How Do I Explain to My Husband That Leaving Kids Is Not Safe?

I bet the parents of many kidnapped/molested/raped children thought it was OK to leave them alone for a minute too...

you need to tell him "THIS IS MY ONE THING THAT I WILL NOT BACK DOWN ON, DONT EVER DO THIS AGAIN, NO MATTER WHAT"......I would go as far as saying "This devastates me more than if I ever found out you cheated on me", (at least that's how I would feel)

Ahhhh no! You can't run off and leave kids that age ANYWHERE and be safe! Absolutely not! Kids that age cannot be left alone in public! And I am very "anti-helicopter mom." i give my kids a lot of freedom, but not like that!

He would not have left his credit card alone, in plain sight on a restaurant table would he?

Geez. I'm sorry, but he deserves a wake up call.

It only takes a blink of an eye, for kids to get kidnapped or molested.
Less than 3-4 minutes.
Then, your child is gone, forever.
Murdered, raped, molested. Or worse.

If that were my Husband I would be so pissed.
I would have told him off, right there. RIGHT there.

You cannot, leave your Husband, unattended, with your kids, again.
It is pathetic, what he did.

Have him, visit the Police Station. Talk to the beat cops there.
Talk to the Detectives who look for missing and/or kidnapped children taken for prostitution rings, and by Pedophiles.
You will likely, never see your child again.

Tell him, to watch the movie "Taken."
It is about teenagers. But, the message is clear.
Criminals, are smarter, than him. They see an innocent child. They can be taken.

I really hope... he has not done things like this before, and you didn't know it.

He could have BOUGHT apple juice, from Starbucks. WHY on earth... LEAVE his children there to go back to the hotel room?????
AND he should have WITH the children... gone back to the Hotel room WITH them, to go get their juice in the room.

Again, if that were MY Husband, I would not have been so nice nor concerned about how to talk to him.
I would not mince words. I would have told him off, royal.

WHAT??? I've been a New Yorker all of my life. Time Square is the busiest place in the entire city. I don't think that there's any nice way to let your husband know that he is out of his mind, and totally irresponsible to leave a 2 and 4 year old alone for any reason, at any time. I'm so sorry for my response, but there are too many kids that go missing every day in New York and all over the world. Take them with you wherever you go for the remainder of your trip.

For one thing, it is illegal. Had your children gotten kidnapped... which does happen and a popular case a few years ago was almost exactly like this in a hotel and the girl has never been found.. anyways, he would have been charged with child endangerment and abandonment.

Another thing, a 2 and 4 year old can easily wander off, can get underfoot of waitstaff, can venture into an elevator and get lost, wander out into the street and get hit by a car, get taken by some child molester... it happens every single day. I would ring my husbands neck and never let him alone with the children again. Seriously, this is huge and it sounds like he needs to take some parenting classes.

I am like the most laid back parent about this kind of stuff, and even your _post_ had my heart racing. I think I would have had a heart attack and killed my husband if he did that.

I don't know what you can say that might get it through his head, but I am totally with you in this one.

OMG!!!! I actually think this might be illegal to leave children that age unattended in public. THat's terrifying - you are SO lucky that it turned out ok. I can't imagine how ignorant one must be to not realize the danger in this situation, so i feel like I have no advice for you, only the deepest sympathy. Not to be blunt, but is he an idiot in other ways or is this the first example of an irrational behavoir? Is he on any medications that could cloud his judgement? Seriously, that's the only excuse. You cannot leave this man alone with your children with this total lack of judgement. He may need to see a therapist or a physician to see what's wrong with him.

here's an old law that may apply:

http://cga.ct.gov/ps97/Act/pa/1997PA-00298-R00SB-01017-PA...

good luck with this one, you need it. Watch over your angels.

OMG, doesn't he read the news at all?
I'm pretty sure he could have been arrested for endangering the wellfare of a child. After all, you can't leave children that age even locked in a car while running into the store. You can get into big trouble for that if someone notices and calls the police, and rightly so. That was a horrible, horrible lack of judgement!!! You're not paranoid at all. I think he just gave you reason to not trust him. Sorry to sound so harsh, but that's so scary!

