How Do You Handle Your Toddler in the Playground? Am I Too Paranoid?

The playgrounds i bring my daughter to in Central NY are about 1/8 in size and the amount of people there and i am always right up with her everywhere she goes. I watch teh other parents on the benches watching their kids play and know I couldn't do that. Some may say i am paraniod but nothing will happen to my daughter out there ya know. Plus, we play and have fun since I am not sitting on my but chatting. Especially where you play, YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING!!!

I would be the SAME as you! I would watch her like a hawk! Try to relax while watching her... but certainly watch her! Often the children like to show us what they can do too so it will be nice that you are there to see it... give her some freedom to socialize with other children but keep an eye on her the whole time! That is what I would do!

No you are not paranoid. In today's society you should play it safe. You never know who might be out there trying to get a hold of a child. I would rather be paranoid then lose my baby.

You're definitely doing the right thing. I do the same thing with my 2-year-old. I was at the playground in Central Park at the W. 81st Street entrance about a week ago and a child fell on one of the monkey bars (jungle gyms -- whatever you want to call it) -- one of the wooden planks was broken and there was a big space that his leg fell through -- well, he was crying and his mother was NOWHERE to be found! No one knew what to do, because it's almost taboo to go up to another child, for fear that you are perceived as going near the child for the wrong intentions! However, I gently approached the child (with my son close by) and asked him if he wanted help -- all he wanted was his mom, but nobody knew who or where she was, so I just stayed and talked to him calmly, made sure he wasn't hurt, until she finally showed up. So, long story short, stay close to your child, it's best for both of you!

At age 3 they can get into trouble really fast. You are being a wonderful mom by making sure she is safe while having fun at the playground.

You are not being paranoid. I am the same way with my 2 1/2 year old (who acts more like a 3 year old). I'm always shocked when I see kids who seem alone on the playground and then I see parents or nannies talking on their cell phones and not paying any attention at all to the children. Not only for safety concerns do they need supervision, but sometimes they need help socializing on the playground. They also just want to be noticed when they are doing something new or fun. That's why you always hear kids say, 'Mommy, look at me!"
I think you are being a great mom. Listen to your insincts not what your friends think.
All the best,
B.

You aren't being Paranoid and I think it's sad that your friends can't be more supportive of you. You are right, children do get taken, and they do wonder off through open gates. Shit happens, lots of nuts out there, People need to be more aware, more careful especially with their children and more helpful.
I moved out of N.Y.C. 20 years ago after having a gun put to my head out side my door. My neighbors heard what was going on and no one called the police....when I questioned my neighbors, they said things like, "oh, that was you yelling"...."I heard something but I was in the middle of eating." When I called the police to report it, I was told "so what else is new." They also did nothing. I moved not because a gun was put to my head...but because I got so tired of living among ZOMBIES.

I know exactly which playground you're talking about and i don't think you are being too paranoid. the entrance on 69th street has no gate and my 22 month old almost ran out directly into NYC traffic! (the only reason he got that far is because i'm 7 months pregnant and can't run as fast as he can) when we go to other parks which have secured entrances or only one i do relax a little more but our children's safety should be our concern. now i'm not saying you follow her around and interfere in her playing with other kids, my son gets knocked down by bigger kids or sometime has his toys taken but as long as he's ok and isn't being hurt on purpose, i let him handle it on his own. what he can't handle is being in traffic and dealing with cars so its my job to make sure he isn't in that situation. i do understand that with a second baby its harder to keep track of her so you may want to try some of the parks on sutton so that she can run around safely and you can nurse your baby in peace :)
P.S. something a friend told me was that instead of telling your child "stay where I can see you" ask them "please make sure you can see me while you're playing" its easier for a child to realize that they can't see you rather than mommy can't see me

Trust your instincts - no matter what anyone says, It's your baby. Yes, it may seem overboard to have your eyes on your baby at all times, but you know the vibe you are getting from the playground. I can't tell you how many times I rescued my daughter (now 7) from a near fall because I listened to my instincts. Consider that she is training you to magnify your intuition. Don't let anyone get in the way of listening to your own gut. It can save you and your daughter from harm or to help you just to have more fun together.

I think you should do what you are comfortable with. I personally, always know where my toddler is when at the park. why take the risk? i've been to the 68th park many times and it does get extremely crowded, perfect place to snatch a child. when you have to nurse, maybe you should steer your child towards the sand area so she is occupied while you feed your baby.
good luck,
M.

