How Do You Explain a Postponed Marriage to a 4, Almost 5, Year Old?

If you're only postponing it a couple of weeks, then you almost don't need to say anything. You could call it a scheduling conflict for that matter. You don't even have to mention anything about whose fault it might be or involve any emotions at all. I don't think you need to explain in detail a 2 week delay.

Be honest, telling the truth works. Tell him you have to wait a few weeks because you have some more grown-up things to do before the wedding "party" can happen...and when you have set the next date, tell him the week before...that will give him plenty of time to be excited and if you have to re-postpone you can do so before the week before and he'll never know... I think we as parents have a tendancey to overthink everything and make it much more important than it needs to be(not that a wedding isn't important...just in general), life happens...go with it and your child will too.... Best of luck in your marriage!

M. you don't really say why you are postponing the wedding but if it is something minor (ie financial or plain scheduling issues) you don't even have to explain that it has been postponed you could just say mommy made a mistake with the date and mark the new date on the calendar and have him focused on that. However if you are sorting issues between you and your fiancee just keep in mind that you may need more than two weeks to sort those through and commiting to a new date with your son and then having to re-schedule again could be more problematic. I wish you the very best on your upcoming marriage may it be forever and bring you the happiness you both deserve.

O.

i think you should be honest with him. being that you're only postponing it for a couple weeks to sort things out a little better, and not be so rushed with all the planning that you have to do (and i'm sure all the money it will cost) just let him know THAT is the reason, and NOT him! also, i'm sure if you let him know 1st that you have to push it back so you have a little extra time to "get everything just right" and "perfect" or however you want to word it, i'm sure he wouldn't even question if it's about him...plus let him know that once you DO get married that he's still going to do everything that was planned for him to do! good luck and congrats!

Hi M.,

First of all, it is wonderful that your fiance loves your son like that. My dh is the same regarding my 3 children from another marriage, and it is truly a blessing for them to have a "Daddy" at last (their biodad is, shall we say, less than stellar).

Second, I'm guessing from the wording that perhaps it is financial issues regarding paying for the wedding. My dh and I had similar issues, and postponed our wedding from November of 2006 to February of 2007. It gave our children a good example of how compromise work in marriage. I really had my heart set on November, as I found the physical distance between us so difficult (he lived on LI before we were married), and he wanted Spring (after Easter). Just reassure him that you and df need those two weeks to get things more ready.

If, however, there are other issues that you and df haven't discussed / sorted through, please be careful about making those assurances in case you are unable to come to a compromise. Marriage is supposed to be forever, and an extra two weeks may not be what's needed. Remember, life won't wait for you to work through issues to see if marriage should continue - there will be difficulties after the wedding just as there are prior to it. It is not so important that you "solve" all problems for once and for all before the wedding. Life is full of problems that you will need to resolve and keep your marriage going at the same time. I guess what I'm saying is that if these things you need to sort out are the kinds of things you would ever consider divorce over - it might be better to not marry at all this point. My older 3 and I lived through a divorce (their biodad was an adulterer and wouldn't give that up), and nothing is worse, imo, for young children than that abandonment by a parent.

We will say some prayers for you.

Hi M.,

Is it Dr. Phil that says never ask a child to handle adult issues. I gather from the tone of your wording that you are possibly working through "issues" and not wedding plans? If that is the case, don't get him involved with the whys. Just tell him that you had to move it to a different date. He'll probably just say "ok" and go back to playing! Congratulations on your soon to be wedding/marriage. I wish you all the best.

D.

Hi M.,
Try getting a calendar and marking it daily - Put a nice sticker or something on the wedding date and then everyday mark off the day. I think that will help him get an idea of time.

Wishing you lots of love, happiness, health and success.

You don't really. Just tell him that the date changed to whatever it's going to be. If he asks why, then just tell him you needed more time to get everything ready.
Why would he ever think that it was his fault?...he would only get that idea if someone suggested it, so don't. He's 4, just keep it simple.

Hi M.-
I would be honest with your son. Children are smarter and more perceptive than we think. I would simply tell him that you and your fiance need to change the date because you need more time to get ready for your special day, while reassuring him that there will be a wedding. However, until you have a definite date set, wait before you mention June 14 because you wouldn't want to set him up for another disappointment. As much as we hate to disappoint our children or see them disappointed, unfortunately plans change and things change and it is part of growing up and the earlier they learn to deal with this, the more well rounded they will become. Best wishes to you and your family...G. M.

Make a paper chain out of constuction paper with as many "links" as there are days left until the big day. Every day, let your son rip off a link from one end of the paper chain. He will see the chain getting shorter and shorter as the date approaches.

You don't really explain WHY your postponing the wedding, but if it is due to financial reasons, then explain to your little one that there was some scheduleing conflicts ( someone else has the church booked for that day to get married etc.) and then you, your soon to be hubby, and your little one should sit down TOGETHER and make a count down calendar all his own to cross off each day till the wedding. Good luck to you and your family and I hope this has helped.

M., First congrats on your upcoming nuptuals. Its wonderful your son is excited about your fiance being a permanent fixture in your lives. He's also looking forward to a party. If he understands the concept of patience, maybe you can approach it by saying now you have some extra time to practice dancing and being a special part of a big day. Just let him know sometimes things get delayed when you're planning an important event like this. Tell him you want to make sure everything and everyone has a really good time and because of that "you" need some extra time to make that happen. It may or may not work..but you can try. Good luck!

Just tell him that we had to move the date, and we aren't sure which day we will be getting married, BUT WHEN we do,
you will still be the ring bearer, we promise.

AND then the 2 of you should hug him and re assure him. that everything is NORMAL,

And aslong as it does remain normal he should be ok,

IF for any reason your breaking up, SAY NOTHING, and see what happens, sometimes it can be more stressful to a child to hear sadness in a parents voice, Saying nothing, is best when your not really sure what is going on,

and if for some reason he does ask or want to talk about it, just make light of it, After all he is a child, no need to put added pressure on him and stress him out further.

M

I'd go with a simple approach and tell him that weddings take a lot of time to plan and that you and Jeet thought you could have everything done by May but it just didn't happen. Tell him that you two are working on getting everything planned for the wedding but it'll take quite a while. When you two finally decide on a date make sure you let him made a couple decissions on how to participate (like maybe picking out the ring bearer's pillow or giving him a choice of what to wear).

Children don't need to know the hows and whys of everything.

He is a child, make it simple. There is no need to get him all caught up in the adult emotions and goings on. I think as adults, we get caught up in our own thoughts and emotions and feel as if we have to provide an answer for everything and everyone and that isn't always the case. And it shouldn't be the case here because he is 4 and could care less about a lengthy or worrisome explanation. Take a deep breath and just tell him the date was moved. I don't believe he will ask you 21 questions and because his mommy said will be enough for him. Remember, whatever energy you give the issue, is the energy he will pick up. Stay calm and keep it simple. Good luck.