Yeah I agree with S H. You KNOW he wouldn't just leave his credit card on the table so why would he leave two childrens LIVES at the table? Google all the stories about children that get abducted from right IN FRONT of their own house! Your kids aren't invincible... they can get hurt too. Now you know you can't trust him to watch the kids. Those kids lives are not worth losing over some damn juice. There are millions of stories he could read if he googled it.... maybe he'd get a clue if he read all the stories of children who get kidnapped, murdered or raped because some parent left them alone. Baby girl, I wouldn't leave him alone with them again. Hell no your not being paranoid. That was the stupidest thing he could've done besides put a sign on them that says I'm alone, kidnap me. It takes 30 seconds to kidnap a child, ask him why he risked his.

Even if someone didn't kidnap them, they are 2 and 4.. they could've lost interest and ran off OR went to look for dad and got lost. UGH! He better kiss your feet because you are nice to him. I would've beat him with a shillelagh or something.

I agree with Bug, he is DAMN LUCKY I was not in that starbucks... I would have called the cops and LOST IT on him! I don't get how he wouldn't (cuz you know he wouldn't) leave his wallet there but his kids, yeah that's okay. His head needs to be examined because that's just common sense. My heart sank when I read your title and I was like oh god please no!

I don't want to sound mean because I am not trying to be, but if you leave him alone with those kids again for the next 10 years your insane. It only takes ONE time to lose your child/children forever... is he really trying to risk it until that ONE time comes up? Is he really going to play fate until it actually happens? His kids are that worthless to him?

I am having a little bit of anxiety right now reading this. Someone could have just walkied right out with your babies! You would never have seen a thing and very likely no one else would have either. Your husband is very niave if he thinks nothing will ever happen to your kids. He is also irresponsible too. I wouldn't leave my husband alone with my kids either...ever after that. Does he watch the news? or even tv shows? My goodness he needs to get a clue. You have to still be a nervous wreck. Sorry I have no advice I am just horrified and HAD to respond!

You could bring to his attention the story about the little girl who was taken from HER HOTEL ROOM when her parents left her there and went to dinner. If someone will kidnap a child from a locked hotel room, then certainly children who are unattended in a public place are in danger as well. Not only that, but what if a customer came in and one or both kids slipped out of the open door and went wandering into traffic? Or just got lost? Point out all of these things and make sure he understands that these are very likely to happen - small children don't understand the dangers of the world, and WILL WANDER!

Would your dufus of a husband have left his wallet just sitting there??? No!! But his very young children he will?? Did he just develop this problem when you left NM??

You are much nicer than I. I would have gone off on my husband. I would have made him watch Criminal Minds or CSI or something like that. I know those are not real but my goodness there are too many things that can happen to little ones. I dont even leave my 8 year old in a place like that. I dont even know if I would leave my 12 year old there. Just let him know your concerns. And no you are not over thinking or over reacting!!!!

Good luck and God bless!

He could read the news.

Yes, I would be shaken... I would be livid. But, before you go off on him, you need to ask yourself whether this will impact future times when you need to leave the children with him. Because if you come accross as too harsh or angry, he may respond by saying, "You're right. I shouldn't be asked to watch the kids on my own... Don't ask me to do that again." (Uh??! That might not be what you were intending!)

I would have to have a more tempered response to my husband. I'd probably say something like, "it really upset me that you left the kids alone. I know you came up to the room in order to get something for them. And I know it would have been a huge inconvenience to take them back up to the room with you. But please, please do not do that again. I really need to trust that you'll be there when they are left with you."

No you're NOT paranoid. I find it incredibly sad, that you can't trust your husband to watch your children. It's scary and I feel terrible for you. Have him watch the news for a while, or read it online. Go Here: http://www.fostercity.org/Services/safety/police/childabd...
Read the first bullet point. "Know where your children are at all times." The truth is, he DIDN'T know where is children were. He left them alone in one of the busiest cities in the world. He knew he left them in a Starbucks, but once he walked out that door he had NO idea. You said they were calm, has he done this before? They are young toddlers, they're barely old enough to talk...my God...he really can't be that dense! They wouldn't even know how to properly communicate to someone asking them questions, or trying to lure them. He is VERY lucky I was not in that Starbucks, I would have called the cops on him. Does he EVER think?