Sounds like you are a good mom to me. I don't think you can ever be too careful. It is extremely difficult to keep tabs on a child when the playground gets really crowded.
One of my friends had a very active boy who would stray away in the playground (she too had a baby with her). She would dress him in a REALLY BRIGHT color. (She bought a couple of Land's end polartec jackets in red and yellow.) OR she would have him wear a baseball cap. This made it easier for her to see him when he was climbing and running around. She would have the baby in a sling (more mobility for her).
We would help each other out. When she needed to nurse another mom would keep tabs on her child as well.
Perhaps once in a while you could employ an older child as a "mother's helper" and have them accompany you to the playground to help you out.
I live in the suburbs,but I know what you're going through.Sometimes when we are in Manhattan we'll stop by a playground and boy do they get REALLLY crowded! Good luck!!

It is my belief that too many parents now a days are not vigilant enough. Stick to your gut feeling and continue being a great mom.

-S.
SAH single mom of a beautiful 2yr old girl!

I don't think you are being paranoid at all. I have 3 children: 7, 3 1/2 and 1. When we go to the playground the older two know that they have to be within my sight at ALL times. If this means that I have to walk around the park to follow them, then so be it. Sadly, we hear more and more stories everyday on the news and read in the papers how children are being kidnapped and victimized. I would rather be called overprotective and paranoid then be pleading with the police to find my babies and to bring them home safe. 3 year old don't listen as well as we would like, that's just a fact. When I was still nursing I used a side carrier (sling) and would nurse him while he was in there so in case I had to jump up really fast I wouldn't be slowed down by detatching, covering and getting him back in the stroller. Whatever you do, don't feel pressured by your friends to act differently if you aren't comfortable. When they say you are being paranoid, laugh and agree, "Yep, that's me, the overprotective mommy." This will let them know that you are aware of your actions, know what they think and don't plan on changing.

It's funny that you bring this question up, because last Thursday my husband and I took our son to the park and I was the same way. I knopw where he is at all times and my husband goes with him to do actives (I'm 8 months pregnant right now, so speed and agility are not my friends right now:. He's two. I was looking around and I saw a lot of mothers who put their kids down on the playground and let them be. So I asked my usband this very question am I tto paranoid, and he gave me the best answer that I am now going to pass on to you. He said, "If anything you are making sure that a terrible situation like that won't happen to you."

I think you're right on the money. Especially in a crowded park. Why would you want to risk your child running into a busy street and being hit by a car or heaven forbid taken right off the playground. the truth is your child is too little to be unsupervised, and your aware of that, If anything I say it makes you the best mom. Contiue with what your doing! Don't listen to them, maybe you should be asking why they don't care about where their children are exactly, it only takes a split second for something bad to happen.

I hope this helps. I think it makes you a wonderful, loving caring concerned mom!

A.

You are not being paranoid but a concerned parent. If your daughter doesn't stay near you, the only option is to follow her around. Is there someplace not so crowed you could take her so when you do have to nurse there is only one way out or not so crowded? You need to teach her about strangers but try not to frighten her. Let her know if someone does try to take her as this still happens even today, teach her not to kick & scream but rather scream out "This is not my mommy/daddy! Please help me someone!" Good Luck.

Ava,

I think that you can never be too cautious especially in a busy nyc park. I follow my 2 1/2 yr. old around at the park even if no one is there just to make sure she doesn't get hurt. I think if you bring your new baby there I would go during off peak hours and if you can bring someone else with you so that you can each watch 1 child. You are not paranoid...with kids running every which way you sometimes feel like you are in a maze when you are at those busy parks. I would keep following her around and also practice ways to keep her in your site and come up with a meeting place if she gets out of your sites. Good luck and try not to worry about what other people think always do what works best for you.

A.

I don't think you're being paranoid at all. I don't live in NYC, but in CT, and I always know where my daughter is - I couldn't imagine if I lived in a city!! It's not only the abduction, running/wandering off issue, but at 3 she is still not quite big enough to handle everything she may try and I don't want my daughter to get hurt, so I try to be there if she needs help climbing up something or getting off of something. My problem is that my son is 20 months and needs more help, so being in two places at once is difficult sometimes. Don't worry, better safe than sorry!

