Am I Too Sensitive?

Well I don't think he's 'criticizing' I think he's J. callin' like he sees it. I also think it's a GOOD thing at least ONE parent doesn't need a perfect child.

:)

maybe you talk about her way to much to him & he feels like he is not getting as much attention....BUT it is annoying when moms talk about there kids non stop as if they have nothing else in there life that's interesting

lighten up & settle down :)

While I was reading your dilemma I thought of something else I once read. There are cultures that believe that bragging about yourself, your family or your possessions could bring the jealous attention of the gods and they could take for themselves that which you cherish so deeply. So they downplay their merits in humble ways, subtly drawing attention to them without actually outright boasting so as to not draw unwanted attention.

I don't brag about my daughter only because she has to live up to these prideful expectations and I remember what that was like. Instead, I let her actions speak for themselves. My mother is a boaster and brags enough for four people so when she's in the middle of a glowing review of all her granddaughters accomplishments I sometimes feel the need to pipe in with a little humility so she doesn't make my kid seem like a perfect miss prissy pants. Yeesh.

I personally can't stand it when mother's tell M. how awesome their kids are. How smart, funny and talented they are. I went out to dinner with a couple who brought their one year old that they were teaching sign language and how to speak French. They kept finding ways to display this at the table, by either admonishing the child in French or signing to her to see what she wanted since she couldn't talk yet. It was all fairly pompous and silly. Then my brilliant little angel burped and said "exsqueeze M.!" and I had to cover up my smile.

When your boyfriend interjected the comment about her not being as perfect as you were making her out to be, it was probably a way to slip a little bit of humble into an otherwise prideful display. He may have been embarrassed that you were going on so, and tried to stop it by tossing out the comment that he did. He didn't say it to your daughters face, so the critique wasn't as much for her as it was for you.

It's wonderful to be proud of your daughter and to speak highly of her, but it may prompt others to look for faults since we all know that no one is perfect.

i think your daughter needs a break, both from the parent who is setting up too-high expectations of her advanced intelligence, and the father-figure who is denigrating her age-appropriate grammar faux pas.
if you can't bear to hear the slightest criticism of her (and really, his remark wasn't that big a deal) i suggest you dial back on the bragging.
khairete
S.

I think parents need to be modest in general about their kids talents period. I think it is ok to talk about accomplishments your kids do but humility goes a long way with people. If your kids are gifted/talented/mature beyond their years etc..etc...people will notice on their own.

way way way way too sensitive...all the "feel like he is judging her.." your being way too dramatic over a 2 second convo where all he did was agree with what you said by giving an example. He has no reason to be sorry.

J. my opinion

Yes, you are making a big deal out of nothing...look around the world at all the pain and injustice millions of people are enduring every day of their existence....this is a wee tiny issue, don't dwell on it another minute and move on :-)

Well considering you've practically second guessed your response through this whole question tells M. that you know your making more of this than you should.

Look kids, do pronounce things wrong, especially at 4. As long as your BF doesn't make it a habit to criticize you or your daughter all the time I think you should J. let it go. And also, I don't think he was purposely trying to criticize but J. pointing out what he believed to be the truth. It also might be time to get over the comment the preschool teacher made when your daughter was two and J. let what happens happen. I'm sure your daughter is very smart but worrying about whether she is above average or J. average now doesn't matter as long as she is learning efficiently along the way.

At age 2 and 4 it's way too early to even think about your child being gifted at anything. My daughter tested VERY high is 1st grade and all through elementarya school and I didn't put her in the gifted program becuase I didn't think she was mature enough to deal with the stress and competition. The moms and kids in the gifted programs are all way too competitive, insecure, and psuh their kids to perform like trained seals.

Stop talking about your kid as if she's superior to all the other kids - that's what your BF was trying to communicate to you in his clumsy way. We tend to look to our kids as some kind of confirmation that we are good moms, positive influences, carriers of wonderful genes, etc. We need to separate our kids' perfomance from our self-worth. Wait until they get to their teen years - cuz if we attach our self-worth to their performance we are bound to be humbled - in a mighty way.

Our kids need to know that they will be loved and cherished whether or not they are gifted in academics - and pre-school is way too early to judge that effecitively. I've seen kids who are brilliant - flat out amazingly intelligent, scary smart, fail at life because they didn't have any practical life / social skills. There are really smart engineers and scientists who can't carry on a conversation - but they can do amazing things with chemicals or physics. ;o)

There are all kinds of intelligence, school teaches and measures language and math skill primarily. But there is athletic, artistic, musical, interpersonal and even spacial intelligences. Some people can design bridges and get along really well with people but have horrible languarge or math skills. Some people are excellent athletes but cannot carry a tune in a paper bag.

Everyone loves to hear about your kid and how cute or funny she is, how nice she is to little kids or old ladies - but NO ONE wants to hear that the pre-school teacher thinks your kid is gifted. Give your BF some grace - he wasn't trying to hurt your feelings he was trying to bring you to reality - although in a clumsy way.

yep, you are being too sensitive. You know your daughter is perfect but the world wont always see it that way. We can become very obsessed with our children to the point of dysfunction, so try not to go there.
My kids were extra smart and thrived on learning when they were that age as well. It's hard not to brag, but people do get sick of hearing it unfortunately.
If your b/f isnt your daughters dad, you might J. want to ditch him and keep concentrating on you and her until you find someone that really appreciates both of you for who you are. Don't make your daughter a "side show attraction", it could damage her later.