May I suggest that you and the other moms on this page read the book and blog called "Free Range Kids," Then your husband may not seem as crazy as everyone is making him out to be. Seriously, the odds of something happening to your child in a public place are quite small. I probably would have been upset with my husband because I tend to be a worrier. I think some advice to your husband might be - order some juice from the restaurant rather than going back to the room. Obviously, the best bet is to keep the children with you. I just don't think that freaking out is necessarily the equal reaction to the "crime."

OMG! I would have your hubby sit down with a police officer or talk to someone from a child abduction hotline~ Kids get abducted in the presence of their parents just think about the children being alone. Your hubby used extremely poor judgement. I wouldn't trust him either. Don't leave them alone again until you are sure that he won't EVER do this again! Not even for 2 seconds. Best wishes!

M

You can tell your husband THIS: Say something DID happen to your kids... Say someone kidnapped them. Say the amber alert is immediately posted. I SWEAR after hearing the story, the public- and possibly the authorities- would think your husband had something to do with their disappearance. I personally would immediately have thought: "no one just leaves there kids there, that dad MUST have set this up and hired someone to kidnap them for some twisted sick reason". Your husband WOULD be a suspect, I think because WHY ELSE put your kids in that situation. My opinion.

Now, I'm not saying these where his intentions at all, I'm just saying not only could something could have happened to your kids, but your husband could have easily been blamed (or at least been charged with neglect) for whatever may have happened.

There are laws against doing this too. Your husband must have broken a law just by leaving them there... If you want, you COULD ask the police department (rhetorically?) what the laws are pertaining to a matter like this, and then get your husband to hear it. Although, one would hope that he should know better w/o having to hear the law...

I wouldn't find this acceptable in ANY city. I'm trying to figure out how long it would take to "run" up 14 floors and the only answer I'm coming up with is waayyy too long.

Completely unacceptable, even with the most well-behaved kids on the planet. So no, you are not paranoid. You only think you are because he doesn't have a problem with it and you are rightfully freaking out. Stick to your gut and go after him for this. This is a big one.

If Dad can't be trusted to look after the kids, it's time for a Nanny who you can trust to be with them when you can't be there.
What was he thinking? What possessed him that he would think it would be ok to leave such young kids in a Starbucks?
I'm glad everything turned out alright but I'd have a very hard time forgiving him over something like this.

Your husband could be arrested in NYC for child endangerment. These are not twelve year olds. Anyone could have stolen them. I moved out of NYC when my child disappeared during a Greek Day celebration. She had wandered off on her own.
I moved to a safer place where her wandering ways were monitored by other mothers and students. She was a small child. Your husband is in an unsafe place in his mind. He needs talk to a responsible adult about parental duties. Since he is NOT a responsible adult.

I also have a 4 year old and 2 year old and if my husband ever left them alone anywhere believe me that would be the last time for sure. Don't be afraid to tell him how you feel this is one thing that is not even slightly negotiable.

This is totally going to bug me for awhile. Your husband has a VERY questionable thought pattern. I fear for you and your kids. He sounds completly CLUELESS! Good luck with getting him to see what he did wrong.

Please have him read these answers...

You are NOT paranoid... I would have LOST it!!! Heart attack on this question, anyone!? Good grief... Tell him that if some creep was sitting in Starbucks decided to say, "Hey, I've lost my puppy, would you help me find him?" your kids probably would have followed right behind and you would never see your kids again.
Oh my gosh... My heart's still pounding over thinking about this!

Jen, thank God your children were ok. There are so many weirdo's. I am paranoid also. We went to Bush Gardens in Florida one year. My husband took the boys then 4 and 5 with him. He came up to my mother and me in a different area of the park later on. I said where are the boys He said they were having fun in the little kid section so I left them to play while I did...(can't remember what it was now as it was almost 20 years ago) I freaked. That didn't happen again for a long time. Your hubby probably didn't give it a thought told them to sit still he would be right back. Just be glad they were ok and ask him to please not leave them alone anymore.

Absolutely, you are not paranoid.
Dave Barry said, "If the kids aren't in the middle of the freeway with a semi bearing down on them, what's the problem?"
Some men (and women!) just don't get it. Now you know you can't leave your children alone with him.