You are not too paranoid at all! I have a precious 2 year old boy, and I'm the same way. He is ALWAYS in my sight while were in a public place. Personally, I believe too many parents are way too lax about these things these days. I work in a busy hotel, and you would not believe how many kids I see roaming about by themselves. Hello! Just about ANYONE could be behind any one of those doors, staring out of peep hole just waiting. Do people not watch the news? Has no one heard of Amber Alerts? Go ahead and call me crazy, but I dont think its nuts just to know where your own child is at all times. Especially when they're so young and cant fend for themselves. Our children deserve our protection no matter where we are, all the time. I cant even say how I'd live if something happened to my miracle child. I say your right on target. Keep it up!

Ava,
NO! You are not paranoid! I have a 3 year old and we live in the suburbs in Dumont, NJ and yesterday I was doing gardening and what not. If I don't see my daughter with my own eyes, NEVER assume anything. She could run in the street, someone wandering the street could grab her and it is all over. Don't let other people think otherwise... That is your blood child, and she is yours! Keep doing what you are doing. You are doing a great parenting job. And as for breast feeding, go to the park when you know he/she was just fed and stay there for an hour or so. More then an hour will tire you and your toddler out!
Best, N.

I don't think you are too paranoid at all! I would be doing the same exact thing. I believe the moment you put your guard down and get distracted, any kind of horrible thing can happen to your child. I still watch my kids like a hawk and they are 6 and 5. I also have a new baby on the way (due any day now). You are doing a great job!

I know how frustrating it is going to crowded places with the kids. Especially when they can easily get lost or taken.

Please don't disregard your natural intuitions because your friends think you're being over protective. Statistics show that playgrounds are dangerous places for children. Hospitals report that they see hundreds of injuries a year from children who have fallen on playgrounds. In your write-up, you stated about 10 reasons why you should be right there with your child. So, why are you second guessing yourself? Do what feels right, and take comfort in the fact that your child is not going to be a statistic.

You are absolutely right to follow your child around the playground. It's not like you're in your own home and she's in one room while you're in the other -- she could wander and get lost (children are so tempted to follow anything that looks interesting, an ice cream truck, say)and yes, children do get taken. You're not being paranoid, you're being a parent. Don't let anyone make you feel any different.

I don't think you are paranoid, but I don't even have a toddler yet--he's still cruising. I know one of our playgrounds has a lock that the moms hang over the gates as they come and go so they can at least keep the children inside the playground. You might ask around or talk with the Parks Dept. about that option.
T.

I think you are doing the right thing by following your child!!! I used to live in NYC before I had kids. Even in the suburbs I always wanted to be able to see them! Maybe bring a special toy or book for your 3 year old to look at while you nurse? Or go with a friend and you can trade off watching the kids - even though your friends are a little more lenient. Explain to them that while you nurse you really need them to be near your child. Hope this helps!

Fran

It sounds lto me like you are doing the right thing, I would do the same! Also, by the detail of your question it sounds like you already know that - trust your instincts!

I should hope your friends are not parents, if they think you are being too paranoid! You can not be too careful with your children in public places. I would be very uncomfortable in the playground situation you describe. Children absolutely get taken, and even the best listeners can distracted and wander off. Having two is so difficult. Just last week, I was negotiating a situation on the slide between my 4 yr. old and another child, when my 20 mos. old fell 6 feet down the fireman pole! It is so easy for mistakes to happen.
I would suggest that you keep the baby in a sling or carrier, so you can follow your daughter around. I got pretty good at nursing while walking around. My son would be in the Baby Bjorn and I would loosen the straps all the way so that his mouth was at breast level. Cover with a thin blanket and voila! When you have to nurse sitting down, make your daughter come sit with you. Get her involved with feeding the baby- can she sing to him, "read" a book to him, have a snack. Maybe you don't go to the playground unless there is someone else with you to watch your daughter while you nurse. Or, you just don't go- tough in NYC when you don't have a backyard.

As for your friends, tell them that you disagree with their lax attitude. You are your children's greatest advocate. Protecting them is your job as Mom. There are plenty of things that we Moms get obsessed and paranoid about. This is not one of them. Follow your gut, and stick up for your children. I believe you have the right point of view. Good luck.

A.

I am the same way... ALWAYS,ALWAYS keep your eye on her!!!!

I have a 2 yr old so not sure about a 3 yr old but I also follow her in the playground. We go to that playground often and I see most parents/caregivers watching their children. I think until they are a little older we should have an eye on them. I agree about the gates and traffic there. I go more often to John Jay Park (77th and cherokee) for that reason.

