you have to buy food and pay bills. What does he do with his money????? Seek help!!! Let me know how it goes. Good luck Sweetie!!

Hi R.!!

I personally don't have this problem b/c I take care of our finances, I always have and that didn't change when I quit working. We have a joint checking account though so I guess it's easier. My advice would be to talk with your husband about it and set a amount for the grocery bill and anything else you might need (I guess you could call it a allowance)and then he gives you that money each week or whatever works for the payment schedule. That's just my opinion I hope everything works out for you!!

B.

SAHM to a beautiful 10 month old baby boy, Johnathan

I don't think your being "nosy" just curious.

I think it is a matter of what works for you as a couple. I'm not married but do have a great man. My other half is a truck driver. He used to give me an "allowance" (for lack of a better term) if I needed more he made sure I had it before he went out for the week. We have since figured out that it works better if I control the money.
He now takes an "allowance" when he goes out. I pay the bills and take care of other things. Any big purchases are discussed but usually carried out by me.
I have custody of my 2 grandkids and it works much better this way. With 2 toddlers you never know when and unexpected added expense is going to come up.

I enjoy being a stay at home mom my daughter is 2 and my son is 2 months. When I get a chance I sell things on ebay. That is how I make some cash. But my boyfriend makes excellent money to where I don't need to work. I don't ask for money I just tell him what I need and he hands me his check card. Heck I'm taking care of his children he doesn't seem to mind it. However I do miss working. I would like to work part time again but no one in my town has any daycare service open. I only want to work to be able to associate with people and make new friends and to have some time to myself. I've only lived here for a year and I know noone of course he grew up here so he knows everyone.

i am also a sahm. Im not sure waht to tell you because the way we see it is that its not his or my money but our money. If we need some thing we decide together, if I want somthing and we have the extra money we get it same if he wants somthing. As long as the bills are paid and the kids have what they need it is community money. He feels that I work as hard as he does if not harder. So he basicly gives me anything I want (within reason). I hope this helps.

We share a checking account and I spend money on groceries, bills, etc. If I am going shopping I tell him and about how much I plan to spend--but don't ask permission. When you are a SAHM you work hard too and I don't think you should have an "allowance" per say...if I am getting him a gift or something I usually borrow the money from my mom or sister then pay them back in two payments, this way you can kind of avoid giving yourself away with what the gift is on the bank statement. According to him, it is "OUR" money, and this is how it should be. You make a sort of deal when it is decided you stay home and not bring in any income, you are the money saver by not having to pay for childcare!

My husband and I created a joint checking and savings when we got married, long before I chose to stay home. His money is my money is his money. Part of my job as SAHM is the family accountant, so my hubby depends on me to pay the bills, and to let him know when we need to curb spending. We make joint decisions on things, and when we get a large extra check, say like the tax return, we agree that it goes into savings, and savings is for remodeling the house, vacations, etc.

Even when we were both working, and I made 40% of our income, we still shared our money. For our family, that made the most sense.

I would suggest having a very frank discussion with your husband, and the two of you deciding what system works best for you. If he expects you to pay your own bills, when you have no income, I agree that you should ask him to pay you for your services as the person who runs the home while he is out of the home working. That is not unfair to ask.

I am a sahm and my husband and I have just one joint checking account. I think that when you get married, have a house/appartment and have children, it's probably time to share the money, even if you don't bring the money home. If he doensnt want to share "his" money, then tell him he needs to pay you for watching his child, cooking, cleaning, ect. You might not bring home a paycheck but what you do with your daughter and the home is worth more than he could probably afford! I hope this didn't sound mean, I just hope you two can work it out. Good luck!

Me and my guy basically his opinion is my money is your money and even though he makes it I also have a fair share to it and we decide together what to do with it.

Hold on a second sister! You work just as hard as your husband does, if not harder, and your job is probably way more important than his. You are raising your daughter and shaping her life, and your husband shoud be providing the means for you all to live like that. I would never view my husband as someone that gives me an allowance, thats rediculous. I gave up my job as a manage rof a law firm that I had for almost ten years to stay at home with our child(ren) and believe me, there are days when I'd say this is harder than any day I ever had the law firm. So, my husbands money belongs to both of us, just like the job that I do benefits us all, so all of the money goes to the same place and benefits all of us.

In order to curb any "you get to spend more on yourself than I do" emotions my husband and I each take an allowance out of his paycheck when it is direct deposited. We each get the same amount. We can spend it any way that we would like. If we want something more expensive then we have to save up for it. He usually uses his for going out to lunch or to happy hours with his friends. I usually spend mine on lunch with my two year old who is still home with me, coffee with friends or clothes. We have a separate amount set aside for family outings. We've had a couple instances of selfishness years ago where he has been like, "I'm the one who makes the money so I can spend as much as I want to". I, of course, do not think that is fair since I never get "off work" and my sahm pay really sucks. He has since grown up quite a bit and since his overspending was hurting our finances and our homeowning goal he has cut that back quite a bit and keeps it in check. When money was really tight, and when my husband wasn't in class three-four nights a week I've also had part-time jobs. That was more to use on extra things that I wanted. While he's in school full time though it's just not possible to work outside of the home. Really we just make what we bring in work. We can't afford a lot of eating out, which is probably better for us anyway, or music/karate/sports "lessons" but we still find cheap ways to stimulate the boys.

not a stay at home mom....but my mom was. It was never his money her money...it was their money.

