Tying the Not Again

Tell them you will let them know when the big day is once you decide! Then if they get anoying simply ask them how much they want to contribute to the wedding!!!! That should shut them up!!!!! A.

Tell friends & family that you have not set a date yet due to current financial responsibilities, & that you need to work things out with your kids so that they are ok with your relationship.
As for your kids, you need to get them all together & explain that you & your fiance are not meant to be replacements for the spouses/parents that are no longer here, but just a new chapter in your lives. They are not to be expected to call their new step-parent "mom" or "dad" unless a time comes that they feel comfortable doing so. Explain that you each have kept your original marital vows, "til death do us part", & that you still need a special someone in your life, & have the right to feel that kind of happiness again, and that you would like very much that your kids will understand & be happy for you. Each of you has been given another opportunity to have a new spouse/parental figure to love, & be loved by, from God, or by fate. Also explain that your kids, & their happiness is still very important & critical to your own happiness.
Congratulations, & good luck on your future marriage.

First of all you both need to sit down with your children alone without your partner and tell them that YOU DESERVE to be happy and your friend makes you happy and you WILL marry him/her. Tell the kids if they care at all about you that they will be happy for you and be glad that you are no longer alone. Then tell them that you will ALWAYS love your deceased spouse and the new person has no intention of replacing your lost loved one. The new person will also not be their new parent. Explain the same way you can love more than one child you can love more that one spouse, parent, friend, etc.
Do NOT remove any pictures of your deceased spouse, but also do not make a memorial to him/her. I am sure the children are worried about living arrangements and how they will like having 'strangers' (the other kids) living with them. Discuss this with them, dont let them get away or blow it off. A good time to talk about things is in your car on a long drive. They cant escape. LOL Ask them what their worries are or why they dont like the idea. Make sure you let them know that this marriage is going to happen no matter what they feel. Kids are very self-centered and live only in the moment. They like to think they can control their life if they complain enough or throw fits. However, once the event has taken place, whether a marriage, move, divorce, etc. they adjust pretty quick.
You didnt ask and its none of my business, BUT as you know, life is short!! Sometimes too short and not fair. SO WHY WAIT?? Just go ahead and do it and have a reception afterwards when you can afford it. Perhaps your family will even throw the party for you both. In case you are wondering my late husband and I were both widowed when we met on a blind date. We got married FIVE WEEKS later and had a wonderful 14 years together before he died suddenly. I am so glad we didnt wait. His kids and mine were not happy, but after a few months became very close and then we had a baby together, which made 6. It was one of the best things we could have done.
I was wondering if you are postponing marriage because of widows pensions or social security benefits. If that is a problem you can have a non-legal civil ceremony so you will feel married, but still keep any benefits from your deceased spouses.
GOOD LUCK

Blended families can be a tough balancing act at times so you are wise to take your time. You can always find a counselor who does family counseling if one or more people is having difficulty adjusting to the new family. I have family friends who started couples counseling before getting married since it was the third marriage for each of them and they had 5 or 6 kids between them (and no 2 were full siblings). They have been together about 20 years now and the youngest 2 girls are the same age and have always been close. Also, you may want a lawyer or financial adviser to look over the finances and any will you each may have. My grandfather was a widower and married a widow (in the 1950's) and the grown children (all in their 60's and 70's) are still in a dispute over the things in the will.

Hi C.,
Congratulations on your engagement. I am sorry that your teens are not as excited for you as you would like, but that's somewhat normal.
It sounds like the family and friends ARE excited for you and happy that you've found love again. This is where the enthusiasm is, take a minute to enjoy and appreciate it. Simply tell them that you're not in a rush to make plans and have a wedding, that your primary focus (and your fiance's) is your kids and you have a lot going on there - graduations, college visits, etc. Tell them not to expect you to set a date in the next few months and hopefully they will not ask again, and wait for you to tell them
Good luck!

This is simple.....tell your family and friends you have not set a date yet for financial reasons because both of you have some expenses (college loans, etc) that have to be taken care of first. Even though that's not the whole truth, it usually works. Most people understand that! And if they don't, that's too bad. They don't need any more info.

BTW Setting a date for summer of 2011 is not that bad. My son and his fiance just did the same thing yesterday. They have decided to get married June 25, 2011 so they have time to save money to pay for the wedding and plan everything.

Tell them "Thank you so much for wanting to participate in our wedding. We will let you know as soon as we know ourselves. We are looking forward to it, but want to work on making our blended family work right now." Repeat as needed.

Tell them when you have made a decision you will let them know but you have alot of people involved with three teenagers - that is alot to handle and make happy.

K.