I don't think you can ever be too safe. My boys are only 7 mos old, but I don't see myself taking them to a busy playground when they are 3 and not having my eyes on them at all times. It only takes a second for some maniac to come and take your child and what better place for a predator to go but a playground? I would rather be called paranoid than have one of my sons taken because I was too busy talking with the other moms. Stick to what feels right and safe for you and your children. I would be more apt to pass judgement on someone not watching their 3 yr. old at all times in a public place!

You're not paranoid. At that age, your toddler needs to be watched carefully when in a public playground or other similar place. It might mean that you can't sit down on a bench somewhere while he is playing. You have to walk around and follow him. If that means you cannot nurse your younger son, then try nursing him before the three of you go out. The rest of the time, walk around with him, while you watch your toddler. That won't go on too long, since, eventually they'll both be playing. Incidentally,if you'd like a great part-time job with no boss,where you can choose your own hours, work when you want, take it as far as you want, and earn $100 to $200 per hour, then call me. I'm a Mary Kay F. Executive Senior Director.
I. Collins ###-###-####.

I never take my eyes off my 3 year old in a rural school playground...NYC? I'm afraid to even take my kids there, let alone let them on a playground and then not watch them every second. Sounds like you are doing exactly what you need to be doing. You have a choice...you can be a paranoid mom who has a kid that is watched by you, or you can be a relaxed mom who has a kid being watched by a pedophile!!! Which would you choose?

uhhh, omg,, not paranoid!!! She's 3 not 13. I little guy is28 mos I am on him like a fly on... well you get the idea,,there are just tooo many crazies out there. The only thing I do now and only sometimes... IF I am at a playground <and I have searched them out> that is completely fenced in, except the entrance... there is hardly anyone there, then ya.. I let him run amuck a little bit, I am still within 10 feet mayybe 20... if I see anyone near a fence especiallly that doesn't seem to be interacting with anyone on the playground, I am on top of him.

My little guy too thinks it's funnnny to run away from me,,, ight into a street, yesterday he got lost in the store for the first time for 20 seconds it took 5 customers and a clerk to help me catch him, and boyyyy did we have a talk about why he is not walking in the store anymoore... they're little people, they don't get it, that's our job. Good Luck,,, and following your heart/gut when it comes to protecting your child is never paranoid.

i dont think you are too paranoid!!! dont be pressured by what others think or say. its your child and child abductions are really a possibility. i say continue keeping a very watchful eye on your 3 year old. you can never be too sure when it comes to your family's safety. while nursing your baby, you can use a ring sling so you can nurse while standing up/walking. you only need to support his neck with one crook of your elbow with your other arm free.

You are NOT paranoid. Stick to your instincts;chances are you'll never regret that! It's always tricky to balance safety with promoting independence, but you know your child better than anyone and what you can manage with respect to your own response time should she dart off. I've often seen irresponsible parents who seem to think that they are on a "break" themselves while at a playground and are not monitoring their child's play. To me its a time for the kid to enjoy physical activity and exploration, but it's also about learning about appropriate social behaviors, and I for one want to make sure my son knows good from bad play and how to stick up for himself and for others, but I believe if I'm not near enough I'll miss those teaching opportunities. And the safety aspect goes without further saying...

Hi Ava-
I have a 28 month old son and I stick to him like glue in the playground. You have every right to watch your 3 year old like a hawk. It's better to be safe than sorry.
K.

my daughter is only 2, but i can't say that at 3 i'm not going to change what i'm doing too much. at the moment i only go to the "big" park when i'm accompanied by another adult and one of us goes up on the play area with her (to make sure she doesn't try to get off the play area, or get pushed off/down and get hurt) and the other of us is down on the ground for if and when she decides to go down a slide (she's fine going down on her own, but when there's other kids around, they're usually rough and not paying attention to the little kids below and have no problem just sliding down and trampling/landing on the little ones, or even big kids)
when i take her to the small "park" it's so small that i can (if i choose) let her go up on her own and just wait for her at the bottom of the slides (there's 2 sections 1 for bigger kids, and 1 LARGER play set that's meant for the toddlers/smaller kids and she really can't fall and in the few areas that she can, she can't fall too far that i can't catch her as long as i'm walking "next" to her).

as for when she's not on the play sets, and just wandering, she doesn't really listen too well, and i don't let her get more then 5-10 ft away from me (no further then i can catch her if she decides to start running off). also i must say that you are absolutely right to be paranoid of not only her running off into the street if you happen to not see her wandering, AND someone taking her! i've had so many ppl say to me (not only about life itself, but definitely about someone taking kids) "it's not a question of am i paranoid, it's a question of am i paranoid ENOUGH???" when it comes to your child's safety, especially when it comes to being in a crowded place, you can't be too cautious! don't be too hard on yourself, i think you're doing the right thing (though maybe i'm too paranoid too lol) congrats on the new lil one!