Leaving kids like that isn't safe, but I don't think you need to beat him over the head about it. They were in the hotel lobby and it's possible he had someone keep an eye on them.
It's not the same thing, but I was absolutely shocked when we went to Disneyland how much staff and security looked out for everyone. We left our stroller, our video camera, our diaper bags while we were on rides and no one messed with a single thing. There are crazy people everywhere, but little kids fly while being looked after by airline staff. I'm just saying that hopefully, your husband had someone to watch the kids while he dashed for juice.
Men think differently. I would have told my kids they could wait for juice or they could have something juice friendly at Starbuck's (if there is such a thing). Surely, in that hotel lobby, there was somewhere to get juice.
My point is, you can't punish your husband for this. The kids are all right. Be busy thanking God that nothing happened and don't treat your husband like you can never trust him again. This is a lesson learned, but don't present it to him like HE is a child. It was an error in judgement that could have resulted in something bad happening. But it didn't.
I'm not making light. I swear I'm not.
I'm simply saying that you can't gauge his ability to parent by this one error in judgement.
I think if you handle it the right way, without freaking out and accusing him of bad things, he will be able to understand your fear and think about how he will handle it better next time.
If you attack him, he will tune you out. Then, you won't think he's taking it seriously.
I can just about bet that he would die a thousand deaths if anything happened to his precious kids, so use your words and tones wisely.

Just my opinion.

You're not paranoid. Your husband is extremely lucky that your children didn't wander off. He's extremely lucky that they weren't kidnapped. He's extremely lucky that a kind stranger or Starbucks employee didn't call the police for what he did, which is abandon small children in a public place. Child endangerment. What he did is very irresponsible. The "argument" that they're perfectly fine and weren't harmed or even missing in any way isn't an argument at all.

Your husband is lucky that he is presently in New York and that I am in Minnesota. Because if I were any closer, I would want to come and kick his sorry behind.

I'm sure your husband is just a nice guy who made a horrible judgement call. We have all done stupid things. But, if we make a mistake, we need to make it right. Regardless of how your husband feels about what he did, he needs to apologize to you and promise that it will never happen again, and he needs to make good on that promise.
Jen, if he ever leaves your toddlers unsupervised again, call the police. Has he done it before? It's a crime to leave kids unattended. I hope he realizes that what he didn't wasn't just bad judgement, it's ILLEGAL.

Hugs, Jen! I hope the rest of your stay can be enjoyable.

Sit him down and let him read all of these replies.

These are not replies from lunatic overprotective mothers. We have common sense and intelligence. And we are saying he can never NEVER do that again. Ever. Is he reading this? Okay. Good. Do you agree, Dad? Good. You can NEVER EVER EVER do that again. Now go apologize to your wife. And go say you're sorry to your children. And don't EVER do that again. Okay? Even for the least to never put your wife through that kind of heart thumping mania again.

I would have killed him. I say don't even try to explain it. Just lay down the law on this point. You behave like this again and you can move out!

You are not paranoid. You can not trust his judgement apparently. I actually worry that laying into him might make him become a "yes man" but not really mean it. You need him to simply promise he won't leave the kids anywhere - home, car, mall, etc. Do you believe you could trust his promise?

I would add - this has nothing to do with Times Square. They could be as much at risk at teh grocery store if he ran out to the car. He is nuts.

And this is making me so anxious, I have to add one more thing. If the police had seen your kids on their own, he woudl have been in deep trouble, with the kids taken off to a police station. I as a mom , had I seen the kids clearly alone would have called the police. I reiterate, he is nuts.

And lets forget the whole child abduction issue. What if one wandered outside and stepped in front of a truck. Or even just fell off of her seat and cracked her tooth. Oh my goodness!

My son is half Vietnamese and half white. I have blonde hair, blue eyes. He has black eyes and black hair. I took the children to a playground one time and a good Samaritan took my son because she didn't recognize anybody there as his parent. I was buckling his sister into the stroller at the time. It was terrifying trying to find him. It all worked out in the end . . . but I realized something then and there. There is no sorry that will bring back my child. Kidnapped, molested, killed, maimed. No sorry is ever going to make it better. There is nothing you can say, nothing you can do, to take it back. My guess is he used that word to put you on the defensive because part of him new it was wrong. If you seriously think he doesn't see anything wrong with it then you might want to question leaving them in his care for the next ten years.

