Romance versus Sex.. Those are two very differant things I need romance not just sex... Do you ladies have any suggestions and are your men romantically challenged?
Sex is not the problem we are not lacking in that department but I never get gifts for Christmas, my birthday nothing he doesnt put any effort into making me feel special we cant afford it is what he says but it is he never thinks of me like I do him he thinks him working is enough... I just want him to suprise me with a note even and it just wont happen... I go to the grocery store and it oh he would like that or make a dinner that he likes I have not been eating red meat for a month and for dinner he buys cheeseburgers and I looked at him... He is just not thougtful...We have talked and he says he just forgets omg am I dealing with a 28yr old or an 8 yr old ?
Going on 22 married years here.
Keep communication WIDE open.
Prioritize weekly date night. You don't have to spend a lot of $$, make time for couple time.
Laugh together
Been married 21 years, and some were better than others. Read The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Laura Slesenger. I don't like everything she says, and I could not care less about her womans movement therory, but I know that if you do what she says to do your husband will respond, and you will be liking sex and finding a lot more romance in your life. She nails how men tick dead on (read it and ask your husband!) I have never been happier in my whole life, and as for "just sex" the more you do it, the more you want to do it...so Nike is right...just do it!
M.
I think all men are, once they have us they stop trying. I would start by setting up a regular date night as often as you can, but at least once a month. It does not have to be anything fancy, it can even just be for a walk to the ice cream shop, but NO KIDS ALLOWED. Start small, and remind him often that he still needs to try, as do you you of course. :)
I am not a terribly romantic person (in some ways yes, but in others no). I tend to be really bad about things, like when my husband buys flowers I struggle not to think that we couldn't afford them. I'm getting better and becoming more grateful of sweet gestures, but I still can be pretty thoughtless myself.
He likes to buy me stupid little things that he knows I like, like Smarties or buttermilk if he goes grocery shopping alone (I rarely buy them for myself) which I find to be a very romantic gesture. Sometimes he'll come home with a single rose if he knows I've had a really bad day at work or am down about something. I think it is easier for us because we are best friends and just really enjoy hanging out together, talking, watching action flicks, playing with our kids, etc.
I think a lot of that is give and take. Definitely letting him know what you need for romance is important, but rather than comparing it to sex, keep it separate. Romance can be ongoing and does not always have to lead to sex. Just let him know you'd love to go out for coffee or walk around a bookstore without kids. We have an awesome restaurant out here that is mostly known for its European desserts and coffee and if we want a fun, grown-up (and affordable) date, we just go out for dessert. It is a lovely, romantic atmosphere and we always enjoy the time we can get there (not often at all).
If romance for you means gestures, be extra appreciative when he does make them. If you are more like me, and the things you appreciate are unasked-for help around the house, mention a few things and see what happens. It is still helpful to meet each other sexual needs in addition to the more emotional ones, so it never hurts to initiate a quickie or something one-sided for him. It will make him more likely to take his time the next time for you. Good luck.
Be open and honest about what you consider to be romantic. It sounds like a very "non-romantic" conversation, but it works! My idea of romance is very different from my husband. We had a conversation about it b/c I was upset that he was never "romantic" meanwhile he thought he was doing a great job!
Men aren't mindreaders and if they think being "your idea" of romantic will get them more of the other, they will put in the effort!
Married for 13+ years...Neither myself or hubby are terribly romantic but we do LOVE hanging out with each other! We LOVE to talk to one another. We LOVE to snuggle...still...even after all these years!
We txt each other throughout the day, we hold hands, we sit next to each other on the couch and snuggle and have movie nights on the weekend, we stay in bed late on Sunday and read the paper, we laugh a lot, we goof around...for us, it's the little things like this that keeps our fire alive.
Tell your husband what you need and what you want. Ask him to do the same. It's not the most 'romantic' of conversations, but if you both really listen to each other and make the effort to meet the other's needs, you'll be rewarded.
My husband and I make sure we always kiss and hug before coming or going. It's just a little reconnection at the end of the day or a great way to send him off to work :)
Men only speak one language, A.. And until your sex life starts...well....lacking, he's not really going to hear what you're trying to tell him.
(happily married for 11 years)
When I watched the movie "Fireproof" is really opened my eyes to my relationship with my husband. It is amazing how sometimes they can't see the nice things we do for them, but if we keep trying over time things can change and the romance can come back. Watch the movie. You'll love it! (Maybe watch it yourself first, then with your husband later.)
I highly recommend the book, The 5 Love Languages!!!
Like Katy G, I would HIGHLY recommend The Five Languages Book. It is a short read and fun to read together. At the end of the book it has a test (one for husbands and one for wives) to help you determine which love language is yours and which one is his. If you can better understand each others love languages it makes the romance come back to life and sex more desirable because the romance has been met. He has to want to read it too. Give it a try, it's worth it. (I got my copy from the library). Another thing I suggest is the website thedahlingdatingdivas.blogspot.com This site has fun dating ideas for you and your husband or group dates with other couples. Give it a try, super fun!
Everyone's Opinion on what romantic/romance is IS Different.... not wrong/right ~ just different ! Tell your man what you like - and what you dont like. Ask him to tell you the same - you might be Surprised :-) He could think cleaning the bathroom so you don't have to is romantic WHILE you think getting flowers every couple weeks is ! We kiss hello and good bye Every time one of us is leaving the house. Its the little things that lead me to Want the SEX a lot, many guys dont understand that. BUT when you finally get it through they're thick skull - they will be more than Happy to 'do' the little things when they see first hand how much of an Effect (in a Positive way) its having in the Bedroom - OR where ever you choose to PLAY heehee - that could also lead to Fun...... LOL GL and i hope your romance picks up :-)