You can never be too careful, especially in NY. Too much going on and things can happen so quickly...so you are 100% right in following your daughter around. You trust your gut and do what is right for you and your daughter. Don't ever be swayed by what people say. As for the baby, try and nurse her before you head out to the park or pump so you have a bottle and if you have to stop feeding the baby at a moments notice, you can. Also, try to sit your daughter down should you have to feed or nurse the baby. Make it snack time for her and sit her down next to you or tell her it's story time for the baby and she should come help you. You are doing exactly what every mommy with good sense does, so keep up the good work!

Hi A., You are right to want to see your little girl as she plays. Your children are your greatest gift, better to be safe than sorry. Although I have raised 5 and now have 3 grandchildren you can never be too careful. As far as when you are nursing your son, you might want to go to the park in between feedings. The baby will feel your anxiety and that can cause another problem. People taking children is very real and I would not want some creep to see you nursing and know that you could not respond quickly. Your friends are not concerned enough! What are they doing that the children are crying and can't find them?? If they are paid caregivers I have a problem with that too. Anyway, when raising children, follow your heart and good sense. Best wishes, Grandma Mary

Ava,
NYC? Paranoid? I'd say it's survival instinct. Your children are irreplaceable. Rest easy about the paranoia - you've got kids to watch! Has anyone SAID anything to you about this?

You might try going to the playground with a friend who shares the same views you do: Children are to be supervised. That way you can tag team when you need to nurse.

It would be different if there were no crowds (and maybe going earlier when there are less people might be a calming option for you, too).

If you have the option, you might choose to go to an outlying town/city (not sure what surrounds NYC, but there's eventually something less crowded, I'm sure!).

I live upstate, and when the time comes, I will be there watching my boy. I hate that awful feeling when he is in someone else's arms now, even at something closed like a funeral reception, and I can't see him. (Goes for dear husband holding him too).

We were blessed with our boy after 11 years. When the time comes, I feel I can't be too vigilant when he is out and about and in my care. I was given responsibility, and living up to that may be tough, but it's mine!

Good luck! And your babies are blessed because you CARE!

Hi you mentioned your friends say your paranoid? I am curious are your friends also parents?
We live in NJ out in the suburbs in a development. I am always with my children outside. Its just being a responible parent..especially at that young age. We have three children our oldest is 8 yrs old. Just recently I let him outside by himself or just with a friend. I want my kids not to be afraid of living but the sad fact is there are many people out there that are not good and do not have good intentions.
Anyhow you know whats best for your children. Denise

Disregard your friends! You are keeping your daughter safe in a questionable environment. Stay close!

I have a 6 yr old and i look after my bfs 4 yr old and in this world u have to watch ur child-that makes u a good parent not paranoid.u cant be on top of them but u watch from a safe distance.I have to see my 2 or im not haven it....good luck....

Whenever my mom has to take my son someplace, like a field trip, and I know there will be alot of kids there, I always dress him in the brightest color I can find in the drawer. Red, orange, bright blue. This way she can see him at a moments notice. Most of the times in places like that kids are wearing white or light colors so it becomes a sea of little people. If she's wearing red in a sea of white your gonna see her no matter how far she is from you. If the playground gets that crowded could you go someplace else, or sit somewhere where you can see most of the playground. It is good for her to have free play away from you. It is good for her to be able to play on her own without you close by. I don't think your paranoid, but your not going to be able to be within arms lenght all the time, and with 2 now...good luck. They have a tendency to run in opposite directions. It isn't a bad idea to give her a little room. Just let her know.."Mommy is sitting here if you need me."

