My 7th grader has had a few classmates over the years who are immense braggers. As adults of course we know that the kids feel insecure and that is why they do it. But it's maddening to listen to my son's stories of the things these kids brag about. Everything from how much money they have, to how many points they scored (in a league outside of school that can't be verified) to how high are their standardized scores etc.
My son is a great student and average athlete. He is very sensitive himself and to others and rarely discusses his grades or any of his other privileges or accomplishments because he doesn't want to make anyone feel bad about themselves (his words, not mine, "Mom, I am starting to think I am too humble")
I tell him just to say, "Hey, good for you!" and try to change the topic to how the rest of the team did, or what they want to study in college with those great scores. Sometimes I ask him, "why do you think they have the need to tell you all that?" TRying to get him to figure it out on his own. But sometimes I just can't stop myself and I'll blurt out, "it is in such poor form to talk about how much money you have, his mother would die if she knew that" ugh - that is the last thing a 7th grade boy needs to hear, much less repeat.
Please tell me I'm not alone! Please tell me how you deal with tis.
Thanks!
Braggers are looking for attention. I'd tell him to ignore the bragging comments or change the subject. You can just tell him, "I'm glad you have better manners than to discuss how much money you have, etc."
Does it really matter?
I think you should tell your son that sometimes he doesn't have to be quite so humble. I think sometimes, when we have worked hard to achieve something, we should be allowed to brag a little!!
Sounds like your son is doing all the right things (good job mom!) All we can do is teach our own children. Too hard to worry about everyone else's (even though it affects our kids and it drives us nuts!!) I've been telling my kids that if they're dying to brag about something they just need to call Grandma. SHE wants to hear all about it!!! In fact, I practice that myself. I'll often call her and tell her about my daughter's perfect standardized test score or my other daughter's swimming, where she's beating kids years older than she is. I can't talk like this to anyone else, but Grandma eats it up. It's good to have SOMEONE to "brag" to. I mean let's face it, an accomplishment is exciting and worth sharing. As far as kids who brag to my kids, if it's going on and on in front of me I will often try to redirect the conversation. Hopefully showing my daughter how to do it herself in the future.
My little girl's best friend is this way. Every time my daughter says something, her best friend has to "one-up" her. She also tells "tall tales". It doesn't seem to annoy my daughter at all so I just let it go. She'll have enough time in her life to develop cattiness towards such things (she's a girl, after all), so I don't mention it. I just do an internal eye-roll.
Pet peeve of mine so you're not alone. I've told my kids I can't stand bragging and they're not to do it but some people will their whole lives. They probably learned it from their parents... I say "they likely do it for attention and you don't need that type of attention. It's obnoxious." But given plenty of adults brag, there really isn't much you can do about it except try to ignore it.
They will probably grow up to be politicians ;-).
I would challenge them. 'Really, you scored 8 points in that game?' Really your new ------ cost that much? ect.
Tell them you want to go to the next game to see them play.
Its just kids being kids, so far a few of my sons first grade buddies have claimed to have paid a million bucks for their shoes. Play professional football with the broncos. And all their teams are undefeated in sports. I just wonder which team my son has played professional ball with and how much his shoes were. Be happy that your son is humble and doesnt feel the need to brag like the others but there is nothing you can do but turn a deaf ear to it.
I can speak a little from the other side and it's annoying when my kids do that. My youngest is good at gymnastics and is always trying to show off and we are trying to teach him he doesn't have to show off all the time. But he's almost 10 my 13 year old about a year ago when someone would tell him how good he did with something and he would say of course we try to teach him be a little bit more humble. He's doing better but some of that comes with age. And how out going they are. My oldest does not usually just come out and say he's awesome but if someone tells him he is you will hear his cockiness. I think it's all in how the parents work with them on it. Their parents may not care they are cocky. Tell your son not everyone needs to know all he's done but it does not hurt once in a while to let people know he's awesome!!! But modestly!!
Our son needs to ignore it. Unfortunately, this is common among adults who feel they need to dominate the conversation and focus on themselves. Reinforce what you are doing. There is nothing wrong with being humble. There will be a point in time that he wants to share something great and then he should. :)
Middle school is s cesspool.
Kids are figuring out their own rules of behavior, so it's ALMOST pointless. They share EVERYTHING, and break every social rule they've been taught (as a group, individuals vary), as the flush out how their level of honesty differs from their parents. Some families are very open, some very reserved, and middle school is where kids find their own balance/limits.
It tones down TREMENDOUSLY by highschool.
Young kids, typically it's just teaching tone of voice and boundaries. Older kids its the mentoring & accepting differences. Middle school? It all hangs out.
Well, my kids are 5 and 9.
They know, who braggarts are or not.
They do not like braggarts. They find it really noxious and its a turn off.
Fortunately, they don't "choose" friends like that.
Even my 5 year old.
I just have always taught my kids, since they were 2 years old, about people and social situations etc.
So that is how I, deal with it. Just teaching and guiding my kids on people and the many types of people they may encounter. And also asking them what they think of it. They have good heads on their shoulders.
I would keep telling my son that these friends are being rude and he should continue with his good manners
You are tight, the kids who do this are usually insecure, which is why I kind of get it.
But I have noticed that kids who do this over time end up turning off their friends. No one likes a bragger, and often they are either embellishing or outright lying about what they have or have accomplished. My daughter (also 7th grade) is going through this right now with a long time friend. This girl is suddenly allergic to peanuts (trust me, she's not, I know her mother very well) and after a possible stranger-danger incident in our town the other day she is telling everyone how a man tried to get her into a car last year by showing her his puppy. It's obvious she's telling these stories to get attention, and my daughter and her other friends are avoiding her because of it.
I imagine your son will begin to gravitate towards kids who don't do this. I actually find it more sad than annoying, I mean, I don't think these kids really understand their behavior is turning people away, you know?
i think you're doing just right. don't feel badly about speaking out against bragging - it IS wrong. hang in there. hopefully your son will figure out those aren't the guys he wants to be buddies with.
Funny that you put that up when I was just trying to figure that out about adults!
In either case it is true, must be people/children who are terribly insecure and they are trying to get praised or feel better than others. I do the same thing as you, 'oh that's wonderful, what time will you be in the Olympics? and my goodness you will certainly have a great time at Harvard, looking forward to being your client someday...and with the popularity it is getting so I am getting tired of a new picture of someone every day who aspires to be a supermodel. Not that there aren't a lot of cuties on Facebook, I'm just saying, ya know...Just realize that we don't have to brag-no one has to, you can rejoice in people's good news and happiness and then leave it at that. And it is not worth losing sleep over, although I still do sometimes. You are definitely not alone.