It is the same way with me and my hubby. He makes more than me, but it is "our money" we have a couple of joint accounts. He primarily takes money from one (via debit card) and I the other. And there is one main account the we write bills from.

We each have a set amount of "mad money" we get for eating out and such...and it is the same for both of us. If we need clothes or there is something extra we want to get we discuss it together to see if we can afford it and set a spending limit on it.

Marrage is a partnership and the finainces should be the same. Don't ever let him make you feel like it is "his" money b/c you don't work. You can always price out daycare providors and maids so he can see what people charge for what you do for "free".

Your question isn't nosey as you're not asking someone in particular and you're asking to a group of women who have the option of responding or not : )

In response to your question, try asking yourself why you have seperate bank accounts in the first place. As soon as my husband and I got married, we combined our bank accounts. His money has always been my money and my money has always been his money. Of course that means whenever I buy something big, I ask him for mutual agreement and he does the same. We've always made big purchase decisions together because we share money.

Two of my SAHM friends share bank accounts with their husbands. One girlfriend controls the money in the household even though her husband is the breadwinner, LOL. She gives her husband cash whenever he asks for it (for lunch money and/or to buy a DVD) and he doesn't even have a credit card. She makes large purchase decisions all the time without him. For example, when they bought a house she bought a baby grand piano for $8,000 without consulting him (They have a unique and wonderufl marriage).

I was a stay at home mom up till yesterday and all the money brought into the house is not mine or his its ours. Thats the way we do and now that I am working my money also goes into what is our money. Hope that makes sense

When I was married, we paid the bills and bought groceries out of our joint account. I always kept my own account for saftey purposes...lol. But we discussed how much I needed for groceries, bills and entertainment and how much he needed. I was always the one to pay the bills and whatnot. Maybe you need to do a sit down with the hubby and talk about getting in on the bill paying and including the expenses you have been covering with that. I also when in a pinch for cash took on part time jobs, babysitting and housecleaning. Might be a good time to get into M. Kay or Booty Parlor Parties, might give you a little spending money and mommy time!
Hope this helps, and no its not too nosey!

We're another family of everything is "ours", so you've already heard about all that.

But I'm wondering what the problem is between your husband and you that has led to your situation? Was he opposed to you staying home and being there for your child? Do the two of you have different spending/saving habits where he's afraid that if you shared money it might be "wasted"? If you can figure out what the real problem is, you'd have a better chance at allaying his fears and getting rid of the "mine" and "yours" mentality. Once you're married, it just seems very basic to me that it's "all for one and one for all". He's not your Dad, he's your husband. And there's no reason that he should have financial control over the family just because he's the one with a paying job. Having a stay-at-home parent in the family needs to be supported by the family (both financially and emotionally.) If he's got a problem with you being at home, that needs to be addressed before the money issue can be worked out.

My husband works and i am a stay at home mom of two wonderfuld children. When we first got together we had our sperate accounts but now we share the money responsibilities. Although i do not work i am on disibility due to a physical condition which prevents me from working. We have sat down and made a money plan on whos money goes to pay what, and it has really helped us alot. my sugesstion is that you sit down with your husband and try to make a way for you both to contribute to everything as a whole, and it may make things easier for the both of you.
hope this helps.
B.

R.,
I do get an "allowance" it is weekly and it used to cover everything. stuff for contacts, makeup, even laundry detergent, and if I wanted to go out one night it would have to come from my allowance. until I noticed my husband spending whatever he wanted, when he wanted. now I get my allowance and I use it for pretty much whatever I want and anything extra that I need for the kids or myself comes out of the joint account. And when I go out for moms night out or I take the kids to lunch, it comes out of our account also.

My husband and I treat our money like one pot (we don't have separate banks accounts or anything). I'm not earning money right now, but I'm certainly saving us a lot by providing childcare, cooking (we don't eat out much), etc. My staying home was a joint decision, so we both just handle all our expenses as they come up. But everyone has to do what works!
Good luck,
-A.

My situation is a little different because my husband and I have a joint checking. I pay all the bills out of our account and he doesn't mind that I spend extra money as long as our bills are paid on time. It was hard for my husband at first because he had always been on his own but once he realized he just didn't have the time to manage the money and work...it was a lot easier. Maybe you guys should try a joint account and maybe an arrangement like mine. I don't know if this helped at all but I hope it did a little.

My husband and I have always shared everything regardless if I was working at the time or being a SAHM. I have four kids and in the 14 years we have been married most of it was spent with me being a SAHM which I am currently. My mom was a SAHM and when she started babysittting she started this whole thing of this is "my money" war with my dad. It was terrible my dad supported the family for 20+ years and everything was shared then once she started making a little money it was hers and all hers. I remember once my dad asking if she had any cash at the restarant for a tip and my mom went nuts! She went on and on about how it was her money and how dare he ask for it. I was a teenager and I knew that from that time on I did not want my life to be that way. Thankfully I have a wonderful husband who before we were married told me that if we had kids he wanted me to be at home raising them if I didn't mind and that he would take care of the rest. There has been times when we were much younger that he had to work two full time jobs to make ends meet because he wanted me to raise our kids not a sitter and not once did he ever make me feel as if it was his money and not mine. I think you should talk with your husband and tell him how you are feeling. Best of Luck!