A 3-yr old that "does not listen well" needs to be seen by you AT ALL TIMES, no you're not being "paranoid". You should explain to her that mommy has to see you at all times and start to enforce the rule by telling her we wont be going to the park anymore if you don't listen to mommy. Reward her for when she does good; maybe wave your arm to her and that means COME BACK RIGHT NOW FOR A CHECK!! and then let her go back to play. Also, wearing something brightly colored or easily spotted in the crowd is a good thing, too. Even though this may seem like a good opportunity for you to socialize with other adults, one eye has to be on this kid all the time -- just for your own peace of mind and her safety.

You are absolutely not too paranoid. You know what is best for your child and 3 years old is too young to be wandering around by yourself. Your instinct to follow your child around is correct. I would not care what anyone said, that is your child and you need to protect/do what is best for them. When you have to nurse your baby, try putting your older child in a stroller with some snacks or activities until you are done. Or, try and go with someone else where you can take turns watching the kids. Keep watching, because children do get taken and they do wander off and get lost, NYC is not a place for a toddler to be unattended.

In a crowded situation it is important that you know where your child is at all times. Playgrounds can be dangerous places. My own child walked into a swing as I was standing by as the pusher. (I raised 7 children.) No, you are not being paranoid. Just don't hover. Learning a bit of independence even for the little ones is important, too.

Hi A., I don't think your too paranoid at all! You can turn your back for 2 seconds and she could be gone. But there IS a difference between being Paranoid, (Too Over Protective), and just being aware of where she is and keeping her safe in NYC!
But relax and don't make yourself crazy. You have to train her to "listen to you NOW!" It does not get any easier!! lol. My daughter is 15, & it may sound silly, but since she was that age, I always called her my pretty little kitty. And I would call her like you call cat.. pss psss ppsss... Well .. to this day.. even if we are in a crowded room, or in a store and we get seperated.. even if it's somewhat "noisy" ~ or in the house - even on the soccer field...I can call her like a "kitten" and she hears me, and she comes right away away...she's in tune to that sound...IT STILL WORKS!! Hope it may work for you if you try it??!! Good Luck, T.

I APPLAUD YOU!! in that you are being an active parent especially going to the playground in NYC. No your not being parinoid for it is very much todays reality. If you are able to leave your baby home from time to time to be able to take her to the playground it is great as well because then you can play with her and give her personal attention. Soon you'll be running after two and a harness works wonders. I used it on my boys when they were toddlers, it was the best thing. Be involved as a parent always no one will care for your children the way you want them to be cared for.

I don't care what your friends say, KEEP up the good work,
your daughter could get hurt , kidnapped, molested of WORSE

Its not like you live in Small town USA, its the CITY.NYC.

Be smarter than them, and listen to your GUT, and if I were you STOP hanging out with the friends that say that caring, and watching , and parenting your Child is PARANOIA.

They are just LAZY and FOOLISH,

M

I can't imagine not following my son around on th eplayground, and the ones by me don't even lead to busy streets and they are not that crowded. I say keep your eyes on your child as much as possible.

You are not paranoid and don't let anyone tell you so. You can never go wrong with following your instincts and if your gut is telling you to tag along with your 3 year old then do it. Furthermore in my opinion, (a mom of a 24 yr old and 21 year old twins ...all boys) 3 years old is much much too young to be left unattended anywhere, anytime. It takes only a second for a child to be snatched or to dash out onto traffic or even take a tumble. When my children were babies we had a one and all policy. If I needed to tend to the twins the older boy would be called in and had to take a break with me. I know it's not easy especially when dealing with a child who doesn't listen well, and trust me I know all about that!!! Be consistent, be loving and be as paranoid as you need to be. Good Luck and you will survive, I did!!

You are not being paranoid --you don't want to stifle her playing but you have to know where she is at all times. I have three year old twins and I'm having a hard time keeping track of both of them on a busy playground. Last week, my daughter took off to the very edge of the playground --a far distance to watch a school bus unloading "big kids" I didn't see her for a couple of minutes and I tried not to panic and told the other mom I was with that I lost sight of my little girl so we were both looking in every direction and then she spotted her --so far that it's crazy she was able to even get that far in a matter of three minutes. I've been talking about safety and stranger danger --and I'm going to a lecture on the topic tomorrow night. It's our ultimate responsibility to protect our children -I don't think you are being paranoid.

Go with your gut feeling. I too follow my 2 yr old daughter everywhere! I get on the slides and climb on whatever it is she's climbing. I never let her out of my site! If something does not feel right then do what does feel right.