Your friend's comment was directly in response to your gifted remark. When you tell people that your child is 'gifted' they automatically get on the defensive as I have found out the hard way. Intelligence is the ONLY thing that you cannot discuss with other parents.

And a bit of advice-try not to correct you child't pronunciations at this young age. She is still learning and it is common thought that over correction at this age will inhibit language growth. What you should do instead is repeat the word correctly in a sentence right afterward so she hears it right and hopefully will self correct.

Yes, you are being overly sensitive on this one. I'm not sure why a teacher would use a phrase like "verbally gifted" about a 2 yr old b/c that is simply not assessed accurately at that age, even if you had her tested.

She sounds like a bright little girl, but let go of the "gifted" thing. It's a tough label to carry, despite being a good one. Let her learn along with her peers, including her articulation. I know it's hard, but resist the urge to correct her pronunciation of words.

Like Mallory P said, "intelligence" is definitely an "off limits" topic with other parents. I've seen it really backfire b/c when children are young their learning is not an even pathway... they all have periods of accelaration and periods of stagnation and making it a topic of conversation (which you didn't do here, but must have done at some point) leaves you and your child open for discussion!

It's not a big deal and don't push the "gifted" label. It's a VERY heavy one to carry.
Trust M. on this one I have experience in this area.
J. let her learn at her own pace.
Who cares if she mispronounced a word. The question is does she know what the word really means.
Why would you point out your kid is smart? sure your proud of her but that conversation opens a whole new can of worms with other parents and a " my kid is smarter than your kid" game starts.
In this case both are in the wrong.
It was bragging don't kid yourself on that lol.

relax...enjoy life! Applaud your daughter's brightness. Ignore crabby moments with friends....we all have them occasionally.

Most parents like to hear that their child is "gifted"....I personally consider all of the kids in my daycare to be rocket scientists. You know what your child can do...& what she's capable of achieving. Leave it at that.....

Throw him under the bus-you have every right to feel hurt when someone tries to diminish your child. Besides-mispronouncing a word is not grammar-its diction.

It sounds like your boyfriend is jealous of your daughter and was tired of listening to you brag on about her. Personally, I would kick him to the curb. You're going to brag about your daughter from time to time and if all he's going to do is cut her down, he doesn't deserve to be in your life.

First of all, no need to make a mountain out of a mole hill.
Second, your daughter is 4. There is no need for arguments about how she does or does not pronounce things.
You might be putting far too much emphasis on how bright she is or whether or not she's gifted.
J. let her be 4!
I could write a book about the hilarious things my son said when he was little. One little girl I babysat was getting a little irked that her little brother was snuggled up with M.. She very firmly informed him, "Hey! You don't get to have all the leprosy!"
Did it mean they weren't "smart" or verbally advanced? Heck no. They were being little kids.
Yes, we all brag about our kids in some way or another, but we don't need to set ourselves up for having our feelings hurt if someone else doesn't think our kids are perfect and we REALLY shouldn't set our kids up to think that perfection is the only acceptable thing. There's no such thing as perfection. All the normal, healthy, and well adjusted kids I know are whizzes at one thing and not so much at others. It's okay.

Perhaps your bf wasn't judging your daughter at all. Maybe it was your bragging and your concern that she's advanced or gifted he has an issue with.
Either way, I think you should let the incident go and J. enjoy your precious little girl. Let her be a little kid. It goes by so quickly.

Best wishes.

I think the answer is in front of you. Do you believe that your BF was sincere in his apology? Do you have other issues with your BF and this is adding to them? As a single parent it is very difficult to allow another person in our lives, and it is more difficult to allow them to be a part of our child's life, so I understand your issue. It maybe that this is the first time someone you really care about has voiced a different opinion about your child and that stings....I think there are a lot of factors to consider. Slow down, and relax. Take some time to read your Bible and get the peace of understanding, and I promise things will work out. Best of Luck, and God Bless You.

T.

I would J. look at him and say, "Oh, yes, Mr. Perfect here never makes a mistake" and move on. I wouldn't dwell on the comment. Your kid is bright. But she's not perfect. If you dwell on it, think about if you are insecure about your relationship with him vs the actual comment.

I had these kind of feelings when I dated someone who did not have any children. I felt completely neurotic and overly sensitive. There was something about the dynamic that didn't work for M. - I felt defensive instead of safe. It completely changed when I met my current boyfriend. I think it is very difficult to be with a man who doesn't have children. I'm not saying it won't work out but it is a bit of an emotional battle. Yes, you were being "too sensitive" but there may be a good reason for it. Try not to take things personally, don't make assumptions and respect yourself enough to find out where the emotions are coming from.

I think he may have been a little jealous of your girl, and without thinking was trying to make her seem not quite so great. Be gentle with him, and perhaps let him know what you think is great about him too. Men can be so childish sometimes, bless them. :).