Oh my, I actually got very nervious readding your post, I read it twice to make sure I read it right the first time.
I can imagine so many things that could go wrong, I am very happy that they are ok. I don't know what you should tell your husband, it was wrong, extremely naive, totally dangerous. Yes, they are right, but things could have end up so different, would he want to take this chances?
If he really can't undesrtand his mistake, I think you shouldn't leave your kids alone with him, perhaps show him the website for missing kids

http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/PublicHome...

It can happen in any state, at any age, any race, any time.

Again, very happy your kids are safe, and hope dad learn his leasson.

This would really bother me too. Maybe at 10 years old it could be okay but not children that young. When my child was four, we were at the library and he was right next to me and somehow took off to the elevator in a second while I was reading the back of a book. I was terrified and looke dall over for him. Here I heard him crying by the elevator. I still am not sure if he got in or took a ride or what. t wasn't long that he was gone before i noticed but a little longer for me to find him. Even if he asked someone to watch him it was strangers. Not a good move. Please tell him not to do that ever again. Who cares if you sound bad, they're you're children too. Every time my husband comes inside I ask where our son is and let him know that he could run out into the street in a second. I watched out the window and his ball rolled in the road. I told him and I watched to see what he did. He saw me looking out and stayed but if that ball would have been in the middle of the street and close to getting hit he may have tried to save it. you never know. You cannot predict what a child is going to do. They get disciplined all the time for making wrong choices.

See if there's a sitter service at the hotel so he's not always having them at his heals or can have some assistance. There's plenty of areas on the internet to look up how that wasn't a great idea I'm sure there's even a few books.

You are not paranoid it's New York not Mayberry. Anything could of happened it's not a good idea anywhere to do that and really not NY.

You do have to talk to him and make sure he understands at no point in no city is that a good idea. He could get in big trouble with the cops had they seen that.

Best of luck be safe.

No you are not wrong, in his defense sometimes people (especially my husband) never think anything is going to go wrong, or anything is going to happen. My husband things that the world is a safe and wonderful place. Sometimes it is and sometimes they are right and nothing will happen, but I say WHY take the chance. In our relationship I am the overly cautious one. My children are grown, and my daughter lives away at college. The surrounding neighborhood of her campus is not the best neighborhood, and I have nightmares about something happening to her. My husband always tells me I am paranoid, and yesterday she came home for the weekend and said guess what mom, they took a suspicious man off campus today. Turns out he had tried to abduct a 20 year old female from a nearby college and then tried again on her campus. Her roomate was at a stop light a few month ago and a man tried to get in her car. She lives off campus in a property that we own with 5 other girls, I had to FORCE him to put in an alarm system, get her Mace spray. It is a constant battle with us as well, so I feel your pain. My husband always does what I ask but I just don't get why he doesn't EVER initially go to the what if's and agree with me. He always said if there were two of me our kids would be in a bubble lol!! I guess we balance each other out, but I have to say sometimes I get tired of being the paranoid one!! So I do understand where you are coming from. I guess you are going to just make sure he will do as you ask so you can relax when he has them. Even if he doesn't agree with you these are your feelings and he has to respect them. It works for me!! And don't ever watch Criminial Minds!! Love that show but that is half of the reason why I worry!! Good luck!!

Tell him it's illegal and he could be arrested for it. That should do the trick!

I've been thinking about your post since I saw it in the "Recently Asked Questions" section right after you posted it. I shuddered. I haven't read every response but clearly you didn't over-react - he made a error in judgement and hopefully won't make that mistake again.

Not sure if anyone else pointed this out, but aside from the many dangers of leaving the little ones alone even for a few minutes, there's this:

1) - he didn't leave a note, did he? You only knew where they were because you had the good fortune to run into each other as he raced in for apple juice.
2) - presuming he took the elevator to the 14th floor - what if the elevator car had an electrical malfunction and he got stuck between floors?
3) - if he sprinted up the stairs, what if he had tripped? Broken a leg? Twisted an ankle? Hit his head?

How long would your 4-year-old wait before taking sibling in tow (or not) and going to search for daddy?