Watching a toddler and knowing were they are while they are playing is a sign of a responsible parent - BRAVO!!

Lots of time parents forget that a trip to the park is not a recreation time for them, but for the children. Even playing with them occassionally is great. If she continues to forget your rules to stay close, try making her take a "time out" sitting next to you for 2-5 minutes. Then if she breaks the rule again, leave. This will show her that you stand behind your rules and if she doesnt listen, there are consequences (as in life).

You are completely correct on the fact that children are still abducted, even today. Sad world we have! Keeping a watchful eye is the key. My rule was the same, they always have to be in site of me and tell me when they want to go to a different section. Mine werent even allowed to play outside in our rural area by themselves until they were at least 6 then I would check on them every 10 minutes making sure I could see them. Now at 11 and 13, I still have a habit of checking on them every few hours when they are off outside.

Your doing great! Keep that watchful eye and continue to set rules and bounderies that are age appropriate.

Congratulation on the new bundle of joy!

I don't think you are being paranoid at all. There are too many stories out there from parents who say they only turned around for a second. You are being diligent, especially since you go to such a busy park. Try not to let the way others parent affect what you feel is best for your children. My oldest is ten years old and I still make sure I know exactly where she is whenever I take my girls to the park. I have three, 10, 7 and 3 years old. I know they need to explore and grow so what has worked for me is this simple rule - no matter where we are in public, they have to be able to see me. If they can't see me, I can't see them and that is unacceptable. This has allowed them to grow but also taught them to be aware of their surroundings and to look out for eachother. Even my three year old knows this rule. Maybe you can get yours to follow that rule so that you will be able to relax a little and nurse when you need to. Good luck to you. I definitely know what its like to have a curious and rambunctious three year old around.

Are you're friends also visiting this park and letting their kids play on their own?

If everything you said is true, I'd keep watching and probably leave when it's time to nurse. Maybe go to the park just after nursing that way your daughter has time to play.

I think you are 100% right in what you are doing! You love your little girl and want her to be safe at all times! PLEASE do not let your friends pressure you into parenting in a way that is potentially harmful, I do not think you are paranoid at all!

My guess is your friends don't have kids. If she takes off and doesn't listen then you are right to follow her close. You have to do what you feel comfortable with. Go withyour gut instincts.
As to nursing the baby, do the best you can to take care of that before you go or pump some to take along.

You are not paranoid at all. I don't think a 3 year old should ever be out of a responsible adult's sight! I would plan park outings around your younger child's feeding schedule, get a baby carrier rather than a stroller so you can be closer to your 3 year old on the playground and have fun!

Hi A.. I think you are right to be so careful and vigilant. I am the same way with our 3 year old son. I watch him very carefully. Don't let anyone make you feel paranoid. Of course we need to be so watchful with our children. If your daughter keeps trying to take off without listening to you at the playground, you can try telling her that if she doesn't listen to you, she can't stay at the playground and play. Set the rules before going to the playground, so she understands them well. Hope that helps.

S.

i know that playground, and on one level i dont think you are paranoid: it DOES open to the street on both sides and that area is very busy. however, no, children *dont* usually get taken. i would do the following things if i were you (and this is from a mom born and raised in nyc)
1) takl to your child about why she needs to stay close, that you want to let her be a bid girl, but if she goes beyond the safe boundaries, you cant take her to the playground anymore. real consequences for real actions. i have a 3 year old boy, i know she will be able to see the connection.
2) get to know other moms and nannies (yes, the nannies too!) who are there when you are, and build community. if you are not close to her and she is too close to the edge of the gate, is not able to find you, etc, then the chances are that someone else she knows can help her find you.
3) carry your baby in a carrier on your front, back or side. go to babywearer.com for ideas and to buy online.
4) RELAX. i tend to stay at least where i can see my son, but not next to him, since i like him to try his own way out of a bind, physical or social, before asking for help from me. but i always stay where i can see him. if there is another park where you can do this more easily, that isnt so big, while you sit and nurse, maybe thats a better place to go for now.
good luck!
A.