I hope he's starting to realize the magnatude of the "what ifs". The likelihood of any of the things l listed actually happening is probably the same likelihood of someone abducting your children from the Starbucks - slim. And the likelihood of having someone in the Starbucks notice that your little ones were sitting by themselves is pretty high - and that those people may have lingered over their coffee for an extra minute just to make sure an adult came back is also high. I've done that many times. Usually, the parent comes out of the bathroom, or arrives with the food they've been waiting for in line, and the kids have been holding down the table.

But still, as a mama who thinks like you do, I shudder.

You'll have to convince him that he needs to be able to come up with solutions wherever he is - leaving the children anywhere, anytime is not only dangerous, it's illegal in most states. And in a Times Square Starbucks??? ((Shudder)) Last time I checked, which was yesterday, Starbucks sells apple juice!!

No you are NOT being paranoid - him saying it's fine 'because they were all right' does not justify the risk of leaving them. He can NOT leave them alone. Ever. And if he needs to chalk up that rule to your being "paranoid," in order to actually follow it, I say so be it.

Sorry, but your husband should have his head examined for this one - you are not paranoid, what he did was insane. If you want to give him something to read, just print out all the responses you are getting to your post and have him read them.

No you are not paranoid.....Your children's father needs to hear, see some of the after effects when small children are left alone...not too mention what happens to teens and adults in a "the big cities"...even in some of the "small cities".

He might be the nicest man in the world and think of himself as a great father....but if someone left my child alone in Time Square I would really want to NEVER leave him alone with my child again...and would question why I created a precious life with him, when he would so foolishly leave a child in danger.

Blessings...

My reaction would have been enough to make sure he would never do that again. I would have been a raving lunatic. Men just do not think like we do.

What could you say? Try a two-by-four??

I would not consider you paranoid!! I would seriously question my Hubby's common sense.

I know we all want to appease the kids, but I am pretty sure Starbucks sells apple juice and he should have either spent the money or lugged them back upstairs. I hope that he understands your concerns and can see how this situation could have turned badly quickly. If not, share the responses from Mamapedia and your post, most mamas are good at expressing what we sometimes cannot say ourselves - especially in the heat of the moment.

Safe(r) travels!!
~C.

Okay, wait, the Starbucks was in the hotel right?? NOT that that makes it okay, but I'm trying to figure out how much to freak out! ;) J/k. I would totally lose it too. At least they were actually in the hotel though and not at an actual starbucks. I think you just need to have a sit down and ask him what he was thinking. I'm guessing that after you sort of call him on it he will most likely see the error of his ways and confess to stupidity. I have done that with my hubby sometimes and begrudgingly he comes around! I would of course do it while kids are asleep or something, but have the talk soon and see what he says.

Yikes! No thank you! He should know better.

OH MY! tell him its so much easier to just bring them with him and save your sanity!

There's nothing I would suggest for reading. A respectful common sense approach should raise his awareness. His action was impulsive and irresponsible. He wanted to satisfy his children, but didn't think before acting.

Oh my...I dont think I could have been calm with him. If he was with me when I got to the kids I probably would have gone ape!@#$ crazy on him right there in the Starbucks. Especially cause my 2 kiddos at that age would never have stayed put with their little ADHD selves!

Ask him if he has heard of Madeline McCahn (sp)!!! Over 100,000 kids disappear in stranger abductions annually, many are never found. He's an idiot!!

But the stupid thing is that people do this everyday and have kids walking to school and standing at bus stops alone very single day. 7 and 8 year olds are raped, molested, and stolen just as often, more often than 2 and 4 year olds. People leave kids outside in the front yard, back yard, and roller blading in the road. I think people are stupid and ignorant and I NEVER leave my kids alone even for a moment. The way people care for children is horrifying.

No, you are not being paranoid! He's lucky no one reported it in the time it took him to run back to the room! He's lucky they didn't just wander off into a crowd. It has nothing to do with the fact that they were in NY (bad stuff can happen ANYWHERE), and everything to do with his lack of judgment. Children that age should not be left unsupervised, period. If he doesn't already know that, as a grown man and father, I'm not sure what you can really say to drive the point home. Yikes. I'm sorry he acted so irresponsibly, and glad everything worked out ok. Just remind him that the outcome could have been much different...hopefully that will jolt him into reality. Good luck.

If he doens't seriously know it wasn't safe, and isn't just trying to get off the hook w/ you, I'm not sure there is anything you could say. Unbelievable!!

On a plane, where no one could go anywhere w/ my kid, I still had the attendant come and sit w/ her so I could use the bathroom. She was 3 at the time.

Everyone seems to be harping on the fact that the chances of someone kidnapping your kids is slim to nil. Fine, so be it. But my problem has nothing at all to do with anyone else, but with the kids themselves.

A 2 and 4 year old CANNOT be trusted to do as they are told in every situation! Dad may have told them to sit tight but if something caught the 2 year old's attention there is no way the 4 yo would be able to stop him. And deifinitly vice versa! It's not like it was a five minute trip. Let's be honest here, the 14th floor?!?

"At the end, they were all right, were not they?" Yeah, maybe this time, but what if they weren't? What if this was the one time they decided wonder off or someone DID take a horrible opportunity? How would he feel then? This would be a deal breaker for me. I would be screaming and fighting mad!

Wow.... I thought you were going to say he had left them in the room to run an errand. I must admit that I may have been tempted to lock them in the room if I was just going down the hall, like to the ice machine, when they were that age, especially if they were sleeping. But he left them alone, downstairs in a crowded restaurant? Even my husband, as daft as he is sometimes, has never done anything like that! Especially with children that age. I would have been livid as well and unfortunately I probably would have handled it badly by jumping down his throat about it. I am not a good negotiator, especially when I'm angry. I don't think clearly. It's only later, after a bit of thought, that I realize that I should have said this in that way or whatever. I would approach this by showing him the child endangerment laws. He probably didn't realize it was illegal or even realize the amount of danger his children were in. While abductions are really not any more common then they used to be (we just hear about it more) small children can NOT be trusted to care for themselves, even for 10 minutes, especially in such an unsafe environment. They do silly things! The little ones could have gotten scared not knowing where he was and wandered off looking for him; even going so far as leaving the building and either getting lost or getting hit by a car. That right there would actually have frightened me more than the thought of one being abducted because it's more likely to happen.

Did you husband grow up in a small town? Small town mentality is much different than that of one that grew up in a large city. I have a small town mentality and I feel safe to let my children do things that some friends look at me like I have two head over. For instance, at the smaller grocery stores where I frequent, most of the employees know me and my children. A lot of my friends shop there. I feel safe enough to let my children go to the toilet alone, etc. But I do admit that it's not so at the mall, or the larger box stores. When I was growing up, by the time I was 9. I was often riding my bike up to 2-3 miles away from home at any given time but my little ones aren't allowed to leave our street (only 2 blocks long) and my oldest is almost 9 himself. So I'm actually a lot more restrictive with my children than my parents with me but on the flip side I'm much less so when compared to my friends, many of whom grew up in very large towns if not cities.

However, your husband definitely needs to understand there is a time and a place for everything. While there may be times one feels comfortable leaving the children along, even such small ones, to do so in a strange environment such as a crowded Starbucks in NY is just not acceptable and he does to work on that. You have a very valid reason for being not only livid but absolutely terrified.

No you're not paranoid. NYC is a busy and dangerous city (I know, I've lived there, and even as an adult you have to be overly cautious and aware). Children that young are not able to care for themselves or be by themselves and would not know what to do in an emergency. At that age, they shouldn't be left alone even at home much less in a public place in a big city. I would tell him in no unclear words that this is NOT okay.

Well if you are paranoid then join the crowd. I too would have been horrified. I am one of those moms that even if I ran six inches into pay for my gas, I undid the safety belts on the child seats grabbed the baby and carried him in. I lived on a creek and stood looking out the window when my baby was brand new and hubby was supposed to watch him. He was nowhere to be seen and baby was by the edge of the creek. I was beside myself. Hubby was over on the side of the house looking at a paint job or something. Yikes. I guess I could go on and on and the point is there are a lot of husbands who are relaxed. It is not on purpose obviously, but they do not get it. And that is why men and women are so different. And actually probably alive, because we watch them very carefully since they are little. Then when they grow up...well, they become husbands. Good luck. You might have the same conversation over and over, I know I did. And No you are not paranoid to answer your question.