Hello A.,

I know I am late with this e-mail but I felt compelled to respond. No one should make you feel that you are over protective. Yes you should give your child space to explore. But if you are going to a busy park darn right you are always on your toes. I can't tell you how many times I go to riverside park and the parents have a false sense of security and let their kids roam. I've seen kids leave the park while mom and dad are reading newspapers and I've seen a child leave the park and go up to a homeless person take their hand and start walking away, not to mention the accidents of kids falling from the jungle gyms. I try to take my son to the smaller parks. Central park has many mini parks easier to see your kids. Also I always put my son in a bright colored shirt when we go to the park so I can spot him. There are no easy answers. We as parents must protect our children. I'm sure your friends would sing a different tune if God forbid something happened to their kids. As far as breastfeeding and then running after your daughter, if you can bring pumped milk or if you aren't ready for the bottle than go to the park after feeding the baby. Good luck to you.

A. B.

Ava, I think you are a perfect mom. It's the ones that don't watch there kids are the one's who are nuts. Keep up the good work. My friens say the same about me and you know what I DON'T CARE. I have a 5yr old and an eigth year old who have never slept out ever. One of my friends said to me why?
My answer because if someone has a fire in there house they are saving there kids first. Do I need to say any more!!
I don't like them in cars with any one but me I just cant help it. So your not alone There are crazy people out there and it's your job to protect them. Keep up the great job and stay just the way you are.

You are doing a great job. If you are paranoid than many of us are. I have a 3 year old whom I follow and intervene when necessary. My 7 year old is alwyas at the small baseball area playing and I never take my eyes off him either. Pedophiles are everywhere. You cannot be too safe these days. Do not let your friends make you feel that you are doing something wrong.

K.

To take your eyes off your child and not follow her around is neglectful. You are doing exactly what all parents should be doing. Keep up the good work.

A.

Keep following her. You must always know where she is. She is way too young to roam around by herself. The other day I was in the playground and turned around for just a second. Well, she ended up wandering outside the playground near the street (the gate was left open) and I felt like an idiot when other passers by told me where she was. Do not worry about what your friends say, do what you know is best (especially if your child is a wanderer which by the way is very natural for a 3 year old).

Hi Ava,

I completely understand where you are coming from, you can never be too careful in my opinion. everyone has different parenting styles and just because some mother are more lax, does not mean that they should make you feel paranoid.

I live in a very safe area in NJ and when my child was 3, I did the same thing you are doing when the playground was crowded.

some suggestions.... make a playdate at the playground with another child who has a mom with similar parenting styles and then the two of you can take turns watching. this will help when you have to nurse. I also used to nurse in the baby biorjn (I don't think I spelled that right) at the playground making it easier to follow my older child around instead of being stuck on a park bench where you can lose sight of them.

When the playground was not crowded, I felt more comfortable giving my children some more space and watching from a distance. Dress your child in something bright so that you can spot her easily.

I hope this helps.
W.

My daughter will be 3 in a month and I give her the freedom to go off without me but if I can't see where she is, I check on her every few minutes. Especially if a park is crowded or is surround by busy streets, the threats are very real. You want her to have freedom but also be safe. Let her know you trust her but always know where she is as well. Hope that helps!

M. Targi
Area Manager
Arbonne International
www.mariatargi.myarbonne.com
"The products will change your skin and the opportunity will change your life!" Find out how I left my full-time job only 6 months after starting this incredible business!

My youngest kids are older than yours but I remember that stress well. They're two + 1/2 years apart in age. The baby stayed in a chest pack, almost constantly during infancy. I did learn, easily, to nurse and walk, as most moms do. A child being taken is extremely rare, but a terrifying possibility. Yes, I always followed my older child, frequently with my eyes only. I shifted positions often to keep him in sight, then, when the infant needed to get down to crawl about, brought a ton of sand toys to keep the older one near, lying on his stomach, digging diligently to the bottom of the sandbox. It worked for varying time spans. Do what your instincts tell you. Nothing worse than a stranger carrying a bloody-nosed kid over to a mom yapping on a bench. Worse, if your kid is the puncher or punchee in a bullying situation. A nanny would get fired for that - how can a parent do less? Good luck. It does get MUCH easier soon.

C. B

No, I don't think you're being paranoid. I was/am the same way. Better to follow your child, than to have no child! When my youngest was a baby and needed to eat, I made it snack time for everyone so we were all together, at all times!

Ava, I am the same as you, I am not overprotective but I know where my tot is at all times. Better safe than sorry, specially since you hear so much stuff on the news about pervs and kids being kidnapped. Perhaps I am parnoid too but again better safe than sorry. Congrats on your new baby.

O.